Eyes of Truth
by starazure
Summary: Kenshin spared the life of Soujiro, the philosophical reason being that people are weak, and it is strength that can be found in the truth of what they make of their own lives. Soujiro, in the midst of his ten year wandering, goes back to Tokyo to find him, unbeknownst to him as to the real reason why he is desperate to seek out Kenshin. Yaoi, slash, lemon, non-canon.
1. Prologue

_Author's note: Hello there! I re-watched the entire anime show of Ruroni Kenshin on Netflix, and it brought back so many lovely memories for me. I fell in love with the character Soujiro Seta and his life story, and couldn't help but notice the strange chemistry that he and Kenshin shared during their battle in the animated series. It's a shame that I cannot find a lot of fan fictions or even fan art between the duo, since I think their struggles are similar and they seem to understand one another. I haven't watched the OVAs or the movies, or even read the manga, but I will try my hardest to respect the original formatting and the story lines of Kenshin Himura and Soujiro Seta to the best of my ability. I highly doubt anyone will read this story, as all the other fanfics for RK are well over a decade old now, but on the off chance that this story will get noticed by someone, I will definitely give this a spin and see how it goes. I will not post another chapter until I get at least one review. Thank you for understanding._

 _I do not own anything of the RK franchise. I just own this story, and nothing else. This fiction starts after the ending of the RK anime series._

 _Enjoy._

Prologue

It had been four years after Makoto Shishio's death and the start of my ten year voyageur. I was told about the cause of his death by hearing the rumors that a certain group of heroes saved all of Japan from its ultimate demise, and Shishio's name were peppered in these conversations. People were so relieved, and yet so angry that things never seem to be at rest in their home country. If they dare to become too complacent, they said, they always felt like another person would fall to their violent deaths, their blood staining their daily lives and consciousness, and they always prayed that this will soon all come to an end. Death is a given, they said. Murder is something completely optional. My wandering days felt humdrum when nothing out of the ordinary would happen, and then I felt a spike of tension during moments of me eavesdropping on strangers and their talks of all the violence and the catastrophes, knowing what I have already done with these hands.

Shishio taught me that if you're strong, you'll live, and if you're weak, you'll die. I carried those words around me like a security blanket, convinced that I was right in my resentment against the people who were supposed to care for me and love me. Love is a weakness. So was attachment. I used to never let anyone into what I was thinking or feeling, and always made sure that I kept a safe distance away from people should they even subtly imply that they just want the best for me. I can thwart their attempts at getting close to me with a false smile, a smile so polite and yet so cold, that they don't know how to react except to give me the space that I so desire. Despite my wanting to change the path that I was on in life, I still use that same smile out of sheer habit, suspicious of even small children when they would ask about my sword during my outings in town.

Something changed in me when I had to battle with that red haired man. I am freed by that of Shishio thanks to him, and it helped me to start my journey of wandering to find my own truth about who I am and what I am meant to do in this lifetime. When I met Kenshin, I was a budding seventeen year old who thought I had it all figured out; being defeated by the legendary man slayer, however, was when I began doubting almost everything. Kenshin saw through my mask and managed to shatter it in such a short period of time, that leaves me to this day, breathless. Not even Shishio understood me so deeply, and so quickly, like Himura did. I remember how queasy and unsure I felt during the battle between Kenshin and I, and how I would be so uncertain at first if I should even kill him. Those thoughts shook me during battle, and I would make up excuses, like the so called broken strap of my shoe, or that I would 'accidentally' miss him in my attacks. I remember when Kenshin finally asked me about my past and if what I thought may be wrong after all those years. I remember my breakdown. I remember wanting to kill him, just to shut him up, just so he wouldn't come close to me.

 _"You're frustrating. Mr Himura, the very fact that you're standing here.. frustrates the hell out of me! Whenever I fight you, I would start acting real strange!" I screamed to the now confused Kenshin Himura, "It doesn't matter if you are right, I don't care! This time, my next attack, would be sure.. to connect.. and finish you!"_

I remember giving my all to that final attack. I remember that Kenshin beat me to it at that last second. I debated for years after if I had subconsciously given him that minuscule space on purpose so that I wouldn't have ended up killing him. It is something that I still do not understand as to why I did that. Perhaps he really was just stronger and faster than me. I remember crying after the battle to Yumi, and I remember leaving that wretched environment, knowing I have broken a bond with everybody else when I made that choice. Kenshin freed me. He offered me a new world of forgiveness and life, a new beginning of finding trust within myself and in other people, because he too, knew what it was like to run and hide from the past. He taught me that I could start over despite what happened in the past.

Kenshin. Where could you be now? What are you doing these days? I'd imagine he is living a better life now. He used to be Battosai, the man slayer, but the possibilities are endless now that the worst of the Meiji era is over. Maybe he has settled down somewhere. I know I am at an age where I should find someone to marry myself, being twenty one and all. Funny, if you would have asked me many years ago what I would have thought about marrying someone, I would have laughed at your question and shoo you away. But things have changed and I am looking. There are so many beautiful women here in Hiroshima, and I have had a number of good dates with some of them. There was even one that I toyed with the possibility of securing a future with her. But alas, her family did not approve of my wandering status, and sent me away.

I do the odd jobs here and there to support my traveling. It is so hard to keep my eye on every cent that comes and goes. Even worse, around some areas here in Hiroshima, I would have to face pickpocketers who would try their best to stay inconspicuous whenever they would try to take my wallet. I am just too quick for them to achieve, and they know it. Still, it exhausts me to have to keep this up, and I already promised myself that I will do this for another six years. I wonder if this is as good as it's going to get.

I thought I found the truth about life when I met Shishio. He told me that only the fittest would survive in this world, and my feeble young mind gobbled it up. It became the mantra that upholds me in times where I felt the most vulnerable. It made so much sense at that time because of my past and how people just are. There are so many immoral people out there these days, that it would be almost foolish to ignore Shishio's teachings. When I learned that Himura didn't killed Senkaku, sparing him his life so that he can do good, something within me snapped; I killed Senkaku, determined to keep my moral values that only the strongest can outlive the weak. But that man, Kenshin, he also spared me my life so that I can do good too. He told me that it isn't about being the fittest, but to seek the absolute truth about oneself and what one must do that makes sense about their own lives. Do what makes you feel good, and to do good. I told him that he was more demanding than Shishio in that regard. Shishio gave me his life lesson cut and dry, but Kenshin is more mysterious and it angers me that he made me fill in the blanks in the pages of my life destiny.

Who am I, exactly? What am I supposed to do?

I knew I had to find out, because it has been four years, and the answer seems to slip farther away from me. I have to talk to him. I have to seek Kenshin. I need to know now. I go on to travel by foot from Hiroshima back to Tokyo, where I knew he would reside. Where else could he have gone? I know he has a group of loving friends that also live there with him, so I will try my luck and see if I can find him there. The trip took a total of nearly two weeks, but I arrived in Tokyo and rented a room in a small hotel in that rural small town. I will only stay here for maybe a week to see if I can seek the answer of my ultimate truth. I know that Kenshin will help me again just as he did last time. He freed me once, he can do it again.

It is a lazy summer night when I slip out of my hotel room and go on to walk around to see if I can find Himura. I won't rest until I find him. I talk to whoever would be kind enough to listen to me, and after inquiring a few strangers, I manage to find the dojo of Kaoru Kamiya. There is light to be seen in there, and I knew that this is the right place. I walk up to the pathway that leads to the entering slide door and, upon seeing that door peeling open, a woman wearing a navy kimono steps out to see who is coming into her dojo at this time of night. Her hair is a soft, jet black, and her face is kind yet worried as to who I was. I stare at her, and she glance back. In a short moment of realization, her eyes widen and she gasps.

"Are you.. are you from the Juppongatana?"


	2. Remembering

_Author's note: Wow! Two reviews already! I am really excited about this! I want to thank 'Guest' for their lovely and encouraging review. I also want to thank 'Zilka', and to answer your question, I didn't read the Jinchuu Arc manga; do you suppose it'll have anything with Seta and his relationship with Kenshin? I'll take a look online anyway just to check, as I want to respect the original story line as much as I can, save for maybe a couple of things so as to get Soujiro a chance to, erm, you know. I'll let your imagination run as to what I mean, ha ha!_

 _For my research on the characters, I use the Kenshin Wikia. I just realized that both Kaoru and Seta are nearly the same age, maybe with Kaoru around two years older? It's crazy! I can imagine Kenshin being easily eleven or twelve years older than Soujiro in that regard. Cool!_

 _Without further ado, here is chapter one: Remembering_

Scene I: Remembering

I don't know how to react to her sudden question. The air feels thick with humidity as well as the awkward silence that seems to have pierce a hole inside my throat, preventing me from answering her question. Kaoru's expression is one of confusion, yes, but it didn't have that tint of suspicion or animosity that I would expect from her, knowing that she knew I was from the disbanded Juppongatana. Her face seems to open up to a new emotion now, one of simple understanding that I am here because I know that Kenshin and his friends are truly the good ones, and that perhaps I am seeking them out for hospitality and to learn something new. Of course. I am still just a young man, deep down, with striking boyish looks that would disarm anybody.

Suddenly, a whiny male voice breaks the silence between us and I blink myself back to reality, "Hey, Kaoru, are you going to serve us dinner or what?"

I am taken a back when the door slide open to reveal a young boy of adolescent age, his dark features scrunched up in annoyance at Kaoru in front of him, and she looks back at him. In about a few seconds, his face softens to one of confusion also, and his eyes train themselves up ahead to look at me, and then he seems to flinch in surprise.

"Whoa! Are you.. I think I know who you are!"

I giggle nervously, finally feeling the pressure to fill in the silence, "I'm afraid that you do, yes!"

The adolescent boy jumped down from the front porch and runs up to me, leaning his face towards mine to get a good look at me, circulating all around to check out my outfit and my appearance, and it was then that Kaoru starts yelling, "Yahiko, what are you doing?! Don't be so rude to our guest!"

He sneers and crosses his arms defiantly, "Oh, don't be so annoying, ugly! I was just checking to see if he had any weapons on him!"

"Yahiko!"

I smile gently at the two of them before gingerly revealing my sword out of its sheath, "Well, I do have this old thing here, but not to worry. I only carry it for self defense. There's a lot of pickpocketters during my traveling, and this gives me some security should they want to fight me. I would never use it on the two of you."

Yahiko studies the sword curiously while Kaoru starts walking up to us, and I hear the young man sighing disappointingly, "Aw, man! I was hoping we could duel or something. Nothing interesting has happened to us at all this summer!"

"You'll have to excuse his behavior," Kaoru nods at me, "It has been a while since anything strange happened to us, and it has made him a little restless."

I grin wider as I put my sword away, "I could well imagine the feeling! I wonder if that is a good thing at the same time, though. Tokyo is much more peaceful nowadays, it seems."

"It is! I am really happy. Oh!" Kaoru blushes and places a hand over her mouth at the sound of my stomach roaring, "You must be starving! We are in the middle of serving dinner, would you like to join us?"

I wave her question away, "Oh, I shouldn't."

Yahiko starts to guffaw, "Great idea! Knowing Kaoru, her food would probably just put you in an early grave!"

I hear a loud bang and it is in just a split second that I see Yahiko on the ground with a giant bump on his head, and to my side I see Kaoru with her fist in the air. Oh my. Maybe I ought to accept the dinner invitation so as to not hurt her feelings.

"Miss Kaoru," I take one step close to her and she stares back in surprise, "I accept your invitation. I'm sure you are a wonderful cook."

She blushes deeply and the three of us finally venture back into the dojo, the rich aroma of food hitting me just as I enter it. I wonder if what Yahiko said about her cooking is true or not, but either way, poor tasting food is better than nothing. We head down to the small room where the food is being served, and I see two young girls giggling together, an elderly man helping them set the table, and another woman with striking beauty pouring all the cups with water. They all look up and welcomed us with warm greetings, and then they changed their stances as soon as they see that I am there.

"Who do we have here?" The woman blinks at my way, "Kaoru, you know we can't just pick up any homeless person off the streets like that."

Kaoru shakes her head negatively with a hum, "It's not like that, Megumi. This young man used to be part of the Juppongatana but is now on his own. He is super hungry and I'd figure we can invite him over for dinner."

Megumi blinks once and then she relaxes, "Oh, yes! Sir Ken told us about how they scattered about after their leader's death, yes? I must apologize for my rudeness. I am Megumi Sagara, and I am a doctor here at the Kamiya dojo."

I bow to everyone, "Hello. I am Soujiro Seta. Pleased to meet you," I straighten up and smile kindly at her, "I must say, Miss Sagara, that you are one of true beauty."

If one has such a rich imagination, one could see the pointy fox ears and bushy tail emerging from the woman's body as she laughs behind her hand in an arrogant fashion, and Kaoru starts to fume from where she stands. The two young girls dart their eyes between Megumi and Kaoru, before they start to laugh innocently at the exchange. That enough made them both calm down and join in on the laughter. It is so strange, whatever that was. I don't know what to think, or what to say; is this what a family is supposed to be like? I never had a family before, not counting the ones that used to make my life a living hell. It is obvious that these people do not always agree all the time, but they still care for each other deeply.

We all sit down and begin, and then another man comes to join us. He looks like a strong brute, with crazy brown hair and a stoic face, and he sits down next to Megumi, the latter giving him a chaste kiss to his cheek. I understand now. So it is actually Mrs Sagara, and that must be her husband.

We were quiet while we ate, all of us eyeing on this man and wondering why he hasn't noticed me yet. He seems to be deep in thought, enjoying the food and his sake, pondering and tinkering with whatever it is he is thinking. The young girls look at each other, perplexed, while Kaoru's eyebrow twitched in annoyance at his inconsiderable behavior. The old man just seems blissfully unaware of the tension in the air, and all it took was the other man reaching over for more food that his eyes finally landed on me. He freezes, and then he shoots up from where he sits with a cry that seem to have shaken the entire dojo.

"W-what the hell?!" He seems thunderstruck with a deep shock, "Why are you here, you little creep?! Aren't you from that Juppa-whatever they are?"

I lean back, surprised beyond belief. Of course. I remember him now. This is Kenshin's best friend, though his name is lost on me right now. He is the one that saw my breakdown along with Himura and Yumi all those years ago. I suddenly feel my cheeks flushing at that realization, knowing he saw me at my worst, and I look down at my hands that are sitting on my lap in shame. My reaction seem to have stir something in Yahiko, because he suddenly shoots up from where he is sitting at and starts to yell at the other man.

"Hey, don't be such an idiot, Sanosuke! Those days are over now!" I lift my head up in surprise at his passionate outburst, and he continues, "The guy is not like that anymore!"

"Oh yeah, well, how do you know he's reformed or, whatever?!" Sanosuke bursts right back, and it is then that they both start a screaming match while everyone sits back helplessly. I wonder if maybe I am too much of an intrusion and if it is even a good idea that I am here in the first place. After their bickering going back and forth a few times, I stand up to clear my throat, getting everybody's attention on me now.

"I knew this would be a horrible idea," I bow to everyone, "Thank you, but I must be leaving now. It is very kind of Kaoru to invite me over, but I see that I've caused a great disturbance."

"Soujiro.." Kaoru whispers, getting up to try and stop me, but I place both my hands up to stop her.

"It is really too kind of you, but I think I should head back to the hotel now. It wouldn't be fair for the other tenants there if I came back so late and make a lot of noise by my return, and it's getting late now."

Everyone looks at me in silence for just a long moment, and it is then a small child comes bursting into the room. He has long auburn hair and a toothy grin, laughing and running straight into the arms of Kaoru. Only a second later then I hear someone else coming into the room, and both my heart and stomach drop when I lock eyes with the one man that I am desperate to talk to after all this time. He places a small bag on top of the table before looking up to find me gaping at him, and he too, seemed just as shocked to find me there.

He hasn't changed at all. The scar on his left cheek still seem as intense as it was when I first met him; dark and obvious against his light pallor, his face surrounded with thick and deep auburn hair. His rare lavender eyes train on me with so much intensity, that I knew I would melt if he kept this up for long. I could feel my lip trembling, my hands shaking, and I am too afraid to make any sudden movement, convinced that my legs will give out. Why? Why am I so nervous around him? Why does he make me feel so strange still, way after the fact that he and I fought four years ago? I remember how strange he made me feel to have to fight with him. Now, it feels even worse, with everyone and their eyes on me, and I feel naked. My cheeks burn and I wish I could flee.

"Soujiro." Is all Kenshin said to send my heart into a flutter, and my breath seems to be stuck inside my throat. The world stop spinning, everyone else faded away, and I'm in a dark, noiseless existence, with just me and the man they used to call Battosai, the man slayer. I am hit with the memory of what he told me all those years ago, in the midst of our heated battle, that sent me into a whirlwind of emotions.

 _"About what you said.. Something about how nobody helped you at one point in your life. There's no way for me to know, just what happened to you back then, and why you would say something like that," Kenshin lowered his sword, "However, one thing that I am sure of, is that there are some things that you regret doing, Soujiro. Some things that you tried to seal away, but perhaps your true self.."_

 _I feel something growing inside of me and I look at his face intensely, waiting for him to continue._

 _".. doesn't want to live at the expense of hurting others. That's what I'm sensing from you. It's still not too late for you. Don't you think you can start over despite what happened?"_

 _That is all it took for me. Picturing the child standing in the rain that night, after murdering his entire family because they wanted to kill him first. Because Shishio taught me that if you're strong, you'll live, and if you're weak, you'll die. But doing the deed didn't relieved me of the deeper pain that I carry inside of me. I remember how hard it rained that night. I remember Shishio coming out of his hiding place and asked me if I was crying. I remember lying to him, but that in reality, I wasn't just smiling.. I was crying at what I've done._

 _I remember screaming in a fit of passion, my mind collapsing on itself. I remember everything._

After what felt like years of us staring at one another, I gather the courage to, at the very least, bow down to the man who saved me from myself, knowing he deserved so much more than what I'm offering him right now.

"Kenshin Himura. It's been quite.. a while, hasn't it?" I speak in the softest voice I've ever heard from myself.

 _To be continued._


	3. Comfort

_Author's note: Thank you so much for your kind review, Guest! I will certainly continue with this story so long it gets the support. Remember that 1 review, 1 favorite, 1 following = 1 new chapter. That really is all there is to it! Without further ado, here is chapter 2!_

Scene II: Comfort

Had I imagine it, for I could have sworn that I could feel an amount of bile climbing up and wanting to projectile out from how nervous I am feeling right now. I close my mouth tightly so that it won't happen, convinced that I did not want to embarrass Kaoru by making her and the others think that I am throwing up by the mere sight of her home cooking. Everything seems so nicely decorated and arranged, and I really don't want to create an even worse situation for all involved. I start to tremble but I fight the urge to not give in to the nauseating sensations I am feeling right now. I carefully gather myself to lift up from my bowing position and look straight ahead to find Kenshin giving me a friendly nod and smile before he sits down to begin dinner, leaving me and everyone else perplexed. Is he going to acknowledge me at all? Is he going to say anything? Ask me any questions? My cheeks seem to burn bright and I look at everyone else who is also looking at Kenshin with simmering rage.

That's when Yahiko explodes from where he sits, _"What was that, Kenshin?"_

 _"I'll say!"_ Megumi Sagara also huffs in annoyance as she pulls on one cheek of Kenshin's with her two fingers, _"Haven't you got any manners, Sir Ken?"_

Kaoru even grabbed a bowl of white rice and hurls it at Kenshin's head, knocking him down in the process as the children hide their faces in fear of seeing any more violence, _"Don't you know that this is the young man you set free from the Juppongatana?!"_

We all seem to have expected a response from her question right there and then, but we don't hear much except a very funny sounding groan coming from Kenshin Himura, his eyes becoming vast swirls and we all gather around to see if he is okay. Perhaps Kaoru shouldn't have done that; now she's running around trying to find fresh water while Megumi elevates his head with a towel and fussing over him, and the old man meanwhile quietly finishes the rest of his dinner. Sanosuke and Yahiko, meanwhile, escorts me to the hallway nearby to apologize for the strange behavior I've witnessed tonight, and perhaps if I can maybe stay here for the night since it is getting way too late to go back to the hotel.

"Here? Tonight?" I blink and take a hold of my chin to ponder of that proposition, "It does sound nice, but I wonder if I'm being too rude just by staying here."

"You, rude? It was us who were being pig headed tonight," Sanosuke crosses his arms and chuckles, "I'd say you should take this as a form of apology. We have a nice bathhouse for you to have right now if you'd like. Yahiko here can even light the fires for you."

 _"Why does it have to be me?!"_ Yahiko nags before Sanosuke forms a fist and slams it down on the younger boy's head.

"Because Soujiro here deserves that after traveling for long miles," He answers in between gritted teeth, and then gives me a good natured wink in my direction, "Don'tcha, kid?"

I blink once and then I nod. Sanosuke turns around to go back to the dining room to check up on the wounded man that is still lying on the floor, twitching and groaning comically. I have to admit, it gives me a small sense of glee to see this family so passionate about each other, even if they are a little rough with both their affections and punishments. It pales in comparison to what I had to go through with my prior family, that's for sure. It is only a couple of moments until I see Kenshin returning to normal and entertaining the young children by showing them this new toy he got from the market today-a pinwheel where he blows on it and the kids can watch it spin, the colors blending the faster it turns, and in that moment, I feel so relaxed just watching him acting so normal like this. No battle gears, no swords unsheathed, no blood to be sprayed on our bodies; it's just him being a regular family man, friends to all and enemy to none.

I feel a hand on my shoulder and it's Yahiko trying to grin through the painful bump on his head, "Let's heat up that bath, okay?"

I look at him and then back at Kenshin, almost disappointed that we couldn't talk more. I suppose I would have to wait until the morning for us to have a proper discussion. No use trying to butt into whatever he is doing with the kids, plus, I am here for a week, as that should give me plenty of time to have him teach me more about his philosophy that he introduced me to four years ago. Still, I deflate inevitably though, for I felt I had waited long enough, and Yahiko sensed this and arches an eyebrow.

"Hey, you okay there? You seem really upset," Yahiko lets my shoulder go and I shake my head at him with a laugh.

"Who, me?" I point to myself for added emphasis, "I'm completely fine. I'm just really tired. Would it be alright if I just finish up dinner really quickly before we head off? I'm quite hungry, you see."

He shrugs, "Suit yourself, kid. I need to eat as well."

It seems so ironic to have him call me that, knowing our age difference and me holding seniority over him, but I give him a pass and we sit back down to eat the supper, me trying my best to not stare at Kenshin for too long. Soon after, the rest of the family comes back to consume the rest of the food, the atmosphere coming alive with light conversations and laughter at what they've experienced today, and even Kenshin comes back to full consciousness to enjoy the meal as well. They apologized to him, and he waves it away with an awkward laugh, and I could barely contain my own smile seeing him so.. human like this.

And yet for some reason, he hasn't really acknowledged me much at all.

Within twenty minutes, we were all finished and the ladies took their turns with picking up the dishes and chopsticks, and I offered my assistance just to have them politely turn me down and to tell me to take that hot bath instead. I bow down to Kaoru for her cooking, and I go to the bathhouse where Yahiko had already fired the wood underneath it so that the water is already steaming hot for my bath time. Finally! Slipping into that tub has to be one of the best feelings ever, especially after traveling for nearly two weeks on foot and grabbing cattle rides. My aching muscles needed this. I sink deeper into the hot water and sigh with content, playing with some ideas in my head on how to open a dialogue between Kenshin and I; what should I say to him in the morning? When should I strike up the conversation about what he taught me years ago? How should I go about it? Should I even try and give it another day so that he won't feel strange around me? What kinds of questions should I even open up with?

Ugh. This is aggravating. I can't seem to sit still with this in my mind. I need to relax and let it go for tonight. No sense in wrecking my head with this when the day is long over and it is time for everyone to go to bed. I will instead think of other things, other people perhaps. I will think about my dating prospects instead. I wonder if there are any lovely ladies in this rural town that I could have some fun with. I can picture how they could theoretically look like. Maybe some brunettes here, with sparkling eyes and jovial attitudes, some raven haired souls there with kind hearts to converse with. With all the different exotic travelers that go in and out of here, I have even saw some blonde European women walking around, some with their daughters around my age, and they speak with such melodic accents that just does something sweet to me.

I lift one hand from the bathwater to cup my chin as I ponder further.. perhaps I could even find a lady of the night here if I ever feel desperate. I know that the restaurant near my hotel has had some locals there talking about the greatest vixens that money can buy, with their hiding quarters not too far from Kaoru's dojo. I could dabble in them too, to seek out _some brunettes here.._

My hand softens it's form so that I am now placing a finger on one corner of my mouth—

 _Some blondes there.._

My finger starts to drag from that corner towards the center—

 _Perhaps a lovely redhead..?_

I feel a sharp pulsating sensation in my lower stomach and I gasp, sitting right up in a splash, looking down to view myself and that's when I see my.. Oh no. I blush deeply and slap that same hand over my mouth, shame overriding me completely. I think I will hurry up and finish my grooming. I wash my entire face, hair, and body with a complimentary soap that Yahiko had placed after he was done with building the fires under the bathhouse, and I give myself a final rinse with a small bucket and I am done. I do my other grooming rituals and it was then time for bed. I wrap a long cloth around my hips to cover myself and slide open the door, carefully closing it back from behind my back, when it becomes evident that someone is nearby and watching me. I look up and I could feel my mouth going dry; it's Kenshin Himura. Especially after my embarrassing revelations during my bath dreaming up of red hair, seeing his just makes me blush intensely.

We are quiet for a pausing moment and Kenshin suddenly pipes up cheerfully, "Soujiro, I surely must apologize, that I should! I am sorry that I did not talked to you much during dinner. You see, I did not want to scare the little girls with our talks of the violent past. It just would ruin their appetite for my wife's cooking, that it may."

Wife. I carefully train my eyes on him and I feel all sorts of awful for some reason. Kaoru is his wife?

"You're.. married?" I implore, and he seems taken a back by my expression.

He sniggers in good jest, "Yes, that passionate fire and brimstone is my wife, that she is. I will also apologize for her outbursts too."

I bite my bottom lip and cast my gaze down, as if hiding my face from his eyes, not knowing what to say or what to do. I could forgive him. He didn't do anything wrong. It is a strange time to even bring up anything like our past right now, and he should get some rest so that I can have a frank discussion about this. We both deserve some sleep. But then, I feel a little peeved off too, for some reason. I don't know if it's the heat getting to me, or if the dinner wasn't fulfilling enough. I don't know if maybe I am sleep deprived or still cloudy from that heated bath. I just can't seem to think straight or keep my emotions composed.

I snort and give him my back, crossing my arms defiantly and sneer, "Mr. Himura, I surely expected better from you. You sure can be a rude man for someone of your age!"

I hear him say, "Oro?" and I lost it.

I whip back around and give him a death glare, and his eyes widen in surprise. I don't know why I'm behaving this way, or why I feel the way I feel. But I have to give him a piece of my mind. I think he deserves to at least know why I'm here and what my mission is. Who does he even think he is, ignoring me during dinner after four long years of silence?

"Do you want to know why I'm here, Mr. Himura?" I challenge him and he seems more alert now, "Because you taught me something valuable four years ago after you defeated me, and it became the arch of my entire existence. I know you lived as a man slayer before, and you gave up because you wanted to do good in your life. You ended up traveling, for a long time actually, and it was then you found your reasons to stay alive. But what about—"

 _Don't you dare start crying._

"—What about me, Kenshin? What about my own purpose? You never told me that. I tried looking for it for years, but never once found it. I do not understand. So I had to search for your whereabouts and it led me to here. I just want to know my own truth. You ignored me during dinner and it just hurts so much. I just want to know. Is that.. so bad?"

He ganders at me, reading me with a swift glance, and then he smiles humbly, "I understand, Soujiro, that I do. I am sorry about supper. We can talk more of this tomorrow, if you'd like. Shall I take you to your bedroom, at least?"

I nod and off we went, me taking internal notes on the shades of his hair and how the lights above him seem to make it fade from a bright ginger and, from under the shadows, a deep scarlet. We go down from one corridor to the next until Kenshin stops in front of one sliding door to open and walks in to turn on a small lantern next to the bed. It is a small but cozy space, perfect for me. Kaoru must have already made arrangements; next to the bed, were these new clothing for a young man, no doubt it must have belong to another male living in this dojo. I'll manage, as long as they're clean. I bow down to thank Kenshin, but before I could dip all the way down, Kenshin has his hand out so that my face can be captured by his soft grasp, and he lifts my chin up to look at him. Suddenly, he appears like a stern father.

"The philosophy I've taught you is something that a person should take seriously. It is nothing to make light of, you see. I will have this discussion with you tomorrow, but," His eyes frown deeper, "I will also ask if you'd like some extra teachings as well, to really implement what I have to teach you. That way you'll have a better understanding of what I've been trying to tell you years ago. Does that seem fair to you?"

His touch seems to light my face on fire, perhaps for the sheer dominating role he has suddenly taken over me.

"Y-yes, of course," I affirm, "Thank you, Mr. Himura."

He smiles and gently lets go of my face, takes one last half bow, and heads off down the corridor. I secretly watch after him, my own hand trailing over the place he's touched me, and I can feel my heart fluttering again. Kenshin scares me. I really do think that. Why would I have all these nerves and shaking around him, otherwise? I close the door and turn out the light to enjoy my new bed, it feeling softer than the one back in the hotel. I wonder if perhaps I can even stay here for the rest of the week? I am lucky that I already paid for my night at that hotel, though it may have made the manager confused as to why I haven't come back from my night out on town. Oh well. I could deal with some change of plans.

My fingers are still trailing over my chin, jawline, and cheek, my stomach dropping in intervals at the thought of Kenshin and what he just told me. I could feel the small pulls of a smile coming on when I think about spending more time with him tomorrow. I think I'm just smiling out of nervousness. I can't seem to knock that old habit of mine.

I'm so excited.

I'm so afraid.

 _"Himura-senpai."_ Is the last thing I whisper before I close my eyes to go to sleep.


	4. Enlightenment

_Author's note: Thank you so much for the user rannybananny for favoriting this story! It gives me pleasure to know that people are really enjoying this story. For the next chapter, let's ramp things up a bit. I'd like to have two reviews, favorites, follows, or any combination. I will write out longer chapters starting with this third chapter. I hope everybody enjoys reading this!_

 _I will also note that I've done very lightly editing work for the previous chapters, as I have found some errors and needed to do a few tweaking. Don't worry, nothing dramatically has changed aside from adding a missing word or two!_

 _My current obsession these days are watching the Ruroni Kenshin episodes where I'm sure to find Soujiro in, and trying to find the extremely rare fanarts of my KenshinxSoujiro ship. They are very hard to find.. and I haven't found any that are yaoi based, only two with their hands touching, which is so sweet!_

 _I watched the OVAs. 'Trust & Betrayal' was absolutely beautiful and made me cry at the end. This chapter will talk about what happened, so spoiler warning. 'Samurai X: Reflection' is another good one, though perhaps I need to change the description of my fanfic into one that is AU/non-canon, since I don't want to use the second OVA at all. Since 'Samurai X' is a non-canon of itself, I don't feel the pressure to commit to that timeline and will instead respect the animated TV show and the manga's ending. Hope everyone understands this._

 _Alert: I am such an idiot and realized quite recently that Megumi's maiden name was Takani, and it wasn't her first name after all, so I apologize profusely for that!_

Scene III: Enlightenment

I wake up to the sound of birds singing such lovely notes among the trees near the dojo. From the inside, I could already feel that it will be a very hot day today, with summer reaching its peak during my week's stay here, I feel. I better make sure to not wear myself out with my mission in my teaching with Kenshin, since I'll need all that strength for my next traveling. It would be a shame to be in worse shape in a world where people are out to steal from you with anything they can get their hands on. Your wallets at best, and your dignity at worst. I dreamed of Shishio and Yumi, and how they had walked away from me no matter how far or how quickly I tried to run after them. I know I made my decision to leave all of my involvement with the Juppongatana and their key mission to take over Japan behind, but it still pains me on the inside to feel somehow abandoned by the two people who took me in as their lovechild. I stretch until I hear that satisfying pop in my back and sit up to rub my sleepy eyes; now is not the time to reminiscence.

I took a bath and put on my light blue kimono and venture my way to the outside, my suspicions correct about the temperature that the sun will bring today. It almost singed my pale skin if I stand on the brighter parts of the patio for too long, so I take advantage of trying to stand under the shadows for relief. I only had to walk for a couple of minutes until I see the gang enjoying the weather- Kaoru is fanning herself while watching the two young girls playing with a bucket of water, Sanosuke looks to be chewing on a fish tail while resting his head on the lap of Megumi, Yahiko is trying to take a nap while sitting against a sliding door, the old man and red haired child from last night seems to be missing in action, and Kenshin..

No. I refuse to worry now.

"Morning," I politely announce my arrival to the now perkier audience, ignoring that nagging feeling of wondering where Himura is, "I didn't miss breakfast, did I? I am the type to enjoy sleeping a little longer than most people do, so you'll have to forgive me if I did."

"Well, you have, but I'm sure you can catch some cheap breakfast at a restaurant nearby. They serve it until sometime in the afternoon, I hear," Megumi casually tucks some hair behind her ear, "We have to get ready for a group outing tonight, and there's chores that's yet to be done, but you can go right on ahead."

"Group outing?"

Kaoru giggles with a nod, "We're thinking of joining the Sanno Matsuri festival tonight. It's going to be so much fun, you should join us if you want to, Soujiro!"

"There's going to be a big red dragon and everything!" Yahiko pipes up and tries to emulate the movement of the creature by making scary faces and stomping around. The two young girls soon joined him in a fit of laughter.

I can feel my face relaxing into a natural smile, "Know something? I think I will."

Sanosuke opens one of his eye to finally say something, "By the way, if you're wondering where Kenshin could be, he said he will be waiting for you out in the front since he knows you'd be hungry for some grub. He'll pay, so don't worry about picking up the tab."

His wife looks down with a smirk, "I wouldn't taint this young man with your lack of morals, dearest."

His response was just to close his eye and snort at her retort, and I bow down to everybody to excuse myself, "Thank you, I will be back as quickly as possible."

"It's no rush!" Kaoru urges, "We have all day to prepare and the chores can be done in just a couple of hours. We'll make it."

I look right at her, her innocent eyes and her smile that speaks no ill of anyone nor has any impure intentions, and I feel a pang inside my chest. I think I am envious of Kenshin at the fact that he has found someone to love and to be loved in return, and by seeing the unmistakable similarities between the young boy from the other night and Himura, I know that to be their son indeed. How lovely to have a family like this, after all he's done so many years ago and killing so many people in the Bakumatsu era. How comforting is it to know that there is always a second chance for even the most vile of men who seek a change of heart and to turn over a new leaf. I yearn for such redemption.

In a few moments, I find myself awaken by my daydreams out in the front of the dojo to see Kenshin and the old man carrying the young auburn haired boy in his arms, the latter reaching up to grab Kenshin by his frontal bangs. Kenshin yelps a little, and the old man laughs in good jest while the young boy looks pretty angry with his father. It is then I noticed that Kenshin no longer had his long hair and had cut to just around his chin. There is no room for long hair in the world of fatherhood, I'm afraid. It's a good look, though I feel nostalgic thinking of his longer tresses..

"Young man, are you ill?"

I snap out of it and find the three looking right at me curiously, the voice belonging to the elderly gentleman, and my cheeks feel flushed. The grip of Kenshin's son slowly loosened until his father is able to take a step back to prevent another hair pulling attack and he then takes a few steps towards me to give me a half bow just like last night. I do the same.

"Morning, Soujiro," Kenshin greets me with a kind expression, "We should get going now to get you a proper meal to start the day. It would do us some good to see how the locals live around here, that you should."

I can't help it. It excites me to know I can have some privacy with just us two alone. I am on the verge of drooling from the lack of control in my composure; I really do need to know about the truth about myself and my personal legacy, and who to better communicate with this subject matter than the ex Battousai then turned rurouni samurai? I swallow and gulp, determined not to make a fool of myself today.

"Yes, I agree. Let us go, then?"

"Don't be out for too long!" The elderly man lifts the young boy up so that Kenshin can give his son a small peck on his forehead, much to the annoyance of the child, "This little man here doesn't like it when his father is away from his mother for any longer than necessary!"

"You're a clingy one, aren't you?" I cooed playfully at the young boy before giving him a wink, "I'll return your father to you as soon as possible, okay?"

The young boy hides his face in the old man's clothed chest and we all have a laugh at his expense. Soon after, they both went inside the dojo, leaving Kenshin and I alone at last. The sun has traveled higher in the sky and the heat seems to be beating down on us, so we quickly get a move on so that we can find a place to grab a bite of something and to get some shade too while we're at it. Walking side by side with Kenshin makes me feel tremendously tense on the inside, especially since he seems to be deep in thought. Those violet eyes of his never seems to falter or faze, always trying to zero in on an object or a person with such impressive intensity. I look all around me to see how the people are dressed, behaved, and shopped at all the local stores, and I debate inside my head as to whether or not Kenshin and I should also buy something together.

I stop walking, alarmed at my own thoughts. Shopping with Kenshin? What is wrong with me? Why should I even entertain such childish thoughts? I'm here to discuss life transforming philosophy, not playing house with him. That's what his wife is for, is it not? I should seek my own shopping partner in the form of feminine curves and longer hair, preferably in a shade not a part of the red family.

"Oro? Is something the matter?" Kenshin also stops ahead of me and turns around completely to face me, and I gape back at him with wide eyes, causing his head to tilt questionably, "Is the heat bothering you? I know a place near here. We're almost there, Soujiro."

My heart skips a beat every time he says my name. I really do fear this man, which doesn't make sense, as I haven't felt this fear when I had to duel with him four years ago. Although, to be frank, I did falter towards the end of the battle, feeling so nervous of me having to hurt him, and keep making excuses and mistakes so as to not kill him. I don't let the emotions overcome my face, of course, and I instead scoff sarcastically and walk on past him, his face still one of confusion. I won't dare even give him the opportunity to show him that I am afraid of his energy, as I am here strictly for business and not so that we can become friends. Even though he saved my life all those years ago, I still seem to hold a grudge that is hard to shake. What exactly the origin of this grudge, I can't be sure, but it's there and I'm trying to respect my emotional development even when it's hard to show them still.

He doesn't deserve to see me at my softest.

We arrive at the Akabeko restaurant, the scent of sizzling eggs, rice, and pork hitting me just as soon as we walk inside. My stomach starts to protest and my mouth immediately swarms in saliva, and Kenshin places a hand on my shoulder to help me keep on walking ahead, his touch electrifying me. What happened next couldn't have prepared for either of us; my eyes quickly rolled up and I gasp in a half moan, and just as quickly, I shut my eyes and slap his hand off of me, whipping around to watch his reaction in shame. What have I done? What did he do to deserve that?

"Kenshin, I.." My eyes fall to the ground with guilt, "I'm _so_ sorry, I.. I didn't mean to.."

Kenshin shakes his head with a laugh, "It's quite alright, Soujiro. Karma has finally caught up with my behavior from last night, that it did. I was hoping that me treating you to a meal can help mend things between us."

Oh, good. He didn't hear that awful sound coming out of my mouth, then. What was that, even? I think the heat is frying my brains. I need to relax, sit down, and have some food so that I can return to my old self.

We sit down at a table and a waitress immediately comes to greet us, and she turns to Kenshin with a question about how Mrs. Himura is doing. I blink, quickly realizing that they seem beyond acquaintances with one another, and dare I say, they must be friends too. Kenshin scratches the back of his head and laughs awkwardly at her questioning of the family life and how everything is doing with their son, him answering cordially to each and every of her queries until she seems satisfied.

"Who is this lovely young gentleman?" The waitress leans in to get a better look of me, "You're such a pretty face, I could have sworn I thought you were a girl when you walked in here!"

I laugh uneasily at her observations, "So I've been told, ma'am. Thank you. I'll take that as a compliment, I think!"

"Tae, I'd like to introduce you to Soujiro Seta," Kenshin nods my way, "He's had a hard life, but he's managed to turn it around and is now a wanderer the way I was so many years ago. He's twenty one and seems to be ready to try his hand at the marital life too, that he does."

"Marriage, huh?" Tae tosses her head back to crack up, "Sadly, I think my young Tsubame has her eyes set on Yahiko, so that's off the table for this man here, I'm afraid! But I'll keep an eye out for you if you'd like."

I shrug, "There's no need. I won't be here for long, anyway."

"Is that so?" She deflates, "That's too bad. Tokyo is absolutely wonderful to live in. But, I understand. Now! What will you two handsome lads like to have today?"

We were just about to order when we suddenly hear a loud crash and a whole lot of banging from just around the corner of this restaurant, rousing Kenshin to stand up and flicking his knife from its sheath and stepping in front of Tae to protect her from whomever might come by our table. Up ahead, we see a few young waitresses backing up from where they stand and a tall, lithe man with sleek dark hair that ends on his shoulders raise his hand up towards them, making the group stand completely still. Were they in shock? Under a spell? I narrow my eyes to get a better look at that man and see that his pale blue eyes widen and quickly, the waitresses freeze from any and all movement, and they sounded like they were choking.

Soon after another man, his head shrouded with platinum blond waves, who looks like the spitting image of the other one, calmly walks up to clap in sheer amusement at what his twin is doing. A callous and strong appearing man, taller than the both of them, comes into our vision; they were all wearing respectable kimonos in various shades, almost as if they were mystical shamans who are in town to perform witch craft or magic tricks for fun, but seem to be using it as weaponry instead. Kenshin jolts forward before the trio could come any closer to the innocent girls, and I also come after them with my own sword, the twins snapping their heads to look right at us and I ignore the shiver I feel in my spine from the brutal gaze they bestowed upon us.

It did not even take a second until Kenshin has his sword just a centimeter away from puncturing the face of their leader, my sword pointing right at his heart too. It will only take another half second until we perish him and we all know it. The blond twin has his hand right at my face for some reason, while the dark haired twin has a sharp ninja star resting on top of Kenshin's throat. There is a hush of silence covering us all four like a blanket putting out the flames of violence. The leader, his striking eyes glaring daggers at Kenshin, seemed to teeter in between two worlds of immovable calmness, yet intense hatred that wants everybody around him to fall to their doom. The blond twin, his blue eyes emotionless yet seem to be screaming at me, did not even twitch even when people around us started whispering. The raven haired twin has his aqua eyes burning a hole at Kenshin's head, ready to end him on his master's command.

The leader smirks and closes his eyes, "Heel, boys."

The twins pause for a second before they draw back their weapons out of our faces, surprising Kenshin and I at their quick withdrawal. The leader opens his eyes and gives a nod our way, and we feel safe lowering our swords again, until Kenshin decides to speak up.

"Who are you?" Kenshin's question came out almost guttural and I flinch.

The smirk on the leader's face widens and I can see what some might describe as fangs, and he answers in a soothing voice, "Ohta Bokkai, of the black magic. These are my teenage sons, and they frighten easily, so please excuse their rude behaviors."

The blond twin bows down and gives his salutation, "Ito Bokkai."

The twin with the striking jet black hair does the same, "Kuno Bokkai."

Kenshin's stern expression doesn't change despite them trying to be sociable, but never the less, he gives his own name too, "Kenshin Himura."

Ohta's eyebrow twitches, "Himura? That name sounds familiar. I think I've heard of you."

I feel the need to intervene but Kenshin stops me before I do anything asinine. All around us the whispering seems to be the only thing I could focus on. Kenshin this, Kenshin that. Who are those people, they wonder. I echo their sentiments. I don't think I've ever heard of the Bokkai family or what exactly their legacy are about. Seems to me that they are just glorified street thugs who know a few tricks up their sleeves, though they do try to appear regal and respectable, strangely enough. It must be those clothing. I have never seen such magnificence. Did they perhaps stole them from the rich to clothe themselves? It would not surprise me if that were true. I look up at Kenshin and he shakes his head humbly at me, trying to calm me down, and let him do the talking.

"What is your business here and why did you harass those poor girls?" Kenshin implores.

"They gave my boys some dirty looks and we don't let anybody treat us in such a fashion without a slap on the wrist," Ohta turns to watch as the waitresses come back to consciousness from their spells and they all start to cry and tremble from what has happened to them, "The clashes that we face from class discrimination is enough to make any man want to stand up for himself, as you can tell. Looks like you know what that is like, Sir Himura."

"Certainly not. Social class is no excuse for you to take down those who are weaker than you," Kenshin closes his eyes as if concentrating now, "It would appear that you nor your sons know how to conduct yourself outside without feeling the need to invoke terrorism in other people, and it is no surprise that people want to spit on your name if that's how you want to live like. People will not bow or cower in fear over you, not if you keep doing this."

Ohta Bokkai growls to himself, already taking offense, and he takes a step forward, "You sure talk a lo—"

 ** _Thrunk!_**

Kenshin has moved just in time to hit Ohta right underneath his chin with the blunt end of his sword, making the other one fall backward and wriggle in pain as the twins watch. Ito turns to me with venomous eyes and the other twin moves swiftly to try something against Kenshin, but the older man caught Kuno's hand just in time to twist his wrist, not too hard to break anything but enough so that the twin cries out and fall to his knees. Before Ito tries anything else, my sword is back up and resting right in between his eyebrows, and all he has to do is take one more step until I can kill him. Ito steps down and goes to check on his father in the meanwhile Kuno is nursing his bruised wrist.

Ohta pushes Ito off of him and he starts to wail from where he sits on the floor, "You will pay for this, Kenshin Himura! I won't forget your face!"

"Then I will patiently await for our next battle, but until then," Kenshin places his sword right at the other man's face, "Heed my words carefully: Don't you ever come back in this restaurant ever again. I will avenge my friends for what you've done to them."

Ohta grunts angrily, about to retaliate with something else, until he notices the sword in front of his face and his face melts to a questionable one, "Wait. Your sword. It is reversed. But then—"

"It's a reverse blade sword." Ito dully finishes his sentence for him.

Kuno looks up at the sword and affirms it with a nod, "It's a rare sword."

Ohta looks at the sword and then the two of us in shock. Kenshin's eyes tighten suspiciously on him while my own holds still on his violet eyes, trying to decipher what he might be thinking right now. This is the sort of thing that I remember fondly about Himura, how amazing he can be in battle without having to kill other people to achieve his goals. A gentle yet powerful force to be reckon with. I distinctly remember the battle between Kenshin and Senkaku and how the former was able to win by his intellectual strength more so than bodily power, how much in awe I was left while watching him perform with such grace. I think I complimented on him many times that day while that police officer heard and stood next to me, him watching me with some suspicion that I still to this day cannot understand.

Suddenly, Ohta starts to chuckle. Low at first and then it evolves into a fit of howling, the twins watching their leader with deadpan expressions. I tighten my blade to prepare myself for any funny business, and Kenshin doesn't move a hair from his battle stance. It takes about a minute until Ohta is able to calm down and talk again.

"I know of you, Kenshin Himura. You must be the infamous Battosai that I've heard many years on my journey traveling in Japan," Ohta leers at the sword even closer, "The reverse blade sword, an instrument playing on your guilt after taking so many people's lives in the Meiji Revolution. Under the guide of Katsura Kogoro, I believe, isn't that right?"

I caught just in time a twitch under Kenshin's eye.

"He was your leader?" I quiz him, blinking, "It was so long ago, wasn't it?"

Ohta gives another whoop of laughter, "Yes, it had been many years since that great war, indeed! And now here you are playing family man and trying to act as if you had never had to know how to wash your hands off of the blood after killing a man. Himura the Battosai.. I should have known!"

"So what of it?" Kenshin coldly grills him. Ohta cocks and eyebrow and grins.

"I'll make sure you'll pay for this, Battosai," He struggles to get on his knees, "It will be the last time you'll walk on those two legs once I'm through with you. But of course, I will be on my way out now. Too many witnesses, I'm afraid."

Kenshin doesn't say anything and neither do I. The twins helped their father and off they went, leaving everybody else high strung with anxiety and worry. It doesn't take long until Tae and Tsubami comes rushing up to us to ask if we are alright and if they can get us anything.

"We are here for breakfast, so I'll have the usual." Kenshin bows to them in gratitude.

"I'll just have what he's having, I suppose," I giggle in that boyish charming way, "I'm not picky."

"Kenshin, Soujiro, you've done so much already today, why not I put you in a private room upstairs as a token of our thanks?" Tae offers while Tsubami nods in agreement.

"Oro?" Kenshin blinks, "Surely that wouldn't be necessary. I don't mind protecting the ones needing it."

"We'll throw in a free breakfast. It's on us. Please take this." Tae bows down and so does her young companion. I look at Kenshin to give him puppy eyes and he smirks innocently and then agrees to this proposition. Anything to cut corners, as the saying goes. From what I understand, the Kamiya dojo isn't exactly living on much currency and they all do try to save as much money as they possibly can to continue to live there. Megumi mentioned this in passing during my first night there, so I will try not to deplete their spending while I'm here. Remember, I'm here for business, not for a vacation.

We all go upstairs and Kenshin and I are put in said private room to have breakfast in, and I look out the window that oversees the town and the people walking below us, "It might of been unnecessary for them to give us the free meal, but I have to say, it is quite delicious!"

"That it is," Kenshin agrees, "We as a family come here often and we are very good friends to those who work here too. Now, as I understand this, you wanted to talk to me about your life legacy, is that correct?"

For some reason, that question leaves me cold. I cannot put my finger on it as to why that is, but I immediately feel my mouth turning dry. I don't let this show in my face, of course, and just politely smile at Kenshin's direction, "I think we have plenty of time for that, Mr. Himura. I'd like to get to know you a little better, if you don't mind. Can you perhaps tell me about what happened to you before you started wandering?"

His face stills and the only thing that moved is his eyes, looking at his food to ponder on what to say next, and he straightens up, "It is not a happy story, that it isn't. I was born into a peasant family in the year 1849, and as I turned seven years old, I lost both of my parents to illness, which resulted in me being brought into slavery. I was blessed at least to be taken under the wings of three wonderful women who loved me as their own, them knowing the hardships that comes with being a slave child. We hardly ate much, and we were always exposed to such weather extremes. But with their love and care, I've never felt alone.

"All of that came to an abrupt ending when we were all attacked by these blood thirsty bandits. To this day, I still do not understand the evil that permits such vile actions against humanity. I watched, helplessly as my caretaker held onto me, at all of the slaves and their traders slain in front of me, and the only thing I could hear aside from the screams were my caretakers pleading the bandits to spare my life. Do not take this child, they said. Miraculously, a swordsman came and slayed all of them before they could get to me, and his name is Hiko Seikuro. He advised to move to another village and start over, but I did no such thing. Instead, I stayed behind, digging and burying all the graves for everyone who were killed that day. Even the bandits."

I shake my head with a heavy heart, "Kenshin.."

"Soon after, Hiko came back to search for me, and he was just as surprised as you are at what I've done with the graves. He decided to take me in as his apprentice, to teach me the art of swordsmanship, and all there is to know the virtues of using it for good instead of evil. He is the reason for my being, that is, the reason I've mastered the Hiten Mitsurugi-ryu. I owe my life to him, that I do. It was soon after that I've learned about a revolutionary developing in Japan, of which its members want to take down the people who had the power to oppress the lesser beings, and instill an era of peace instead. I was passionate by such ideals, but my master warned me against it. I didn't cared and I went anyway, and I was picked up by Katsura Kogoro, the leader of the Choshu clan. The year was 1863, I believe."

"I was just a baby," I muse quietly, "And there you were, fighting already."

He affirms what I just said with a nod, "Yes. I was hired and trained to become an assassin, my heart hardening with each successful kill, and that was when I was dubbed the Battosai to anyone who has heard of me. I have killed so many people during that time, I lost count after twenty. Soon I realized, that I wasn't killing for a pipe dream, but became instead a blind murderer, ending the lives of anyone under the command of my men. One night, I went inside an inn for some sake, realizing it doesn't tasted as good as I remembered. I know it sounds a little strange to say such a thing, as a drink is but a drink, nothing more. But it was almost as if I was drinking the blood of all I've shed instead of how it should taste like. Whilst daydreaming of this, I saw a group of drunken men coming in and started harassing this young woman, angering me in the process. I stood up for her, asking them all to leave her alone and to depart from this inn, before deciding to leave myself. I think I've angered them, so I kept one eye over my shoulder for the remainder of the night. I was correct in my suspicion."

"They followed you?" I grip my utensil at the growing intensity of where this story is heading.

"They have. It was so heated, so passionate, but I won. I was spotted by the same young woman at the inn, and I'll never forget what she told me. You were the one who made the blood rain, she said, before she fainted and I catching her. I took her to another place to have someone, anybody, to look after her. Finally, I've decided to take her to the house where my comrades and I were staying in, making sure to protect her from under the leery stares of my men. They thought of her as a prostitute, but I refused to listen to them. I learned of her name after the night I brought her in: Yukishiro Tomoe. I was resistant towards her at first, but her unassuming nature soon rubbed off on me, and we became good friends.

An unfortunate event happened to my clan, and I was told that Tomoe and I were to leave to live in solitary out in nature, and to behave as a married couple to prevent anyone else from finding our location. It had shocked the both of us, but we agreed to do just that, and we went to live near the mountains, growing a garden together and behaving in marital bliss. Each and every day, I felt more and more easy around Tomoe, until it no longer became a secret that we have fallen in love with each other."

My heart curiously pangs at hearing that last part, but I continue to listen intently.

"One day, I woke up to find her gone. I was visited by a man whom he told me he was a comrade, and he informed me about the truth of Tomoe; that she is the spy belonging to the group who wanted me dead. Shock doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of how I felt when he told me this. I ventured out to seek her. I had to find out what was happening. It was as if I realized, at that moment, that I could not live without her, that I would love her still even after this betrayal. I just wanted her to return to me. So many men tried to perish me, and as I defeated each one, I became weaker and weaker from my injuries. I met the last man, in which I swung with all my strength with my sword. Tomoe was in between us to stop my opponent's punch, but my sword—"

I hear him choke and he looks down in deep shame, and without thinking, I lean in to touch his arm to comfort him, "We can stop, Kenshin. You don't have to continue. We have so much time, still."

He takes a deep breathe and mumbles, "No. I must. It wouldn't be fair in her memory."

I gingerly retreat my arm so that he can continue.

"My sword went through her, and I held her as she laid dying in my arms. She gave me this scar, after my first slash across my cheek, so that I can have my x shape. In some way, maybe she did that so that I always remember to protect people from harm without having to kill anybody else in the process. She taught me so much in so little time. She understood me in the short time that I've gotten to know her, loving her, cherishing her, and for that, I will always adore her. But she would have wanted me to move on and be happy, so I took up wandering for the next decade to find myself and my life legacy. So you see, Soujiro, it had to take the life of the one I love to finally learn the truth about my own life, ironically enough, so that I can respect other people's lives. Hence my carrying around the reverse blade sword."

"I understand now," I whisper and looking deep in his eyes, "Kenshin, thank you, so much. For telling me your story, I mean."

"Of course. It looks like we are finished with our meals, should we leave now?" Kenshin smiles somberly, the tint of sadness of having to remember Tomoe not leaving his eyes, but I have a feeling that he does feel a little relieved of sharing this private part of himself to me at the same time. I nod in agreement and off we went, thanking our waitresses and leaving a tip for their services despite the free meal.

The temperature outside, thankfully, cooled down just a little, perhaps from the cloudy overcast, and we soon become worried if it would start raining soon. Kenshin and I walk towards back to the dojo, but not until something caught Kenshin's eye and he turns to his side to walk up to a salesman and his cart. I tilt my head to look ahead to see what the man is selling: Shiny little trinkets, or toys, or something. I come up to the two of them and Kenshin already is in the process of giving the seller a few yen for the trinket.

"Kenshin? What did you buy?" I blink and he turns around to reveal in his hand, a small navy blue marble trinket box, oval in its shape, with a painting of a white peach flower right on the center of it, and he thrusts his hand forward so that I can take it. I hesitate before welcoming it in my own hands, and I find that I can open it, revealing silk inseams, like I could drop in a piece of jewelry in it if I so wanted to. I look up at Kenshin to find him giving me a simper before walking on ahead of me without a single word or waiting for me to tell him thank you. I turn around to watch him leave, his mysterious aura making me even more obsessed with finding more about him in the span of two minutes. This is.. so nice of him to do. My heart is thumping even louder inside my ears, my bottom lip quivering from the incoming tears inside my eyes.

Damn you, Kenshin Himura.

What are you doing to me?


	5. Festival

_Author's note: Hey everyone! Happy holidays from your author! I've decided to update this story when I saw that it has been favorited by Blue Grope, so thank you so much for that! My e-mail didn't even notified me of this and had to read my story out of boredom one evening through the mobile app, and there it was, a new favorite! I was worried that nobody wanted to read this story, and I know I said I needed around two reviews, favorites, or followers in order to continue with it, but I'll take anything at this point because this story keeps swimming inside my head and won't get out until I write it down. I'll have you guys know that I already wrote the sex scene between Kenshin and Soujiro ;) and just needs to be written a little while longer. It's really hot as far as I can see, and I can make everybody's dream of finally seeing these two together in that way come true... all I need is support, if you can understand that. Thank you so, so much for the support, guys, I really appreciate it._

 _Please note that for some odd reason, most of my editing done to the previous chapters did not take, so I'll go back and do some very light editing, you know, just to add a missing word or to fix Megumi's name here and there, as well as fixing Soujiro's name by adding the "u" there, nothing fancy. You won't miss anything big in the previous chapters, so it's all good!_

 _Here we are, chapter 4!_ _ **Please note that this chapter will contain an adult scene and sexually suggestive material, so readers discretion is advised and is rated M+.**_

Scene IV: Festival

Kenshin and I return back to the dojo, where everybody had already done the chores, and now Kaoru is fixing us up a really nice lunch so that we won't be famished for the festival tonight. All it was are white rice, cooked fish, and some vegetables, though the quantity is plenty enough so that we won't be worried about being hungry later on. Plus, it didn't tasted that bad; perhaps Kenshin's wife really did get better at her cooking, and Yahiko was just trying to scare me for no reason the other night. I ate as much as my stomach would allow, laughing and conversing with my new group of friends about my travels and what I've experienced on the road. Sanosuke and Yahiko in particular were wondering what a lifestyle like that would entail, and I warned them not to romanticize it too much, as it is very difficult. Megumi asks me questions such as how I managed to survive in such a harsh world, and I told her point blank that it's my sword that I brought years ago with my savings that provides me with all the security that I can afford. Post Meiji Era—as in, after the more extreme years—is still a dangerous world to live in, unfortunately. The two young girls, I learned were named Ayame and Suzumi, are too busy giggling over how cute I look, and the old man (Dr. Gensai) tries to hush them and to behave themselves.

Kenshin, all the while, seem to be in his own little world, with intervals of keeping an eye on me as he eats his meal and listening to my fables.

After the long luncheon, we all groomed and dressed ourselves to some very nice clothing that Kaoru and Megumi had gotten from a rare shop a year ago, and they even have a nice pair for me to wear. It's a deep, navy blue, and Kaoru commented that it captures my eye color, making me laugh awkwardly at her keen observations. Kenshin, Sanosuke, and Yahiko, though, refused to wear anything fancy, much to the dismay of the ladies, and after much bickering back and forth—And Kenshin having to duck from various flying objects thrown at each other—the women of the dojo gave up and let the men "dressed like the pigs they are". Sanosuke did not liked hearing that, and neither did Yahiko, but Kenshin calmed them both down, and soon we were all walking out into the main street to head over to where the festival is being celebrated.

The Sanno Matsuri festival is held every year during the first month of summer, and there were plenty of hype and hubbub from all the patrons and selling vendors, the air thick with pressing heat from the weather and the outside cooking, and I see so many different decorations and lights everywhere that my head could spin at any moment now. So much to look and see! During my days with the Juppongatana, Shishio wouldn't have ever let us have this much fun, and although it was for very good reasons, deep down I did felt a little resentment towards him for that one. I was so young when I was tied to him and Yumi, and all young men such as myself like to have fun and to be free like this. Now at twenty one, I fear that maybe my time of enjoying myself seems limited, or maybe I am just being too hard on myself. Maybe I just need to drink some alcohol and let loose for once; I'm not on vacation, but a little sin wouldn't hurt either.

"Say Kenshin, aren't you in the least bit worried about that Bokkai family?" I inquire as the both of us have just gotten a sugary snack from a seller, "You know, from earlier today?"

Kenshin looks like he was about to take a bite of his snack until my question, and he looks at me quizzically, "Why would I be worried?"

I bite my lower lip to concentrate on his haori before formulating my response, "It's just, aren't you worried that they will find out where we live?"

He blinks once or twice, and then relaxes into a humble smile, "Do not worry yourself, Soujiro. I really much doubt that they can find us in this big city, that they can't."

I open my mouth to protest, but decide against it. We're here to have fun. I drop it and we walk on to catch up with our group, Yahiko trying to bother Sanosuke and the latter finally smacking upside his head in retaliation.

After the group and I go from one vending to the next, we decided to go on to the bridge to wait for the fireworks to begin. The temperature in the night air has seemed to drop out of nowhere, but not so alarmingly so that we had to worry, and so we stayed on that bridge while chatting and eating our snacks. For the first time in a long while, I feel very relaxed and am enjoying my time here. Kenshin's friends are really amazing once you dig deep at their outer shells. Sanosuke, for example, shared his painful past with me and how he had to become a street thug just to get by before he befriended Kenshin. Megumi also shared her horrendous experiences with having to create drugs just to survive on her own, until she met Kenshin. Kaoru lost her father and mother at a very young age and ran the dojo nearly all by herself, no doubt feeling so lonely for such a long time before Keshin arrived. Yahiko also had to live like a rat for while, stealing money and food in order to survive, until Kenshin stopped him and brought him in with himself and Kaoru. Even the elderly gentlemen and his two granddaughters seemed to have felt a lift in their spirits when Kenshin introduced himself into their lives, especially them seeing how happy he makes Kaoru feel.

Kenshin. His name pops up in all of their conversations. Kenshin, Kenshin, Kenshin. It's because of him that they all know what happiness could really feel like, and more importantly, what love is about. They all share a deep, platonic connection with one another, and I find that to be very beautiful. My friendships within the Juppongatana, in comparison, felt shallow and unfulfilling. Even with Shishio, I had to keep my smiling mask on because he wouldn't have appreciated seeing my vulnerabilities, and neither would Yumi, seeing as how she scoffs at any weaknesses in a man. Bless her, though, for she has tried her hardest to be the best mother figure she can be despite everything. I don't hold any grudges against her at all. In many ways, she reminded me of my mother, down to their less than respectable career choices. When you're a woman nowadays, either you run a home business to bring in money, marry into a rich family to be taken care of, or you use your body in order to get by. Yumi and my mother made their choices, and they weren't bad people for that. What I'd give to make sure no other person had to do such a thing to thrive, but alas, the world is still far from perfect.

"Oh guys, look!" Kaoru suddenly gasps with a happy smile, and we all look up just in time to see the first stream of smoke shooting up into the sky until it explodes into a bright blue, all us cooing concurrently.

The firework show continues as Yahiko keeps jumping up and down like a little kid despite his adolescent age, earning some of us a laugh and the others rolling their eyes. Ayame and Suzume join him in the meanwhile their grandfather chuckles at their innocent exchanges. I kept my eyes up to the sky, with each and every explosion opening my heart to something I haven't felt in so long: Childlike elation, simple curiosity, and innocent awe. Why haven't I gone to festivals before? Was I truly that afraid of having any fun at all? I can't believe I missed so much of my youth. But as the saying goes, better late now than never. Something tugs me to turn around and look at Kenshin and I immediately regret doing so.

There I see, with his arms wrapped around Kaoru's shoulders and his chin on top of her head, watching the night sky with her as she giggles and blush from his affections. I can see his lips moving, but the fireworks drown all of his voice out. I wonder what he is saying to her, and if I even want to hear it. My stomach drops the more he hugs her midsection even tighter than before, and I can feel my heart beating louder and louder until I can almost no longer hear the fireworks. What is happening? Am I jealous of Kenshin finding someone before I could? But that's just silly. He is much older than me and has done everything in life first. That's how it is with birth order, right? The eldest do things first, and the juniors follow afterward. Still, I don't know what it's like to be embraced by someone who did not expected anything from me, without any bad intentions from the other person. Any hugs I've received in my life were from either Yumi or the girls I've dated back in Hiroshima, and yet they all felt somehow lacking.

I snap out of my daydreams in time for the grand finale: A giant light roaring in the sky, so white and bright that for a flashing moment, it appeared like daytime broke into our atmosphere, as if we transitioned from night to morning. From here, I can really see Kenshin: His lilac eyes, his amber mane, his porcelain skin.. all of his features working in harmony together, in perfect symmetry. I thought, in a split second, if I saw an angel, blessing Kaoru with someone to love.

I turn around and quickly walk on out of that bridge before anyone else noticed my absence, carefully swimming into the gaps between the people so as to not bump into anyone troublesome. I keep a low profile as I walk back onto the vendor street, ignoring the salesmen who try to stop me and to look at what they're selling, my heart still as loud as it was from moments ago. I really need to find someone, I truly do. I fear growing too old and unattractive someday if I don't. My boyish charms won't look appropriate on an old body and an aging face, so I must take my chances now or else it's gone for good. I look all around me to catch the eye of a good looking woman, but so far, they're all with somebody else already. I find one woman, and there a man will be. Like clockwork. Each and every time, my grimness grows deeper. I finally had enough and go inside a small restaurant to drink some sake, just so I can calm down and think clearly. I use up nearly all of my currency from my small pouch for the drinks and ended up consuming around five glasses of it, my perception becoming fuzzier and my head swirling from my actions. My lungs feel suffocated by the heat of the chef's cooking and from all the people coming in. I need to get away from here.

"I'm, _hic,_ so not, _hic,_ alone," I hiccuped and try to uphold myself against a wall as I walk outside into the darkened streets, "Kenshin, _hic,_ damn that jerk..!"

My legs are trembling but I keep pushing through. Through my blurry vision, I can see the people getting out of my way and letting me walk ahead of them, some turning around to ask me what in the world is my problem, but I ignored them. I need to find a warm body. I need to get away from my thoughts. I don't know for how long I've been walking, but through some other worldly miracle, I seem to have found what some patrons bluntly call a whorehouse. I can tell because I am immediately stopped by a nicely dressed woman who is showing off her shoulder and cleavage at me. Through my drunken stupor, time doesn't seem to exist anymore, events blending in so much that I don't know what to expect next or even what happened a few moments before. Have I really walked that long?

"Hey there, sweetie," She speaks in a velvety accent, "You look like you need to blow out some steam. Care to join me?"

She's stunning with striking black hair and ivory skin, her red lipstick accenting the beauty of her turquoise eyes. I couldn't possibly reject her even in this state. I smirk and nod, letting her take me by the hand and walk me into this large dojo, the hallways dimmed and inconspicuous in its simplicity. All the doors were shut, the lights inside the rooms out, and the only thing that could illuminate my steps were these small candles that were lined up next to the doors, the air tickling my nose with its waxy scent. My lady smells of lavender bath oils, calming me immediately when she embraces me inside her room. She leans back to get a good look at me and brushing my bangs from out of my eyes to see them, and I want to collapse on top of her, to sink myself into her. Somehow, though, my muscles doesn't want to move on their own anymore.

Her room is bare except for a bed on the floor and a candle with burning incense, and she lays me down to work on unclothing me. With my chest bare and out into the open air, she gently runs her delicate fingernails vertically and then horizontal until she expertly unties my front belt of my pants, her eyes never leaving my face in all the while. My breathing quickens and becomes shallow as my pants is then tugged down, feeling myself harden at the sight of her exposed breasts. Oh no. I haven't visited a prostitute before, and I don't know how to react to this. Should I lay still? Should I move? Kiss her? She notices my expression because then she starts to chuckle politely at me.

"Are you nervous? Is this your first time?"

I open my mouth to answer, but alas, I couldn't answer her. My voice has seemed to have been left behind from where I came outside. She smiles with as much sweetness as the first bite into a tangerine on a hot summer day, and wastes no time exposing my throbbing member from out of its cage. With one sultry look, she wraps her fingers around it and starts pumping, a shock of pleasure rippling through my body in an instance. I bite my lower lip in reflex, quieting myself down, not wanting to disturb the other customers, though it feels too good to keep it completely silent. As she quickens the pace, I start to gasp and grunt, something building up inside of me already, and I bite down even harder.

"How old are you? You look so delicious," My lady of the night moans softly, "I'd say you're almost there already, kid. How's it feel?"

I am finally able to talk against the dryness inside my mouth, "G-Good. It feels..!" I buckle my hip and cry out as soon as she applies more pressure around my tip. Even while intoxicated, my senses are still quite heightened. From outside of these walls, my ears can pick up the faint sounds of people having sex, and it has been a while since I've had the same with a woman. Perhaps tonight, I'll be able to break my dry spell with this gorgeous creature. She keeps pumping on an even speed and I sigh contently.

Things are going well. I can feel the build up and reaching my peak of pleasure. How could I have not done this in such a long time? There is nothing wrong with me doing this; I am not taking advantage of myself nor this woman, am I right? And it's not like the gang would be worried about where I went. After all, I'm just a visitor in their dojo, and nobody of importance. They'll figure that I just went with some cute girl and to let me be. Nothing wrong with that, they'll think. Hormones make boys do crazy things. I can feel myself already peaking, just a little more and I'll get over that mountain top, to get to the other side and to feel myself ascending into a world of complete pleasure. My breathing hitches, feeling myself going over the edge, but then.. Someone familiar pops into my mind, a person with red hair.

I jolt back up to stop my lady from going any further. She looks at me with questionable eyes, "Are you okay? Did I hurt you?"

I look at her helplessly, "N-No, ma'am. I just.. I had a thought and scared myself. Please," I lie back down with an encouraging smile, "Keep going, I won't stop you again."

She watches me carefully for a few moments until she hums, "Is there someone on your mind? I don't mind, it doesn't offend me. That's my line of work to keep clients like you happy."

I shake my head with a giggle, "No, ma'am! Nobody's on my mind. I'm just focusing on your beauty and getting there."

She wastes no time continuing and my body is back inside the chamber of feeding all of its senses that feels good; my skin being touched and stroked by this woman, the smell of her body, the sight of her beautiful breasts, the sound of her moaning to encourage my orgasm to come, and the taste of copper inside my mouth from biting my lip seem to orchestrate beautifully together. I'm almost there. I can feel it, there's no doubt about it. Why haven't I done this sooner? I don't get it. I don't get myself half of the time. My body starts to twitch and I moan deeper as my peaking comes dangerously close, and I suddenly break out into a fit of laughter, crisp in its emotional brightness and I sigh before I whisper something that I won't ever forgive myself for saying.

 _"Kenshin..!"_

Oh shit.

My mind conjures the image of that man hunching over my body, his eyes sharp and golden, his hair the color of flames and I can really feel his body colliding against my own. It almost feels real enough that I start to panic, wondering if I had somehow teleported into a strange dimension where all things impossible becomes suddenly possible. My hands shoot up to stop my vixen once again, convinced that she will be angry with me for doing that, but to my surprise, she doesn't react in any way whatsoever. She just studies me with a somber expression and I gently let her wrist go with reluctance, half of me wanting her to continue, and the other half wishing I shouldn't have come here.

"Kenshin," She repeats with a nod, "That is who is on your mind, isn't it? Kenshin. I want you to keep saying that name as I touch you, alright kid?"

I look at her suspiciously but she nods to condone what was on my mind. I don't want to think about Kenshin. This isn't right. He and I are both men, for goodness sake. That is a sickness and Japan doesn't tolerate such illnesses like that. It's bad enough that homicide is running rampant in this country, but homosexuality? That is a grave spiritual sin, I feel. I remember how my abusive family always talked about how much they hated those types of people, and how they wished they would kill them if they could, but knew that the law wouldn't be on their side if they did. They couldn't risk losing their rice business over it. Still, they always warned me to stay away from such crazy people, convinced that it'll rub off on me and that I'll become one of them. Isn't it against the law having sex with another man, too? I can't go to prison. Not while I'm on this journey to figure out who I am and what I'm meant to do.

"I can't," I chuckle nervously, "Kenshin is.. is a man, you see."

Her face doesn't change, "And?"

"W-Well, I don't want to think of him. I want to think of you, or other women!"

"There is nothing wrong with what your body wants, kid," She continues to stroke me, catching me by surprise, "Kenshin. _Kenshin._ Say it for me."

I want to retaliate. I want to disagree. I want to flee and to never come back to the Kamiya dojo or Tokyo or anything of the sort ever again. I want to forget. I want to live a normal life. I just want to be happy for once. I just want things to make sense for once in my life. I was abused horrifically by my previous family, and although I know it's because of my parents' shameful actions, I still don't understand why they had to hit me so much as a child. I killed so many men before, not feeling an ounce of anything during the deeds, but when I had to fight Kenshin, something held me back and I wanted to extend our battle as much as I can. Just so that I can look at him, talk to him, to let him live. None of it makes any sense. I just.. I don't understand.

My body soon couldn't disagree anymore. As she continues to jerk me, my mouth quivers and I weep ever so quietly, _"Kenshin.."_

"Yes. That's it. Go on."

 _"Kenshin,"_ I whimper, my member hardening even more and the pleasure amplifying even more intensely than before, _"Kenshin."_

There it was. The mountain top. Somehow, it feels as if I am mystically moving towards the top of it at a much quicker pace, and my heart thumps with sheer anticipation. Kenshin. Kenshin. My hand comes up towards my face to lay it over one eye, one finger going inside my mouth for me to lightly clamp down on. I can see him over my body again. I can imagine him bringing my body to the greatest sensations I'll ever experience; I can imagine him undressing me, exposing me, touching me. In a world without consequences, I would let him lick my entire body, every slopes and every curves of my being, letting him have a taste of me. Oh fuck. My eyes start to lose focus as my senses start to overload. The ceiling above me becomes blurry and unstable, so I shut my eyes instead. Kenshin. I imagine him sliding inside of me.

 _"Kenshin,"_ I feel a sudden pull in my lower abs, a constricting of muscles and then, in an instant, a flow of explosion inside of me, _"Kenshin!"_

I don't think I've ever came so hard in my life, and that says a lot, knowing how self involved I am with my own body. I am a very sensual person, and I need to please myself almost every day just to keep going. So to have an orgasm this incredible leaves me stumped and a little embarrassed. That in order to surrender myself to the greatest cum like that, that all I had to do was think of another man, and not just any ordinary man, but a man I had to combat over four years ago. A man who made me breakdown and made me feel crazy forever after that fact. A man who made me feel at my worst and, at the same time, at my best it seems. My heart and breathing starts to stabilize, my eye sight also returning to normal, and I try to calm myself down. And then, just when I thought it was over, my eyes become blurry again. My body, along with my emotions, flinch acutely and I start to cry.

My vixen stands up gingerly, and she looks at me with a pitiful smile, "Save your money. I had a nice time playing with you. You just go back to your Kenshin."

I don't answer, my bangs hiding my tearful gaze towards the floor next to me. She doesn't push, thankfully, and slips out of the room silently. My sobs sends tremors throughout my body despite the wonderful release it just experienced, and with all of the remaining strength I have, I pull myself from the floor and wobble out of that dojo to find my group again. All the while that I am staggering and keeping my balance, I am weeping and tried to piece together inside my mind as to what in the world I've put myself through; why did I think of Kenshin? Why him, of all people?! He is married! He is a man! He's supposed to be my sensei, not my object of affection! I accidentally slam my body against the wall of one house, my sobbing now turning into uncontrollable wailing, feeling my mind breaking in just like it did four years ago, not liking the truth of what is happening to me. People look on with concern, but nobody tried to help me. No, who would help me? Who helps drunk people crying in the middle of the street?

I soon find myself among a sea of people and I figured that I am back at the festival, judging by the numerous decorations now in my path of vision. I truck along, determined to find my group again. How, I don't know, but dammit if I'll try. I focus my eyes on the faces of strangers walking past and around me, to see if my mind can pick up the familiar set of facial characteristics that could belong to Kaoru, Sanosuke, Yahiko, anyone that I can feel better with again. _Someone, help me! Anyone? Somebody? Anybody? Somebody, help me!_ I bump into a taller man who barks at me to watch where I'm going and proceeds to push me to the floor, spitting on me before he walks on, mumbling about drunken idiots not belonging in the festival. Thankfully, I am not hurt, but my heart is a different story. With my mind dulled and unproductive by the alcohol, I can finally feel the hopelessness of not finding my new friends, and I wonder if I'm going to end up dead in some guy's ditch if I don't find them anytime soon. Something tells me to look up, and I did, my mind collapsing at what I see ahead of me.

There, in the midst of the crowd, I see two pairs of dead blue eyes looking back at me, one head covered in black hair, and the other shrouded with platinum blond waves.

I got to my feet clumsily and felt the need to run towards the other direction, until someone swiftly captures me into their arms and I hear a recognizable voice looming over my head, "Oro? Soujiro, are you alright?"

I freeze, not knowing what to think or how to feel at this exact moment. My eyes train themselves to the same crowd to see that the evil twins are no longer there, and I wonder if they really were there, or if my imagination has finally trumped over my sanity. My heart couldn't beat any faster and my breathing is rapid and uneven, and I look up cautiously to see Kenshin looking down at me with concern in his eyes. Just like that, the world around us melts away, and its just us, in that same dark existence. No sounds. No more pain. Nobody else there, but only the two of us. My legs give away and I slide down to the floor again, Kenshin letting himself fall with me, and I bury my face into his chest, crying and letting everything else go. Of course nobody would help me. Nobody can help me. Because nobody can ever be Kenshin Himura, the one person who saves me once and is doing it again.

All the while, I just realized that it has started to rain and the both us are drenched, seemingly fused into each other by body and spirit.


	6. Healing

_Author's note: Wow, thank you so, so much for the review and story follow, bobbyneko! I had to laugh at your review because I'm sure that's on most people's minds when they find my fanfic, I'm sure. I hope you guys enjoy this latest chapter. **Please be aware that this chapter is rated M+ for graphic sexual content.** The graphic part of this chapter will be separated by a long vertical line of dots if for whatever reason, you're not in the mood to read anything sexual. Don't worry, nothing happens after that, and you won't miss anything important to the story line, so you can skip to the next chapter when you're ready._

 _Without further ado, here's chapter 5!_

Scene V

All I see is darkness. A pulsing and intense pain starts throbbing inside my skull, and I groan. What happened? All I could remember was that I fell into Kenshin's arms at the festival last night, and it had started to rain at that moment. Maybe there was a storm and the parade had to cancel? Maybe we all had to go home? I for the life of me cannot remember what happened after that. I think I fainted from the alcohol and the overwhelming emotions. What did I even do after I drank so much? I remember stumbling around in the streets, the voices of strangers hollering at me to watch where I'm going, the hands of that vixen bringing me to pleasure, my never ending tears.. and of course, having to say a name that shouldn't have ever passed these lips when I am being stroked by another woman. Kenshin.

Kenshin!

I abruptly sit up and the pain shoots into my brain. I moan and hold my head with my hand in agony. The door to my bedroom slides open and in comes Megumi Sagara with a bed table in her grasp, and she tilts her head curiously at me, "Hm? You're finally awake, Soujiro?"

I carefully look up from my hand and whimper, "What happened?"

"You passed out," Megumi answered matter of factually while she comes to my bed to place the tray over my lap, "Kenshin had to carry your scrawny little body all the way to the dojo from the festival. Thanks to that storm, the festival had to be canceled, so don't worry about missing anything important."

I look down at the tray, a bowl of soup along with a cup of tea, utensils and a small bowl of what appears to be chopped up medication. I almost want to turn away from the idea of eating, my appetite decreased from my sickness, but I did not want to hurt Megumi's heart over her hard work. I pick up the cup of tea and bring it up to my lips. It's ginger tea for, I'm assuming, my impending nausea. It is very nice of her of having to go through all the trouble preparing this for me. I take a sip and smile her way.

"Really, Mrs Megumi, I have to thank you," I smile wider, "You really outdid yourself with all of this. I feel really safe being taken care of you, being a doctor and all."

Megumi winks at me, "Don't mention it. You'll have to rest for a while so that the hangover can cure itself. I can't believe you drank so much last night, Soujiro. Were you trying to run away from something?"

"Run away?" I blink at her inquiry.

"Well, people tend to drink that much when they feel the need to run or hide from something," Megumi nods and in that moment, her husband Sanosuke comes in with an empty bucket to lay it beside my bed, "If you ever need to talk to someone, we're all here for you, dear."

Sanosuke grins and gives me a thumbs up, "Yeah, Soujiro, it's no problem with us at all. I remember being a raging drunk at your age, and it's just not cool at all. Life is best spent sober, believe me!"

"Oh, spare us with your childish wisdom talks," Megumi rolls her eyes, "It was me who got you out of your drink binges, don't forget."

Sanosuke deflates dramatically, his head and arms hanging limp and he groans, "Yes, dear."

I giggle at their intimate fight, "I agree with you both. My family used to drink a lot, perhaps it came from that. I drank last night because I just wanted to let loose, but I guess I went too far with it. I want to apologize for my behavior for last night."

"Honey, don't," Megumi shakes her head with a smirk, "It happens to the best of us. Don't you worry. We'll take care of you today."

"Really, Mrs. Megumi," I scratch the back of my head awkwardly, "You shouldn't. I'll be fine just sleeping it off."

"Nonsense!" Megumi exclaims quite loudly, making me shrink back, "I've got it all planned out for today: I already gave you my prescriptions, my husband got you your bucket if you ever need to hurl, and I've gotten the others to come in later to try and cheer you up!"

I am nearly shaking at her passionate outburst and could only muster a nervous, "O-Ok, Mrs Megumi."

She gives me an encouraging wink while sticking a finger pointing at me, "It's going to be perfect, I promise! You're going to feel so much better by the end of today!"

Oh boy. I am going to end up even worse than I started. Never the less, I thank her graciously for everything and they both leave my room so that I can enjoy my soup and tea. All the while that I am there alone, I try to remember what exactly had happened the other night. I remember seeing the fireworks with the gang, and I remember seeing Kenshin snuggling up next to Kaoru. That was when I got upset over it, over not having someone of my own, and I wanted to pick someone up at the festival. I remember walking around like a lost puppy looking for his owner, but not succeeding in trying to charm any young women at the festival. They were all paired up with somebody else, and I gave up. Then I went to the bar, where I distinctively remember drinking like four or five sakes in a row, and that's where it got fuzzier from there. I do remember walking around, all out of my senses, and I remember meeting my lady friend at that hiding quarter. I remember candlelights and the sound of sex. I remember..

My headache throbs and I hiss, so I take my medication. Hopefully it should work. Okay, I remember being with that woman and her masturbating me. I remember it feeling good. Amazing, even. I remember almost coming. I remember having to stop her a couple of times because my thoughts were bothering me. I remember.. I remember her saying to say the name of the person I've had in mind. I remember trying to reject her idea, but she kept going, stroking me, and I came. Hard. I remember all of it. I remember the person I've had inside my mind while it happened, too. A man with red hair, with an X shaped scar on his left cheek. A man who is supposed to be my teacher. A man who I trust so much nowadays, and who made me question everything when I first met him. That man, who is now in this dojo, and who I want to see so badly now.

Kenshin Himura.

My hand softens its form so that it lays over my eye and I chew on my thumb as I think about that one more time. I thought about Kenshin Himura, and I came. I came because of Kenshin Himura. I absolutely had an amazing cum just by thinking of that son of a bitch. Of all people! I could have thought of anybody at all, and I couldn't. All my mind could manifest is me and him, together, sinfully and in ways that two men shouldn't be. My heart begins to flutter when I try to remember the fantasy; his body over mines, touching me, _feeling_ my flesh with his hands, his eyes watching me intently as I try to ride against him. My stomach drops and my shaft twitches. Dear god, what have I gotten myself into? Is this even normal? Do young men fantasize about their sensei sometime? Maybe it is a strange combination of deep trust and understanding that I am finding his aura attractive more so than it has to be. Maybe I'm just confused. Maybe I need to get a girlfriend so that I can get over it. Maybe I really do have issues with my lack of a father figure. It makes sense, honestly. It would make any man confused if he didn't have a father in his life to guide him on the right road in life.

My hand slides from my face and onto my lap with a slap, and I sigh. I don't get myself. Suddenly, my door slides open and in comes Yahiko. He is carrying what appears to be a musical instrument. He is smiling from ear to ear, so assured of himself. My breathing stops and my eyes widen every centimeter during his slow movement of sitting down in front of me, placing the mouth piece to his lips, and blowing into it. Hard. _Really_ hard! A loud piercing note bellows into the bedroom, and my hands cover my ears to lessen the impact.

"Yahiko!" I cry out, "Please!"

I don't think he heard me because he is still blowing on the shakuhachi. My skin feels cold and clammy and my headache spikes in its intensity. Oh please, just end me already. The note shortly cuts off and I hear a loud bang, and with my eyes opening carefully, I look at Yahiko's body being flung against the other side of my bedroom. To my other side, I see Sanosuke with his throwing stance in place, his eyebrow twitching. I take a breathe of relief at the delicious silence. Yahiko slides from the wall and falls to the ground with another bang, and I let myself fall on my pillow to nurse my new headache.

"Thank you, Yahiko," I say with a chuckle, "Better luck next time."

"I am so sorry about my idiot friend," Sanosuke sighs disappointingly, "Yahiko said that he's learning how to play music at his school, so we were so excited to let him play for you. Didn't know it would end like this."

I smile through my pain, "It's alright. It's the thought that counts. I'd like to be alone for a while so that my headache can go away."

Sanosuke points a finger gun my way, "You got it."

After he drags Yahiko by his shirt collar out of my room, I close my eyes to rest. I don't know how long it's been, but after several moments have passed by, the door slides open to welcome a new visitor. I peek with one eye and see that it's Kaoru, holding a bowl in her hands. Is it time already for more food? I open my other eye to let her know that it's safe for her to talk to me, and she walks towards me with a kind smile, "How are you feeling, Soujiro?"

"A little better. Need to rest up some more, but," I struggle to sit up slowly so that I won't aggravate my hangover, "I should be over it quite soon. How are you, Mrs Himura?"

"Oh, I'm doing just fine, I'm just bringing you something to freshen up the room," Kaoru holds up the bowl for emphasis, "It has essential oils in it. The smell will disperse into this room and will calm your nerves. I even added some flowers from our backyard. I hope you like it!"

I snicker, "Sure. Put it beside my bed so that I'll be able to smell it better."

Kaoru places down the bowl and I watch her as she does. Instantly, she freezes, her eyes not leaving the bowl. I blink, wondering why, until my eyes train to the bowl, and I also freeze as well. Inside the bowl, with all of its flowers and oils, it appears that it has attracted the attention of a new visitor; a giant bumbling bee, buzzing curiously at us. My skin pales over and so does Kaoru's. We both scream bloody murder, the entire dojo shaking from the impact of our yelling. Kaoru leaps up from where she stands and goes on the other side of the room, crying for help, and I once again have my hands over my ears while I move away from the bowl. And who would have guessed comes in to save the day? I hear a panicked "Who's here?" and I open both my eyes to see an alert Kenshin with his sword out, and Kaoru points towards the bowl with tears in her eyes. He turns to the bowl, blinks once, moves towards it, and crouches down to look at it.

"It's a bee." He announces it, as if we have never seen one before in our entire lives.

"Get it out!" Kaoru screeches and Kenshin wastes no time in wrapping a hand over the body of the insect from out of the bowl, and goes out of the room with the bee in his hand. I think I'm getting a heart attack from everything's that has happened to me today. I don't think I can handle another surprise. Kaoru keeps bowing and apologizing like crazy over it, but I try to console her and tell her that at least I get the keep the bowl with her flowers. She seems happy about that, and departs from my room. I take a deep breathe and exhale, trying to lower the speed of my beating heart. It's funny, I've spent the majority of my life in some pretty scary situations, and yet today seems to have trumped all of them in one go. Especially seeing Kenshin again.. I cover my mouth as the bile raises dangerously upwards in my stomach, but luckily I did not vomit.

I close my eyes for another few moments until my door, once again, slides open. Maybe if I pretend that I'm deep in slumber, my visitor will have to leave me alone. My plan goes into foil, though, when I felt some fingers poking me and some girly giggling. I groan and turn around to open my eyes and see Ayame and Suzume trying to wake me up. Their grandfather, Dr. Gensai, is there with them, standing right beside the door and with his hands behind his back, looking so happy and proud. I wonder what he's smiling for? I once again sit up to see what's going to happen next.

"We made you some rice balls, Soujiro!" Ayame sings happily.

"Yeah, we made you some rice balls, Soujiro!" Suzume chortles along with her.

Dr. Gensai walks forward with a small plate of three rice balls, all decorated with these bunny ears made out vegetables, and my heart melts. This is so sweet. This is what innocence feels like. I perk up and Gensai hover the plate near me so that I can try one. Now that they mentioned rice balls, I am already getting hungry, and I wonder if dinner will be ready soon after. I open my mouth and bite into it, expecting a soft, warm welcome of rice and condiments, but..

I freeze and my skin crawls over. It tastes hard, bland, and the unexpected texture immediately gives my stomach the signal to reject it. I throw up into the bucket near the girls, making them start crying. Gensai promptly moves them out of the way and he looks at me with concern and shock, "Young man, are you alright?"

I am curled over the bucket and start to cough up the remaining vomit into it, and I nod from where I sit, "Y-Yeah. Those rice balls must've not been in the water long enough."

"Hmm?" Gensai blinks, and looks at his granddaughters, "Is that true, girls?"

The girls look up with worry and then at each other, and then at me. Ayame speaks up, "It's all my fault, I'm so sorry, Soujiro."

"Yeah, we're sorry, Soujiro." Suzume repeats the same sentiments with a pained voice.

I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and had to laugh a little, "It's not your fault. Thank you. I think I'll just wait for dinner for my next meal. At least you tried your best and for that," I bow down, "I'm grateful."

The girls brighten up immediately and start dancing and cheering on "Soujiro being the cutest" and so on. Gensai and the girls soon left me alone, and I debate whether I should just get up from the bed and walk where everybody is hanging out in since they'll just keep torturing me with.. whatever it is that they're trying to do to me. Sanosuke comes in and picks up the bucket by its handle and nods at me.

"Hey Soujiro," He grins, "The doc told me that you were hurling chunks, so I just came by to clean up. How are you feeling?"

I ponder that question with a hum, "Now that you are asking that, I do feel a little bit better. But I am feeling pretty hungry."

"Dinner will be done in a few minutes," He opens the slide door and turns to me, "Kenshin's making it tonight since Kaoru's still a little shaken up over the bee incident."

Kenshin. My heart beats a little faster hearing his name, but I hide it with just a simple smile. He leaves and I plop down again to try to get a few minutes of rest, and I succeeded in catching a few winks. My dream didn't make much sense; blurry and just tones and pitches of indiscernible sounds. I wake up to the sound of the door peeling open again and this time, it's the whole gang. Sanosuke, Yahiko, Kaoru, Kenji, Megumi, Gensai, Ayame, and Suzume were standing over me with concerned expressions all over their faces. I blink and sit up to see what they have to say.

"Soujiro, we're all here to apologize for making things worse," Megumi lowers her head to bow down, "We figured we could help with your hangover, but we seem to have made it worse. And so, I'm really sorry for orchestrating this entire mess."

"We just thought you needed some cheering up," Yahiko shrugs and places his hands on the back of his head, "Seeing that you got so drunk last night, we thought you were bummed out over something serious."

Sanosuke scoffs, "I mean, who would have thought we would know what you need when we all just met you? I guess we shouldn't have jumped to conclusions like that. We should have asked you first."

"That's right," Kaoru nods in agreement, hoisting up Kenji in her arms so that he wouldn't fall off, "We should have asked you what you needed instead, Soujiro. We're so sorry."

"My rice balls weren't cooked right," Ayame tears up and starts crying. Her younger sister Suzume follows along.

"My girls here are really torn over for making you sick like that," Gensai sighs at the sight of his sweethearts feeling so ashamed, "Maybe I should have been in the kitchen to watch over them as they prepared it. I apologize for that one too, young man."

My eyes widen at all of their apologies, and they sure look sorry, with their eyes to the floor and everything. When I used to be ill as a child, my family didn't cared and made me work through my sicknesses, not caring if I was throwing up everywhere or if I couldn't move from the fever. As long as the chores had to be done, I had to do them, sick or not. I was never hugged by them, never asked if I were okay, or if I needed anything. They just didn't cared. I cannot remember how my parents were like when I was a sick baby, but they must have been better caretakers than the other family members. Still, I cannot for the life of me remember the warmth of their embrace or their words as I cried many years ago, and all of my personal relationships felt, well, not as supportive as I wanted them to be.

But the gang, this group of people that I would have never associated myself with when I was in the Juppongatana, they care about me. They tried hard to make me feel better. There's something about that thought that brings tears in my eyes, and I bite my lower lip to think about what to say. I could just laugh it off, or accept their apology promptly so that it doesn't get awkward anymore. But I know they deserve a better response than those two options. I instead look at them and chuckle, "You don't need to be sorry. Ironically, everything you've done for me so far are making me feel better because at least I know you care enough to try. And for that, I'm actually happy that you did what you did today. I think you're an amazing family and I'm happy to stay here at the dojo. Thank you," I hiccup, the tears overriding my vision, "Really."

The gang look so happy hearing that. Even the young girls couldn't help themselves and had to hug me for my forgiving nature. The rest of them just patted me on the head and back for being such a good sport. They all leave the room and before I could think of anything else, Kenshin comes into my vision along with a plate full of food. He walks towards me and promptly sets the plate down next to me and had to smile, "I heard what you said back there, Soujiro."

My cheeks feel warm and I look at my lap stubbornly so that he wouldn't see them, "Oh, that, yes. They're really good people."

"You don't have to be embarrassed, Soujiro, that you shouldn't!" Kenshin pipes up enthusiastically, "I think it's good that you're feeling better already. I brought you your dinner so that you can then have the whole night to yourself. I promise I won't let the other ones interrupt your rest anymore, that I will."

I brace myself enough to turn back to look at him again, "They're not bothering me. I don't mind."

Kenshin's expression softens to a confused one, "Are you still feeling ill?"

I frown, "No, why?"

"You just seem so reluctant to engage with me, but alas," He straightens up, "I'll leave you be to eat. It's going to be bedtime soon for Kenji, and I'll need to be there so that he can pull on my hair and have sweet dreams over it."

I feel a shot of guilt inside my chest. Why am I being so rude to him? He didn't do anything wrong. He saved me yesterday and helped me return safely here in the rain. Why should I be so cold towards him? I stare at him to study him; he really hasn't changed the past four years, has he? The only thing that changed is that he has cut off his long hair and looks more appropriate as a married father of one, the way things ought to be in this society. I uncross my arms and look down, thinking to myself, I need to get over my bitterness towards Kenshin. There's no logical reason or explanation behind it, anyway, so I might as well learn to try and get along with him even if he gets on my nerves. I take a deep, cleansing breathe, and exhale all the negativity out of me. I beam at Kenshin.

"Thank you, Mr. Himura," I open my eyes to give him a friendlier look, "You're lucky to have your friends and family here. And I'll do whatever it takes to make them happy too, in some way. They deserve all the happiness in the world."

He nods, "I'm glad you feel that way, Soujiro. I'll be going now," He bows and turns around to walk out, but I call out for him to wait. He turns to me curiously and I blush, feeling embarrassed for what I'm about to ask.

"Can you," I gulp, "Can you show me the scar I gave you, Kenshin?"

He blinks and then turns around to work on loosening his top half of his clothing, and my heart starts to race. I know that nothing weird is going to happen, but even just knowing that I'll see more of his skin is making me anxious and curiously impatient. I try to make sure that my rapid breathing isn't loud, so I close my mouth, and Kenshin tugs at his own sleeve so that it can fall off his body gracefully. There, in plain sight, I see a long dash going from his shoulder blade down to his back, just near his tailbone. I wince, remembering what I've done to him. I was ruthless. I take a deep breath to compose myself and I mumble, "I'm so sorry.."

"Hm?" Kenshin turns to look over his shoulder at me, "It was four years ago, Soujiro. It's not so important anymore."

I take a second to pause at his statement, until I couldn't hold myself back to look up to bore my gaze into his eyes, my heart going faster by the second. I can never escape those eyes, could I? He has those special eyes that can see the truth out of people, even the likes of me who had mastered the art of cloaking everything. There is no hesitation in his eyes, no doubt and no insecurities. He's just honest about who he is and what he expects out of everybody else. I think my eyes are going out of focus because his figure seem to blur, and so I close my eyes to fix them to speak again.

"I'm really sorry, Kenshin," I fight the urge to want to dry heave over the bucket from how nervous I'm feeling, "You didn't deserve that at all."

"As I've said before," Kenshin gently reminds me with a reassuring smile, "It's not important anymore. It's all in the past, where it belongs. A man is a man for the scars that he carries in his lifetime. Someday soon, you'll also bear a scar, big or small, and it will serve to help you understand the world a little better."

I train my eyes on him again to see him putting back his outer clothing and he faces me with a nod. I smile and nod back, understanding what he's saying completely. Scars are inescapable, just like death. But its all a part of the experience that we all have to go through. Kenshin bids me goodnight and leaves me to go to his son's bedroom, and I eat the dinner, my mouth and stomach happily accepting its delicious contents. Kenshin isn't half bad of a cook, I'll say. Better than Kaoru if I had to be blunt, but I guess that comes with wandering for many years and him getting explore so many different kinds of dishes in his journey. I turn out the light after and rest my head on my pillow with a content sigh, knowing that I'll finally get the peaceful rest that my body deserves.

Finally.

Finally.

 _"Final.."_ I whisper as my eyes flutter close.

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 _My eyes open and I find myself in the middle of the Room Without Space, in the Shrine of the Six Arches located in Mount Hiei. Master Shishio told me to wait here for the Battousai to arrive, and I have everything prepared for our battle. In my hand, I have my sword taken out from its protective sheath, and I have my smile ready. The double doors open to reveal my opponent, the legendary manslayer that is Kenshin Himura. Yumi and his friend are nowhere to be seen, and Kenshin himself appears to be a tad disheveled from his previous battle. He has his eyes on me with a glare, suspicious of me. I tilt my head, taunting him with my impish smile, and I begin with my opening dialogue:_

 _"Himura the Battosai," I chuckle with an air of deviousness, "Welcome. I'm sure glad you've made it here in just one piece."_

 _"Soujiro the Tekken," Kenshin replies, "Master of the Heavenly Swords. So it is you I have to battle before I can get to Shishio. I would stick around for more chit chat, but I'm afraid that I am short on time. I'll ask you this once, will you stand aside to let me through, or fight?"_

 _"The time? Oh, that's right. We've received a telegram that your friends from the_ _Oniwaban defeated my men just a few minutes ago."_

 _Kenshin appears as shocked as I expected him to be upon hearing this news, and I continue, "We were just as surprised as you are when we read it, but well, facts are facts, am I wrong? Since I have to work much harder at handling all ten of the Juppongatana members, I'm afraid I won't have much time to be spared on you, Mr Himura. We will have to fight right now if you want to see Shishio, if you can understand that."_

 _Kenshin keeps his glare on me and I look back at him. There is a hush that falls over this entire room with just us looking at one another. I think if I say certain things enough, I'll be able to break his mind and finish him with just one blow. Kenshin Himura did impressed me during his battle with Senkaku, but I am confident in my ability at executing the_ _shukuchi technique in finishing him off in just no time at all. What with all of his idealism in making the world into a better place by not killing anyone, I'm sure this will be a cake walk for me. We both stand there staring at one another for a few moments longer, when suddenly Kenshin places his sword back into its sheath. I thought he will do a battle stance like he did back in the village, but he does no such thing; instead he takes a moment to ponder on what to say next, and feeling sure of what that is, he replies:_

 _"I would like to perhaps offer you an alternative, that I should. I can offer you something else rather than fight with you. I'll need all of my strength in order to battle with Shishio, and fighting you on top of that will just put a dent on my plan," He places his covered sword on the floor next to his foot before continuing, "I will need my health, you see."_

 _"Oh?" I blink, trying to appear sarcastic with my smile, "And what sort of proposition are you proposing, Mr Himura?"_

 _He doesn't answer me, but he did do something else. He tugs at the front of his haori until he is able to peel it off of him, revealing his upper body to me, and through that simple action, the corner of my mouth twitches. He answers my question, "I would like to offer you a certain kind of service, if you will, in exchange of you letting me go see Shishio without having to fight you. You look like you haven't been touched by anyone in a while, and I'd like to change that."_

 _"Are you offering me a massage?", I start to chuckle, "Really, Mr Himura! For a man who is as smart as you are, you sure have a funny way of showing off your intelligence!"_

 _"No," Kenshin bluntly replies, catching me off guard, "I'm not going to give you that. I am going to give you pleasure instead, so much so that you will fall to your knees from the sheer force of it. This is my final offer."_

 _From my view, Kenshin places his foot on his sword and slides it far away from him just to show how serious he is. Inside, something within me snapped; I don't know for sure how I look from the outside, since I refuse to let up this smile of mine, but I can feel my eyes losing focus as I stare at the extra flesh of Kenshin Himura. It's the same look and emotion I've felt during that conversation with Senkaku down by the river bank, after he and Kenshin battled and had let the large man go in order to live, and before I killed Senkaku myself. An emotion that reads, you're going over the edge and its exhilarating, so do it. In a way, though, this feels somewhat different. There is a sense of longing and yearning deep inside this feeling, and the grip I have of my sword detaches, making a curiously loud noise as it hits the floor. I am expecting Kenshin to bolt from his spot and kill me right then and there, but he doesn't budge, not one bit. So he is serious. Despite my quivering heart and stomach from anxiety, I also step on the blunt end of my sword to push it away from me in order to also prove my innocence._

 _"There," Kenshin says in a husky tone, "We're even."_

 _We both start walking towards each other, me starting at a slow pace and then picking it up as I take each step. One step, one pace faster than before. Soon I apply my_ _shukuchi in order to quickly close the gap between Kenshin and I, me leaping from one place and flying towards him the next, until I slam my body against his, his back hitting on the double doors behind him. I have my hands over both his wrists so that he doesn't try anything, and my smiling lips are merely a centimeter over his own, my eyes boring deep into his. Kenshin's gaze is a cross between surprise at what I've just done, as well as immersive lust, coloring his lavender eyes into a mysterious golden tinge, and I can hear him taking and releasing shallow breaths. My heart wants to jump out of my chest, but I'm taking this opportunity once and for all. I knew that from the moment I first saw Kenshin Himura, I felt a pull towards him that I couldn't understand up until this moment with his alternative decision, and that's when I knew that I wanted his body against mines. Inside, I am shaking, but I try not to let it show._

 _"Finally," I whisper, closing my eyes and the gap between our lips, taking a gentle hold of his lower lip with mines. I then do the same with his top one, slowly, cautiously, trying to ignite a slow burn inside the Battousai. I keep doing this until he parts his mouth, and I smoothly slip my tongue into his mouth, a sharp pulsing sensation shooting down in between my legs, and I moan passionately. He tastes much better than I expected. We kiss, deeply, our tongues doing our battle instead of us having to use our swords, wrestling and trying to take reign at staying on top of the other. I can feel Kenshin stiffening, his member poking at my pants, and I pull away to smile lustfully at him, as if to taunt to him. He smirks, not wanting me to win this mind game that I'm conducting, and in an instant, he gathers all of his power to lunge forward in order for him to get on top of me this time. I recover from my shock, and he continues to kiss me, taking one hand to grab both of my wrists together, and the other travels downward until he finds my aroused sex to stroke it from the outside of my hakama._

 _"Kenshin," I moan against his mouth, "Unf..!"_

 _He starts to trail kisses from my mouth to my chin, to my jawline and down my neck, and starts suckling there, adding some teeth to give me an even more intense sensation. My back arches as he strokes my member faster, pleasure overriding all of my senses. I alternate with moaning excitedly here, some gasping when Kenshin applies more pressure there, and I also keep chanting his name to encourage him to keep at it. He soon starts to untie my belt in order to get my cock out of it, and he wraps his hand around the tip to massage it, taking extra attention with his thumb to rub on the very tip of it. I take in a sharp gasp and groan helplessly, the pleasure cutting me up inside, and with my wrists being held hostage, it just feels even better; To be surrendered completely to the one I want deep down, and it just makes me want to cum so hard. I can feel my eyes flicking upwards to the back of my head as the pleasure tops up to a whole new level._

 _"Don't stop," I pant, "Kenshin."_

 _He pulls back so that he can work on getting me out from the rest of my clothing, and I also help him by getting his belt out so that we can both be completely in the nude. His body looks amazing up close and personal. I can literally smell his arousal from where I sit. He continues to work on his sucking of my neck, now lowering this action to my chest, hovering his mouth over one nipple to drag his tongue over it. I bite my lower lip to cover my moan, since I'm worried that someone might hear us. If Yumi or, God forbid, Shishio finds me getting licked and sucked by Kenshin, he'll have my throat slit indeed. Kenshin moves over to my other nipple, licking it until it hardens. A higher pitched gasp escapes my mouth and I try to move my hands so that I can touch my lover, but Kenshin only responds by tightening his grip of my wrists. Soon he travels downward to my stomach, my lower abdominal and torso, until he is close to my enlarged and pulsating member. Before I could think or say anything, he takes my entire cock into his mouth while I cry out from the hot wet sensations. Who would have thought that sleeping with the enemy could feel this good? This is going to be an amazing orgasm, I could feel it. Kenshin goes all the way down to the base of my sex, my head hitting the back of his throat, and another jolt of pleasure hits me._

 _"Oh!" I flinch, "You really are desperate to see Shishio, aren't you?"_

 _Kenshin comes up from sucking me and his eyes frown deeper, and with a hoarse voice he says, "It looks like you're just as desperate as I am," He takes a generous lick of my frenelum, "Am I right?"_

 _My face feels flushed and I am so near to cumming, but I try to get a hold of myself so that I won't have an accident before it's time. I nod and he continues to work on me, finally letting my wrists go so that my hands can bury themselves into his thick red hair. I spread my legs further, needing him as close to me as possible. From the ceilings above me, it starts to shift and warp, presumably by my tears and the wracking pleasure I'm experiencing, and Kenshin keeps sucking on my sensitive head until I twitch, feeling a pull in my lower stomach. I gasp and he immediately comes up to grab a hold of my jaw, glaring down at me as I watch him helplessly._

 _"Not yet," He instructs me gently, and he places two fingers inside my mouth, "Here."_

 _Without having to think, I suck on his fingers generously to get them as wet as I could, my tongue dancing seductively against his flesh, and he retreats them from my lips to place them in between my legs. With one finger, he enters me, a shot of adrenaline and pleasure shocking my system and I writhe from such intensity. He curves it upwards and rubs against something inside of me, and I swear I could see stars. I cry out and start whimpering the more he rubs against it, and soon after, a second finger joins along, feeling my insides widening from the effect. My head is swimming and I could hardly breathe from the crushing satisfaction, and a single tear rolls out from my eye in sheer bliss. Kenshin is so good at this. This is the best alternative plan that anybody had to offer me._

 _"Fuck me, Himura," I sigh, "And Shishio will be yours."_

 _He nods at me, "Very well. I think we have an agreement, then."_

 _"We do," My eyes cloud over from intense lust, "Just make me cum and I'll let you go."_

 _He continues to finger me_ _, my breathing becoming more shallow and erratic the longer he keeps doing that. My skin feels like it's on fire, in a good way of course, and my vision blurs even more from the impending orgasm that is nearing. Kenshin leans over to kiss me on the lips, his tongue eager to touch my own. My inner thighs twitch sporadically with each and every shot of electrifying pleasure, and Kenshin is careful not go too hard so that he won't hurt me nor making me cum before he's ready for me to. I can hardly hold on much longer though. I pull away from the kiss and stare longingly in his eyes._

 _"I'm going to cum soon," I warn him, "Please."_

 _He understood and pulls back so that he can take back his fingers, taking a hold of my outer thighs to holster me up a little as he positions himself in between my legs. I don't know what it is, but I did not give in to the anxiety and I instead, trust what is going to happen; with a deep breath, I relax my body so that he can pierce his member into my hole, and it takes about a few seconds until he is inside of me completely. He moves his hips into my body and I'm immersed in a sea of rapture, the room is filled with sounds of my quick breathing and throaty moans mixed with Kenshin's grunts and wincing. He takes both my ankles and maneuvers them and his body so that he can be behind me by laying on his side this time, lifting one of my leg upward to penetrate me deeper, and my eyes roll back. He rubs his lips and tongue on my ear, its hot and slick texture sending me into near nirvana when he's doing that and pounding me at the same time. With one hand, he takes my cock and starts pumping, and I scream out expletives, earning me another hand of his to cover my mouth to shush me. The skin on my face and chest heats up even more from blushing so hard and I just want to cum already._

 _Stroking my cock and fucking my tight hole has me climbing on that imaginary mountain that I can see through my mind's eye, and I am climbing to the top much quicker than I am ready for. Kenshin switches hands, the one from my mouth to my cock, and the one that was on my cock goes to grip on my hip so that he can nail me even harder and faster, and I couldn't hold it in anymore; my body starts to convulse and I wail, my member shooting out buckets of cum. Kenshin comes right afterward, grunting and groaning in the most masculine tone I've ever heard from him. Covered in perspiration, we both fall limp and try to catch our breaths. I thought it was over, but then my body spontaneously jolts and I experience a second orgasm, this time nothing comes out of me, but it just feels like my body is being electrocuted with waves of deep pleasure, and I start to sob in pure joy. Kenshin kisses my cheek while I go through the motions, stroking my arm as my body tries to calm down at long last._

 _"After I defeat Makoto Shishio," Kenshin announces while getting dressed, "I will come find you. That is, if you're still interested."_

 _I am still lying on that floor, completely drenched in sweat and both of our fluids, and with a glazed look, I smirk, "You know I always will be, Kenshin Himura."_


	7. Training

_Author's note: Oh my God! Thank you so, so, so much to the new review from asdf. And thank you so much to natsusora for the story follow! I know, it's insane how there aren't enough of Ken/Sou anywhere on the internet, and believe me, I've tried looking everywhere for it! I can't even find any doujinshi between Kenshin and Soujiro, only a couple of screenshots of some manga covers of them together and no links or sources of it anywhere. Ugh! The frustration! Anyhow, I'm glad you liked this story so far, and maybe you can spread the word around in any RK fandoms that you might be in about the wonders of my Rou/Sou fic so that I can get more hits, if you'd like? No pressure, of course! Thank you, again!_

 _I can't spoil what will happen in terms of Kenshin's marriage with Kaoru and his relationship with Soujiro, what I will say is that each update will make more and more sense in the end and it'll be worth the wait, I promise!_

 _Now, without further ado, here is chapter 6: Training._

 ** _This chapter will contain strong sensuality and sexual references, so some discretion is advised._**

 _Scene VI: Training_

 _"Ahh!"_ A moan erupts from me the second a spot of wetness forms inside of my pants, and I clutch my blanket as my body goes through the motion. My eyes flutter open to see my room subtly glowing from the moonlight outside, and I writhe from the last convulsion that my body produces from the pleasurable dream I've just experienced. In a split second, I remember who it was that I was having sex with in that dream and I jolt up to cover my mouth, turning to my side to hurl into the bucket next to my bed. It looked and felt so realistic, I swear. I take a few moments to compose myself and steady my breaths, my sides quivering from the impact of my vomiting. Leaning back away from the foul smelling bucket, I rub my fists over my eyes to fix my blurry vision from the sleepiness, preparing myself to wash myself from the disgusting fluids that I so carelessly let myself get away with. I can hardly believe it. Kenshin. Of all people I could have a wet dream over, it's him that I imagine impaling himself into me. I burp and cover my mouth, afraid to throw up again, but then it slides back down into my stomach.

I grab the bucket handle to take it with me to the backyard to seek the well, and I use the well's tinier bucket to fetch fresh water from down below to wash my face and the front of my pants, rubbing its fabric against each other to try and scrub off my fluid from it. All the while, I am mumbling and gritting my teeth in rage over my disgusting dream. Kenshin Himura! Of all people! A pinch of migraine pops in my skull and I grab my head in agony, completely frustrated with myself. Outside, the temperature is lukewarm and the winds carried the sweet scent of flowers planted not too far from here, but despite the idyllic environment, I am still in turmoil. I will have to take this bucket into the bathhouse since that's where the toilet is and I can flush it there. This just brings back too many horrible memories for me; my family never cared about my sicknesses, and I had to fend for myself to clean up any and all messes lest I want to get beaten something fierce. Feeling satisfied from feeling clean, I look back at the dojo, imagining Kenshin sleeping soundly and blissfully ignorant of what's going on with me, and I grab my hair with both my fists in a fit of passionate anger.

"Goddammit, Soujiro, why can't you be _less of a degenerate!"_ I whisper vehemently against myself, but it appears that my whisper was loud enough to scare off a nearby cat and made it yowl while running off into the distance. I wrap my arms around myself, blinking at the sound of the cat for a while, and then I sigh to get a hold of myself. I flushed the other bucket's content down the toilet in the bathhouse before I come back to the backyard to gaze upon the dojo, just thinking and wondering. I run what I dreamed of inside my head: Kenshin taking off his haori, Kenshin commenting on me not being touched in a while, Kenshin growling against my neck as he touches my most sensitive spots, Kenshin swallowing and licking me until I couldn't see straight, Kenshin mounting me..

Kenshin.

My cheeks flare and I look at one window of the dojo, my heart telling me that perhaps that is where he is sleeping in tonight. My hand comes up to trail over my neck and my cheek, still feeling his kisses from the dream there, as if they left behind a line of flames to behold. Maybe I do think he is attractive? I mean, Himura is very easy on the eyes, if I had to be honest. Aside from Kaoru, I can easily imagine him having other women and even some men finding him pleasurable to look and to be around. His rare combination of red hair and lavender eyes helps his case, too, and he just seems to easy to converse with no matter who you are. I don't doubt that he is objectively personable and a lovely person, so maybe, just maybe, I too find him interesting in that manner too? My hand curves so that my finger is dragging itself on my lower lip, remembering the kisses I've felt in the dream. A shiver runs up my spine. Maybe my dream is just an extreme form of admiration? Maybe it doesn't have to mean that I want to do anything strange with him. But then, if that were the case, how come I never had such dreams about Yumi, or even Shishio for that matter? I admired them and looked up to them in my younger years, and Yumi is as attractive as anyone would have guessed if they ever saw her in person, so why couldn't I have had such dreams about her instead? It doesn't make sense. Of all the wet dreams I've experienced, it's usually about some pretty face I've seen in the crowd or went on a date with, and the dreams weren't as surrealistic as this one with Kenshin.

So maybe.. maybe I do like Kenshin? Perhaps, just a little bit?

I look upward even more to see that the moon is out in the open sky, illuminating my entire surrounding. Tokyo is a very beautiful city, I've come to find, and my new friends here are absolutely wonderful. I wonder if perhaps, I could even stay a little longer than one week? I've already missed a couple of days of what should have been spent on discussing and training with Kenshin, but were instead wasted on frivolous activities such as the festival, even though I did have some fun—minus the prostitute incident of course—with all of the gang. It's so funny when you think about it; when I was in the Juppongatana, there was no way we would have fun like that. It was something deemed lower than ourselves, something that unintelligent peasants and farmers look forward to, but I really did enjoy myself that night, just to enjoy being alive like a normal human being. I wonder if living here with Kenshin for a while will also teach me how to be more human and not just another manslayer like he was many years ago. I wonder what Kenshin had to go through to soften so much and to open his heart to his friends and Kaoru. I wonder if I can ever be so happy like he is, knowing all the blood I've shed in my lifetime. I wonder if I could ever forgive myself like he has forgiven himself. So many answers to seek, and yet so little time. I go back inside the Kamiya dojo and bring my clean bucket back inside into my guest room, far away from my bed this time as I feel I will no longer be heaving anymore. I lay back down and close my eyes, hoping I don't have another dream like the last one, and yet, I can no longer betray the excitement of what today will bring to me.

Himura. I close my eyes and sleep peacefully for several more hours, awakened by a dark and dreamless rest by the sun hitting my face. I get up to stretch, heading out into the bathhouse for my morning rituals before reporting myself to the kitchen to see everyone sitting down for breakfast. Everyone beams up soundly at my arrival, and I couldn't help but break out into a shy smile. They're so cute.

"Hello there," I bow to everyone.

"Soujiro is awake!" Ayame chants, her sister repeating the same sentiment with much joy in her voice.

"Hey kid, hope you're feeling better," Sanosuke gives me the thumbs up, "Kenshin is excited to start his training with you today, if you're up for it."

I only lift my chin up to blink at the brown haired brute with a questionable expression, "He said that?"

"He already ate, so he'll be waiting for you in the training room," Megumi comes into the room with a plate of rice and eggs, "But you, my dear boy, must eat first. Otherwise, you won't be able to beat him during training, right?"

I see her winking at me and I giggle, straightening up, "That's fair. Alright, I'll eat."

We enjoy some light bantering and sharing local news of what's been happening in the area, and in the back of my head, I can't help but think of the Bokkai family and what had become of them. When will they show up again? Why does their leader know of Kenshin Himura the Battousai? Does it even matter at this point? I don't bring this up to the family; why make them worry over something that probably won't even happy? It doesn't matter, anyway. They could be arrested somewhere far away from here and are safely locked away from society. I was lucky in that nobody ever got the description for the Ishin Shishi leader Okubo Toshimichi killer, me being so quicker than the eye can describe the way, and even if people did saw me in public, they would have never guessed a baby faced teenager could do such a thing. Try as they may, the police will never find me. I am very confident over that.

Breakfast was soon over and I venture into the training room where Kaoru holds her school of the Kenjutsu, teaching her young students of its art of swordsmanship to use to protect rather than to kill. So it was her who motivated Kenshin to take up such an idealistic moral standard and whom ended his ten year wandering status in the first place. I wish I could affect someone so deeply like she has. I walk in on Kenshin standing in the middle of the room, facing me with a very serious look on his face, and I can feel my own face also taking on a grim tone to match. It's about the begin. I take a few cautious steps towards him, and just when I was about to be quite close, he holds up his hand to stop me. I do so and look into his eyes, my hands forming fists to prepare myself for battle.

"I will begin with our first lesson of the Hiten Mitsurugi that my sensei taught me many years ago," Kenshin's eyes frown deeper, "By assigning you to your first activity to engrave its philosophy of putting others first before yourself."

"I'm ready," My fists clench harder in determination, "What do I have to do?"

Kenshin is silent for a moment, studying me, and he suddenly points to an area behind me, "There, right by the door."

I look over my shoulder and I swear I nearly fainted. Near the door is a bucket and a towel hanging on the side of it. What is this nonsense? Where are our weapons? Where is the battle glory? I look straight back at Kenshin and I could feel my eye twitching, "What?"

He smiles brightly and perks up, "Your first lesson for today is to help my wife Kaoru with her house chores."

That did it. I collapse to the floor with a loud bang, and then I shoot back up to scream with fire coming out of my mouth, _"You've got to be kidding me, Himura!"_

He shakes his head and smiles even wider, "Not so, Soujiro, that I'm not! I feel this will help you with the philosophy I have in store for you."

I want to kill him. I want to strangle him. I want to take him down right here, right now. Even if I wasn't carrying my own sword here, I could still pin him to the ground and choke him to death. I could do it. But then, something in his smile makes me blink and relax, my anger diffusing into a state of perplexity. Where is he going with this? Why would cleaning the house help me in becoming a better person? He bows down and walks by, patting my shoulder to comfort me.

"You will do just fine, Soujiro, that you will. I'll be here today to help out. In fact, I can help you with the laundry since that's usually the toughest chore," He nods and I blush, looking down at myself. There's just no way that he is serious, is he?

I look at him again and I whisper, "Kenshin?"

He opens his eyes and tilts his head, "Yes?"

I hesitated, wondering if I should bring up the topic of admiring a teacher so much so that they develop strange dreams over it, but I knew this couldn't be a good idea. He wouldn't take it well, I think, since he is settled down with a wife and son, that even playfully entertaining such an idea would be absolutely off the table. I wish I could have such a conversation with somebody who won't judge me, but alas, life is not so simple. I look down again and shake my head, "Never mind. I'll be right behind you."

Kenshin looks right at me for a while, and tightening his grip on my shoulder—and me wanting him to do something more—he nods, "It's alright, Soujiro. Everything will make sense someday."

But will it?

I follow him out of that room and into the hallway, where we both grab our separate hand towels to begin. With it moistened with soapy water, Kenshin and I slap down our towels on the floor, our bodies hovering over the floor with our hands on the towels and our bodies positioned as if we were about to race. Wait, are we? I look over Kenshin and he smiles back good naturedly, and I sigh in relief, until I hear someone taking a step into our views. Looking up, I see Yahiko with a shit eating grin on his face, and I freeze on the inside. He lifts his one arm up, and I knew what I was suspicious of just a few seconds ago; we _are_ having a race. With towels! Well, if Kenshin is up for the challenge, then so will I! I put on my serious face and lock my stance and Kenshin also does the same. In another dimension, this would be hilarious to onlookers and even to myself, but this somehow feels deadly and horrifying. I grit my teeth and Yahiko swings his arm down, and in an instant, Kenshin and I fly off, leaving a dust trail behind so large that Yahiko is chocking on it.

"Holy crap, look at them go!" I hear Yahiko from behind me bellowing.

"What was th—" Kaoru slides open the panel door that leads into the kitchen to see what the fuss is about, but is then caught up with smoke as Kenshin and I zoom past her, leaving her confused and breathless.

Meanwhile, I speed up as much as I could to catch up with Kenshin, applying my shukutchi at the last second to get ahead. Looking behind over my shoulder, I throw a tongue at him, but in that split second, I see his eyes going comically large and going _"Uhnn?"_ and I look to where he was looking at—a wall hits me face first, knocking over a potted plant. I can't even describe the pain to you even if I tried. I slide down to the floor, my body seemingly transformed into liquid and I groaned in a cartoonish manner. Kenshin rushes over to where I'm at to see if I am okay and not too dangerously injured. I hear a couple of people walking over to see where the commotion was, and I hear someone laughing to the point of tears.

"Oh, man! That was amazing," Sanosuke wipes a tear from his eye, "You guys can be such idiots, honestly."

"I'll say!" Kaoru finally explodes, "Who's idea was this?!"

While I'm twitching and moaning in pain, Kenshin points at himself and laughs awkwardly. Well, he's not lying. While Kaoru cleans up the broken vase of the poor destroyed plant, Yahiko gets an earful by Megumi of playing accomplice to Kenshin's incredibly foolish idea of "speed cleaning" as Yahiko so eloquently calls it. Sanosuke helps Kenshin to nurse me back to health by applying some wrapped ice over my newly formed bump, and all the while Sanosuke is too busy laughing over what happened, Kenshin is holding me in his arms while applying the appropriate pressure to my wound. My eyes flutter back from my dizziness and I see Kenshin's face hovering over mine, and realizing that he's touching me like a bird with broken wings, I shove myself away from him and sit up, hiding my blushing face from him.

"I think I should help your wife with the plant," I mutter, my blush deepening.

"It's alright, I got all of it," Kaoru walks next to me, "But you can help out with the dishes while you dry and I wash, okay?"

I quickly nod and get up from my seating area, desperate to get away from Kenshin, not wanting him to hurt me (or touch me so gently) again. I follow Kaoru into the kitchen to find quite a large pile of plates and utensils to wash, but as long as I have her near me, we should get it all done in less than an half hour. We begin, my bruise swelling from my accident, but I ignore the pain and just work on running a dry towel over the cleaned dishes that Kaoru promptly hands me every minute. This is nice, just working alongside with someone as sweet as Kaoru. Perhaps this is why Kenshin loves her so much, because despite her passionate outbursts, she really does have a certain purity to her that refuses to be pierced by the shaft of evil. Okay, that was such a poorly worded way to say that. I slap my hand over my face and groan at my own stupidity, making Kaoru look over me confusingly.

"Are you alright, Soujiro?" Kaoru blinks.

I shake my head and giggle, "I just feel so stupid to be suckered into that dumb race with Kenshin. That's the male ego for you, I'm afraid!"

She starts to rigorously wash the next plate while her face flushes into a deep scarlet, "Yeah, well, it was my husband's fault for coming up with such a dumb idea in the first place. He usually doesn't act this way, so I wonder if he's sick from your vomiting or something!"

 _"Oro?"_ I hear Kenshin's very small voice from around the corner.

Kaoru blows up from where she stands, "Yes, we're talking about you, Kenshin! If I ever find out so much as another thought of you making another stupid test like that again, so help me God!" Kaoru threatens with her chopsticks resembling close to a knife pointing at her husband, and Kenshin shrinks back with a nervous chuckle. I watch the exchange helplessly.

"You both are right in your anger, that you do!" Kenshin lifts both his hands to announce his defeat, "I won't do it again, Soujiro. Our next assignment will be a better one, that I'm sure!"

I fume and turn around with a huff, contemplating ignoring him until I can at least finish with the dishes. I can hear Kaoru tutting with her waging finger, and that is when Kenji waltz in to look at us being tense with one another. Kenji walks up to Kenshin and his father gathers him from the floor to take him somewhere else, leaving us both in peace at last. Finishing up the remaining dishes, I am able to have a conversation with Kaoru about the life that they all share after Kyoto; Kaoru mentioned the proposal about a year after Kyoto and how happy she felt that day, and the beautiful outside wedding that Kenshin and the other guys set up in their backyard. She mentioned her pregnancy with Kenji and how smooth it went, but it did not prepare her for the challenges of motherhood—especially since Kenji has a mixture of both her passion and Kenshin's random bluntness. She talked about watching her son growing up to resemble more and more like his father each passing day, which worries her heart about what will become of Kenji in the future.

"It worries me that he will.." Kaoru hesitates, gently giving me the last plate for me to dry, "That he'll end up becoming another manslayer, and I.."

I shake my head with a smile, "Kaoru, Kenji won't be another manslayer. I have a good feeling about the future of Japan as we know it. I think everything will calm down, and men won't have to shed blood for the sake of laws or ideals. Kenji will be fine, I'm sure of it."

Kaoru turns to me with some sadness, "You really think so, Soujiro?"

I feel a little surprised every time she says my name, so sure of my intentions when I myself question why is it I'm even here sometimes. I look at her, this young woman not even entering her thirties, and I see a long hard road in her eyes. I want to tell her that certain things won't happen, that wars won't break out, that her son will come out in one piece. But, I just don't know for sure what will happen. Experience has taught me that humanity has some much hatred down to their core, that we will never stop killing each other. And then Kaoru Himura, the woman who birthed the son of the man who left behind gallons of blood, seems to wonder if perhaps karma is a sure thing that will catch up to them at one point or another, if Kenshin hasn't really repented for his own sins.

But, I don't want to break her heart. I instead clasp my hands over hers and beam at her, "It's going to be alright, Mrs Himura. Kenji is loved, and through that, he will succeed and live a long, happy life."

Kaoru tears up, her smile so sweet and subtle, and she gives me a prompt hug, me returning the favor. She smells faintly of orchids. Before I know it, she leans back and laughs at the area behind me, prompting me to turn around to see Kenji sitting on Kenshin's shoulder and pulling both his cheeks so that Kenshin can look like he's giving us a really huge grin. We all start to laugh at that, Kenshin even chuckling from under his breath, and then it was time to do the laundry. Megumi drops in to announce that there's been a medical emergency that needs her attention, and that Dr. Gensai and his granddaughters will come with them, along with Sanosuke, being her husband and all. Yahiko and Kaoru remembered that they need to go buy extra umbrellas from all the rain storms, since the ones they have are about to break soon and can't afford to go without them, and so Kaoru asks Kenshin and I to man the dojo while everyone else leaves.

"Bye everyone," Kenshin waves with his hand as everyone else waves at the both of us from the front door before they head out to their own destinations, and he turns to me with a kind smile, "Let's get started, then?"

My heart is thumping at the prospect of being completely alone with him, but.. I also feel somewhat thrilled over this as well. I turn back at him to nod in agreement, and we both go to the backyard towards the large metal tub of water to drop our soaps in. I rub the clothes against the washing board while Kenshin rinses them to hang them up to dry. I try to just focus on my task at hand so that I won't get distracted by Kenshin, despite my heart trying to pull my eyes to look at him from time to time. Whenever he would catch me looking at him, he would smile innocently at me, and I would either blush and quickly look away, or I nod in recognition. I so badly want to talk more about his life philosophy, but it just feels so strange to bring it up while I'm handling Kenji's underwear, so I decide to confront him later tonight for it. No use arguing when there's chores to be done right now.

After almost thirty minutes, we switched jobs, and it was now me hanging up the wet clothes on the clothing hanger line as Kenshin washes the clothes. A single drop of water enters my eye and I wince, wondering if it came from the clothes, but then I hear a ominous roar from above my head and I can see the skies getting darker by the second. I whip my head to look at Kenshin with wide eyes and he too looked up in surprise, and he gets up from his seating to hold out a hand. He takes his hand back and his eyebrows jump at the realization: It's going to rain.

"Quick, grab all the clothes! We have to dry these inside!" He urges me and starts to quickly gather everything from the washing tub, making sure they are properly rinsed and then going into their respective baskets all the while I'm pulling all the clothes from the hanging line as quickly as I can. Soon a series of rain drops fall on top of us, and we panicked, not wanting to muddy the clothing that we worked so hard to clean, and I grab one basket to rush it under the dojo's roof to keep it dry before hurrying back out for the next basket. After a couple of rounds, I feel something inside of me to look over my shoulder at Kenshin, and my breathing comes to a halt: I see Kenshin looking up at the sky, his back towards me, his clothing getting soaked and clinging to every inch and slopes, seeing his defined muscles more easier than usual. His red hair is turned into a very steep, dark auburn from the rain, and for a moment, I feel as if I'm looking at a beautiful painting. I carefully turn around completely to face him, him not moving an inch, looking at the storm above him, as if he had never been caught in the middle of a storm before. It's so pure. It's so..

 _"It looks like you're just as desperate as I am," I can see Kenshin in my mind, his eyes tightening at me while I am subjected to his will to pleasure me, "Am I right?"_

I feel a shiver going up my spine and then feel it travel back down in between my legs, as sure as I've felt in that dream. God dammit. I can see Kenshin's clothing getting more and more floaded, really starting to see the outline of his silhouette, the same body I've dreamed and came to. I take one quiet step, as slow as I can allow myself to be. It is a strange fact that, because I know how to run and fly into neck breaking speed, that I can also move slower than a garden snail if I must. You can never take the teeth from a lion when its heart is that of a hunter. I take another step, my heartbeat drumming inside my ears, my pinkie twitching like it did four years ago when I told Yumi that fighting Kenshin made me irritated. I take another step, a shocking thought breaking inside my head as I did so. _Ask him if you can get on your knees for him._

 _What? Why?_

 _To suck him off, of course._

I should ignore the voice of reason—and at this rate, I am reluctant to even call that anymore—but seeing Kenshin so vulnerable like this invokes something biologically strong inside of me, something that I should capture as my own, like a hawk whose eye has caught sight of a field mice. I have to have him. I must have him. I take a few more steps towards him. I can maybe manipulate him to at least let me have a taste of him. I am normally angry at myself for having such thoughts like this, but damn it all if my body needs to experience his. Maybe I'll get over my sick obsession over him if I can allow myself that. Maybe I'll even get him to pleasure me with his mouth too after I make him cum. Maybe we can even do it, together, at the same time, me with him in my mouth and his mouth on me. A groan erupts from underneath my throat at that thought and I pull on the front of my haori, but then Kenshin turns around to look at me in blinking confusion, and I stop. We look at one another in silence, my bottom lip quivering and my eyes widening in fear that he has me all figured out. He's a smart man, why wouldn't he? But then, he takes a few steps forward me and does something completely unexpected.

He places a hand over my wet forehead while feeling his own with his other hand, and he hums. I stand completely still as he does this, my heart almost ready to implode, and he tilts his head at me, "Are you getting a fever, Soujiro? I heard you yowling like a sick cat back there."

My eye twitches, almost wanting to be pissed, and another part of me wants to laugh out loud, but I instead smirk, "I think I am." He looks up to frown at the sky, trying to concentrate for a moment, and then I clear my throat to get his attention on me again, "Will you.. will you hug me, Kenshin?"

 _Please, Kenshin._

"Hm? How will a hug help you, Soujiro?"

I smile bitterly at him, "Please, Kenshin. Just hug me."

He gapes at me, and then he closes his mouth and eyes to move in for an embrace, and I wrap my arms around his neck, letting the rain wash us over, not caring how cold it feels. With him and I like this, I have all the warmth to get me by. Oh my God. This feels amazing. It's completely devoid of what my body had previously desired, but somehow, this cures the itch I feel inside even better than all the sex I could remember having with other women back then. I feel whole, I feel loved, I feel safe and just.. I can't describe it. Not enough words in the world to do it justice. I melt into this hug and I could feel my heart singing happy songs. Kenshin smells so much like a forest clearing, woodsy and clean, and I sigh while privately inhaling his scent. I want this to last forever. I don't care about anything anymore. My soul feels completely at rest when I am with Kenshin like this. I wonder if its possible to regard someone so highly like this despite the similiar gender.

Kenshin has to be the one to break the hug as I probably wouldn't have ever let him go unless absolutely neccesary, and he smiles at me, "I hope that comforts you, Soujiro. Now we must head back inside the dojo to dry off."

"Agreed," I dreamily respond, trying to shake off my dazeful and lustful state from out of my head, and we both head back indoors to continue with the hanging of the laundry. The ones that still needed cleaning will have to wait for tomorrow, but at least more than half of it is done and I can take that as a personal success. Kenshin gets started with the cooking while I broom the floors to collect all the dust, and it did not take long until everyone else came back home from their responsibilities. Sanosuke loudly commented on how dreadful it was outside while Kaoru comes up to me to ask if we were okay. I told her I might catch a cold, but that it won't kill me, giving her a giggle to disarm her. She asks me if I could watch Kenji and the two girls while she sets up the table, and I agreed. I take Kenji by the hand while Ayame and Suzume dances behind me to go to Kenji's bedroom, and I close the sliding panel.

"Now, what is it that you guys would like to play?" I chuckle as the young girls suggest we go play hide and seek, "Oh? Is that a favorite game for Kenji, too?"

Kenji huffs heroically, "I hide, you seek!"

"Kenji doesn't like to seek out the others," Ayame chortles, "We have to do what he says."

"I understand," I rest my palms over my eyes, "Shall I start?"

"You mean you'll find all of us, Soujiro?" Suzumi cooes in wonder, "This never happened to us before!"

I smile with my eyes still covered, "Ten."

I hear the pitter patter of tiny feet running around and the sliding of the panel door, no doubt all of them leaving me alone in this room again to count down to zero. I stop at five, knowing that cheating isn't the answer, but I do want this game done and over with at the same time. I peer from the corner, to see nobody in the hallways, and I quietly walk around, sliding each doors open to see if my eyes can discern the sight of a single hair strand or a body part accidentally peaking out somewhere, to no avail. I look and look everywhere, from the living room to the kitchen and even Kenshin's bedroom, but I can't find them anywhere. Finally, I see from the corner of my eye that Kenji's ponytail is peaking under a bundle of pillows on the floor in Yahiko's room, so I sneak up carefully to spread the pillows open. Kenji growls and covers his face, disappointed in himself for being too easy to catch. One day, this man will be like his father, but for now, he is just a child. I smile dearly from where I stand at him.

"Come help me find the other girls," I whisper with my hand out stretch towards him.

Come help me find my head too, while you're at it.

Soon after we found the girls, it is time for dinner. While everyone else were busy talking and laughing over what happened today, I secretly watch Kenshin. I'm trying to piece together what the dream from last night, combined with what happened during our laundry mishap could possibly mean. Why did it feel so good to embrace him like that, I wonder? Perhaps I really do need to experiment with another man to see if I do enjoy them in that manner and not just as a platonic sense of respect. There are prostitutes abound in Tokyo, but they're mostly all women, I find. It may be difficult to pinpoint a male one to have sex with, so I'm left to my own devices, to perhaps please myself to the thought of men and to see if it somehow clicks for me. Still, I do feel very ashamed of myself for even having these emotions to begin with. I wonder if Kenshin ever saw another man the same way I'm looking at him. With longing and with passion. I look down in time Kenshin's eyes flicker over to me, worried that he caught me staring at him. Luckily, he mentions nothing and continues to chat with Sanosuke about the rain outside.

There's just no point wondering now. Not tonight. Tomorrow, the real training will begin. Soon we all took turns with taking a bath, which totaled to an hour, and we went to bed. The day felt so short, but I feel that my sleep will last long and plentiful. I shut my eyes, letting my conscious seeping into darkness, and in my mind's eye, I can see a very dark room in the middle of nowhere. Soon a bed fades on the floor, with a huge quilt blanket on top of it, and I see movement, so subtle that your eye won't catch it until you concentrate hard enough. I see two heads peeping from above the cover, one with brown hair, the other with red hair, and it is two men looking at one another. The brunet gazes at the eyes of the auburn haired man, and the red head lowers his eyes to the other's lips. Inching closer, the brown haired man starts kissing the other one, and soon I can no longer run away from who I am looking at. It's me. It's me and Kenshin. At our closest and at our happiest. Kenshin opens his mouth to let Soujiro's tongue in, seeing movement underneath the blankets that no doubt something sensual is happening.

I open my eyes, the sound of kissing and quiet moaning ending abruptly. This isn't good. This isn't good at all.

What am I going to do?


	8. Envy

_Author's note: Yes, yes, yes! Thank you so much to Chimerical for their comical review! Yeah, no, I would NEVER put a seventeen year old minor character to anyone older than them, that's just wrong. That's why I had my non-canon Soujiro wander for a few years until he turns twenty-one and then goes back to Tokyo, because otherwise, it'll just look weird. I totally get that. Thanks to your wonderful review, I'm going appoint this new update personally to you. Thanks again and to everyone else who has shown me support! Also, oh my god! Thank you so much to Cannibal Corncob for their also hilarious review! I won't abandon this story so long as I keep receiving support! Also, thank you so much to natsusora for the story favorite!_

 _As a side note, I've been reading up on the RuroKen manga online and, maybe I'm seeing things, but I swear to you all that Kenshin seems much more attentive and caring towards Soujiro there than he was in the anime show. I even saw that the show switched up Kenshin's "heart" comment before Soujiro performed his final attack, and they made him say "soul" instead. That's a bit suspicious, don't you guys think? I could also clearly see Soujiro's heavy reluctance to finish him off in the manga more so than in the anime, even though he was more nervous and twitchy in the animated series than he appeared in the printed manga. Look it up if you don't believe me! It's interesting to compare and contrast the show with the original manga._

 _Anyway, I'm rambling, so here's the new update!_

 ** _Rated M+ for strong sexual references._**

Scene VII: Envy

"So today's the day Soujiro will finally train with you, Kenshin?!"

"Oro?"

"Yeah, Kenshin! That poor kid has been waiting for you this entire time, and we're only wasting his opportunity to learn!"

"Kaoru, can I reward Soujiro with my rice balls?"

"Yeah, Kaoru, can we reward Soujiro with our rice balls?"

"Now, now, girls, settle down.."

"Hey! When will you girls make me some damn food for once?"

"Sanosuke! It's ridiculous, I tell you. First he gets drunk and then he knocks over Kaoru's poor plant, no doubt he'll think less of us now."

"Oh, no, Megumi, that shouldn't be on his mind at all! Surely we will be able to change his mind on us, that we will!"

I slide open the panel door to reveal myself to the surprised group with my smug grin. I see everyone is up and wide awake for a brand new day ahead of us. Today, I'm going to train with Kenshin and no distractions will stand in our way. I will not let my insecurities or strange emotions get in our way either, for that matter. I won't even let those disturbing dreams throw a wench into my plans. No, it's going to be all about becoming enlightened and wiser for the better. I avert my eyes to Kenshin and he blinks curiously at my newfound confidence, and I close them happily, experiencing a flutter of giggles flying away from me like a burst of butterflies taking flight towards the sun. Meanwhile, the rest of the group seem to relax and look happy over my positive aura. Kaoru sets down my breakfast in front of me, and I bow to her in thanks.

"Yes, Kenshin and I will train today," I announce, digging into my food, "That is for certain! He'll be introducing me to the basics of the Hiten Mitsurugi, isn't that right, Kenshin?"

Kenshin wakes up from his state of perplexity and nods, "That's right."

"Aw, come on! Let me see it for myself, at least!" Yahiko bellows from where he sits, and Kaoru pinches his cheek to discipline him, "Hey!"

"You are going to help me out with the chores today and leave these two men alone," Kaoru grits her teeth, in the meanwhile I drink my tea and watching from above the cup's edge. Yahiko looks like he wanted to protest but his male ego wouldn't let him and instead he grumbles under his breath while rubbing his pinched cheek.

"I promise it won't be that interesting," I quip, taking another casual sip, "I mean, it's just Kenshin and I hitting each other with sticks."

Kenshin nods along, immediately understanding what I'm trying to do. We don't need Yahiko or any other distractions getting in our way today, that is for sure. Yahiko blinks at what I just said, trying to decipher the undertones of what I just said, but with just one sweet smile from me, he knew he couldn't find anything suspicious and gives up. With him deflating and sighing, he gives away his sign of defeat, and I pet him on the head as if he were my dog performing my most favorite treat. Everyone starts laughing, much to Yahiko's mild annoyance.

"Fine!" Yahiko retorts, and I giggle at his childishness. To be young and foolish again.

"Kenshin, I really have to say how proud I am for you taking the time of your day to teach Soujiro the Hiten Mitsurugi!" Kaoru drapes her arms around Kenshin's shoulder to give him a quick squeeze while planting a chaste kiss on his lips. Something flinches inside of me as I watch.

"Not to worry, my dear wife," Kenshin chuckles in nervousness, "Soujiro is so intelligent that it won't take too much of my time anyhow, so I can still have the rest of the day over to help you too, that I will!"

Oh really? My eyes tighten and I chew on the inside of my cheek.

"Oh, don't worry about it! I am the lady of this house and as such, I don't mind doing the housekeeping," Kaoru titters, "As long as you do the shopping and the cooking when I can't!"

Kenshin laughs along with her and I abruptly stand up, nearly shaking the entire table and catching everybody by surprise. I smile, hiding my strange emotions that are bubbling up from inside of me, and I bow, "That was a delicious meal, Mrs. Himura. I will go to the training room now if that is okay."

I don't wait for any responses, seeing as how they are all at a lose of words over what I just did, and I take myself out of that room. I don't need to see them acting all lovey dovey like that. How rude of them, honestly. Don't they know I'm alone? I bite my tongue as I venture my way down the corridor that will ultimately lead me to the training room, and I take some time to stretch my muscles to get ready for battle. According to everybody's schedules, Megumi and Sanosuke will be taking the young girls and Gensai with them to a nice picnic to enjoy the summer weather. Kaoru will be doing some light housework around the dojo alongside with Kenji and Yahiko, and all will be done so that Kenshin and I can enjoy some privacy together to learn the Hiten Mitsurugi. After completing breakfast, Kenshin steps inside the training room, and in our hands they grip our individual shinais. Kenshin and I stand in front of one another, bowing to begin our training.

"I hope you are alright, Soujiro," Kenshin nods at me, and I try so hard to not let my blush be apparent to him, "I know you are lonely sometimes, and just.."

"Don't hold yourself back, Kenshin," I interrupt him, catching his surprise by the change of topic suddenly, "What? You think I'll be weakened from being out of the Juppongatana? Such a fatal mistake you'll make if you were to believe that, Mr. Himura."

Kenshin regains his composure and smiles humbly, "That I won't, Soujiro, that I'm certain. You were a very worthy opponent four years ago and no doubt have gotten stronger over the years."

I ignore the thumping inside my heart over my state of pride of being regarded so highly by him, and I smile wider, "Please! Begin with your first move."

"Very well, then," Kenshin's visage fades into a serious one and he begins, "The first move I'd like to introduce is the Ryu Tsui Sen, which is what I've used during the Tokugawa era. From a position higher than my opponent—as in, me jumping from a higher point in the sky, for example—it is then through that, that I am able to swing my sword downward with my two hands to pick up the strength of the swing to bring the blade down on my opponent's head or shoulder. It is simple, that move is, but it has been proven deadly through experience."

"Proven?" I blink.

"I've killed Gentatsu with that move," Kenshin simple states it with no emotion tinging his voice, "When I went simply as Hitokiri Battousai."

A chill runs over my spine but I choose to ignore it. No time to feel threatened because over bygone eras. We are holding relatively harmless shinais, so it's not like any flesh will be carved or sliced, and nobody will have to die during training. Still, judging by the look of Kenshin's eyes on me, one would suspect that he is ready to serve my head on a silver platter for his friends and family to then mount it on a wall somewhere. Shishio had once taught me that if you're strong, you'll live, and if you're weak, you'll die. Such advice shown to have worked for Kenshin Himura at one point too, many years ago, but I know that the truth for my own life won't be found through this first lesson alone. I grip my shinai and do my battle stance, Kenshin also doing the same. A hush of silence covers the entire room, the sound of an insect crawling could be picked up by our sensitive ears if we let it. His eyes tear a hole inside my soul, but my eyes show no fear, or at least, I hope they do not.

And in an instant, we both fly into each other, our shinais catching each other mid-air and we use that to force our bodies to bounce backwards from each other before thrusting forward, my mouth opening to let out a silent scream as I take a large swing of my shinai at his mid section. Kenshin disappears and reappears from behind, using the blunt end of it to thunk my lower back with it and sending me to the floor, a tremor of pain radiating from all over my back now as I writhe on the floor. That hurt, a lot more than I suspected it. But I get up, my temper flaring. I know I shouldn't be using the shukutchi or any fancy moves of my own, since this is me having to relearn everything I've been taught in the past by Shishio Makoto. Instead, I'll give it with everything I've got, even if it feels a bit strange to have to do everything from scratch. I run towards Kenshin as quickly as I can without applying the shukuchi, and in that flashing moment, Kenshin leaps up high into the air and I watch in amazement. It took just one second for all of it to happen; he holds his shinai with both hands this time and forces it down on my shoulder, a pain so powerful it blows my body and has it slide against the floor just several feet away from where I once stood, and my mind goes blank.

One second. That was all it took.

"Soujiro!"

I don't dare move or speak, or even blink my eyes, and Kenshin sits near me to have a look at my shoulder. Perhaps he has hit me much harder than he anticipated? The pain is white hot and I almost want to throw up, but then with a quick movement, he applies enough pressure on it to fix whatever may have been damaged in battle and I yelp. He sits quietly for my next reaction, and I carefully sit up to move my affected shoulder, amazed that it feels better already. I look at him and he looks back, and I blush, quickly standing up to continue the battle without us having to gaze at one another like that again. That was embarrassing. That was so close. We go back to the center of the room and Kenshin nods, without words telling me that it's my turn to make the move now. I fly towards him again, his shinai thrusted in front of him in defense, but just when I was about to hit him, I use all of my strength to jump upwards a few feet into the air and watch it all unfold in slow motion. My hands gripping the shinai, I fling it down to Kenshin, hitting him squarely on top of his head. A spurt of fresh blood sprays over my face and we both hit the ground, my lower body pinning his and I see his eyes becoming vast swirls and a trickle of red liquid covering his forehead. Oh shit.

"Kenshin?!" I cry out, abandoning my weapon to place my hands carefully over his bleeding, "Please, talk to me!"

 _"Ehhhh,"_ He groans comically, the bleeding lessening but I'm still worried, _"Hnnn.."_

"My gosh," I sneer at my shinai lying next to us, "You didn't tell me these things were supposed to be so heavy!"

Soon his eyes were closed shut to try and regain conscious, and he whispers underneath his voice, "Get Kaoru, she'll have bandages."

After that entire mess, Kaoru suggests we take a break until Kenshin's bleeding stops and we can resume in the evening if we must. Kenshin did try to ease both of our concerns to tell us we can start earlier again if that is possible, but we wouldn't hear any of it. At least I got the move done right, that he reassures me so. It's a simple move that really does hurt, I find, and with a sharp blade, no doubt it'll kill my opponents like a hot knife going through butter. While Kenshin is resting in his bedroom and trying to nurse his wound, I've decided to maybe go help Kaoru around the dojo. I've got nothing better to do anyway and I won't allow myself to become too complacent while staying here at the dojo. Yahiko and Kenji were dusting and sweeping the floors while Kaoru gets started on wiping the hard surfaces with a damp towel, and I take it upon myself to pick up some toys laying on the floor to organize everything in sight. Children are such fickle things.

I make sure to keep my eyes on Kaoru to try and figure out her story. She met Kenshin almost ten years ago when she was just seventeen and he was twenty nine, and I wonder if she fell in love with him at that moment or if it took her time. I wonder if Kenshin realized her beauty from the get go, or if it took a deep friendship in order for the feelings to flourish. Kaoru does look nice, but she isn't the sort of pure beauty of high symmetry or attains any interesting features; she looks like any normal nice girl that you would bring home to your family and to marry off with, to have children and to just be happy in that really average way. I would have thought that Kenshin would have a much more beautiful woman waiting for him during the Kyoto fiasco, but maybe Kaoru has something that isn't easily found in other women. I wonder what that could be. I watch as Kaoru goes on her knees to comfort her son Kenji because he just got a small splinter on his finger, and through his piercing shrieks of crying, she is ever so patient and gentle with him as she carefully takes that piece of wood from his finger. She places his tiny finger in her mouth to stop the bleeding, and Kenji looks so peaceful as she does, and she hums a happy little tune to make him laugh and feel better again. I get it now.

Kaoru has innocence.

My grip on one of Kenji's toy tighten at that realization. Of course. My innocence was ripped away the moment my father dropped me at his brother's and the rest of his family's care for me while he took off to do his own private business. I was a bastard child, they all said, coming from a whore and a man who should have been faithful. They thought of me as a carnation of sin that produced from their dirty business deals and they beat any and all sense of purity from out of me. I learned in between the beatings, that if I didn't show them that it hurt, that they would leave me alone, at least for a little while. But the beatings never stopped. It never stopped no matter how much I smiled. Shishio came into my life like a sick novocaine for my torn little heart, and he gave me his Wakizashi in order to kill my family. After all, he said, the flesh of the weak is food for the strong. You either kill or be killed. That's what he taught me. That's what I carried with me as my ultimate truth, and what kept me alive for all of these years.

But this woman, this Kaoru Kamiya turned Himura, she doesn't believe in that at all. She believes in protecting the weak, and conserving the innocent lives of others. Kenshin had the same idea when he became a rurouni for ten years before meeting her, and I wonder if it was a soul meeting another soul to understand that truth together rather than apart. Compatibility is so hard to find these days. You married someone because that was just expected, and feelings and thoughts of soul mates were thrown aside as impractical and unrealistic. Now seeing those two together, something bitter grows inside of me. I want so much to have what Kenshin has with Kaoru, and I want so much to have what Kenshin has with Kaoru; a meeting of two souls coming together to create something bigger than the two of them, something even bigger than life itself. And I'm not just talking about birthing Kenji. I'm talking about something even greater than that: Love. Love that helps save everyone around them, from their friends and family, to the world at large. I swallow the lump inside my throat and continue to clean up, keeping my eyes on Kaoru here and there for the next hour or so.

Innocence. That's what truly saves you in the end.

But does it, really?

After picking up all the clutter from the floor, Kenshin is summoned from his bedroom to catch me in the middle of putting away the last of his son's toys in his room to continue where we started at the training room. I let Kaoru know and we both go back to the training room. We used lighter shinais this time, able to whack at each other without much damage, and Kenshin teaches me the art of disappearing and reappearing at high speeds. Kenshin said it's all about connecting the heart to your feet, and I barked at him that I have no time to play philosophy while I'm moving around. But, after a few tries, I've succeeded to do exactly as he tried to teach me to do, and the sense of pride isn't to be compared to anything. It feels so good I could faint. The training took well over ninety minutes, but it was well worth the hard work. We both bow to each other to signify the end of our battle, and looking up at him, he looks like he got a few shallow bruises on his body. He pointed out the same to me too. As he turns around to put away his weapon, a sinister idea pop inside my head and I immediately take advantage of his vulnerable position to leap up on his back.

"Got'cha," I giggle, wrapping my arms around his neck as he struggles and groans in a funny voice, "You didn't hear me coming? How pathetic, Mr. Himura."

"Ehh?" He blinks and tries to shake me off of him to no avail, "Soujiro, our battle is over, is it not?"

"Not yet," I snarl playfully, applying weight to my lower legs to bring him down to the floor with him, not caring of the crushing sensation of his older and heavier statue over my younger and lighter body, "You'll have to get out of my dragon grip to end today's battle."

"Dragon.." Kenshin blinks and frowns in confusion, "Grip? I've never heard of such thing before."

"You're out of touch with the times, it seems," I tease him, gripping him harder, "Come on, Himura, get yourself out of this grip. I know you can do it."

"Soujiro!" Kenshin starts laughing at my ridiculous proposal, "This is just silly, that it is!"

"Get out of the dragon's grip, Kenshin," I giggle, a funny feeling flipping inside my stomach, "Come on, now, don't keep me waiting!"

He writhe from my grasp but he finds that he couldn't, so he suddenly takes this as a serious game to be played and tries to plant his foot firmly on the floor to levitate himself, rotating his waist so that I am now on top of him this time. He still hasn't gotten rid of my grip, but he wastes no time in standing up with me on his back still, and suddenly starts to rush backward. I yelp in surprise when I can see from over my shoulder that he's about to do some kind of backward body slam against the wall, so I close my eyes shut to prepare myself for the impact. With my back slamming against the wall, my arms loosened and he takes a hold of my wrists to get himself out of it, but I don't let him get away from me so easily; Just as I slide down to the floor, I swing my leg against Kenshin's ankles and he falls forward, groaning comically from the pain of falling on his face, and I leap up on his back again, laughing.

"Nice try, Mr. Himura," I chuckle underneath my breath at his expense, "Don't forget, I am truly faster than you'll ever be."

"That may be true, Soujiro, but," He does the same movement as last time and through a quick movement, he is now on top of me, pinning me to the floor and he smiles at me, "I know how to get out of situations much easier than you can."

"Is that a joke from what happened four years ago?" My eye twitch and a flash of annoyance no doubt reads over my eyes, "Don't be so petty."

Kenshin laughs quietly, "Then show me how strong you really can be, Soujiro."

I struggle but he's right. He's got me just where he wants me. Just having him sitting on me like this, though, I fight with all my strength to not give Soujiro Junior downstairs any opportunity to 'jump up' and make an appearance from the pressure of Kenshin's pelvic bone against mines. He keeps laughing the way I keep moving my shoulders from his grasp or how my legs were flying behind him so that I can at least try to overpower him, but his weight is just too much. He's got a good ten years of training his body over me and it shows. I grumble and let out a sigh, admitting defeat without words, and he leans back to retreat his hands from me to get up. Before he comes all the way up, though, I lunge forward to wrap my arms around his hips and knock him over again, sliding my own hips to balance myself on his waist and start tickling him, our laughing ringing in the entire training room.

"Okay, okay, let's settle down now," Kenshin laughs as he sits up with me still on his hips, "I think we can stop for today and continue our next lesson tomorrow if that is okay."

"That's fine," I get up, wanting so badly to just.. stay down there with him. We go on for the rest of the day acting normally, my heart and stomach doing a happy flip every time I think about the way he felt against my body and how lovely the sound of his laughter is to my ears. Or how my skin felt electricity through any brushes of Kenshin's hand, and how I wish we could keep playing like that all day without consequences. Just us play fighting, tickling and play wrestling on the floor, laughing and just enjoying ourselves without having to worry about his friends and family, without having to worry about my own philosophical journey, without having to worry about my next trip out of Tokyo, without having to think about tomorrow. I can easily imagine our play wrestling escalating into sexual escapades: Kenshin's tickling my ribs becoming him fingering me while I pant in pleasure, or me pinning him to the floor leading to me to suck on his cock until he cums down my throat, or us play fighting leading him to fuck me into a state of pure bliss. He would feel so amazing inside of me, I just know it. I bite my lower lip every time I fantasized during our meals or us just hanging around the dojo, my eyes never leaving Kenshin, knowing it will never realistically happen between us.

I hate this life so much.

We trained for the next few days. Ryutsuisen Zan. Ryukansen, with its counter moves containing the Tsumuji, the Kogarashi, and the Arashi. The Ryushosen, the same move he's done against Senkaku four years ago to show it to Lord Shishio that night. We trained long and we trained hard. So much so, that his friend Sanosuke decided to let us know of a good idea that he sprouted up while he watched us training so hard together. He knows of a nearby hot springs that isn't used by anyone at all and it's big enough to fit us all there. That sure sounds nice. My muscles need the hot water without having to wait for my turn for the bathhouse, and so after dinner, we all got ready to go to the family restaurant to pick up Tsubame Sanjo and Tae Sekihara for us all to go down to this magical place. We see that there are two bodies of water, divided by a line of trees for privacy. The ladies and Kenji go on one side—Dr. Gensai and his granddaughters decided to nap at the dojo and to let us go without him—and us men stay on the other one to engage in our male bravado and dirty talks. It's so much fun to just let loose like this after the days of hard training.

"Say Yahiko," Sanosuke leers over his shoulder at the line of trees behind us, "What do you say we sneak over there and check out Tsubami's new bathing suit?"

"Hey!" Yahiko screams, "That's my girlfriend you're talking about, you dirty old man!"

"Why, I _oughta..!"_ Sanosuke grabs the youth's head to drown him under water as Yahiko struggles, "Who're you calling old, you little shit?!"

"Sano," Kenshin rolls his eyes and shakes his head, "Let him go. You can go see if Megumi needs anything as well as my wife."

Sanosuke lets Yahiko go and they both leave us here alone. We both hear some screaming and splashing from the other side, and I wonder if anybody got hurt by the shenanigans, but I refrain from interrupting anything. Right now, I'm enjoying the sight of the pale moon glowing against the night sky and keep replaying our training hours inside my head. So far, it seems to be going well, and in about a couple of days, my week here would be over. It feels so sudden that I wonder if I've learned as much as I should. I wonder if I can even stay longer, even if it means having to rent a room someplace else. I don't have a lot of money but I can't imagine it being too expensive. Tokyo has plenty of room for me, right? I sink lower into the water, bummed about the scary possibilities. Can I even make it?

"Should we go over there and stop them?" I muse quietly, not moving my eyes. I shouldn't look.

Kenshin sighs and sinks lower into the water too in order to relax further, "They'll be fine. I rather enjoy the scene of the moon up there, that I do."

"Yeah, it's.." I smile secretly, "It's nice."

"Hmm?" From my peripheral vision, I can Kenshin looking over at me, "Did you wanted to go with them, Soujiro? I can stay here and wait for you to all come back."

"Oh, no, it's fine here," I fumble with my words suddenly, "I'll stay here if you don't mind."

"No. I don't."

A silence grows between us, and it grows tenser by the minute. I don't dare look over him. No. Not while Kenshin is completely stark naked like that. Not while I'm naked like this as well. It'll be too obvious. But, it sure feels amazing to be like this with him. The air is deliciously cool while the hot springs is so steamy over my flesh, and I try to relax. Just when I thought things will be quiet, Kenshin suddenly breaks the silence.

"Soujiro, I understand your week with us is almost over. Do you feel you have learned enough, or is it somehow lacking?"

I flinch a little on the inside from his sudden question, but I sit up straight to answer without looking over, "I.. I don't know. I think I have to stay for longer but I don't have anywhere to go."

"You can stay with us for however long you need to, that you can," I can hear his smirk from where I sit, "It's my fault that I didn't take it seriously enough when you first arrived. I can be bad with time, it seems."

I couldn't help it. I just couldn't help it. I know that one week wasn't long enough, and I should have had made it clear from the get go, but this really angers me. He didn't take it seriously enough? What's that supposed to mean? Am I not important enough? Does he just go about his entire day without one iota of an idea of what I'm going through? Am I not obvious enough? Or maybe I should be happy that he doesn't? Ugh, what am I even talking about?! He should be the one to take this as seriously as I am! And now that the week is almost over, now I feel obligated to stay longer and admit my own incompetence to everyone else. Does he enjoy embarrassing me like this?

"Make sure your wife knows." That came out a lot harsher than I intended it. The silence dips deeper and I can sense Kenshin turning towards me in surprise.

"Soujiro?" I hear him asking in a confused tone.

"I'm just saying, since she's clearly the most important person in your life and the one taking up all of your time," I shrug, "That she should know what you want. Not like I'm your wife or anything. I don't make the rules."

I couldn't help it. And now I regret it.

"I see," Kenshin stands up, "I will go over to Kaoru to see if she's okay with this. You have a nice night, Soujiro."

I finally gather the courage to look up at him and my heart stops. Is he mad? Did I screwed up? Bathing from the moonlight, Kenshin looked almost ethereal, the water sparkling silver against his alabaster skin and his blood red tresses almost hiding his amethyst glare on me before he steps on over to get out of the water completely. Yes, I saw his private parts, and yes, it was amazing. And now I'm never going to ever have it inside of me. Oh, what am I even talking about?! I shouldn't even be thinking like this towards him. This is all my fault. I have to stop him..!

"Kenshin," My voice is so soft that he didn't even hear me. Or did he? He stopped, but then walked on just when I thought he was going to say anything else or turn around, my heart falling from my chest the more he walks away from me. I can't believe it. I just can't believe it.

I fucked up.


	9. Illumination (Part One)

_Author's note: I'm screaming in laughter over the reviews, I literally just love how this fic is attracting all of my fellow perverts out into the open like this. Yes!_

 _Thank you so much for your hilarious review, Chimerical, I was laughing out loud reading that. Yeah, well, Soujiro better shape up fast or else he'll lose Kenshin forever and we can't have that happening, now do we? ;) This update will be dedicated to you for your wonderful reviews and your support. Thanks for not abandoning me or my story!_

 _Cannibal Corncob, you really came through with your equally hilarious review. Kenshin's futon, haha! Yes, I think Soujiro is pretty jelly over Kenshin's more established life and relationships that he's formed with other people, which makes his attraction over the Battousai even more complicated than usual. How is Kenshin's family and friends going to take this? Secrets, secrets.. ;)_

 _l8Pi, I was rolling over your review. I am so sorry that I've ruined your life, ha ha! I promise that I will at least try and space out the updates a bit so that us perverts can at least take care of our lives and such. It's just so addicting though, writing these two major hotties together!_

 _And now for chapter 8, Illumination. Many of the 'past' scenes running in Soujiro's head in this chapter will be from the animated series. Just an FYI if you're a bit confused reading over it. It will be a multi-part for this chapter, this one being part one, as it was getting quite long already and my reviewers probably want her hands on little Soujiro already, ha ha! ;)_

 ** _Rated M+ for strong sexual references. Viewer discretion is strongly advised._**

Scene VIII: Illumination (Part 1)

The rest of that evening went horribly for me as expected. For everyone else who are absolutely unaware of the tension between Kenshin and I, it was all in a good day for them and having fun together. For me, I just wish I was never born. I wish I have never met Kenshin, let alone have him affect me so deeply like this. I should have continued my ten year voyageur without having to seek him out. What was I thinking? I should have learned about my own truth by myself like a real man should, and not succumb to the pressure of having to get help from somebody else. I feel so worthless. How could I be so stupid? How could I just go and mess up my own life like this even further than it has to be? And just when things started getting stable, no less; I am getting in touch with my emotions more and more without Shishio being suspicious, or having Yumi putting me down, or letting anybody into my vulnerabilities when I have to go out and kill them. Why do I have to go and wreck things up like this? Just because I am attracted to Kenshin? Ridiculous.

There is a bitter lump inside my throat as the gang walk on ahead of me to go back to the dojo, the moon illuminating the entirety of Tokyo like a summer dream. Through my bangs, I could see Kenshin walking hand in hand with Kaoru, and the lump inside my throat grows. I shouldn't be envious of Kaoru. She didn't do anything wrong except fall in love with him way before I noticed his amazing qualities, and that isn't her fault. Kaoru has innocence, a contrasting force against Kenshin's sinful past of murdering other people; the yin to his yang, so to speak. That is, if I could remember what I've learned about Chinese scriptures from Yumi's scrolls and books. We all need balance in our lives, something to counteract of our darker parts with the good ones. When I was in the Juppongatana, I had let evil stay around my heart like a cage enclosing a soft vessel, so that I can be the best right hand to Shishio. Leaving it meant breaking apart that cage and letting my heart roam free. But now I wonder if I let it go too soon and had created something awkward between Kenshin and me. I watch as Kenshin turn to Kaoru to say something to her, and she giggles, resulting in another pang radiating in my chest. Sanosuke has his arm draped around Megumi's shoulder and her head rests on his arm, and even Yahiko has his hand on the small of Tsubame's back. Everybody has someone to love them.

Everybody but me.

Laying on my back in my bed, I fight with all of my strength to not break down and start crying. I know Kenshin said goodnight to me earlier, but he couldn't even look at me in the eye when we passed each other down the corridor when it was time to sleep. The air felt so cold when he walked by me and when he didn't even say one word to me. How could he even do that? I toss and turn in my bed, remembering all the stupid things I've said not even an hour ago: _Make sure your wife knows. I'm not your wife. I don't make the rules._ Idiot! I grab my hair and grit my teeth, enraged by my own stupid behaviors. How could I be so horrible when it was him and Kaoru who let me inside their homes so openly and with so much trust towards me? This is how I thank them, by being an absolute prick! I grumble as my own self rage simmers and I could have sworn some steam have exited me somehow. Ha. I can be so passionate whenever my emotions get the best of me. I wonder if that's just my personality or if I just need to learn how to get a better hold of the negative emotions without having to cloak them completely like before. So much to learn, I'm afraid.

Luckily, I cooled down and I carefully sit up to just look around my room. It's so nice of this family to let me in, someone who used to be their sworn enemy and all of that. I am clothed, bathed, and fed properly here and I don't even deserve half of that with the way I'm behaving. Jumping on and tickling Kenshin shouldn't even had happened in the first place. I realized that now. I look at my sliding door, shut and silent, and even though I should know better, I feel a prick of hot liquid stinging my eyes. I fucked up and I know that. I wish I could turn back time and just do better. But I can't, and even if I could, how will I ever learn on this journey? Maybe bad things have to happen. Maybe Kenshin hating me and not trusting me anymore would be for the best. He can focus on Kaoru, and Kenji, and all of his friends without me interrupting their good times, and then I can leave this dojo and never have to speak to him again. That last part did it. A single tear slides from both my eyes and I hiccup, not wanting to be a sobbing mess at this ungodly hour. I've never cried this much before in one week, not even when I was beaten often as a child. So much is coming out of me just by being around Kenshin and I wonder if all of this crying is just my soul trying to cleanse itself of all the debris of my sins and past hurts. It would make some sense, honestly.

 _"Kenshin,"_ I whisper, my brain not connecting to my mouth when I said that, and my eyes enlarge at that shocking realization of me having to _want_ to say that. But why? Why him, of all people? It's not like I can do anything about it. He's settled down, married, and has a child to look after. I have no right to even think about him in this way. I refuse to be like my mother. I laugh a little at that thought, but it's true. But, even though I should refrain from doing anything to destroy the sanctity of their marriage, who said I should be banned from ever having some mental fantasies here and there? As long as I don't touch him in real life or try anything, and just keep my desires to myself, who says I can't have fun with myself by myself?

That's right. I'm doing nothing wrong.

I loosen my belt of my lower garments to free myself from it and wrap my fingers around my cock, my head tilting back against the wall and I close my eyes. I'm not doing anything wrong right now. It's just a fantasy. I try to remember the bits and pieces of my dreams that I had the other night; the feeling of Kenshin's mouth on my neck, the way he drags his tongue against the sensitive parts of my ear, the way he swallows my entire cock whole in his mouth, the way he looks at me. Those eyes especially, my god. My breathing hitches and I stroke myself faster, remembering just the way he looks at me. It was so intense and intimate, clouding over as he impales himself inside of me and feeling my tightness around his cock. I remember how in the dream, he grabs my hips just to fuck me deeper, his eyes losing focus just like mine did. I remember the way he says my name, in a husky voice, so deep and masculine that it sends a shiver inside my spine. I'm willing to bet that I'll be his tightest fuck ever, if we lived a life without any consequences. He would love my body so much in another lifetime; Sleek and energetic and youthful, and my mouth so eager to please if he'd let me. I moan softly the harder I pump, thinking and fantasizing and wanting..

 _"Oh,"_ I groan, _"Kenshin.."_

I want him. I want him so badly. I want him in all the ways that I can have him. I want to embrace him. I want to kiss him, tongues and everything. I want to cuddle with him and hold his hand like he did with Kaoru. I want to touch his face and his hair, letting my fingers drag along his arm and everywhere else. I want to pleasure him with my mouth, to have him cum just by me staring so lustfully at him. I want to fuck him. I want all of him. Kenshin. Kenshin. _Kenshin._ It had to be you, Kenshin, didn't it? It couldn't be anybody else. It couldn't be a woman whom I can enjoy myself with. It couldn't be my ex girlfriend whose parents sent me away. No, in the end, it all had to come down to you that I crave the most. I want to hate you. I want to leave you and have you never speak of me again. I want you to just be gone from my life. I want to never have to think of you again. I used to wish death upon you, but now I just want you to tear my body apart with your lust. My breath hitches in my throat and I feel myself going over the edge.

 _"Kenshin,"_ I moan deeper, grabbing the head of my cock to rub against my more sensitive part, _"Uhnn..!"_

I want him. I need him. I can't have him hating me. I take it all back. I can't live without him. I know this because I fucking tried to for four years. I suddenly feel the urge to angrily grab my blanket and pull it off of me, and stand up from it to look straight at my door, closed and silent and mocking me. In a different life, he would come in and see me. He would be here, right now, to finish me off. And I'm not just talking about with swords. I want to finish in his mouth, to have him taste me. I growl under my breath, my face darkening the more I focus on my door. Wishing, hoping, wanting. And in an instant, my strange mixture of anger and lust dissolves into a state of helplessness, my heart not able to hide from this simple truth: I am falling for a man that I can never have. Not right now. Not ever. Not in this cursed lifetime of mine. I hear a hiccup and then my tears return, but I don't stop touching myself. If only things could be different. If only I realized it earlier that I wanted to be with him. If only I wasn't so stubborn before, who knows what could have become of us. Why would he even want me? I am so disgusting, just look what I'm doing to myself!

 _"Kenshin, I want you,"_ I whisper, my sobbing growing erratic, _"Please.. want me.."_

The door doesn't open, just as I expected. He won't come here. I know he won't. I stroke myself, wondering if by sheer force alone, that I can mystically implant myself into his dreams or in his thoughts. I wonder if we as human beings can really connect through just our minds alone. It's something I would scoff at as an idea before, but with everything that's happened, I'm grasping for any way I can to be close to him without actually being close to him. I focus harder, my breathing and moaning deepening, careful to not be so loud to wake my sleeping mates up with my activity.

 _"I want to be,"_ I hiccuped, _"In your dreams, in your thoughts, Kenshin.."_

I think of Kenshin, the way he looks, the way he sounds like when he talks, the way his eyes never lies, the way of his entire being is. Kenshin. I want him to want me, so much. I won't forget how hot and amazing it felt when he came inside of me, feeling his liquid shooting up inside my body. My eyes roll to the back of my head and my knees give out, falling to the floor with a dull thud and I cum, biting my lower lip so as to not scream and wake everybody up. The last bit of cum makes me flinch and shiver and I collapse, trying to control my breathing, and my vision spins while looking at the ceiling above me. That felt so good.

 _"Kenshin.."_ I sigh to myself and close my eyes to fall asleep on that floor.

It was a really good rest. That masturbation session has relieved me of all the stress and had given me one of the deepest sleeps in all of my years of living. The morning sun creeps up after several hours and I get up to groom and dress myself for breakfast. Everyone were behaving as per the usual; Kaoru is serving us all the homemade meals she's made with love, Kenji and the other young girls, Ayame and Suzumi, are giggling about wanting to go outside after breakfast is over to play. Megumi is reading the papers for the local news, Sanosuke is stuffing his face while Yahiko tries to beat him in speed, and Dr. Gensai is enjoying his cup of morning tea. I sit down, my stomach in a knot, since I know _he'll_ be here soon and I'll have to see his disappointed expression again just like last night. I want so badly to just apologize and get it over with, just so we can go back to normal, but a part of me holds me back from even lifting a finger. Just as soon as Kaoru sits down to enjoy her meal, Kenshin comes through the door with his empty cup to enjoy tea with Gensai. We lock eyes for a moment and, in a swift second, he looks away and sits down next to Kaoru, not saying anything. Break my heart harder, why don't you?

"So, are you guys going to train again?" Kaoru toots up suddenly from in between eating her food, "Tell us so that we can let you guys be, alright?"

I hesitate and my eyes shoots from my food towards Kenshin, and even I can see his eyes widening in realization as to why I'm even here in the first place. He still doesn't look at me, but his face gives it away. Kaoru blinks at me and then looks at Kenshin for why we're silent, and he gives her a false smile and laughs, "Of course, dear, I know! I think we should have a break today if that's alright with Soujiro."

Why? Why are you lying, Kenshin? This isn't like you. Kaoru turns her head at me and I feel the need to force myself to nod, "Y-Yeah, Kaoru, I think we'll take a break today if that's alright."

"You said you needed more time here, correct?" Megumi yawns out of her sleepiness, delirious of what is even happening underneath the surface, "Then take a break, God knows we all need one sometimes."

"Hey, Soujiro, maybe we can hang out today!" Yahiko pipes up and slaps his hands on the table, making me flinch, "I can show you all the really cool places here in Tokyo!"

 _"Yahiko!"_ Kaoru whispers with a glare, "Don't be so imposing!"

Yahiko responds by sticking his tongue out and aside from a death glare, they both back down peacefully. Sanosuke then decides it's his turn to speak: "We can go fishing together if you'd like, Soujiro. Kenshin and Yahiko can come along too if they want to. Just us men."

"Alright!" Yahiko brings his fists up victoriously.

I don't dare bring my eyes up to Kenshin, but I did hear him sigh and say, "Not today, Sanosuke. You can all go without me. I have some things to catch up on."

"Such as?" I hear Sanosuke challenge him.

"That's a private matter, that it is."

"Kenshin?" I hear Kaoru's voice breaking into this conversation, "What has gotten into you today?"

I can't take this anymore. I stand up abruptly and bow to everyone, "I'm sorry. I think I'll decline also. I want to be alone for today if that's okay."

"You too?" Sanosuke now sounds even angrier than before, "Come on, what is this? Are you and Kenshin fighting or what?"

My heart jumps and my eyes let themselves travel to Kenshin, and he has his eyes hidden by his bangs. No, I can't have this happening to us. I can't let anyone know what I said about Kaoru. They'll hate me and they'll hate Kenshin for bringing me into this dojo with that kind of opinion of her like that. They'll never forgive us. But before I open my mouth to protest, Kenshin clears his throat so that everyone can pay attention to what he has to say.

"It's nothing," And he suddenly breaks out into a very happy smile, "Nothing is going on. We're just a little tired from all the training, that we are! Soujiro should do as he please today and I have to visit my sensei to fix something of his, that I do."

"You mean Hiko?" Kaoru tilts her head. Kenshin nods her way.

"Oh, so like," Sanosuke flashes his eyes back and forth between us, "Um.. you guys are fine, then?"

 **"Absolutely!"** Kenshin and I respond conjointly in a scathing fashion at Sanosuke, and realizing what we have just done, we both look away from each other with an embarrassed blush. Sanosuke looks like he's seen a ghost and his wife sneers at his stupidity.

"Well good!" Megumi clasps her hands together, "As long as we all leave this table as one big happy family, let's just get over it and move on, okay?"

We all nod in agreement and I sit back down to finish my breakfast. I think I'll spend the rest of my day wandering around Tokyo by myself, to give Kenshin his privacy and me time to cool off. The entire breakfast felt a little tense, and it would have been very awkward if not for Yahiko cracking jokes he's heard from his schoolmates. Some were groan worthy, others were pretty raunchy and inappropriate, in which Sanosuke slaps the back of the young teen's head for having the young kids hearing it. Soon they were laughing and things seem to be restored to its original pendulum, though I sometimes can't help but let my eyes flicker over to Kenshin every once in a while to catch his reactions from all that is happening. I hate to sound so campy at a time like this, but man, Kenshin is so handsome and cute. A blush creeps up my cheek and I look down to hide it, careful to not let anyone else—especially the red haired swordsman—recognize my embarrassment.

Five minutes after breakfast was done, I find myself walking outside of the dojo and into the streets, enjoying the summery weather. Some gentle winds hit my face every once in a while, cooling me in the process, and I bask in the sunlight. I needed this; I needed to get out of that dojo and away from him. I think we need some space from each other. Walking into the main shopping street, I take note of all the different types of people doing their own thing, and I enjoy my sense of anonymity. I don't stand out, unless people take a better look of my face, then they would just stare for a while. This is especially apparent from young women who don't have anyone of their own, and so I exchanged a few smiles and winks their way, making them blush and giggle amongst themselves. I guess I can be honest and say that despite my late mother's occupation, there is a reason why she was such an amazing Oiran. She was, according to my abusive relatives, a picture of pure beauty and grace, able to shake the commitment of my father's so called love for his wife. She made him cheat on his wife, and from there, I was created from their sinful affair. And her beauty, therefore, was passed down to me.

"He's so cute!" I hear one random patron gushing from behind, a group of laughter soon following along. I smile secretly to myself and kept walking.

Soon I find myself on the countryside, not too far from Tokyo, just so I can sit on a grass hill and just let my mind wander. I suppose it would be best if I can just think back on how everything started between Kenshin and I, since maybe I could then find the origin of my attraction towards him. My stomach flips at that thought, but I ignore it. It all started ten years after I met Lord Shishio and when I went along by his side to become his apprentice. He and I met many other characters in which we then became the Juppongatana, or the Ten Swords if you want to be simple, and when I learned about why Shishio was burned and was left for dead many years ago. He wanted to take over Japan, perhaps from a fit of vengeance, and I understood where his pain was coming from, feeling betrayed by my own family who were supposed to be there for me. Shishio taught me that if you're strong, you'll live, and if you're weak, you'll die. Too many experiences have supported this argument, and I grew stronger from all of my training under his firm hand. It's because of him that I became strong from the weak little boy I used to be.

This is what happened.

 _I turned seventeen years old. It was the spring of 1878, and Shishio instructed me to slay Okubo Toshimichi, the legendary leader of the Ishin Shishi political activist group. I remember sitting in a tree to wait for him, enjoying the warm weather meanwhile. I remember how clear the skies were that day, and how I wished I could enjoy it in under less sinister circumstances. He was in a horse carriage, and I applied my shukuchi to catch up to him. Okubo was in the middle of talking to himself and he said: "If Himura does not go_ — _"_

 _I open the side door of his horse carriage._

 _"_ — _This nation will collapse!"_

 _"You sure worry a lot!"_

 _Okubo turns to his side to see me coming into his view and I continue, "The future of this country is something you shouldn't worry about," I smile and added a chilling, "Especially since you are going to die!"_

 _I grab the lower part of his face aggressively to hold him still, and I go on with my message: "I have a message from Mister Shishio. 'Smart guy, trying to send Himura the Battousai as an assassin is genius. But it is a futile effort because I'm going to take over this country regardless.',"_

 _I take out from my belt a small knife and hold it up, "And that's all he had to say!"_

 _I plunge the knife in between his eyes, killing him instantly. It was bloody but, well, it had to be done. After the deed was done, I hid up from up on a tree and let the carriage roll on for a couple feet away before it was stopped by this group of men who wanted to kill Okubo too. Stupid fools, I thought, and soon I watch as they open the side door to find a dead Toshimichi sliding right out, bloodied and eyes gone white. They didn't know what to do, until their leader proclaim to just lie and to say that they were the ones who did it. They all drove their knives into him, wanting to take home the glory of them doing it. You see what I'm saying? In the end, the flesh of the weak is food for the strong. I remember smirking as soon as they all walked away and a crowd draws into the crime scene about an hour later._

 _I am in the sea of strangers, all of them shocked and horrified to find him slaughtered, and all the while, I felt nothing at all. That is, until I see from the corner of my eye, the man they call Kenshin Himura of the Battousai walking in between the people to get a closer look. He appeared so shocked from seeing his friend sprawled out like that, and I watch him. Shishio told me to find this man, a man with long red hair and an x shaped scar on his left cheek, carrying a reverse blade sword. I found him at last. I hear him whisper, "Secretary Okubo!" under his breath, and soon I am by his side and said:_

 _"This is a warning. You better not stand against Master Shishio, not unless you want to end up like Okubo."_

 _He turns around but I'm already walking on ahead, and he is unable to run after me without causing a scene. Smart man, that one is. My job here is done. I go back to my master in no time at all, and he already has another assignment for me: To gather a new ally for our group to fight against Kenshin Himura in the near future. I obeyed and with the help of a few fighters, we go to find this Aoshi Shinomori in a forest not too far from us. That man defeated all my men and I watch in secrecy, in awe of his techniques. The man is perfect! After he killed all of them, I come out of my hiding place and start clapping, complimenting on his strength. I tried to manipulate him into joining the Juppongatana, playing on his insecurities, and I walked away from him so that he can think about it some more. No need to push it anymore; I'll find him later on anyway. I go on to find my Lord Shishio and his companion Yumi Komagata enjoying what seemed to be a private picnic. I told him that the plan went well but that Aoshi seemed rather reluctant. Doesn't matter, Shishio said. He'll come around._

 _We found this hot spring resort and managed to get all of the people out of it and enslaved someplace else, just so Master Shishio can take advantage of its hot waters. We sent Senkaku to kill Mishima Ei'ichiro and his younger brother, though the latter did survive. We thought we could stop Himura through having him stay in the Shingetsu village, but the plans went into foil anyway. One of our men comes to beg for Lord Shishio's forgiveness while my master was taking his bath, saying that he and the other men will try all they can to find the Battousai._

 _"Please forgive me, Lord! H-Himura the Battousai entered the forest at a cliff in Hakone, and we lost sight of him!" Our spy seemed so deathly afraid of the wrath that is Makoto Shishio, bowing his head to the floor and everything, "We're searching his whereabouts with all of our man power, but please forgive me!"_

 _"What should we do about this, Lord Shishio?" I chirp from where I stand, my master at the other side of the room enjoying his steam bath._

 _"I think I'll let it go this time. This is my first trip to the hot springs in six months, so I'm feeling pretty good. But hurry up and find the Battousai before I change my mind."_

 _"Thank you for your kindness, Lord Shishio!" The man sits up with a stupid grin on his face and I couldn't help but walk on over to where he's sitting with a callous smile._

 _"Well, isn't that good news!" I sit down and my tone suddenly changes to a more threatening one, "But if you ever make a mistake like that again, I won't be as forgiving as Lord Shishio."_

 _"I won't, I promise." The man gulps._

 _I watch him as the heavy set man walks out of that room with a stunned look on his face and it's at that moment that another one of our spies come rushing in, "Mr. Seta!"_

 _"It's busy around here today, what is it?"_

 _"Actually.." The man leans over to whisper the following words: "Kenshin Himura and Hajime Saito are both heading this way!"_

 _Inside my stomach, it does a flip and I smile, "I see."_

 _I go up to the door that leads to the steaming bath room, "Lord Shishio? Master Shishio?"_

 _"You're bothering me. What is it this time?" I hear his voice tinged with annoyance but he refrains himself from going ballistic on me. I fight the urge to giggle._

 _"A man with a cross shaped scar on his left cheek, and a police officer with a Japanese sword, are heading in our direction right now."_

 _"I see. I was about to say hello to him, but he's come to me first. That's my predecessor, alright. Soujiro! Go ahead and greet them!"_

 _I nod, "Alright."_

 _"And ask Senkaku to get himself ready for battle."_

 _"Well, there's no need for that, because Senkaku is always ready for battle."_

 _Nighttime fell when they both finally arrived to our hot springs resort. I waited for them at the front gate for them, and it didn't take long until my eyes shift focus on the familiar red hair coming up from way ahead of me. They both stopped walking as soon as they see me coming out to greet them._

 _"I'm here to welcome Himura the Battousai and Mister Hajime Saito!"_

 _They both watch me carefully, but I only had to smile and laugh under my breath at their suspicious glances. Kenshin especially has his eyes intensely fixed on me, as if trying to figure something out about me. Fool. He won't know anything as long as I keep this smile on._

 _"Don't drop your guard, Saito." Kenshin warns the policeman next to him, "This is the young man who killed Mr. Okubo."_

 _"Please don't worry! My reason's for being here is to be your guide," I outstretch my arms to prove that I'm not carrying anything on me, "As you can see, I don't have any weapons today."_

 _They almost looked like they don't buy it, which honestly made me laugh. Calm down, Soujiro. I regain my composure and continue: "Mr. Shishio is waiting for you two in the back room. Please follow me."_

 _I try to ignore the intensity of Himura's eyes on me, his eyes not wavering and are instead zeroing right at my face. Perhaps he doesn't trust me. But then, shouldn't my lack of weaponry be able to calm him down? He doesn't move a hair and continues to gape at me and my stomach flips again like it did earlier. I hear his friend telling him that caution will only delay everyone and to just come with me. The three of us venture inside the hot springs dojo and head inside a large room where Shishio and Yumi reside in, waiting for us to arrive. As long as our swords are with us and there are guards outside, Kenshin is no match to all of us._

 _"I believe you're.." Kenshin seems to think carefully with his words, "Makoto Shishio, are you not?"_

 _Shishio scoffs and replies, "You could have at least call me Mr. Shishio. What a rude predecessor you are."_

 _"Think nothing of it. Rudeness is a trait we all share." Kenshin responds head on to Shishio's blunt attempt to offend him._

 _I turn my head towards Hajime as soon as he starts talking, "Hey, don't you think you ought to be doing more than just standing there like that? The old Battousai would've hopped over there and gotten a slice of Shishio already."_

 _I jump to his defense, "Don't be so hard on him. Unlike you, Mr. Himura would never, ever think of doing something so underhanded and sneaky."_

 _I giggle at him, knowing I cut right into his small vices, but he smirks at me anyway, impressed with my cutting statement. See, I'm not just a cute face like he would have thought, and I would hate to see Himura hurt so soon before I could see some of his amazing moves. Plus, I don't feel like seeing too much blood tonight for some reason._

 _"What's your reason for taking this village?" Kenshin inquires, "Although I'm certain that what you're after is the entire nation of Japan, not just one or two small towns."_

 _Shishio takes a moment to compile his sarcastic answer: "The hot springs!"_

 _We all don't say anything and something tells me that he's just saying that to provoke Kenshin. It's smart, but for some reason, I don't find this funny at all. Shishio continues to explain his answer._

 _"The hot water that comes out of these springs does wonders to soothe this burnt skin of mine. But if the people who normally come here for the springs were to see me, they'd be scared. So I took over this place for my personal use."_

 _That did it. Kenshin starts to seethe from where he stands, "You mean to tell me that you enslaved this entire village for such a petty reason?"_

 _I see Yumi starts to laugh to herself over Kenshin's passionate outburst and Shishio starts laughing along with her, "I was only joking about that. The rumors were right about you being too serious for your own good."_

 _"He's taunting you, Battousai," Hajime reminds Kenshin, "Don't let it get to you like a certain someone we know."_

 _Hmm. I wonder who they could be talking about?_

 _"I needed this town as a base of operations where I could plan to take over the Tokai area," Shishio grins wider, "But I'll have to admit, I do like the hot springs!"_

 _"Shishio!" Kenshin growls and takes a step forward only to be stopped by his friend._

 _"Keep your mouth shut, Battousai." Hajime instructs him with his firm hand on the redhead's shoulder, "So you were planning to use this village, as your headquarters to seek revenge upon the Meiji government."_

 _"The leader of the third squad Shinsegumi, Mr. Hajime Saito." Shishio closes his eyes, "I had hoped that you of all people would understand me since you're more similar to me than my predecessor now. But I guess I was wrong."_

 _"Elaborate." Hajime inquires._

 _"Ten years ago, after I took over the Battousai's position as the manslayer in the shadows.." From there, it became a blur to me because for one reason or another, my eyes wouldn't tear themselves away from looking at Kenshin Himura. I've never seen the likes of him before, with long red hair and those lavender eyes of his. Not to mention, I've never met a man who is so serene and otherwise non-threatening despite his bloody past as the Battousai. I've heard tales of pure horror about this man, but if I were to pass by him in the street, I wouldn't have ever picked up on that myself. And I'm someone who can see right through people most of the time. There's just something about him that I can't put my finger on, though. Something about him that I just know that if I were to find out, it would destroy me._

 _Destroy me. Where did that even come from? I snap out of it and look on ahead to see that Shishio ended his story with a funny quip, "And no matter what happens to a man, women will always find him attractive.. if he has power."_

 _I nodded soundly, agreeing_ _wholeheartedly_ _._

 _"If that's all you had to say, then why don't you shut up and spare us this dribble? I can't believe we wasted so much time traveling all across Japan just to hear this!" Hajime retorts._

 _"You, my predecessor, and I, are all men who lived through the Revolution, aren't we? So why is it," Shishio exhales some smoke from his pipe before continuing, "That you can't seem to understand how I feel? Defending the Shogunates Power for promises of money and glory, that was what I used to fight for, but ultimately_ — _The Revolution was simply chaos unleashed after waiting three-hundred years to occur. Those who defended the Shogunates, and those who were against it, both waved their flags in the name of justice. And they killed each other day after day during the bloody anarchy. I_ _f one was born in the midst of that carnage.. wouldn't they say that controlling the world is what a man's supposed to do?"_

 _I start clapping at that amazing monologue._

 _"But what happened? I was nearly assassinated. And when I left the shadows after tending my injuries, the chaos was gone and something called the Meiji Government replaced it. However, it's a weak little government that can't even dispose me, one single man. I can't allow a government like that to rule this country. And so!" Shishio breaks his smoking pipe with his fist, scaring Yumi, "If the era of chaos is over, then I'll bring new chaos to take its place. I'll cease control over this country; The new Japan will become stronger under my leadership! That's the justice that will guide me and my noble cause!"_

 _"But," Kenshin begins with a serious look on his face, "The blood that will be shed in the name of that justice will not be yours. That blood will belong to people who have been living their lives peacefully in this era."_

 _"Life is merely a game where the fittest survives, but it doesn't seem that my predecessor believes that anymore."_

 _"Makoto Shishio," Kenshin flicks his sword from its sheath just an inch, "If you think I'll allow anymore blood shed, simply for your twisted definition of justice, you're wrong!"_

 _"Do you feel the same way, Mr. Saito?" I ask my new friend next to me._

 _Hajime smirks and answers, "Well now, I'm not one for spouting ideals like the Battousai, I have to say that the direct approach attacking Shishio is more to my liking."_

 _"I don't particularly care whether I fight you two or not. But if I have to, then I prefer to do it in the grand city of Kyoto. So if you really insist on fighting right now," Shishio leans over to tap the floor once, surprising Kenshin for what was about to come._

 _From underneath the ground, it explodes from the impact of one of the Juppongatana members flying through it to appear in front of my guests, "Then I, Senkaku, ruler of the Shingetsu Village, will be your opponent today!"_

 _Senkaku is this very large man with overbearing muscles and a coarse appearance, bearing two blades as weapons on each of his hands. He almost looks to be trying too hard, if I had to be honest, and I couldn't help but laugh a little, "You're as imposing as ever, Mr. Senkaku!"_

 _"Senkaku," Kenshin glowers, "Then you must be the man who ordered young Eiji's parents to be killed!"_

 _Senkaku grins, "Hmm! So what if I was? What'choo gonna do?!" He lifts one arm to swing downward to where Kenshin stood, but the latter moves swiftly just in time to evade it. Senkaku, never the less, turns to his side just in time, "You're too slow!"_

 _The large man drives his weaponized arm straight into Kenshin, knocking the walls behind the auburn haired swordsman, and my stomach drops. Is it over already?_

 _"Oh my Gosh!" My eyes widen, "I didn't think it would end so quickly!"_

 _"Looks like Himura the Battousai was nothing at all!" Senkaku smiles wider, proud of himself. But then_ —

 _"I made a promise to Eiji, that I did." Kenshin simply states, confusing the threatening giant, and it turns out that Kenshin had used his sword just in time to stop Senkaku's weapon from driving into his midsection, blocking it entirely. I couldn't help but smile._

 _"What?!" Senkaku growls._

 _"Oh!" I gasp._

 _"I plan to defeat you, in front of Shishio!" Kenshin announces._

 _"What a laugh!" Senkaku bellows, "You're going to defeat me?"_

 _The walls behind Kenshin fall apart finally, and with a dark glare, he responds with a husky, "Yeah."_

 _I bite my lower lip for some reason._

 _"Interesting! But let me warn you that I've sliced and diced ninety-nine people so far!" Senkaku says, trying to prop up his own strength for show, "My next victim will make one hundred!"_

 _He pulls his weapon from out of Kenshin's sword, and he swings all the while screaming, **"And it's gonna be you!"**_

 _Kenshin jumps out of the way in time and gets behind Senkaku. Hajime Saito makes a comment of being impressed by Senkaku's number. Senkaku does his battle cry before coming after Himura, hitting the ground floor with all of his strength to try and catch the swift swordsman. Kenshin manages to pass all of them without a single scratch._

 _"Oh!" I gasp in surprise, thoroughly entertained by his graceful movements._

 _Kenshin suddenly disappears behind Senkaku with his God-like speed, but Senkaku turns around quickly, "I see you!" swinging his arm towards Kenshin's head, but he disappears again. He once again, stands behind Senkaku. What is he doing? What is he trying to do? Never the less, I am supremely impressed._

 _"Oh.." I gasp again, feeling strangely giddy over this._

 _"Hey!" Senkaku suddenly yells out to taunt him, "Is the great Battousai the manslayer too chicken to do anything else besides running behind people's backs and hide from them? Cause in that case_ — _"_

 _Senkaku also disappears and reappears behind Kenshin, "_ — _Then I can play that game, too!"_

 _Kenshin pauses before simply turning around to look over his shoulder at his opponent. Senkaku continues, "I'm as fast as you! I got something you don't, and that's the power that comes from my size! And these two blades were designed to help me take full advantage of my speed and power!"_

 _Senkaku can be such a loud idiot, I swear. Anymore of his screaming and I'll need to lie down. Never the less, I stay to watch the battle as Senkaku once again tries to slam down his double blades to the ground in the hopes of catching Kenshin, to no avail. Kenshin stops in his track, making Senkaku having to turn around completely in order to face him. What's Kenshin doing? Senkaku repeats the same actions, and so does Kenshin. Again and again._

 _Senkaku soon becomes irritated and insults Kenshin over running around like a little chicken and to just fight him head on._

 _"Mr. Himura seems to be having a hard time," I tell the policeman next to me, "He hasn't even had the chance to attack once, so don't you think he can use a little helping hand?"_

 _Why I am helping Himura, I have no idea._

 _"No way, I have absolutely no intentions of drawing my sword to fight the likes of Senkaku. Take a look. He had a smirk on his face up until a few minutes ago," Mr. Saito says, pointing out to Shishio, "But ever since the battle started, he's been like that. He's concentrating and observing each and every attack his opponent possesses. But he can't find any weaknesses. I'm positive that the Battousai sees that as well. That's why he hasn't attacked yet; And he's waiting for his opponent to breakdown."_

 _"Breakdown?" I implore._

 _Kenshin disappears and reappears behind Senkaku, making the latter cry out in frustration, "Would you quit, running around_ — _!"_

 _And that's when I heard it. A snap. Senkaku breaks his entire leg and he screams out in deep pain. He falls with a large thud, and I am left in shock, as did Shishio and Yumi. Senkaku is shivering on the floor when I hear him cry, "It's, it's my leg, it's broken!"_

 _"It's because you kept moving at that pace without slowing down. This is the result of the stress you put on your body, and finally going over its limit."_

 _"Shut up!" Senkaku retaliates, "You were moving at the same speed I was! And there's no way that my strong body couldn't be suspended before your scrawny one did!"_

 _"You were moving the same. But there was naturally more stress put on your body than mines since you're much heavier than I."_

 _"I-Impossible!" Senkaku's eyes looks like they were about to pop out of his skull, "Nothing's like this has ever happened to me before! How can my body go over its limit just by moving as fast as you were?!"_

 _"You pathetic fool, haven't you figured it out yet?" Hajime cuts in._

 _"What are you trying to say?!" Senkaku yells at Mr. Saito and I watch the policeman as he speaks._

 _"Let me explain it to you. The Battousai was gradually speeding up anytime he circled around you. You believed you were as fast as him, so you matched your pace to his. You didn't notice the changes in speed, so you fell for it. You did this to yourself!"_

 _Senkaku makes a pained cry at the realization of his own stupidity._

 _Hajime smirks, "Hmph! You said you killed ninety-nine people, didn't you? Number one-hundred is going to be you, so it's a happy ending."_

 _"Wow," I had to gasp and look towards Kenshin, "I guess you two put a lot of thought into your battles, don't you?"_

 _Senkaku hears Kenshin coming closer to him and he looks up at the Battousai, the latter appearing fierce and intimidating. Suddenly, Senkaku starts to break down a little, "It was all a lie, Battousai, I swear! I didn't do it, I was just kidding when I said I killed ninety-nine people!"_

 _"Never the less, the one who killed Eiji's parents," Kenshin's glare deepens and his voice sounds guttural, "Was undeniably you!"_

 _Senkaku has never looked more afraid for his life, and then I hear Shishio sing out his name, making the large man turn towards him in fear, "To tell you the truth, I never actually believed that you were capable of defeating the Battousai. But if you lose like this without even forcing the Battousai to show me even one single move, then mark my words well.. I will kill you personally!"_

 _Senkaku does exactly what Shishio said and leaps up towards the Battousai despite his broken leg. It is then that Kenshin is able to show us a signature move: The Hiten Misurugi style Ryu Sho Sen, thrusting his reverse blade upwards and underneath Senkaku's chin. He uses the reverse side of his blade, though, to prevent any carvings from happening, but the strong impact is enough to knock the giant out of consciousness. It's the most amazing thing I have ever witnessed in my short life._

 _"Tch!" Hajime Saito scoffs, "I can't believe that you were merciful with a fool like Senkaku. Your mercy will cost you your life one day!"_

 _"I don't particularly mind," Kenshin turns to Shishio's general direction, "Shishio is my successor; I can afford to be generous with him!"_

 _My stomach leaps and I couldn't help but compliment Kenshin, "Wow! Mr. Himura is amazing!"_

 _Kenshin positions his sword to do a battle stance, my lord and master looking at him with an expression that I've never seen before. It's like he knows that he shouldn't fight with Kenshin right now in this state, lest he wants to be defeated, which I'll never forget the first hairline crack of my inner moral code of survival of the fittest: If you're strong, you'll live, and if you're weak, you'll die. So why isn't Shishio leaping up to the first opportunity to fight Himura? What is he waiting for?_

 _"Makoto Shishio," I hear Kenshin announce, ".. Pick up your sword!"_

(To be continued)


	10. Illumination (Part Two)

_Author's note: Hey guys, I am absolutely floored by the four new reviews from the previous chapter and I'm going to individually answer each one of them because I'm just so happy that this story is really taking off. :)_

 _Internets4Porn, I am again, sorry I didn't mentioned you in the previous chapter. By the time I uploaded it, you commented and I pretty much missed it. So, yeah, it's super cool that you gave me a frank and honest review about the age thing, and I don't want you to feel like I don't care about what you think about the controversial topic at hand. Because I do care, you know? That said, the "past" Soujiro will have these semi cushy feely moments without having to talk about anything sexual because, again, he's a minor and it'll just be too strange for me. I think he did 'noticed' Kenshin even in the original series because he just seemed way too affected when he was ordered to kill Kenshin and he just did not wanted to. So yeah, just wanted to clear that up!_

 _Chimerical, Kenshin is a very perceptive person. Intuitive, even, so he is catching up on Soujiro's strange behaviors and what not. I am trying to do a slow burn into this and not let anything blow up randomly or prematurely, since I just want this all come to a boiling head soon but we just need to be patient, ya know? The rice paper door comment made me laugh so hard, thank you. It wasn't mentioned but merely implied that Soujiro cleaned himself up when he woke up in the morning, so Kaoru won't find anything too disgusting, thank god. And I don't know about you, but I am a secretly huge pervert who hides this in my public life, so... ;)_

 _Cannibal Corncob, oh, Shishio definitely taught Soujiro how to deal and hide the feels. But remember, Soujiro left the Juppongatana and had to re-learn everything about his emotional development. Four years isn't long enough for him to take control over it in a healthy manner, versus the ten years it took Shishio to brainwash him. And don't worry, Soujiro cleaned up after himself, hahaha!_

 _Bone Deep: Welcome to the tenth level of hell, muahauahua! Enjoy your stay and don't get too corrupted! ;)_

 _I8Pi: Well, if you insist, I will keep violently churn out new updates as quickly as these little fingers will allow me. It feels good to be passionate over something like this. Even if it's yaoi pornography, heck, that's all fine and dandy! Say hi to your dog for me! :)_

 _Now, onto the second part of the Illumination chapter. Enjoy!_

 ** _UPDATE 1/27/2017: I've edited one part of Usui's speech with Soujiro, sorry about that!_**

Scene IX: Illumination (Part Two)

I wake up from my daydream and decide to go deeper into the forest to enjoy some cleaner air. Maybe later I'll go back into town to buy myself some lunch, but I still have a few hours until noon. Plus, I really do miss the way forests used feel like when I was in the Juppongatana; many days and nights were spent in my life either walking or rushing through the trees in these environments, and experiencing the rush of the clean air hitting against my face as I do. The smell of grass collapsing under my feet as I walk over them, couple with the sound of rushing water is like music to my ears. Being in a forest is like being transported into a different reality. A reality where it's just me and my own thoughts, not criticized by other men in my own space, and where I can just relax like the way mortal men ought to be: In nature, where they can just be themselves. I really miss this so much.

I sit down near by a river bank, just watching the fish swim with the current, and I lean back to enjoy the warmth of the sun on my face. It's not too overwhelmingly heated today, which is a good thing. Now, where was I? I remember now. Kenshin defeated Senkaku and demanded Shishio to pick up his sword to fight him. I'll never forget that day.

 _"Then stop sneaking around like mice," I suddenly hear Hajime Saito say before he opens the slide door behind him to let in two new visitors, "And watch this battle in the open. But be careful not to stray too far away, weasel."_

 _I look to my side to the floor to see a young teenage girl and a younger adolescent male with them. So much for guards, huh?_

 _"You better do as he says," Kenshin entreats._

 _"That attack.." Shishio trails off and Kenshin looks towards him, "The Ryu Sho Sen, was it? It's a technique that uses the dull side of your sword to strike upwards into your opponent's jaw. But it must've originally been an attack that use the sharp side of the sword to slice upwards."_

 _Kenshin takes a moment, perhaps remembering the horrible deeds he's done to other people, before responding, "Yes, it was."_

 _"I've heard reports that you've become a wanderer who's sworn off killing, but I didn't want to believe it until I saw it with my own two eyes," Shishio smiles strangely at him, "There isn't any way you can defeat me as you are now. Hmph! Even if there were a hundred of you."_

 _We were all quiet, and Shishio continues: "Fighting a boring battle is the last thing I want to do right now."_

 _He snaps his fingers and Yumi stands up to peel back a folding screen to reveal a stairwell leading downstairs under ground so that they can get out in secret, and he announces, "So, I'll wait for you in Kyoto. When you become a manslayer again, come and see me."_

 _"So you'll run back into the shadows, Shishio!" Kenshin counters cuttingly, leaving Shishio looking a little angry until I hear him cackling under his breath. Shishio turns to grab one of his better swords to fling it at me, Kenshin dodging it in time so that I can then catch it from behind him. I didn't even have to look up in order to do this, as a way to intimidate my battle opponent._

 _"Hey, Soujiro, why don't you play with him for me, okay?" Shishio commands me more than merely ask me._

 _I smile and wave at him goodbye, "Are you sure about this? I mean, letting me you use your sword, Mr. Shishio?"_

 _Shishio turns around to smile from over his shoulder, "Yeah, I'm sure. I think we ought to thank him for showing us the Ryu Sho Sen by letting him see your Tenken, Soujiro."_

 _I giggle, "Sure, I'd be more than happy to!"_

 _Kenshin has his stern glare on me, switching it to behind him to watch my master leave the premises, and it had to take me talking to get his attention on me again, "Mr. Himura! If you don't defeat me, then I'm afraid you won't be able to leave this mansion. You'll have to fight me first before doing anything else."_

 _Kenshin slides his right foot to keep his legs spread apart for a battle stance, and he openly stares at me with a very intimidating expression. We both stand there, watching each other, almost convinced that one of us will cheat and try to kill the other one before the natural start of a battle. It's obvious we don't trust each other, much less even like each other, and it seems to me that Kenshin is trying to dissect any way he can to find a weak opening spot to attack me with, to no avail. I am just not like his other enemies and he knows this. I don't have any weaknesses. I am strong and he is not. It's really that simple!_

 _"Come on, Himura, what're you doing just standing around, if you don't do something quick, that mummy guy is gonna get away from you!" I hear the teenage girl bellowing from behind me. Tch!_

 _We continue to stand there. Staring. Unmoved. It felt like at least one minute too long for it to feel comfortable for the onlookers._

 _"Hey, I think it's time for you to stop standing there like that already!" The adolescent girl then screams louder, **"Do you hear a word I'm saying, Himura?!"**_

 _Kenshin's face suddenly switches to a very aggressive and cold appearing battle stare, and this is the part where it got very interesting. In many battles, such a thing is used to confuse or otherwise intimidate your opponent, or at least to get your enemy to also share a weakness so as to find an opening to attack at. Of course Kenshin would do something like that, and of course his policeman friend would also do that since he's been doing it ever since he got here. Or maybe the policeman just looked scary naturally and I just wasn't afraid of him. The interesting part of Kenshin doing that, is that it did not faze me at all. Not one bit._

 _I tilt my head and smile at him, mocking him._

 _The girl soon collapses slowly on the floor, or at least, that's what I think happened, judging by that small thumping sound I hear from behind. I hear the other voices talking but I just don't care at this point to even follow any of their conversations. I keep my eyes on Kenshin, studying him, burning a picture of the way he looks inside my mind so that I won't forget about him or the way he appears for future references. I'll need it if I'm going to fight him some other time, and it would be quite awkward to forget about him during such a crucial part of Shishio's overall plan of taking over Japan as we know it. The policeman was babbling about the offensive chi stance and that he's been trying to scare me ever since he and Kenshin first got here, and that I didn't have a fighting spirit in the first place. Unfortunate for them having to learn this tonight. Kenshin's eyebrows shoot upward, and I secretly giggle._

 _We stare for a bit longer, but I think it's time to start._

 _"I'm sorry to bother you, but if you don't attack me soon, then I won't be able to catch up with Master Shishio." I kindly remind Kenshin, his eyes widening a bit before he puts his sword away into its protective sheath. I watch as he does another battle stance, the_ _Battojutsu_ _. Of course._

 _The people behind me blabbed again, and after Saito stopped talking, I continued, "I see. So it's Battojutsu, huh? A very wise decision! Well, I suppose I should do the same thing." I also ready my body to the Battojutsu stance, and we both start inching closer to each other to prepare for the ultimate test of speed and strength. Who will attack who first? Who's sword will take the brunt of the pain?_

 _We flick our swords from its sheaths, and it was on. We both take a huge swing at each other, and in a split second, my sword cut through Kenshin's weapon in half, and we all watch as the tip of the sword flies up into the air and falling back down to pierce the floor. Aside from me, everyone else couldn't be more shocked even if they tried. I did it. If you're strong, you'll live, and if you're weak, you'll die. Now it's time to kill the Battousai. Right when that thought enters my mind, my eyes lose focus for some reason, and I flinch a bit, trying to regain my composure. I don't even know what was that, but maybe I just need some rest. It was a very busy day today, after all._

 _"I guess this match is over! Wouldn't you agree?" I chirp. Somehow, I don't feel like continuing this._

 _"Yeah," I hear Mr. Saito answer and I turn around to look at him, "You're both unable to continue the fight now, so you can call this one a draw."_

 _"Huh?" I feel so confused until I look at my own weapon, finding it almost shattered from the impact of me slicing Kenshin's now useless sword. I am in awe._

 _"Alright! You did a great job, Himura!" I hear the teenage girl cheer from behind me._

 _I take a closer look of my master's now worthless sword in my hands, "I have to say that this sword has seen better days. When the damage is this bad, it's impossible to repair it.." I suddenly perk up, feeling strangely happy over this twist of events, "Well! This sword belongs to Master Shishio, so its not my loss."_

 _I put it back in my protective sheath, "I guess that means that there won't be no winners or losers in our match today."_

 _I try to hide my giddiness and walk on ahead, "I suppose I better excuse myself for now," Suddenly, a faint blush creeps up on my cheeks knowing I stood so near Kenshin, but I ignore it to continue on to say, "But I hope you can fight me again someday. If you can, please be certain that you have a new sword by the time we meet again, Mr. Himura."_

 _It took until morning till I finally reach Shishio and Yumi to return his now worthless sword. I told him that it was all Kenshin's fault for having such a faulty sword to begin with, breaking Shishio's precious Nagasone Kotetsu. Yumi berated me for not knowing what a Kotetsu is, and Shishio commands me to gather all of the Juppongatana members to come back to Kyoto. I comply, and went on my way to seek out Anji Yukyuzan, Kariwa Henya, and Iwanbo, and together we went to town to find Aoshi Shinomori. I played dumb with him, saying it must be a coincidence that we bumped into each other again, but Aoshi is convinced that I must've followed him. I told him he's right, but that at least my group know how to seek out information about the whereabouts of his mortal enemy, Kenshin Himura. That won him over and he comes along with us back to our secret headquarters._

 _Hoji Sadojima comes forward to Shishio to announce my return from my trip, and Shishio also sort of played dumb with who Aoshi is. Never the less, Shishio welcomes him into the Juppongatana's key mission to taking down the Battousai. Aoshi is still very reluctant, and even tells Shishio to his face that he has no intention of joining the likes of us even if it means tracking down the Battousai. That's pretty brave of him to say that, to be honest. We tried to strike a deal with him, but Aoshi soon tried to walk away from us. Mr. Hoji, of course, comes to the rescue, and tells him that he has a way of tracking down Himura through the Oniwaban group member Okina. That stopped Aoshi. We all knew that he knows Okina, being the leader of that group itself, and if it means torturing a fellow man to get information, then we as the Juppongatana will support Aoshi._

 _The Aoiya attack, of course, failed. Hoji recommended going over there, but Shishio declines, saying Aoshi is over there already. Meanwhile, I slip out for three days. I need to get things ready as well as clear my head for a bit, on account of the image of the Battousai haunting my every thought. I can't even sleep without thinking about him; Could I defeat him? Will he be stronger than me? I had to find out. On the first day, I've succeeded in making sure the arrangements were settled for the Purgatory ship to be at the ready for my leader and the group. The second day was me traveling and asking around, until I can find a nice bakery shop to steal a box of treats from, as well as hiding in a tree to overlook Kenshin Himura and Seijuro Hiko_ — _His teacher who taught him the Hiten Mitsurugi_ — _to teach the former how to apply the ultimate attacks:_ _Kuzuryusen and the Amakakeru Ryu no Hirameki_ _. I make a mental note that I'll be able to evade such attacks._

 _I also make another mental note: Kenshin Himura simply amazes me just by me staring at him. It's frightening. It has to be those eyes._

 _The third day, I went back to the Purgatory ship location to make sure everything is done and settled. I go back after to the secret fortress and Yumi seemed very upset and asked me where I was._

 _"I'm back!" I announced as I walk in._

 _"There you are!" Yumi rushes up to me with panic written all over her face._

 _"Is something wrong? You look so desperate!" I smile._

 _"Just where have you been?"_

 _"Well, I was just thinking, since everybody might get a little," I choose my words carefully, "Depressed in a boring place like this, so I've decided to go get some pastries!"_

 _"And it took you three days just to buy pastries?"_

 _"Well, I got a little lost here and there_ — _"_

 _"That's great! While you were shopping, that Usui guy showed up and started causing trouble!" Yumi angrily blurted out._

 _"What about that Usui guy?" It's Usui Uonuma's turn to speak and we both look at him, appearing terrifying despite his blindness._

 _"Oh, hello Mr. Usui, it's been a long time!" I start unwrapping my pastry box, "Would you like one?"_

 _Usui pauses for a moment before smiling, "Yatsuhashi, huh? Whenever you leave Shishio's side, it's always because you have some mission to accomplish for him. My heart's eyes, capable of making normally invisible emotions, apparent to me. And even you_ — _" He slides down his eye mask, "_ — _A boy who is supposedly lacks emotions, can't hide anything from my sight."_

 _"Really?" I challenge him with that same smile on my face._

 _"Huh, well," Usui chuckles, "Whatever it is that Shishio is hiding from me is of little importance."_

 _Thank god._

 _Yumi sticks her tongue out at him. Usui tells us that all Juppongatana members are to report to the main hall for an important meeting. The last three members have arrived since my absence, so I go over to say hello to Kamatarti Honjo (Much to Yumi's displeasure.), Elder Saizuchi, and since the third one is too large to be inside the building, Saizuchi said that Fuji is also here with us tonight. Once Shishio arrives into the room, I immediately came up to him to apologize for my mysterious disappearance. I offer him a treat, opening a box for him to see a letter inside the lid that reads: PREPARATIONS ARE NOW COMPLETE. Shishio then announces that tomorrow at eleven fifty-nine at night, we will start out glorious path to victory. I couldn't really sleep that night.. I feel restless and excited by an unknown origin. I get out of my bedroom to take a walk in the hallways just to see if I can make myself exhausted._

 _Somewhere along the way, I bump into Usui, who is sitting in a chair and seems to be meditating before I walk in on him. He straightens up in his chair as I come walking closer to him._

 _"I had a feeling you couldn't sleep." Usui suddenly smiles, making me stop walking._

 _"Oh?" I smile at him, keeping my tone of voice pleasant, "How did you know?"_

 _He turns his head up to look towards me despite the blindfold, and he doesn't answer for the first few moments. At first, I am not sure what to feel or what to think, or what he is even going for right now. Perhaps he just likes to poke and prob people's emotions just to get a rise of out of them. That has to be the reason why Yumi hates him so much. I don't move a single hair and continue to smile at him, convinced that his heart's eyes wouldn't know the difference and can see that I am just harmless for tonight and have no ill intentions towards him or anyone at this time at night. I'm just not able to fall asleep because of certain thoughts running around inside my head. That's all._

 _"There's someone on your mind. Isn't there?" Usui smiles wider knowingly, and the corner of my mouth twitches._

 _"Perhaps."_

 _"Could it perhaps be someone who shouldn't even be there in the first place?" Usui chuckles underneath his breath, taunting me._

 _"I don't think so," I giggle, "I think about everybody from time to time."_

 _"And yet here you are, unable to sleep. This person on your mind must be important," Usui turns his head to look in another direction, "A certain someone who perhaps is a mortal enemy to Lord Shishio, a certain someone who should also be your enemy too. Someone you should have already killed in the first place, but didn't."_

 _I don't answer and continue to smile, though my chest feels curiously tight all of a sudden._

 _"I think you're a little paranoid, Usui!" I laugh, trying to disarm him. He doesn't buy it._

 _"My heart's eyes are telling me that you are thinking about Himura, is that right?"_

 _And just who the hell do you think you are?_

 _"And so what if I am?" My question seem a little more forceful than usual, but I still kept my grin and chipper temperament in there too._

 _"Well," He scoffs, "I would hate to be Shishio right now and know that one of my comrades are too busy daydreaming about a sworn enemy. Especially if it's a little.. embarrassing the way the thoughts progresses."_

 _"Usui," I tilt my head mockingly, "You're crazy. I'm not thinking about Himura in any strange way at all."_

 _Usui takes another moment to ponder what to say next, and he then looks straight at me again, this time with a very sickening smile, "I had a feeling there was something queer about you. Something about the Battousai stirs something deep inside of you. I can tell."_

 _My heart pangs in my chest, but outwardly, I don't crack._

 _"The Battousai will be battling you quite soon. I wonder if your heart wouldn't have what it takes to drive your sword into his, seeing as how you're already warming yourself up to him. But I understand," Usui sniffs, "Some men are just born sick."_

 _Fuck you._

 _"You sure talk a lot of shit for a blind man," I smile sharply at him, "Excuse me."_

 _I walk ahead of him, keeping everything in my power to not execute him right there and then. How dare he. I think Yumi was right about him. He's definitely creepy and perverted on top of that too. So what if I was thinking about Himura the Battousai? I am intrigued by him and I am excited to fight him again, so maybe he's just not leaving my mind based on those two reasons alone. What does Usui even means by queer? What does that even mean? I think I should pay my leader a visit to talk about Usui. I don't think he deserves to live, not after the way he talked to me. I walk until I stand in front of the door that leads to Shishio and Yumi's private bedroom, the light still on from the other side of it. I knock twice._

 _"Who's there?" I hear Shishio's voice._

 _"Master Shishio? It's Soujiro," My voice almost breaks, "I-I'd like to talk to you about something quick if that's alright.."_

 _Silence._

 _"Let the boy in," I hear Yumi sighing._

 _"Sure," Shishio says, and I open the door to let myself in. At least I'm not walking into anything between them that a young boy like myself shouldn't see. Looks like I'm still early until their nightly coitus. Yumi sits on the edge of the bed while Shishio is enjoying a glass of sake before bedtime, and he nods at me to continue._

 _"Master Shishio," I begin, "Once all of this is over, can I please kill Usui Uonuma?"_

 _"Tch!" Yumi laughs and fans herself, "Do whatever you want with that freak of nature! I'd say, good riddance!"_

 _"Did he do something?" Shishio's eyes tighten at me._

 _"No, but he did tell me such awful things just now," I point my thumb over my shoulder for emphasis, "Just a minute ago, he said that I am thinking about Himura."_

 _"Thinking about him? Are you worried you won't defeat him?"_ _Yumi blinks at me._

 _"Soujiro, you're a very strong boy, you can certainly take the Battousai down."_ _Shishio takes a casual sip of his drink._

 _I shake my head with a giggle, "Not like that, no."_

 _"Not like that? Then, in what way?" Yumi blinks. Shishio looks ahead at me._

 _"Like," I shrug, "I'm not sure, to be honest! The guy wasn't making any sense! He said something about.."_

 _"About what?" Yumi's stance now looks more.. suspicious. I open my eyes more to look at her and then at Shishio. Even he looks even more ill boding than usual, and that's saying a lot. I suddenly remember what Usui just said on that chair, something about 'embarrassing' progressions and that he knew there is something queer about me. Queer like Kamatari? Is that what he means? Like a homosexual type of queer? Is that what he's trying to say? But why would he think that way about me? What about me says that I'm like Kamatari? I don't get it._

 _Shishio's glare deepens, "Soujiro?"_

 _What is happening? Why are they both looking at me like that?_

 _"What did Usui insinuate about these thoughts of yours?" Yumi implores, her eyes also glaring deeper._

 _"You're not thinking about joining forces with the likes of him," Shishio takes a couple of steps closer to me, "Are you?"_

 _Of course. I want to double over laughing._

 _"N-no, sir," I start to giggle awkwardly, "It's not like that at all. I think Usui thinks I'm like.. that I'm like.."_

 _"Out with it!" Yumi barks._

 _"That I'm like Kamatari." I laugh even harder, "Isn't that weird?"_

 _"Tch," Shishio shakes his head, "Usui has some strange ideas that have no basis in reality, it seems. I'll take care of him myself once all of this is over. Go on to bed, Soujiro. You'll need your rest for tomorrow evening."_

 _"Okay," I nod, turning around to walk away._

 _"And Soujiro?"_

 _"Yeah?" I smile over my shoulder at Shishio._

 _"If it ever comes down that I catch you having feelings for a man who's named Kenshin Himura," Shishio takes his thumb to drag it horizontally across his throat, "I will make your misery end for your own sake. Not in this lifetime will I ever allow that to happen."_

 _My heart. My heart, it's.._

 _"Soujiro," Yumi starts in gently, "We don't care if you're like that. But please, anyone but the Battousai. He has to die."_

 _I bite my lower lip, something spinning inside my head starts to violently turn, and I flinch, turning around to giggle harder than usual, "I don't like him like that. You have nothing to worry about. I definitely like women!"_

 _"Good." Shishio glowers and turns around, "Goodnight. We'll see you in the morning."_

 _"Goodnight," I bow down to the both of them before getting out of their bedroom. Once the door shuts behind my back, I bite my lower lip hard enough to cause a rupture to start bleeding, my insides shaking. Something about that conversation doesn't sit right with me._

 _I think I need to learn how to keep my mouth shut._

 _The next night, we all wait for Himura to arrive in our Purgatory Battleship. Upon first glance, it looks like a really old, woodsy ship that looks like it's about to break apart. On the inside, though, lies to actual Purgatory metal ship, and so I am confident that things will turn out okay. It is a very lukewarm night, the air carrying salt and sea breeze into us, and I would have liked to sail into the ocean if life were to permit me. I see Shishio walking up with Hoji, and I said, "Excuse me? But are you worried that Mr. Himura would be able to find this ship, Mr. Shishio? We can never be too careful with a clever man like him."_

 _I'm not worried, but it doesn't hurt to ask._

 _"Even if he manages to sniff us out, there's nothing he can do to stop us. Let's see if he finds us."_

 _"Hm?" I feel a pang of worry inside my chest for some reason. Is he joking? Of course he is. I giggle in reassurance._

 _Yumi is worried about the ugly exterior of the boat, until Shishio asks her to come with him to the inside to show her the real Purgatory. After easing her mind, he asks Hoji for the time. Eleven twenty-two at night, only thirty-seven minutes until the bombings begin. I hope that Kenshin makes it. I'd like to see him one more time. Just so that we can finish what we started in the Shingetsu Village. After some time has passed, we don't see any fires being lit up and we got very worried. What's going on? We're definitely late now._

 _"It's late," Hoji starts, "We should've already been able to see the flames rising from Kyoto. What's taking them so long to start the fires?!"_

 _"They're up against five thousand police officers over there, they can't help it if they're going to face some difficulties."_

 _"But they're extremely late, sir."_

 _"There's no reason to be in such a hurry, Hoji. We still have plenty of time, so let's just sit here and watch."_

 _"Oh, that's what you say, Lord Shishio," Yumi is carrying a glass of wine in her hand, "But could it be that you feel slightly different?"_

 _I watch as Yumi comes to embrace Shishio's side as she continues, "After all, can you really tell me that you're not feeling a little nostalgic? I know it's part of the plan, but the city's full of your memories is going up into smokes soon. Doesn't that affect you even the tiniest bit, hmm?"_

 _"Unfortunately, I don't see anything worth being nostalgic over. I'm more interested in setting sails towards glory,"_ _Shishio gets off of the barrel he was just sitting on and continues to speak, "The Kyoto Grand Fire represents the commencement of our journey to victory, as well as the fireworks to celebrate the occasion. But now that you mentioned it, not being able to have a duel with that man, is indeed is a little bit more disconcerting."_

 _I think I know the feeling all too well._

 _"Hey, I see something!" One of our comrades shouts._

 _"Do you see the fires now?" Hoji asks a little more excitedly than normal._

 _"No, no, that's not it," The comrade looks fearful, "It's a carriage! There's a carriage heading this way!"_

 _"What?" Hoji did not sound happy with that at all._

 _We all look down to see that it's true; The horse carriage stops and out comes three men, the policeman Hajime Saito, a brown haired brute wearing white clothes, and of course, Kenshin Himura in the flesh. The giddiness returns inside of me but I try to ignore it. I can't wait to battle with him again._

 _"Hey, what's this? You were saying how they were gonna drop a bomb on Tokyo, so I was wondering what kind of battleship it was gonna be," The brown haired brute says, "But I don't think this dinky old piece of scrap is gonna give me any problems whatsoever."_

 _"It's impossible!" Hoji cries, "How in the world could they have known where to find us?!"_

 _"You see, he did manage to find us after all, Mr. Shishio!" I smile over my shoulder at my leader._

 _"As manslayers, we have quite a lot in common with each other. It's no wonder he could figure out my plan so easily."_

 _I wonder if Shishio would let me fight Kenshin right now. I want nothing more than to stop the intrusive thoughts inside my head over this man, and what they could mean. I don't like that I'm thinking about him so much. I wonder if he is affecting me so much because I could sense the secret part of him that would destroy me if I were to ever find out. I wonder if.. I wonder if that secret part is something that would shake my moral values that I've developed over the years. He has made a sworn oath to stop killing people, but why? Doesn't he understand the natural order of things? That the strong lives while the weak dies? Doesn't it bother Kenshin that such advice had helped him survive during the Revolution, and if he didn't, he'd be long dead by now? What's with his man? What is wrong with him? I have to find out._

 _"Mr. Shishio, how about I finally finish the fight, that we started in the Shingetsu Village?" I implore._

 _"Just because I'm not much in a hurry, doesn't mean we can waste time here," Shishio answers, my heart sinking, "But, before we set sail, we really should do something special to bid our visitors a proper farewell. Hoji! Get everyone to board the ship immediately!"_

 _"Yes sir." Hoji nods as Shishio walks away._

 _Damn it._

 _Every one of us go inside the Purgatory. I am the last to leave, looking over the edge to look at Kenshin one more time before turning around to walk away, disappointed that I wasn't able to fight with him. Maybe I can persuade Shishio again to see if I can get an edge in before we all leave to the Six Arches in Mount Hiei, even though there's a good chance he'll say no. It still wouldn't hurt to ask. Going inside the Purgatory, we wait inside this room with windows all around us, and Yumi comes over to give me a quick hug. I feel stumped, unsure of how to react._

 _"Miss Yumi?" I blink and she leans back to get a good look at me._

 _"Soujiro, I.." She looks down, pondering for a second before looking into my eyes, "Don't forget what you're supposed to do. Before anything or anybody else."_

 _My eyes widen but I nod, "Okay."_

 _She embraces me tightly again before going on to walk to another corner, and I don't know what to say. What does she even mean? We wait until the outer wood shell of the old ship blows up, and luckily we all hung on tightly onto something so that we wouldn't fall over or have any accidents. It was a loud explosion, let me tell you! But luckily, it became successful and all that's left is the actual Purgatory Battleship with all of us inside of it. I watch as Shishio goes out of this room to head back out to the edge of the ship to speak with Himura again. I hear him laughing manically, and I tighten the grip of my fists, just wondering.. just wondering.._

 _If I can just.._

I open my eyes to the sound of a fish splashing out of the water and swimming back in it again, and I realize that I almost fell asleep. What time is it now? Have I been here long? Maybe it's time for lunch. I get up from sitting against a tree and head back to the Tokyo village, and asked a shopkeeper for the time. Eleven fourty-five in the morning. My goodness, time sure does fly when you're thinking about the past. I think I'll go find a restaurant for food, then. I look everywhere for a well priced restaurant and finally decided to just go to the same one that Kenshin and I went to where we had to confront the Bokkai family. I'm sure the Akabeko workers remembers me, or at least, I hope the waitresses do. Maybe I can even score a date with one. I smile smugly to myself before heading in.

"Soujiro!" Tae Sekihara nearly jumps up when she saw me walk in, "It's been a while, hasn't it? Where's Kenshin?"

I smile and bow down to her, "Good morning, Miss Tae. Kenshin is taking care of some business and I'm just hungry for an early lunch, if that's okay!"

"Well, it is almost noon, so you are just in time!" Tae nods and shows me the way to an empty table, "How about a drink to start?"

"Green tea would be perfect, thank you!"

Tae walks away and I am left to my thoughts once again. I look out to my side window to see people walking past me, oblivious of who I am and what I used to do back then, and for a moment, there is a lump growing inside my throat. I wish Kenshin could be here with me. I wish he would stop being angry with me. I wish for a lot of things that would never come true. I deflate, gloominess settling in like dark ink expanding in clear water. I wish I could take back what I said about his wife Kaoru—he's right. She didn't do anything wrong but let me into her home with open arms. And what did I do to thank her? Curse her name and touch myself to her husband. I shiver, feeling disgusted at myself. I know what I'm doing is wrong, but a part of me almost can't help but feel the pull towards Kenshin. As long as I don't touch him, or try anything, I'm safe. If it means I'll take this secret with me to the grave and let them have their happy marriage, then so be it.

Fuck. I shut my eyes to prevent any pricks of tears forming. I lean my head against the window to reminiscence again.

 _..._

 _I watch from outside the window to see Shishio and Hoji standing on the main deck talking amongst themselves over the three arch nemesis standing on the other side of the water on the docks, and I start twisting and unfolding a piece of my clothing fabric in my hands. I want to fight Kenshin. I have to talk to him and seeing him standing there on the docks is driving me crazy. He knows something. He knows something I don't, and I know of his no-kill ideology that pisses me something fierce along with it. I have to find out why he would believe such nonsense, because I want to be able to change his mind. Maybe we can have him join the Juppongatana! He would make a great addition to our team for sure. It would make everybody win in this situation and nobody would have to die._

 _Hoji soon joins us in the room and announces, "Prepare the Armstrong Cannon for firing."_

 _I hear a large rumbling sound of the cannon moving from underneath my feet. Yumi takes a hold of my shoulder to comfort the both of us. Here goes nothing._

 _Kenshin._

 _"Armstrong loaded and ready to fire!"_

 _ **"FIRE!"** Hoji howls._

 _A loud explosion rings in the air._

 _"Direct hit, sir!"_

 _I walk up to the window to try and find Kenshin at the docks, only to see him missing in action. My heart drops to my stomach. Is he..?_

 _"Would you like us to load the cannon for a second time?" Hoji inquires and I can hear him from through the window._

 _"No, the Armstrong Cannon isn't necessary anymore, Hoji. We'll be using the Gatling Gun instead. Hurry up and get it ready." Shishio commands._

 _And then, I see a splash, and Kenshin comes jumping up to the edge of the main deck, and I couldn't help but smile, my heart returning to its original place._

 _Shishio says something to Kenshin but my ears couldn't pick up as to what, and then I see one of our men rolling a cannon to set it to the edge next to Kenshin, the latter going pale at the realization of what's about to happen. It's heading towards his friend, the one with the brave face and brown hair. I hear Kenshin screaming out the other man's name and then the gun fires, seeing an explosion of water and broken pieces of wood soon after. I can feel my eyes losing focus from terror but then..!_

 _"What?!" Hoji takes a step back in shock, "Isn't that.. Anji's Futae no Kiwami?!"_

 _What? My mind totally goes blank for a moment. Did that guy and Anji met and trained together before I could get to Anji in time for the Juppongatana reunion?_

 _Suddenly, I see three pieces of objects flying at us. Are those bombs?_

 _"It's some sort of hand grenade and they're not strong," Hoji says to relieve our worries, "It may destroy some plating, but it can't go all the way through!"_

 _And then, a bright light. A loud booming noise erupts and everybody falls to the floor along with me. I don't try to react but that was pretty intense. Someone tells us that we have to regroup and to report our statuses. Oh my, this is a lot more serious than I thought; all the machinery got damaged from the bombs that Kenshin's friend threw at this battleship and we basically have to leave this ship as soon as possible. The fires going on downstairs will soon blow this entire ship up, so we have to get a move on. I have to say that I'm impressed by the choice of friends that Kenshin picks and chooses at his own will._

 _I walk outside just in time to find Shishio saying to Himura and Saito, ".. The Purgatory was an expensive price to pay, but at least I find out that I need to deal with the three of you before I take control of this country."_

 _This is it, this is my chance._

 _"Mr. Shishio, are you sure you don't want me to finish the fight?" I added the following to refresh his memory because I just couldn't leave it up to fate right now, "We started at the Shingetsu Village?"_

 _"Yes_ — _" Shishio replies._

 _Yes!_

 _"_ — _But, however.."_

 _My heart stops._

 _"However?" I ask with concern._

 _"We'll settle this on Mount Hiei at the shrine of the Six Arches. Our true headquarters!"_

 _I watch Kenshin's stone cold expression. I guess we'll have to wait until we see each other again. Never the less, I smile to him, knowing that this isn't the last time we'll both see each other. There's always tomorrow to look forward to, as the saying goes. Shishio better keep his word on this or else I'll never forgive him._

 _"Nothing will interrupt us if we have our duel there." Shishio reasons, and I find myself agreeing with him. I smile more from that thought and he continues, "Needless to say the Juppongatana will be waiting to greet you as well as myself."_

 _"In other words, a duel of ten against three," Mr. Saito smirks, "I don't particularly mind the odds. But two on two is a much faster way of deciding things, wouldn't you agree?"_

 _Yes, I do!_

 _He takes out his sheathed sword before continuing, "There's still some time before this ship sinks completely," He says while Kenshin places his hand gently on the blunt end of his sword to stop him from talking, "What's the meaning of this?"_

 _Kenshin doesn't answer him but turns towards us, "You said Mount Hiei at the shrine of the Six Arches, did you not? I accept the terms of the duel."_

 _Shishio can only smile in response before I hear a comrade opening a hatch and yelling, "Preparations for evacuations are complete! Please hurry!"_

 _I smile at Shishio before smiling at Kenshin Himura, catching a split second of his eye flickering over to me in recognition before I walk away from them to evacuate from the battleship. There's still so much time to prepare for our next battle, and I have to make sure that everything is prepared for our next meeting. It'll be worth the long wait, I'm sure of it. Kenshin's friends impressed me in their own respective manner and I have no reason to be impatient of what has yet to come, even if it gets me very excited in reality. I know that I'll have to try and focus on my training to stay on top of things so that Kenshin won't defeat me so easily, and it's a good thing that I've gotten my emotional side of things down to pat. As long as I keep smiling.. everything will be alright._

 _I just know it._

(To be continued)


	11. Illumination (Part Three)

_Author's note: Thank you so much for the three new reviews by Chimerical, Cannibal Corncob, I8Pi, and Shiro Sylthfarn_ _! (And for that story favorite, too!)_

 _Chimerical: I am so glad that this fanfiction inspires you to buy the DVD box set! I watch it on Netflix but who knows when or if they'll take it off soon, so it's good to have a permanent place for them to watch them whenever you like! I am so sorry about your eyes! :( So, Soujiro Seta is apparently around the same height as Kenshin Himura, maybe the older one being a bit taller than him, or, that's the way I look at it from how they were designed and animated in the television series. Soujiro has blue eyes, dark brown hair that almost touches his neck, and the haircut is sorta like the Beatles hair back in the 1960's. Imagine a young Paul McCartney and his hair; there you have it, Soujiro's hair is basically like that, haha! He has fine facial features and is said to have a bishounen (ie. Beautiful youthful boy) type of look, and was very popular with the ladies during the manga debut. So pretty he almost looks feminine, I suppose! Slim physique and good posture. Wears light blue kimono clothing in the series._

 _Cannibal Corncob: The twins will come in on the next chapter along with their boss. Another battle will break out, yo! :) And I am major fan of coffee, but Soujiro looks like the tea type._

 _I8Pi: Thank you and I so agree with you! I was hoping that talking about Soujiro's past will help the readers understand things from other people's perspectives, mainly the Juppongatana members. I would be terrified if my right hand started having feelings for my sworn enemies, and even though Shishio threatened to slit Soujiro's throat over that possibility, he said he'll do it for Soujiro's sake so that the young boy won't suffer over feeling affections for another person that he could never really have. So there's that strange father-son exchange in that the father would put out his son's misery if it had to come down to that, you know? I think Yumi does care for Soujiro a lot, even if she goes about it the wrong way sometimes._

 _Shiro Sylthfarn: I am blown away by your emotional review. Thank you so much for this! Yes, it is very sad for Soujiro to have to carry a torch for a man who is already settled in his life and has no reason to love anybody else the way he would love his own wife. I do adore Kaoru and Tomoe, but I also feel so much for Soujiro as well. Maybe that's why I started shipping them inside my mind because, it's like you said, they are so different upon first glance, but they are very much the same on the inside. Again, thank you for such a wonderfully written review!_

 _And now, here is the final part of Illumination. Thank you all so much for the support!_

 _Scene X: Illumination (Part Three)_

The tea is nice. It would have tasted better when shared with other people, or with a really good friend. I have nobody with me right now and that's how it should be. Because I'm that much of a piece of shit who does nothing but cause everyone around him misery. My stomach is in a knot but I want to keep remembering, and want to find out what is it about it that lead me to having such strong feelings for Kenshin Himura. Tae comes back to ask if I'd like anything, and I ordered a rice dish for lunch, not really wanting to eat as much as I thought I would. How can I eat so freely when the person I wanted to converse and train and learn with, doesn't even want to look at me anymore? I force myself to eat my lunch as much as my stomach would allow, trying to calm myself down so as to not cause nausea from the negative feelings I'm facing. I hate this. Why does it have to be so difficult?

After lunch, I payed my waitress and went on my way to wander around the shopping street, finally deciding to go into a store where they sell books. I like to read whenever I can feel my thoughts flying away from me in all directions; it helps to gather all of them back inside my head and to make sense of it all. Yumi loved to buy herself a new book every once in a while, and I always snuck a peak at them whenever she wasn't looking. Apparently Yumi really enjoyed enriching her mind with old tales and philosophy and old scriptures about life and death, and although I've had no formal educational background, she taught me everything there is to know about how to read and write and simple mathematics so that I won't end up like Iwanbo. I chuckle to myself, shaking my head. In some twisted way, I really sometimes do miss some of the members from the Juppongatana. I wonder what they are all doing right now.

Sitting on a table and opening a book about the history of Tokyo, I let my mind wander to other places..

 _Hoji tells us the news that Himura, Saito, and that thug Sagara, have left the Aoiya and are heading towards us here in the Six Arches. Shishio commands Hoji to gather the Juppongatana members to organize them for the impending fights, and I asked him excitedly if this is finally happening, that we will get to fight them face to face. I try not to mention Himura too much, especially after that strange conversation that my quasi-parents and I shared not even a few nights ago, though his name seems stuck inside my throat, desperately just waiting to jump out. Hoji interrupts and said that he is thinking of implanting a modification to Shishio's original plan, by sending most of the members down at the Aoiya to fight Himura's other friends, while taking the top three_ — _Myself, Usui, and Anji_ — _to face Himura, Saito, and Sagara. Which, of course, then became a big mistake. Poor Hoji. Shishio hates it when one of his pets talk back to him, so he orders me to get all the members here in the room so that Hoji can tell them to their faces about it. It became a very intense scene of Hoji's finger getting twisted in a different place by Usui, and Hoji trying to win back their loyalties by stabbing his own hand in sacrifice. Shishio seems impressed by it, and told him that he will pave the path to glory with him on his side. I could have sworn Hoji was about to cry tears of joy upon hearing that._

 _Shishio commands Henya Kariwa, Kamatari Honjo, Iwanbo, Saizuchi, and Fuji to go to the Aoiya just as Hoji planned it, to battle with the remainder of our enemies while we take care of the actual trio that are heading this way. I can't wait. Usui gave a very funny grin over his shoulder at Shishio, and my stomach drops. That smile could mean anything at this point, though my paranoid thoughts are telling me that it was over that strange conversation we had over the Battousai. We don't say anything as the blind swordsman walks away. There's no need to cause any fights before our real enemies are coming towards us, after all. Yumi goes out not too long later in order to stand at the front of the shrine to act as a guide for Kenshin and his two friends, to which it is then known that Anji will fight with the hoodlum Sanosuke Sagara. In the meanwhile, I hang around Shishio and Hoji as they converse about the plan of taking over Japan, trying to contain my own excitement of getting to fight with Kenshin Himura. As long as I keep smiling.. as long as I just keep smiling, everything will be okay._

 _Despite the tense conversation that Usui and I shared together some nights ago, I've decided to put my hurt ego aside and converse with him a little and ended things on a cheerful note. I'll still kill him after everything is over and done with, of course._

 _Some time later, we learned that Sanosuke defeated Anji, angering Hoji in the process. Shishio and I, of course, kept our emotions as still as a river. We still have the other two to look forward to. We appointed Usui to fight Mr. Saito, the policeman, to which we then learned that Usui got murdered during battle. I feel a bit miffed by not having that opportunity anymore, but at least that man will take my secret to the grave. I recoil over that thought. What secret? I shake my head, trying to get a hold of myself. I'm not making any sense today, and that's bad news, knowing I have to stay on top of things if I'm going to fight Kenshin Himura himself. Shishio tells me now and then to try and keep tranquil before my ultimate battle, but I laugh it off so that he won't catch any suspicions. Shishio isn't that dumb, though, and he keeps his eye on me. As long as I keep this smile.._

 _Kenshin Himura.._

 _We were told that Kenshin suddenly got caught up in battle with Aoshi Shinamori, and I'll admit, I felt a stung of jealousy inside my chest upon hearing it. I want to fight Kenshin and I want to fight him now! But my smile doesn't give it away. It doesn't matter anyway. If Kenshin comes to me with scratches and bruises, then all the better that I'll be able to take him down with my eyes closed shut and one arm tied behind my back. He's a worm compared to me. I'm strong and he is not. I'll feast upon his flesh and it will be food for the strong boy such as myself. That's what Shishio taught me and what I've always believed in for the past ten years of my life. Shishio turns to me and said that this battle between the Battousai and Aoshi will take some time, and for me to utilize that opportunity to clean and sharpen my Kikuichimonji-norimune sword. I couldn't help but ask Shishio why it would take time, my smile concealing my inner disappointment at this turn of events. He said that they are both similar in skill level, hence the time it will take for one to defeat the other. It makes sense. I'm still pretty resentful over it. First Usui gets killed before I could get my hands on him, and now Aoshi gets to have Kenshin all to himself before I can get to him._

 _I ask Shishio who will claim victory, and Shishio replies that it's hard to say, them being so equally strong in their skills and all. Hoji comments that it would be better if they could just kill each other and get it over with so that we can move forward with the plans, but I said that I'm placing my bets that Kenshin will win so that we can then settle our score from the Shingetsu Village. He owes me one, and if it ever comes down that Kenshin flees from this shrine, I will follow him to the ends of the Earth just to finish him off. He won't get away from me that easily. That, I am more than certain. Of course, Kenshin is so moralistic that he would never do such a thing, so I really don't have anything to worry about. We receive a message from Yumi and Hoji reads it out loud, getting excited over the fact that she will spell out the secret move of the Battousai.._

 _Turns out, Yumi didn't see anything, and I had to laugh at the stupidity of it all. Of course, by my own secret spying session, I would have to guess that it was his_ _Amakakeru Ryu No Hirameki that help to defeat Aoshi right at the last second. It figures. Then, as if life decides to take a giant heaping pile of excrement on Hoji, he receives a telegraph that the attack in Aoiya has completely failed. Despite all of this, Shishio and I still do not waver. I tell Hoji plain and simple that the strong lives, and the weak dies. That's all there is to it._

 _"It's okay. I've nothing to worry about," I beam, "Because I'm strong."_

 _I comment that perhaps I should just take on all the responsibilities of all ten members of the Juppongatana, since it'll make things easier for us this time around. I made my goodbyes and walk out of that room to head towards the Room Without Space. It's time. I'll admit, despite knowing that things will be okay as long as I set my mind to it, I do feel a strange flutter inside my chest. Could it be nervousness? Anxiety? But that's impossible. Why should I be worried? I'm stronger than Kenshin, faster than him, and younger than him too on top of that, earning me that edge over him in order to defeat him. Every new generation will always be better than the last one. That's just the way it is. I can almost hear the faint footsteps and voices coming nearer, and upon hearing a certain one, my arms broke out in goosebumps. Finally. He's here._ _The doors open and in comes my opponent._

 _"Ah, welcome, Mr. Himura." I purr._

 _Kenshin comes forward and we stare at one another. The poor man. He's covered in dried bloody scratches and bruises all over him, and he doesn't seem to be in full health at all. I wonder how he'll ever defeat me or even Shishio for that matter in his state. He's such a fool. Doesn't he get it yet?_

 _"It's been quite a while, hasn't it?" My eyes squint, "I'm glad you've made it this far safely."_

 _This Sanosuke character made a comment about my wimpy stature and how surprised how harmless I seemed, and Kenshin starts: "Given the circumstances, I'm grateful for your warm welcome. But unfortunately, I don't have the luxury of wasting time on idle chatter right now, that I don't. Let me ask you this first, will you stand aside or fight?"_

 _"The time?" I suddenly remember what he means, "Oh, your friends at the Aoiya! You don't have to worry about them anymore_ — _we just got a telegraph a few moments ago saying that we lost there."_

 _Everybody looks shocked upon hearing this news, and even Yumi had to ask, "What was that?"_

 _"Mr. Hoji was very surprised too, but well, facts are facts, aren't they? We've changed places; now we're the ones without the luxury of time," I step closer, my eyes never leaving Kenshin, "Not only that, now I have to work as hard all ten members of the Juppongatana all by myself. I'm afraid I can't spend too much of my time on only you, Mr. Himura."_

 _I place my hand on the blunt end of my sword to prepare myself for our second Battojutsu, "And so.."_

 _Kenshin also does the same. From here, I could see his eyes losing focus. The air between us is rich with excitement over the impending battle and bloodshed, and I use my smile to hide any nervousness that I seem to be feeling inside my guts. You got this, Soujiro. Kenshin Himura wouldn't be able to catch up to your speed, so it'll all go down calmly and without as much as a struggle. The flesh of the weak is food for the strong, after all. As long as I keep this mantra alive inside my subconsciousness, the world will be bowing at my feet in fear and in awe of my strength. Yumi always said that I am a prodigy, and she told me in secrecy that she thinks I could even defeat Shishio had circumstances change between all of us. I'm confident that I will take this man down fair and square. It'll be as simple as putting a sleepy child in bed._

 _In a flashing second, we fly into each other, flicking our swords from our sheaths and hit it against each other, our feet sliding until we were back into our original places, and we wait. Who's sword will break first? Who will lose? Who will win? And just like that, the answer became clear; a single chip cracks onto my favorite sword. I hear Sanosuke cheering on happily over that, and Yumi trying to downplay it and calls it an even match._

 _"I'm impressed. It really doesn't look any different, but it seems you have a great sword this time around, huh?" I am practically glowing from my stupid grin on my face, "You've made my favorite sword the Kikuichimonji-norimune now worthless!"_

 _Our little fan group starts talking about top notch swords and skills but I ignore them. Right now, the most important person that I have to focus right now is standing in front of me in the flesh, shrouded in long red hair, and I smile at him while tapping my left foot to prepare my next move._

 _"You've gotten better, Mr. Himura. You were good to begin with, it's amazing that you've improved even more," I smirk deviously, "But it's a little peculiar. How can someone like you be as strong as you are? I just don't understand."_

 _Kenshin doesn't react nor take the bait. It's fine, I can crack into him later._

 _"Oh well, you're still not a match to Mr. Shishio in any case, and you're not a match for me either as long as I put my mind to it," I prepare myself before flying towards him again, my sword flinging at him, but of course, he moves just in time before I could reach him. From behind, I could feel the shock coming from Kenshin at seeing how fast I could move and if he could even defeat me today._

 _"I can't believe I've missed. I guess I've slipped a little," I turn around, laying my sword over my shoulder as I arride with coy, "That's okay, I'll get him with the next one."_

 _Our fan group starts fighting over what in the world kind of move I did just now, and Kenshin interrupts their fight with just one word: "Shukuchi."_

 _"Huh?" Both Sanosuke and Yumi turn to Kenshin at what he just said._

 _"That is the speed that is even greater than the Hiten Mitsurugi's god-like speed. The Shukuchi."_

 _"I guess I should've expected that a swordsman of your skill would know of the Shukuchi," I said to flatter him, "You know, I wasn't aware that it was called that myself, till Mr. Shishio told me."_

 _Kenshin doesn't reply._

 _"You know, Mr. Himura, the truth is that what you saw just now wasn't the Shukuchi," I turn to face him completely, "It was actually three steps short of the Shukuchi."_

 _Now that got his attention._

 _"That's why you were able to see it and avoid it. That is the case, right?" I start tapping my foot on the ground again in preparation, "I was hoping that would've been enough, judging by that contest of speed you've had with Senkaku in the Shingetsu Village."_

 _Kenshin doesn't seem to budge but I start to giggle at his expense never the less._

 _"I'm sorry! I was taking you a little too lightly!" My feet are ready to go and I announce, "This time I'll only be two steps short of the Shukuchi."_

 _I start to run rapidly towards him, catching a glimpse of his shocked expression on his face at how fast I was moving this time, and I swing my sword downward. He swiftly backs up just in time to avoid it, and as I crouch down on the floor, I smirk at him from over my shoulder, teasing him. Sanosuke said something to the effect of Kenshin having to move or else he'll just be a sitting duck, and I move again, trying to circle my way around Kenshin until he jumps to another spot to avoid me. I, of course, let myself run up on the wall behind Kenshin, and I swing my sword again as my body shoots itself towards him in mid air. He quickly swings his own sword to block my attack, and we both got back safely to the ground. I move again, wanting to strike him at least once before the battle is over._

 _It took just a couple of seconds before Kenshin suddenly thrusts his sword in front of him while crying, **"Kuzu Ryu Sen!"**_

 _I see flashing lights and I abruptly panic._

 _"He did it!" Sanosuke beams._

 _"No! I'm the one who's done!" I suddenly reappear behind Himura, finally catching him with my sword by slicing against his back, his blood splattering all over me. As Kenshin grits his teeth in pain and misery, I smile, proud of my achievement. That's what you get for believing in false fables, Mr. Himura the Battousai. I watch him as he pants from his injuries, and it's then that I realized that he's still able to stand there and not fall from the impact. What's going on?_

 _"What's this? Something isn't right! I was sure I would finish you off with that one," I look at him, and sure as I am, he's still alive and kicking, "Somehow, this doesn't make sense! First I didn't take him seriously enough, but this time Mr. Himura was totally vulnerable after that attack, and I still wasn't able to finish him off. I don't get it!"_

 _The fan group looked at me like I'm dull witted. Then they start screaming and cheering us to hurry up and finish each other off. But I don't understand. I should have been able to finish him off with that attack. Am I not stronger than him? Is he not weaker than I? I should have taken him down with just one sweep of my sword and call it a day. But here he is, still waiting and wanting to fight me despite his low health, and not taken down like I expected him to. I was able to kill people with just one quick movement of my arm before, so why isn't it the same with Himura? Perhaps.. perhaps he really is as strong as I am? But that's impossible. There's just no way._

 _"I didn't make a mistake, I'm sure of it.." I have my eyes closed, remembering what Shishio told me: In the end, it's only the fittest that survive. If you're strong, you'll live, and if you're weak, you'll die. I did remember Shishio mentioning wanting the actual Battousai to come out of Kenshin Himura so that they can have a worthy battle with each other, and my mind then flashes to that moment I've had with Senkaku down at the river bank after he escaped from us. He told me that the Battousai isn't just strong. But what does that mean?_

 _I open my eyes and Yumi gasps, "Why are you just standing there, what's wrong with you?!"_

 _"It's so silly.." I trail off._

 _"Silly? How dare you call me silly, I'm not just some little brat who doesn't know about how the world works!" Yumi spits out, attacking my lack of maturity compared to hers._

 _"Oh sorry, it wasn't you whom I was referring to, Miss Yumi!"_

 _"Then who?!" She demands._

 _"Oh! It's just.." I look down, trying to remember, "That Mr. Senkaku said something strange to me."_

 _"Senkaku?" I hear Kenshin inquiring._

 _"Hey, who is this Senkaku?" Sanosuke also asks._

 _I try to remember. Just.. let me try.._

 _"What's going on inside that little head of yours, kiddo?!" Yumi demands once more, but I don't listen to her. I instead try to retrace what I've witnessed back at the Shingetsu Village, all the moves that Kenshin has done in order to avoid Senkaku's attacks, and all the while Kenshin doesn't do anything that would seriously endanger the life of that giant. Even his final move, while powerful in its strength and impact, Kenshin still did not used the sharp side of his sword to finish him off, which makes no sense. Does he really believe in his no-kill philosophy? Does he even know how dangerous it is to be so idealistic like that? I just don't get it. I don't get him at all. And I still wonder what's this secret of his that would ruin me if I ever were to find out._

 _"May I ask one question?" I turn to look at Kenshin fully with a gentle simper, "Why exactly did you attacked with the Ryu Shou Sen?"_

 _"The Ryu Sho Sen?" Kenshin perked up over this question of mine._

 _"You let Mr. Shishio see your technique purposely." I reminded him of what happened._

 _"There must be something wrong with your head if you don't get why Kenshin did that!" Sanosuke butts into the conversation, "Shishio must've told Senkaku that if he lost without getting one attack out of Kenshin, that he'd kill him right there, am I right? So that's exactly why Kenshin showed Shishio one of his attacks; the point of it was to save Senkaku's life!"_

 _I stand there, stunned at what I'm hearing._

 _"He showed him mercy, even though they were enemies. Kenshin Himura is just that kind of guy!"_

 _"Sano." Kenshin blushes and starts to chuckle under his breath over his friend's fawning over him. Oh please._

 _"I don't see the purpose of showing mercy. You should've killed Mr. Senkaku then," I watch Kenshin, "It's because you did a strange thing like not killing him, that Mr. Senkaku started saying weird things."_

 _"Saying weird things?" Kenshin_ _catechize._

 _"Whoops! I was about to waste even more time." I smile more, "I'll make sure that I'll finish you off with the next attack."_

 _I start tapping my foot again and I hear the fan group cheering for us once more, and I smirk, "One step short of the Shukuchi!"_

 _I fly forward again, much faster than before, and I even hear Kenshin cry out, "Fast!" over my impressive speed. I swing my weapon at him and he blocks me, but no matter, I continue to rush to him and all around him. But all the while, these intrusive thoughts kept coming inside my head: You should've killed him. You were supposed to have killed Mr. Senkaku back then. Because you did something strange like not killing him.. that's why.. that's why when I met Senkaku at the river, and when he told me how amazing Kenshin Himura was because he wasn't like our leader Lord Shishio. That Kenshin isn't just strong, he is a completely different man rather than Shishio who uses intimidation to get what he wants. That Kenshin has mercy for others, to be able to see the best in others. But how? Why does he think like that?_

 _"Why?" I find myself whispering to myself with Senkaku sitting with his back turned towards me, "I don't get it. Not killing. Kenshin Himura. Not killing.. Himura.. Huh?"_

 _A sound catches my ear and I turn to the direction that it came from, my eyes losing focus. Is it possible to be both strong and merciful? To be with strength while having the gentleness of a child? To be good yet powerful? My answer came from witnessing a bird catching a fish from the river, and I smile, knowing what the real answer is. The flesh of the weak is food for the strong. I realized that now. With a single thrust of my sword into the back of Senkaku's head, I killed him and walked away while he bleeds out, keeping Shishio's advice strong inside my veins._ _In the end, it's only the fittest that survives. If you're strong, you'll live, if you're weak, you'll die. Mr. Shishio isn't wrong! The one who's wrong is you, Mr. Himura!_

 _I run up and around Himura back in the present moment, stopping in front of him to swing my knife upward, though in that very tiny second, I almost hesitated, looking deep into his eyes. Although I did catch him somewhat, resulting in a shallow cut on his chest, I couldn't help but feel spooked once I returned to my original spot in the middle of the room, "I missed him again!"_

 _"Kenshin, are you alright?" Sanosuke asks, terrified over his friend's wounds. But Kenshin pays no mind to him._

 _"What in the world is on your mind?" Kenshin remarks, and I wake up from my daydream to look at him, "There's a slight difference in the speed of your sword. I can't help but think that you have a nagging thought in the back of your mind, somewhere."_

 _How did he know that? The goosebumps make their reappearance on my flesh._

 _"Are you telling me that you can see my deepest thoughts somehow, Mr. Himura?" I being to taunt him, trying to get rid of the strange feeling that is bubbling inside my chest, "But, I don't understand. Why do you hang on to this idea of not killing people? It doesn't make sense. After all, weak people always die in the end, the strong are the ones who survive. That's the reality."_

 _That did it. Sanosuke starts to fume from where he stands, and he couldn't help but start to berate me, "I've had just about enough of you, you little twerp! You may be an old pro when it comes to waving a sword around, but when it comes to the real world, you're nothing but a baby in underpants! Weak people only die, huh? Why don't you take a good look at Kenshin, he's been fighting so that the weak can live their lives, and he's willing to risk his own life for it!"_

 _I giggle at that nonsense, "Mr. Himura is fighting so that the weak can live in happiness! That's an awfully strange thing to say!"_

 _"Oh, kiddo." I hear Yumi sighing, wondering if I've finally lost my mind, playing around with ideas rather than doing what I'm supposed to do and finish Himura off._

 _"I just can't understand that. I just can't understand you, Mr. Himura. Protecting the weak in the world, not killing, reverse blade.. everything that you do," I tease him, trying to get a reaction out of him._

 _"What's that?!" Sanosuke fumes harder and I giggle at their expenses._

 _"You let everything we say bother you, Soujiro, that you do. Perhaps, it's because the words 'not killing' stir something deep inside of you, could that be it?" Kenshin presses, and I find myself not able to suddenly see straight, "But someone who slays men without any hesitations wouldn't normally allow such words to phase them."_

 _I gape at him, at a complete loss of words, and he continues: "Deep inside your heart.. you are."_

 _There it is. The flame of deep anger that I've suppressed for so many years. It's enough for me to take down a dozen or more men with this newfound emotion I'm feeling inside of me. How dare he_ _! Who do you think you are, Kenshin? Do you think you could see inside of my own head? You're insane! I think I'll kill now so that you can shut up about stupid fables about the weak deserving to live! My past experiences have taught me that it is only the strong that leads the path to victory and to a greater society, and here you are trying to make a fool out of me. I hate you. I will get you for this! And after all the complimenting and the flattery I've wasted on you, too! I can't believe I lost sleep over the likes of you!_

 _"Don't you think you talk too much, Mr. Himura?" I sneer at him, and I begin to walk towards him, "Let's go! I won't do something silly as not killing you. So this time you will.. meet your end!"_

 _I fly towards him again, my mind and my own eyes closing in on him. I'm going to finish him. I'm going to do it. I will.._

 ** _SNAP!_**

 _Oh my gosh!_

 _I jump back several feet away to avoid rushing into him over that sound, and crouching down to see if perhaps I've cracked a bone or really hurt Himura, all I see are my shoe straps being broken. Thank goodness, I thought.._

 _..._

 _Why am I like this?_

 _"Oh!" I gasp to myself, and Yumi asks me what was going on, so I stand up and smile at everyone to hide my previous panic, "I'm sorry, Mr. Himura! One of the straps from my shoes broke, so why don't you wait for a bit? Feel free to rest anywhere!"_

 _I start talking out loud to myself, wondering where oh where could the damn straps be, leaving everybody stumped and confused. What is happening with that kid? They're probably wondering, but Kenshin never the less takes this opportunity to wrap his wounds with bandages. In the meanwhile, I try to slowly, carefully, meticulously fix the strap on my shoe, trying to take my sweet time with this for some reason. What's going on with me? Why is my heart racing? Why can't I just set my mind to this mission and finish Himura off when I have the chance to do it? I could kill him if I wanted to, so why can't I do it? The mere thought of Kenshin falling to his death makes me nauseous, though I can't really understand why._

 _Yumi catches up with me and starts to berate me, "Hey, why didn't you finish him off when you were so close and had the upper hand back there?! Why are you just tying your shoes?!"_

 _Oh my God, Yumi._

 _"I can't help it," I try to be chipper so as to not lose my fucking head to my bitch of a step-mother, "I don't get why things are turning out this way! I know what Mr. Himura is saying is definitely wrong!"_

 _"Soujiro, you're saying..?"_

 _"You see," I interrupted her, "He told me that only the fittest survive in this world. That's exactly what he told me!"_

 _I am, of course, referring to Shishio and what he taught me all those years ago when I was just a seven year old baby, and the mantra that helped me kill my abusive family before they could kill me first. Back then.. Back then.._

 _"Back then what he said to me was.." I begin telling Yumi about my horrendous childhood, the backstory that Shishio never told her about me, of all the times I was beaten for the most inane reasons and all the times that I should have been shown compassion and love, and was instead spat on and used for physical labor much too difficult for any young child to go through. I told her everything. I told her about meeting Shishio for the first time, and witnessing him slicing and dicing these police officers that were trying to get him for his crimes, and I even told her that he spared me my life because of me smiling and laughing prior to getting killed by him. He thought that there was something really special about my smile, and decided to not kill me as long as I fed him and gave him new bandages. I told her about the Wakizashi that he gave me as a token of his appreciation, and how I used it to murder my entire family. I told her about killing my biological father's brother, Yanosuke. I told her everything. It was good to get all of that from my chest._

 _After I told her my story, I continue to work on my shoe strap. I know I'm taking forever._

 _"Kiddo! What is going on with your head? Tell me!" Yumi inquires, trying to get me to open up as well as hurry up with my shoes._

 _"Mr. Himura is much better than I expected! I could see why he deserved to be called the legendary manslayer. But no matter how good he is.. it's not enough to beat me or Mr. Shishio. After all," I see a flash of memory of me running away from my abusive family, "Trying to use a sword to protect people, isn't right at all."_

 _The memory keeps running inside my head. Protecting the weak.. isn't right!_

 _I feel ready to face the Battousai again. I stand up from where I was crouching over my shoes and smile in determination of what I will do next, "In the end, only the fittest survives in this world."_

 _"Huh?" Yumi turns to me in perplexity._

 _"And using a sword to protect weak people who are just going to die anyway isn't right. That's what he said and what he does," That sentence alone makes my pinkie start to quiver for some odd reason, and my eyes start to tear up slightly at what I'm about to say next that played inside my head ever since I've learned of Himura's philosophy, "And if there were any truth in that, then he definitely would have saved me back then."_

 _He. Not Shishio. Not anyone else._

 _Kenshin._

 _Why didn't you protected me back then?_

 _"Soujiro..?" Yumi whispers, but decides to hold herself back from asking anymore questions._

 _I know what I must do. I know I have to finish this fight once and for all, and to take this man down. I have to kill him, and obey my master's commands. The fate of our plan rests in my loyalty to him and the rest of the Juppongatana. But.. But.. Looking at Kenshin standing there watching me, I can't help but feel the bile rising up from my stomach over the thought of having to kill him. Why me? Why did it have to be me to be in this situation in the first place? Why is it that I have to be the one to kill Kenshin Himura like this? It feels like a sick joke. My anger starts to rise from where I stand, and my vision once again starts to lose focus from the tears._

 _"But.. Fighting him makes me.. somewhat.." My eye twitches and I start to seethe, "Irritated!"_

 _I never the less smile, letting the tears go from behind my eyeballs instead of over my face and making a fool of us all, but once I stepped forward to get back to the middle of the room, Yumi stops me. I turn to her as she continues: "There are other enemies after him. So use that Shukuchi thing of yours and make sure you finish this battle with the next attack."_

 _"That's exactly what I intend to do! The next one will connect.." I backtrack myself, knowing that if I went full strength, that I would kill Himura and I.. don't want that to happen just yet, "But it'll be one step short of the Shukuchi!"_

 _Yumi didn't look pleased with that, "One step short of it? What're you talking about?"_

 _"Please, Miss Yumi, I'd rather you not get angry at me again," I smile, not wanting to rouse her anger despite her insistence that I should go full strength, "I'm confident that I could beat Mr. Himura if I use the Shukuchi. But! If I use my full strength on someone's whose beliefs are incorrect.."_

 _I apply my Shukuchi in order to return to the middle of the room and think to myself: It'll only irritate me even more!_

 _I see Kenshin and Sanosuke talking to themselves, my ears not really able to pick up what they're saying to each other, but no matter. My next move will take Kenshin down, I'm sure of it. I refuse to go full strength. It'll be like using a hammer just to kill an ant and it would be a wasteful resource just to kill something so weak compared to me. No, I'm sure he'll get taken down this time and everything will end the way it should be. My eye twitches the second I see Kenshin walking up towards me, and I prepare myself. One step short of the Shukuchi.. here I go!_

 _I fly towards him, but I do something new this time; I am literally flying everywhere else, from the corner of the ceilings, to the floors, left and right, up and down. I'm trying to attack Kenshin from all sides this time. Can't you see, Mr. Himura? Can't you see that you're wrong? Can't you see why Shishio left me alone in order to kill my entire family? It's because he knew that I am strong enough in order to do so. If he or you would have saved me back then, then how was I supposed to know of my true strength? How was I supposed to become as strong as I am today? Do you want me to be weak? Do you want me to be vulnerable? Do you hate me that much, Mr. Himura? The truth is real: In the end, only the fittest survive in this world. If you're strong, you'll live, if you're weak_ —

 _My sword slices against Kenshin's weapon, him blocking my attack successfully, and I couldn't help but think about the child laying on the floor bleeding as his family beats him._ _Not killing! Protecting the weak! Everything you're saying is wrong!_ _I fly towards him again, my sword catching his, and yet again, I think of the child on that fateful night at the hands of his abusive family. Why, Kenshin? Why didn't you protect me back then? How could you betray me like this?_

 _"If it was true, then back then.." I said unsteadily, my mind flashing to the younger me trying to run away and screaming for help all those years ago, "Wouldn't you have done something to protect me from everything that happened?"_

 _Kenshin looks taken back from what he's hearing._

 _"If what you're been saying truly is correct," My voice breaks, a bitter sort of sadness over washing my anger now, "Then why didn't you protect me?!"_

 _Kenshin's eyes widen, and I can feel myself losing it. I want to hate you, Kenshin, but I can't. I want to kill you but something stops me every single time. Why can't I be strong today? Why is this happening? We unlocked our sword and I disappear again, running all around him as Kenshin asks out loud what happened to me back then. Nobody helped me back then! It was obvious how worthless I truly am and always will be! If fate truly is real, Kenshin should have been the one to find me that night and take me in as his own. Not Shishio! Not the Juppongatana! Not even Yumi! It should have been you, Kenshin! Why didn't that happen? How can you hurt me like this? Kenshin calls out for my name again._ _Back then, you didn't protect me!_

 _Kenshin screams out my name, but I keep running all around, trying to hang on to the anger that will help me finish him off. No matter what happened before, I know that Kenshin deserves to die today and that's it. I need to get over my anxiety and just do it. Don't even think about stopping me, Mr. Himura! You're too late, with everything that's happened! You should have been there for me, but you didn't, so now, I'm going to kill you. If you're strong, you'll live, if you're weak, you'll die! What protected me back then was the truth that Mr. Shishio taught me! And the single Wakizashi! That's why it's Mr. Shishio is the one who's right! I wasn't wrong for doing what I did! The one who's wrong.._

 _ **"IS YOU!"** I bawl after jumping high into the air and my sword gripped over my head, and Kenshin turns to give me a death glare, catching me right in the act. I falter and couldn't keep my face straight, and once I slam my sword to the ground, Kenshin evades it. Dammit! I look over my shoulder in time to see Kenshin glaring down at me and swinging his sword towards me. This is it.._

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _I open my eyes to look at the sword that hasn't penetrated my face yet, and realized that Kenshin doesn't want to kill me at that moment despite everything I've said to him. Why?_

 _"What are you doing?!" I implore, "Do you really think you can beat me without finishing me off?"_

 _From here, I could see Kenshin and his eyes hidden by his front bangs, trying to hide from the disappointment he sees in himself. I wonder if he's feeling ashamed for not being there for me all those years ago, and if he wished that circumstances could have changed for the better. Could he have helped me while still getting over the Battousai rage that he's felt that protected him during the Revolution? Ten years ago, he was just nineteen years old and had just begun his wandering to become a better person. Could it have been too soon to meet me and save me from my family?_

 _"About what you said.. something about how nobody helped you at one point in your life. There's no way for me to know, just what happened to you back then, and why you would say something like that." Kenshin mumbles, his eyes still hidden. I flinch inwardly at that last part._

 _"However," He lowers his sword as an act of surrender, "The one thing that I am sure of.. is that perhaps there's some things you regret doing, Soujiro. Some things that you've tried to seal away. But perhaps your true self_ — _"_

 _My eyes fixates on him intensely, something twisting inside of me as I focus on his face._

 _"_ — _Doesn't want to live at the expense of hurting others," Kenshin opens his eyes to look right at me now, "That's what I'm sensing from you. It's not too late for you. Don't you think you can start over despite what happened?"_

 _I snap. I remember that child standing in the middle of the rain after everything happened. If you're strong, you'll live, if you're weak, you'll die. That's the truth, that Mr. Shishio taught me. But.. is being weak, really that bad? I've killed people.. But, killing people really wasn't.. killing people really wasn't.. something I wanted to do. That's right. I was smiling in the middle of the rain.. but the truth is.. in reality.. I was.. crying._

 _I was crying._

 _I was crying!_

 _I WAS CRYING!_

 _I screamed bloody murder at that realization, my mind breaking in itself. I slam my sword with its tip breaking into the mat, and I grab my head as I go through a severe panic attack, screaming and doubling over in my painful illumination. Everybody looked on in horror, Kenshin especially. I fall to my knees, slamming my fists on the ground as I continue to hyperventilate. I have to get out of my own mind! Please! I feel like I'm dying! I slam my forehead violently against the floor in order to wake myself up from this hell I'm in. I groan in pain until I suddenly remember who was the one who put me through this. Himura! How did you..? I can't fucking believe it. I just can't believe this. You're in the way. You're interfering!_

 _"You're frustrating!" I grit my teeth at his shocked expression, and I struggle to get up, "Mr. Himura.. the very fact that you're standing here," I grab my head when the pain over what I just did to myself comes in full force, "Frustrates the hell out of me! Whenever I fight you, I start acting real strange! It doesn't matter if you're right, I don't care! This time my next attack, will be sure.. to connect.. and finish you!"_

 _Kenshin's face returns to his usual ready for battle expression, and I grab my sword to take a few steps away from him to prepare for my next attack. I stop walking at the sudden realization of what I'm about to do, and if I'm even ready to take that next step. It doesn't matter. Not anymore. I grit my teeth, "I've had enough of this!"_

 _I whack at my sword before spinning around to place my sword back into its sheath, "Here I go, are you ready? Mr. Himura?"_

 _Kenshin's only reply is a head on glare into my eyes. I lower my right hand for the Battojutsu stance, this time it will be different than all the rest, though, and I explain, "I'm going to be using the one move that I named. It's called the Shuntensatsu. And just like it's name, you'll die instantly, you wouldn't feel any pain."_

 _"So it's a technique that combines the charge of the Shukuchi and the Battojutsu of the Tenken. No doubt it would mean instant death if it connected," But then Kenshin had to ask me that goddamn question that I was hoping he would refrain from asking, "But will you be able to connect with it.. with your soul as confused as it is?"_

 _I hate you._

 _"I get it. You can read emotions, and see through everything," I vehemently spit, "How egotistical! Before you worry about others.. I suggest you that you try and worrying about yourself, Mr. Himura! Even if you did read me, you'd never be able to react in time to the Shuntensatsu." My right fist flexes and clenches before letting go, hoping my anger tries to calm itself down before my next attack._

 _"Is that so? Well then," Kenshin takes his sword to put it back in its sheath, I'm guessing to also prepare for a Battojutsu move just like me._

 _"He put it away, it must be the Battojutsu!" Yumi cries out._

 _"The only attack that he can use in a situation like this, that's it! The ultimate attack of the Hiten Misorugi," Sanosuke comments in a fit of passion, "The Amakakeru Ryu No Hirameki!"_

 _"Finally," I seethe, "You're serious!"_

 _"You've misunderstand. You see, I've been serious the whole time. If I wasn't serious, then how could I expect my opponents to take me or my words seriously?" Kenshin reasoned._

 _"..I see your point. I'll let go of my pride then and fight you with my full strength."_

 _If I don't, then even if I win, I won't have an answer. I won't know whether or not he's the one who's right, or if it's Mr. Shishio, whom I've always believed in. I'll find the answer, with my Shuntensatsu. Even if it means killing Himura.. At least I can go on for the rest of my life knowing the ultimate truth. I grip my sword, lower my hand further, and prepare my foot for my launch._

 _"Here I go."_

 _I disappear through my Shukuchi, and then I see Kenshin also flying so fast that he too, disappears. But we see each other. We really did. It felt as if time had started moving slower, and that's when I saw it; Kenshin takes one step further with his right foot, and he crashes his sword against mines, using his full strength to flip me all the way over him and I landed far away from him, knocking me out in the process. It all happened so fast and yet, it couldn't have gone slower in my mind. It takes me a few moments to get out of my blackout to see Yumi's face over mines, and I start to talk out of nowhere, saying that it looks like things didn't end up like it did in the Shingetsu Village. How Kenshin was right about everything after all, and how unfair it was to have to be able to start all over again. Kenshin told me that I'm wrong again, and that life isn't so simple as fighting one or two battles in order to find the heart of the truth. It takes having to live my own life, to discover my own truth, by setting my own example from this day forward in order to repent for my sins. Just like he did._

 _"You're a really demanding man, you know that? Really, Mr. Himura, you're not making this any easy on me. You're much more demanding than Shishio ever was."_

 _"Soujiro.." Kenshin smiles, and I fight with everything I have to not let see Yumi see my smile over him saying my name like that._

 _Kenshin.._

 _Himura.._

"Sonny," I hear the old shopkeeper leering down at me with a strange smile, "I'm going to be closing down my shop for my early supper, so get a move on."

"Oh, I'm sorry," I bow to him before taking myself out of that place. How long have I been asleep for? I think it's been at least a couple of hours, and I still have the rest of the day to wander around. I ask for the time and the shopkeeper is kind enough to inform me that it's three-thirty in the afternoon, and I thank him. Kaoru should be done with making dinner herself by four fourty-five, so I have time to maybe visit a graveyard that's not too far from here. Upon finding the grave stones of all the people who have passed long ago, I sit down in front of one that is for a young seven year old child who got murdered. It could have been me. I could have been buried here. I could have been killed that night. Perhaps Shishio had to come into my life in order for me to learn painful lessons later on. It had to be connected like that, even if I would have greatly preferred if it was Kenshin who found me that night.

I remember now. I began to wander after leaving the Juppongatana in order to find my own truth. But no matter how far I've wandered, how many people I've met, or tried to help in some way, it doesn't feed the hole I feel inside my heart since that day that Shishio and Yumi were killed in the fire. I thought maybe I should just date around to fill it up, but the truth is, it never did. Not even that one girlfriend whom I've felt I could secure a future with, but whom her parents were indifferent to me and sent me away. No matter how much I tried to run away from my past, my mind kept going back to a certain red haired swordsman. I thought maybe I looked up to him as my sensei, and that I should go search for him in Tokyo in order to learn more. Who would have thought it was because I had to experience his soul against mines? I would have never figured that out years ago, but it hit me like a bag of bricks once I saw him again across that dinner table on my first evening at the Kamiya dojo.

Time flies and I find myself walking back to the dojo, the sun setting and painting the skies a portrayal of navy sashes against rust overlays. I walk into the dining room where everybody is ready to eat. After sharing pleasantries and them asking me if I'm doing okay—and me waving their questions off with a joke—I sit down and tell myself not to look up to look at Kenshin for the entire dinner. While everyone were conversing, I keep it to myself for the entirety of the meal. Thankfully, they were all so absorbed into their own conversations that they didn't notice that I've been quite throughout all of it, so that's good. Soon after dinner, I helped Kaoru with picking up all the plates and utensils, telling her what an amazing cook she is, and just before I turned around to head back into my bedroom, Kenshin stops me. I look up and he stares down at me with a very grave expression, a cross between anger and yet, understanding. It's really hard to describe it, but I backed up and feel myself getting nauseous.

"Soujiro," He starts and I flinch internally, "Will you meet me in the training room after an hour? I'd like to give you a very important lesson for tonight."

I can feel my eyes widening at the thought of being alone with him again, but I nod with a gulp, "O-okay."

He turns to walk away to go help Kaoru with something else, and I grab the front of my chest to soothe this rapid heart of mine. He scares me so much and yet I want him to fuck me. Isn't that insane? I shake the thought from my head and go on to rest a little in my bedroom, to let the dinner go down before my training with Himura. I wonder what does he have in store for me? Has he forgiven me yet, or is he still angry with me? I wonder what he and that master Hiko of his talked about today. Did Kenshin mentioned me to him at all? I somehow doubt that. But what if he did? What if he is talking badly about me? What if he's asking Hiko advice on how to get rid of me? My heart thumps painfully at that thought. I wouldn't be surprised if that did happened. Ugh. I really fucked up, didn't I?

After relaxing for a while, Kenshin slides open my door and nods at me, as if telling me that it's time. I quickly get up from my bed to follow him into the training room, the night now in full bloom from the outside. He kept the doors open to let in some fresh air and I could see all the stars from where I stand in the middle of the room, and while I'm gazing into the distance, Kenshin grabs a couple of weapons from around the corner.

"Here," Kenshin tosses me my sword, "Let's begin."

"W-wait," I look down in shock, "These are real swords!"

Kenshin doesn't answer, his eyes hardened on me.

"We can't fight with these," My eyes start losing focus, realizing what's happening, "We'll hurt each other."

"No we won't."

His answer seems so final and abrupt, that I carefully pull my head up to look at him just to see if he was joking or not. But he wasn't. He really is serious.

"Kenshin..?"

"Soujiro," Kenshin finally smiles at me for the first time in all of today, "Just trust me on this. We've trained well for the past several days, and I promise that nothing bad is going to happen."

I can feel myself hyperventilating again and I could hardly see Kenshin anymore from the tears in my eyes, "K-Kenshin, I can't.. I couldn't.."

"Yes you can, Soujiro," Kenshin finally turns around to take a few steps ahead of me, facing me again and doing his battle stance.

"I don't want to do this anymore, Kenshin!" I suddenly belt out, tears finally streaming down my face, "I'm sorry for saying those cruel things at the hot springs last night! I admit it, I was wrong! Please.. Please don't hurt me like this!"

"Soujiro," Kenshin chuckles light heartedly, "I'm not going to kill you over something so simple as what you said last night. I'm over that already."

My eyes snap open and they flicker up to look at him to see that he isn't lying, "You're serious?"

"As serious as I was four years ago." Kenshin smiles more warmer now, and my heart races at the beauty of what I'm seeing. His lavender eyes smiling along with his grin, porcelain skin glowing against ember tresses, and the warmth he radiates through just a simple smile alone.. He'll be the death of me someday, I just know it. My nerves start to calm down and I unsheath my sword to begin the battle.

We rush over to each other and swipe our swords onto each other, hitting and trying to get an edge in, but we were both too fast for each other. Not to mention, it just seems as if Kenshin has gotten a lot faster and stronger than I can remember. I suppose he never stopped training even after everything has happened and he settled down to become a family man. Meanwhile I, just wandered around, not bothering to train because I thought my strength would never leave me. I was wrong. Just like last time, I was being too careless and joked around too much to know the seriousness of a situation. Now I'm paying for it. Every time I tried to swing my sword at him, he would catch it in time, like clockwork. Soon I slipped and Kenshin takes this as an opportunity to twirl around me and to pin himself on top of me, his sword just a centimeter from the center of my forehead. Just one push and I'd be done for. I look into his eyes, my breathing halting. They're so beautiful, and so terrifying all at once. What I'd give to kiss those lips.

 _"Who are you?"_ Kenshin demands in a low, guttural voice, and my irises shrink.

".. What?"

"Who are you?"

I don't know how to answer such a ridiculous question. I'm Soujiro Seta, am I not? I'm the boy you battled four years ago. What else is there for you to know?

"I'm.. I'm Soujiro," I giggle awkwardly, my hands trembling from outside of our views, "Silly."

"So your name is Soujiro Silly. What else?" Kenshin grazes the tip of his sword over my forehead and I shudder. I really don't want to turn this into anything more sensual than it has to be, I swear.

"I.. I don't know. I'm Soujiro Seta, and I..?"

Kenshin doesn't say anything, waiting for me to continue.

"What can I say? I'm just Soujiro Seta."

"Who are you, Soujiro? There's more to you than just your name."

"I don't know!"

"Yes, you do know. Who are you?"

"Soujiro! I'm Soujiro, and I..!"

He doesn't budge and my temper starts to flare. He's getting off on this, isn't he? I try to move my hands but he grabs one of my wrists and instantly I remember that dream of us together. A blush creeps on my cheeks and I shut my eyes, trying to hide my eyes and everything away. This isn't happening. This isn't really happening, is it? Does he know of my secret over how attracted I am towards him? Has he finally connected the dots? I tremble all over now, a part of me wanting him to push that sword down to take me out of my misery, and yet a part of me wants to run away from him just like I had to as a child. Is he really going to hurt me? But this is Kenshin Himura, the man who taught me to never kill another living being again. I'm so scared. I don't know what to do..

"Yes, you are Soujiro Seta," Kenshin smiles humbly at me, "What is it that you want to do in this world?"

"I want to help people," I hiccuped, tears overflowing, "I want to make this world better for everyone. By using my strength for good instead of killing people. Because the truth is, I never.. I never enjoyed killing people. I never want to do it ever ag.."

Kenshin leans back and takes his sword from my head, standing up over to outreach a hand towards me, and with one gentle smile, he says, "Thank you so much for sharing that with me, Soujiro. You did a great job today, that you did."

Kenshin. My heart can't take this anymore. I feel the pulls of a smile coming on to my face and I grab hold of his hand to holster myself up again, and I look up at him to see how proud he is of his apprentice learning so quickly. I turn over my shoulder to look at the night skies, just wanting to get back out there again for some reason. It seems that Kenshin felt this, because he then carefully places a hand over my other shoulder to get my attention, and I look back to his face again. That beautiful face. That dulcet voice. Those never ending eyes that knows about my truth. How easy it is for me to feel safe with him and to get lost in them.

"Let's talk outside." Kenshin tilts his head and I nodded with a giggle, a huge weight lifting from my spirits from just that simple exchange alone.

.

.

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.

.

"I'd like to get to know you more, Soujiro," Kenshin and I sit on a grassy hill by the countryside, the only thing illuminating our area is a lone street lamp near the river and the moon above us, "Start from the beginning. Can you tell me what your family was like?"

I turn to him in surprise, "Do you really want to know about that?"

He nods, and I look at my own lap, unable to find a way to begin such a horrible story. But a moment later, I take a deep breath and told him about my father who cheated on his wife with this concubine, and she got pregnant of me. She dropped me on his front door step, which then broke his entire marriage apart. I suppose he thought I ruined his life, so he let me under the care of his brother Yanosuke, who's family hated the fact that my father would do something so socially unacceptable as having extra marital sex and impregnating a woman who wasn't a part of their family. So they hated me, for everything I represented that they loathed in their lives. I was beaten, neglected, and hardly ever given much food to eat or clothes to keep warm. Kenshin kept quiet for my entire story, but I can tell it does hurt him to hear what I've been through. I even told him about that fateful night that I met Shishio for the first time, and how he lent me his sword so that I can murder my family.

"To this day, I'm still in pain over what I've done," I bring my knees up to my body to wrap my arms around my legs, "I wish I've never done it."

"You were only trying to protect yourself, Soujiro," Kenshin places a reluctant hand on my shoulder, "They were going to kill you first, did they not?"

"Yes."

"Then I wouldn't let it eat you alive, Soujiro. You did what you could, and you had to get out of there alive. Sometimes life isn't always so simple as right or wrong."

"Now you're telling me!" I giggle awkwardly, and he smiles, and my smile falters to a sadder one now, "Why did they hated me, Kenshin?"

"It seems to me that they were hurt over your father's actions and, seeing you kept reminding them of the family that they will never have. So they took their frustrations out on you, in very extreme ways if I can add, and they thought that it was you who ruined their name. But it wasn't your fault, Soujiro. Your father made his choice and he ran away from his responsibilities. That shouldn't have to be on top of your shoulders in the first place. You were only a child who needed to be loved."

"Kenshin.. I don't know if I even want to be loved."

"That's alright, Soujiro," He looks ahead at the river in front of us, "I've had those same thoughts before when I lost Tomoe. But then I met Kaoru and she taught me so much about forgiving myself. I'll admit, I may never escape the faces I've seen in my dreams of all the men I've murdered.. but.. I know that when I wake up, there Kaoru will be, forgiving me for my sins, and to help me repent for all I've done."

"Kaoru truly is a wonderful woman," I nod with a smile, "And I'm starting to not be able to live without her food."

Kenshin snickers, "It used to be quite bad before, that it was!"

"I guess.. I guess I wouldn't mind if someone loved me the way she does with you," I smile ahead at the river now, "There's so much I've yet to learn, but I'm sure it'll all make sense after my wandering days are over."

Kenshin and I were quiet for a while, and he then did something I will never in my whole life would have expected; he places his arm over my shoulders and pulls me close to him, and although I am blushing all the way down to the tips of my hair, I let myself relax into his side embrace and lay my weary head on his shoulder. It feels as if I have been alive and suffering for more than a thousand years, and I finally could rest and be at peace. Finally. The air is thick with the smell of flowery trees and grassy scents carrying over by the winds of summer, and my eyes flutter close, my heart slowing down to a comfortable speed. It's funny, seeing how he always made it run so fast, but now, at this moment.. I could easily fall asleep and be happy for the rest of my life here in his arms.

Kenshin..

How could I live without you?


	12. Flirting With Danger

_Author's note: Wow guys, thanks so much for the four new reviews! I was traveling from Europe to the United States and felt a little busy during that time, but I am comfortable here at my old house and can now update. I have a feeling you will all like this new update... that, or hate Soujiro even more, haha! Oh my gosh, you guys, so like, I am someone who becomes super obsessed once I get into something, right? So, I've been searching endlessly for any tiny scraps of even a hint of KenJiro yaoi within the depths of the internet, and guess what I found? I found not one, but TWO videos on YouTube dedicated to our favorite couple. One is called "Never Leave: Kenshin/Sojiro" by reluctantlydancing. This was a cute video and it made me feel so bad for Soujiro in the video. The other one, though, became my fast favorite, and it's called "Kenshin and Soujiro - Forever or Never" by Ewgescha. Really loved the way the person made it looked like Soujiro became so aroused so quickly by seeing Kenshin the first time there, it was amazing! I could feel the strong attraction oozing out of Soujiro in the video, and it was awesome, haha! :P So now, that video is officially my unofficial 'promo video' of this fanfic, because even the lyrics make so much sense with what's been going on with my story. Anyway, if I find anything else, I'll let you guys now in the next updates._

 _Cannibal Corncob: I am laughing and rolling over your review. Yes, poor little Soujiro, his heart can't take it anymore. Love really does kill! And yes, partly because Kenshin wanted to see if Soujiro was being genuine, and the other half was to avenge his wife's honor. But it wasn't done out of purely malicious reasons, you know? He really does care for Soujiro a lot, so don't worry! ;)_

 _Chimerical: Yeah, I think us fans do wonder from time to time as to what would happen if it was Kenshin who found Soujiro all those years ago instead of Shishio. The show would have turned out very differently, of course, and Soujiro wouldn't have never learned the Shukuchi or anything like that. Everything happens for a reason, in the end. And your welcome! Again, so sorry about your eyes, but rest assured that Soujiro is a major cutie and a total delicious twink, wrapped up for Kenshin to consume... oh my god, get our heads out of the gutters, dammit, ahhh!_

 _I8Pi: Yeah, the character design and animation in that OVA won my heart over. He was like, a real person there, it's creepy. But I loved it a lot. My heart is still very loyal to the doe eyed Anime show adaption because, I don't know, it's just so cute to see him all confused and oro like, haha!_

 _Demon Spawn: Well, hello there, newcomer! Enjoy your stay here in the tenth level of hell. ;P You know, that's a great question! If this story becomes a success, I can create another KenJiro yaoi, whether it's a smutty one shot, or a whole 'nother series. What do you guys think?_

 _Without further ado, here is chapter 11, flirting with danger! Enjoy!_

 _Scene XI: Flirting With Danger_

 _"Someone, help me!"_

 _The sound of thunder clapping and cackling in the air has my hands rushing up to cover my ears, burying myself into a fetal position to protect myself. The rain washes over my hair and body, the smell of wet grass and trees and tears overloading my senses, and all the while I am screaming for help. Help me. Help this poor child. He didn't know any better. He didn't do anything wrong. He just wanted to be loved. Why was that so difficult? Why couldn't anybody see the pain he was going through? Why didn't anybody stopped them from beating him? Why? Is the world truly that cold and heartless? Are saints and spirits truly don't exist and he is left all alone in the world? Does anybody even care about him?_

 _"Please.." I cough up blood, trying to shield my eyes from the rain coming into my eyelashes and I start to sob, "Somebody.. help.."_

 _I don't know what happened. One minute, I was standing in front of my family and they started to beat me. They couldn't tell me why they did that. They just picked up their weapons and started whacking me, until I was spewing out blood from my mouth and I almost couldn't breathe from the kicks they would inflict upon my ribs. Why? What did I do to deserve this monstrosity? I shiver as the cold water slides across my forehead and my arms, and I wish I could just die at this very moment. I remember running from my family and hiding somewhere, and then I heard a confrontation. Somebody told them to stop whatever it is that they were doing, and I heard a lot of commotion. It became very quiet after that. Then I was running out of that backyard and onto the street next to the dojo, and I tripped and fall right on my face, crying and wondering what's even happening. I wonder if they got assassinated? Am I going to be next? I'm too young to die. I don't want to disappear._

 _"Please, don't hurt me.. please.." I tremble fiercely once the temperature drops, "I want to.. I want to.."_

 _"It will be alright." A gentle voice reaches my cold ears and I snap out of my deliriousness, prompting me to open my eyes and cautiously look up to see an adolescent male crouching over me. He has these very kind eyes in a shade almost unheard of, and long red hair tied up in a bantu knot ponytail. I see from here, though distant and faintly, a cross shaped scar on the side of his face, but it doesn't seem to frighten me at all. It actually adds a certain charm to his overall demeanor, and it's his smile that helped me relax almost immediately. He reaches out to open the palm of his hand towards me, and I look down at it with perplexity, before I gaze back up into his eyes._

 _"Don't worry. You're safe now." He nods, and I blink once before I feel confident enough to place my small hand into his tender grasp._

 _"Where are my family?" I ask him weakly, the rain falling on us lighter now than before._

 _"I told them to leave you alone. They will come back soon. I am wondering if you would like to come with me instead," His eyes smile deeper, "You will never feel pain ever again. I promise."_

 _"You.. you promise?"_

 _"I do."_

 _I cautiously get up from my position in order to let him embrace me, the sound of the rain diminishing by the second, and all that's left is the sound of an early spring morning, with birds singing and gentle winds passing us by. The entire area disappears into a room of white light, and it feels as if the sun has come back from the shadows to grace us with its warmth. I look up to giggle at my new friend, him also laughing so sweetly at my innocence. Who is he? I've never seen him before, but somehow, his soul feels so familiar to me, like a long forgotten song in someone else's dream. He dips his chin in order to smile again at me, and he places his hands on my slim shoulders to talk once more, "Come with me, Soujiro. You will never have to live in fear again."_

 _I knew I had to ask._

 _"Mister.. what is your name?"_

 _"Himura. I am Kenshin Himura."_

 _"Kenshin.. Thank you. For helping me. I think I'm going to like you a lot."_

 _"That's good. I already like you too."_

 _He carries me into his arms and off we went down a road to whatever life will lead us, knowing that I will always be safe with my new friend Kenshin Himura. Where have I heard this name before? Where have I smelled his scent before? I guess it doesn't matter. My eyes flutter close and I let my weary head rest on the crane of his neck, and I decide to trust him with my life forever from this day forward. From here, I can hear him humming a song so general and yet native to me. Kenshin Himura. Who are you and how did you found me? Is this a miracle? Are you my prophet? Are you my saint?_ _I don't think it matters. But you are my miracle. My angel._

 _Kenshin.. Himura.._

 _._

 _._

 _._

My eyes slide open by the morning light and I stretch on my futon with a happy sigh. That was a very pleasant dream, leaving my heart and my entire body warm and buzzing with joy. I rub my eyes and couldn't help but smile immediately at the sound of footsteps walking all around the dojo, knowing that one pair belongs to a man that makes me come alive just by being next to him. I'm so happy, I swear I could die. I'm relieved that our little tiff is over and we can be good friends again, and I promise to never put our bond into jeopardy again. It's just not worth it, even if he turns on certain things inside myself that is so confusing and so very soul consuming. Lust has no place in a real friendship and I'm realizing this now. I need to get over this silly crush I have over him and just see this for what it is: Me learning his philosophical teachings and then going on ahead to implement these lessons out into the real world by myself. That's why I'm here, isn't it?

Yes. That's right. That's why I am here. To learn. Not to mess around. I get up from my futon to go on my usual business and then head down to eat breakfast. After all of that was done, Kenshin motions me with his finger in the hallway so that I can come over to talk to him. I know what I've said before, but god, I can't help but notice how devastatingly handsome he is. It's so strange to admit this, but I wish I could be a girl if it meant he could notice me the way I notice him. Even if by passing. Even if for just one night. Even if it's for the rest of our lives. I'll take anything. Snapping those silly thoughts from out of my head, I bow to him and he does the same, "Are we doing any training today, Kenshin?"

"Tomorrow, if that's okay with you. I need to go out to get some food for tonight's dinner and we have ran out of tofu. Would you like to come along with me?"

My heart skips a beat and I smile wider than I should, "Of course."

He chuckles and wraps his arm around my neck in a playful manner and we stumble out of that dojo in a fit of laughter, not caring that we haven't told anyone else our farewells for today. For now, it's just us good pals doing good pal things. Nothing wrong with that, right? I am going to enjoy this day with Kenshin and not make everything so complicated like I used to do. We both venture out into the shopping street and had some fun with light conversations about the weather and what we can do together at the dojo, and all of the local holidays that I should stick around to enjoy with them. Kenshin seem so at ease with me and I can't help but smile ear to ear every time he tells me even the silliest things that shouldn't have to be said, such as why do certain insects come at certain times of the year, or why do foreign visitors come here with such bizarre clothing. We giggle amongst ourselves as we walk past some very interesting people dressing up to the highest fashion, as if they try so hard to be noticed by the locals even though we couldn't care less. It was mostly me cracking the jokes, but Kenshin was respectful about it all. Still, he never leaves me feeling like a jerk and always filled in the gaps with some quips of his own, and then we would laugh together.

This feels nice. Just us together like this.

We got everything and brought our bags of tofu and vegetables along with a nice dessert for tonight out over the bridge in order to head back to our neighborhood. We see up ahead a group of three and they were too far for us to discern the details as to whom they could be. We walk closer and it dawned on us as to who they were. The Bokkai family, the same people who terrorized Kenshin's friends several days ago. Kenshin's eyes widen at that realization and I place our bags down so as to not spill anything, trying to hide my fearful eyes from him in the meanwhile. Once I stand up straight to look ahead, I lean over to whisper to Kenshin.

"Are you going to fight them?"

"I am not certain that I should."

The Bokkai family stand just a few feet away from us, smirking in our direction. This doesn't look or feel good at all. I think something really bad will happen. We look back at them, and we were all silent for a few moments. A gust of wind passes us by. Their leader, Ohta Bokkai, comes forth with an ugly smile on his face. Now I remember his hideousness; he is a tall man with small scratches and scars all over his face, his skin rugged and dented by those markings on his face, and his eyes a pale blue that is almost too light to even be called such a shade anymore. His hair is a frizzy brown mess that he ties back into a tight ponytail, and he is too slim for his stature. He is a very coarse looking man, but his sons are surprisingly easy on the eyes. Their features are delicate for what is worth, but their smiles always leave me cold. I wonder if, like me, their mother was absolutely beautiful but perhaps had a heart full of resentment. Maybe that's why my mother dropped me off of my father's house before leaving me alone. She wanted us all to be destroyed by her own mistakes. And in those boys' eyes, I saw the truth for what it is. Resentment is a disease that gets handed down from generation to generation.

"We meet again, Battousai." He sniggers, his gold tooth glinting in the sun, "And I see you brought your little friend along, too."

"Soujiro Seta, of the Juppongatana," The black haired twin, Kuno Bokkai, smirks, and I find my throat constricting and my eyes widening in shock. How does he know that?

"Surprised? We sure were when we found out," The white blond haired twin, Ito Bokkai, snorts, "Running away on Makoto Shishio must be your greatest mistake. What a pity."

 _"H-How?"_ I step back and Kenshin slides in front of me in order to protect me.

"Soujiro stays out of this," Kenshin warns with a low growl, "It should just be me and you, Ohta. We end this war today with the Battojutsu."

"Hmm?!" Ohta leans back with an arrogant expression on his face, "Ah, so protective are we over that wimpy looking boy, huh? But what then, is your purpose in protecting your prior enemy like this? Is this guilt playing on your conscious all over again? Are you truly so stupid to believe that you can run from your sins forever, Himura?"

"You clearly don't know how to listen," Kenshin takes one step forward as if in warning, "Draw your sword. It's you and me, one on one."

"Ha! The Battojutsu it is, then! But first!" He outstretches his arms, **"Ito! Now!"**

The blond twin jumps up into the air and swings his arm in front of him as if to strike something, and I immediately felt my neck tightened by, what it appears to be, a very thin and colorless string. How? How could I have not seen that?! My hands fly up to try and move this string from out of my neck, but it only made Ito tighten its grip even harder, and soon my knees give out from the sheer shock. While I am chocking and trying to catch any hint of oxygen into my lungs, Kenshin looks down at me with the most frightened and yet rage inducing eyes I've ever seen. A flash of gold enters lavender and I knew—the Battousai has come out to play. He whips to Ohta and does his battle stance.

"I told you that Soujiro stays out of this!" Kenshin growls. Ohta only booms in laughter.

"Ah, but Battousai! You thought I was nothing but a joke back then! Now that my boy has your boy in a tight situation, there's nothing left here but for you to revert to the true swordsman that you've always have been! It would be a shame not see the real Battousai, after all."

 _"Kenshin.."_ I croak out, prompting Kenshin to look down at me with concern.

"Soujiro.." His face fades into an angry scowl again and he looks back at our enemies, "Draw your sword, Ohta."

"Be careful, Himura!" Ohta snaps his finger and Ito pulls his arm back to further constrict my throat until all I can hear is my own squeaking and labored breaths, "If you don't play by my rules, I'm afraid your precious boy will meet his end like the little swine that he is!"

Oh, that word sure brings me back.

"Soujiro!" Kenshin crouches next to me to place his hands on my shoulders to comfort me, and he glares at Ohta, "If you kill my friend, I won't let you off so easily, that I won't!"

"Then come along, Himura! Let us head towards this clearing here. We can't fight on this bridge, you see," Ohta turns around to walk away from said bridge and into the grassy area, "We'll need all the space for a proper battle!"

"And don't think about doing something as stupid as trying to sneak up on any of us," Kuno shakes his head with a cold laugh, prompting Ito to tighten his grip around my neck even harder and I swear my vision is starting to cloud, "Or we will kill your little Soujiro Seta with just a flick of a hand."

"He's so cute," Ito laughs just like his brother did, "It would be such a shame to have us kill a pretty face like his."

Kenshin's eyes glare deeper at the two of them, but softens his face as he looks back down at me as soon as he feels my hand grabbing onto his pant in a fit of desperation. He takes both of his hands on my shoulders—just like in my dream—and looks right into my eyes. My heart is beating so fast, whether from him doing that or my breathing getting cut off, it's a struggle to know which one, but he nods with a gentle smile to reassure me that everything will be okay. I might be on the edge of fainting, but a very small part of me feels relieved to see him do that for me. Kenshin Himura, my guardian angel. Can you save me again? I watch as he stands up to walk over the grassy clearing to prepare the Battojutsu. I watch, helplessly and with my hands around my neck, as they fly towards each other in full tilt, their swords banging against each other to create the loudest sound in all of my life. And just like that, I experience tunnel vision and lose consciousness.

Blackness surrounds my every senses. I couldn't see nor hear anything. I feel like I'm trapped in a cage with no sunshine to guide me out of this nightmare. But just as soon as I fainted, I gain consciousness slowly, the seeping sounds of the forest reaching my ears and the smell of the trees and flowers rousing me to wake up. I am lying down still on that bridge, and I don't dare move a single muscle. I feel the vibrations of someone running up towards me, and thinking of the worst, I flinch, wondering if the worst of the worst has already happened and the twins are now going to come and kill me. But no such thing has occurred; instead, a figure comes to sweep me up into their arms and I am held against their chest, and from the corner of my eye I could see strands of red shining against the sun, and I knew. I smile faintly and melt into the hug, my heart soaring into the sky. He's okay. Kenshin is okay, and he saved me!

"Let's hurry," Kenshin holsters me up for me to stand up on my own, "Can you walk, Soujiro?"

I wobble a little but I find my balance again, "I think so."

He nods, and that's when I saw his bruises and scratches, his sides drenched in blood, and not to mention the concerning gash I see across his forehead. It's bleeding rapidly and I knew he could faint too also if we don't go back to the Kamiya dojo in time, so we gather our belongings and move swiftly back home. As soon as the front doors open, Kenshin collapses and I fall to my knees to place my arms around him, trying to ignore the screams and cries of confusion and horror from our loved ones. Kaoru rushes down to the floor to hold Kenshin from his back and she weeps on him, while Megumi comes to the other side to coach her to calm down and to help her get him from the floor. Sanosuke immediately scoops me up from the floor and I can see Yahiko rushing outside to get some fresh water. It all happened so quickly and yet, so slowly and dream like. I don't know what's false or real anymore, and seeing Kenshin so out of it and so injured has my heart wrapped in spikes. Kenshin. Please. Please be okay. I hear Ayame and Suzumi crying in a corner somewhere and Dr. Gensai gathering medical materials to begin his work on Kenshin, and Sanosuke brings me on the floor near him to pass a wet towel across my neck. I hiss at the stinging sensation. I think the string that Ito used has cut the skin a little bit.

"Hang in there, kiddo," Sanosuke grunts out of feeling uncomfortable at what he's witnessing in front of him, "Just what in the hell happened?"

"We were stopped," I whisper as he presses the warm towel against my cut, "By the Bokkai family."

"The Bokkai family? I think I've heard of that family name before." Megumi says not too far away from us.

"Who are they?" Yahiko asks from out of my vision range.

"They're just a bunch of dangerous hooligans, is what they are." Dr. Gensai cuts in. It's the first time I heard him talk about someone so coldly like that, even I couldn't help but shiver.

"We should report this to the police," Megumi speaks through gritted teeth, "They just can't get away with this!"

 _"Kenshin!"_ I hear Kaoru from out of my vision, sobbing and crying.

"I know what they look like.." I murmur, already feeling myself going under, "I know.."

"Shh, hey," Sanosuke shakes his head at me, "Just relax, Soujiro, we got this. Just try and rest."

But I don't want to. I want to be with Kenshin. I have to know if he's going to be okay. This is all my fault. I don't know why or how, but I know it's my fault and I have to fix this. Despite my inner protests, though, my eyes start to feel heavy and I close them, the darkness once again enveloping me into that noiseless existence. It's then I dream of many things and nothing at once, just flashing images of memories that I've stored away from long ago, and the ones that happened just a few days ago keep playing inside my head like a broken record. Traveling from Hiroshima to Tokyo and finding the Kamiya dojo. Seeing Kenshin again after four long years of silence. The sound of my heartbeat and shallow breathing. The feeling of his body against mines. His eyes. His voice. His strings of philosophy about life and death. And just like that, I jolt myself awake and find myself back in my guest room. I look all around me to find a certain redhead, to no avail. I struggle to get up from my futon and rush out of my room to find him. I almost run right into Yahiko and I grab his arms, catching him by surprise.

 _"Where's Kenshin?!"_ I gasp, and he simply points to a door behind me, signaling that it belongs to Kenshin and Kaoru's.

"Hey, Soujiro, are you ok—"

I let go of him and head straight to the bedroom behind me, sliding open the door to find Kenshin resting peacefully in his bed and Kaoru kneeling next to him applying a damp towel on his forehead. She looks up at me with so much concern in her eyes, but as soon as she saw that I'm looking better, she smiles, trying to calm me down. I carefully close the door behind me and walk on over to sit down next to her, my eyes never leaving Kenshin's face. He seem to look fine, but when I saw him fall down like that a few moments ago, it was the most frightening experience of my life. He could have died, losing so much blood like that. I'm blessed to live so near to a couple of great doctors to look over his wounds like that, but it was a very close call overall. Kenshin could have died. The thought of it makes me want to throw up. This is all my fault.

"I'm so sorry," My front bangs hide my eyes from Kaoru, "For all of this.."

"Soujiro, this isn't your fault," Kaoru shakes her head, "It was all them for doing this to you guys. The police have been notified and all of this will be over soon. Please, don't put yourself down like this."

I look up at her, "I know exactly what they look like. How will the police find them if they don't know that?"

Kaoru shakes her head with a sweet smile, "They'll come by here if they have any questions for us. For now, please just rest. It's not worth getting all excited right now."

She's right, but I'm still enraged over what they've done to us. Maybe Kenshin shouldn't have hit Ohta from under his chin with his sword like that. But then, they could have started something anyway and Kenshin would have been able to defend himself no matter what. It's a situation that unfortunately would have escalated down to that moment at the bridge anyhow. It just had to happen. I run some fingers across my neck to find that the string has left a shallow cut all the way across and around, but I'd much rather stick with this than all of Kenshin's injuries. But then, if it meant he would be okay, I would much rather have his injuries and mines as his wound instead. I want his pain to become my own. It would have been more fair, I think. Kaoru lays her hand softly on my shoulder, and my own hand comes up to clasp the top of her hand in recognition.

"Come on, Soujiro. Let's leave Kenshin to rest. I'll need some help in the kitchen, okay?" Kaoru winks playfully and I smile.

"Yes, Mrs. Himura."

We prepared dinner and the rest of the evening went by swimmingly with a haze. Nothing out of the ordinary happened after our conversation in Kenshin's bedroom, aside from the fact that he hasn't come out of that room at all. Megumi and Dr. Gensai would check up on him periodically to bring him anything he needs, as well as to look at his dressings in case they need changing. Sanosuke, Yahiko, Ayame, Suzumi, Kenji, and Kaoru would also check up on him here and there, even if it's just to talk to him while he's completely knocked out. When I knew that nobody would bother us, I would slip into his bedroom to also see him and to have alone time with him. I sit on my kneecaps and lean over to take a good look at him, his face completely devoid of pain or any discomfort, and I sigh in relief. He's going to be okay as long as we are here with him. I watch his chest rising and falling in steady rhythms, and I take the edge of his blanket to cover up the rest of his body to keep him warm. Brushing my hand accidentally against his body would send shocks of electricity in my skin, so I try to be delicate in my actions. He looks so perfect while he's asleep. My sleeping guardian angel.

I look at him, my memories of what he told me years ago coming back to me.

 _"I-It looks like our rematch turned out to have the exact opposite ending as the time we fought in the Shingetsu Village, doesn't it? To think that someone can prove so much in so little time, while keeping his vow not to kill.. the whole while, I can hardly believe it," I smile at Yumi, "But it's true. It's a little unfair, Miss Yumi."_

 _She gasps quietly, "A little unfair? Kiddo.."_

 _"When you're trying to repair a brick building, when it's made the wrong way the first time, you have to tear the whole thing down before you can begin. It can't be done any other way, 'cause bricks are just too strong to change. So.. I was wrong all these years. This battle has shown me the answer," I struggle to sit up, "The one who's always been right is you, Mr. Himura," I look at him now, "I see that now."_

 _Kenshin tries to catch up with his breath until he whispers hoarsely, "No. That's not the case at all. Shishio's logic dictates that the winner of the battle, in other words the strong, is always correct, that it does. If the truth could be discovered through fighting one or two battles, then we'd all be going fighting through life without ever being right or wrong."_

 _My eyes widen and he continues._

 _"A person's life isn't so simple a matter, that it isn't. The true answer is something you find out yourself, by how you live your life from this day onward, that it is."_

 _I look right at him for a couple of moments, his words changing my ideas slowly but surely. He's right. I reply, "Like exactly.. how you did all these years?"_ _He nods in agreement. I smile at him for a moment longer before I close my eyes, "You're a demanding man, you know that? Ugh," I feel faint so I lay back down on Yumi's lap and place my hand over my eyes, "Really, Mr. Himura.. You're not giving me any easy answers, that's for sure. You're much more demanding than Mr. Shishio ever was."_

 _A single tear rolls out of my eye and I hear Kenshin calling out softly and with a smile, "Soujiro."_

 _..._

I open my eyes to see Kenshin waking up from his deep slumber, and he turns to me with a puzzled look in his eyes. I chuckle airily, "Hello."

"Soujiro.. Are you alright?"

I am taken a back at his sincerity of making sure I am alright rather than wondering if he's doing okay at this point, "Me? You're the one who's really hurt here, Mr. Himura. I should be asking you the same."

He smiles weakly and shakes his head carefully, his voice hoarse with exhaustion, "I'm okay now, that I am. I think I scared those hoodlums off for good. It was a close call, but I defeated Ohta Bokkai fair and square, that I did."

"You really are the strongest samurai in all of Japan, Kenshin," I smile bitterly, "I am humbled to be of acquaintance with you."

"Thank you, Soujiro, but," His eyes turn serious now, "When you fainted, and after I defeated him.. He warned me that he will take someone very precious from me. I can't help but think he's mentioning Kaoru or my son, Kenji. We need to warn the others."

"I'll take care of that. You just rest," I fight the urge to touch him in any way even though I wish I could, "And catch some sleep. We'll take care of all the details."

"Thank you," He closes his eyes but his smile doesn't budge from his face, "You're a wonderful friend to all of us, that you are."

I don't want to leave his side but I know I should go and warn the others. I bid him goodnight and go on to tell the others of the impending danger as well as the physical description of the Bokkai family, leaving them deep in concern of what the future may bring. Apparently the police has come here while I was asleep, but Megumi said that she'll go back to the station tomorrow to let them know of what I said to them. Sanosuke goes off on a tangent of wanting to kick their asses if he ever sees them, and Yahiko is too busy trying to contain his blinding fury of knowing that it's the Bokkai family who hurt his dear friend Kenshin like this. With the two young girls already off to bed, Dr. Gensai just shakes his head at the nonsense of it all and told me that he will keep a close eye on Kenshin so that he may heal properly. I bow to them all and said that I will retreat to bed for an early bedtime, and they rub my back to comfort me. They really are an amazing family for Kenshin and he deserves all of their love. I realized that now. Maybe one day, I too, will have a family like this to call my own.

A few days have come and pass. I am too afraid of even leaving the dojo to take recreational walks, and just made sure to stay close to Kenshin. He would wake up here and there to ask for water or something to eat, and little by little, he is able to sit upright and eat more confidentially. The wounds are healing pretty nicely. Dr. Gensai would redress the bandages as I sit by to watch, and he would note that I seem to have what it takes to go to medical schooling if I can look at bloody things without fainting. Maybe it's my past that hardened me, and I told him this, as a way to let him know that it's not my intelligence that would give me a life calling to become a doctor like him. He chuckles and then told me to not be so swift to put myself down like that, and that I have so much potential in this lifetime than to just be another wandering samurai. I thank him, wondering if maybe he's right after all. Maybe, and I perhaps wonder if it is true, that I could in fact do such a thing for a living. To help other people instead of hurting them, to heal them rather than kill them like before. It's a scary but wonderful possibility, after all.

Kenshin healed up pretty soon after and can move around and about again, and although we were all so heightened in awareness of the Bokkai family being near us here in Tokyo, we did try to live our normal lives again despite everything. I look up at the ceiling above me one night after dinner, just thinking. I know I said that I should get over my silly crush and to not let lust damage the bond I share with Kenshin, but seeing him so happy and alive again has once again put me in a quagmire of fighting my emotions surrounding him. I drag my finger over my bottom lip, wishing we could kiss each other just like in my dream of him and I together, and suddenly I realized how fragile and how soon life can be cut short if one is not careful. And it's because of the fragility of life as I know it, I wonder if maybe I should just take what I want and not let paranoia rule me anymore. Yes, Kenshin is married, and yes, he is also a father. But I have to know one thing before I move on from all of this: Could he also find me attractive, theoretically speaking? Even if just in passing, to know that he'd notice me would give my soul some rest. Even if nothing comes out of it, at least I'll know the truth, and that will keep me happy for the rest of my life. It's better that than never doing anything and pretending that the underlying passion isn't really there at all. It has to come out and it has to be discussed. Or just, shown. Yes.

So that's what I'll do. I turn to my side and fall asleep, preparing a new day ahead of mischief. I'll flirt with Kenshin and see if he stirs and feels any hint of sparks for me. If I can experience just him looking at me with full lust, I'll die happily and can get over this bullshit once and for all. Just one look or one word from him acknowledging that I am attractive in his eyes too would seal the deal and I can find someone else without struggling with this anymore. Nothing wrong with that. I'm not asking him to leave his wife or his friends and family, right? A little bit of harmless flirting and joking around isn't going to ruin his marriage, as strong as it is. After sleeping like a baby for the entire night, I wake up and head down to find Kenshin sitting on the back porch to catch some rays. He is wearing a black printed kimono, a first for me, and it looks absolutely wonderful against his red hair. He hears me coming from the dojo and beams at me. God, I can't help but feel weak in the knees when I see him smile like that. I wonder if he knows the effects he has on people.

"Morning, Soujiro," He looks back towards the sky, "Don't mind me, I'm just enjoying the sun, that I am."

"Are you feeling better?" I walk up to sit down next to him, and he nods positively, "That's good. I really like this color on you."

"Oro?" He looks at me with blinking eyes and then looks down on his own outfit, "This old thing?"

I giggle, "Yeah, black looks really nice on you. I like it."

He scratches the back of his head and laughs uncomfortably, "Well, thank you, Soujiro. I'll keep that in mind, that I will!"

"You don't have to be so shy, Kenshin," I reach out to tug the front of the kimono a little, "All I said was that it looks good on you. You don't have to be so humble all the time, you know."

He blinks down at my hand and then looks at me with a tilt of his head, "Um..?"

I let go of him and stand up to bow down to him, "Excuse me." and walk back to the dojo, my heart racing over having to touch him like that. But at least the first seed has been implanted, I think to myself. I'll have to be very subtle about it if I want this to be a success. I can go bolder and harder when I need to be, to cause a slow burn inside of him. I have the rest of the day to do just that. Perfect. When lunch is served later on, I make it a point to sit down next to Kenshin while he sits next to Kaoru. Things went on as per usual until Yahiko jumps up and asks Kenshin about his battle with the Bokkai family and if he can remember the moves he's done against their leader. Suddenly, everybody seem more alert and interested in his account with the evil family, and even I keep a close eye on him as he hums to himself to try and remember it. I'm guessing his short term memory isn't really the best. I wonder if that is truly a blessing in disguise in contrast to me, who seem to remember absolutely everything.

"We started off with the Battojutsu, that we did," He takes a hold of his chin as he thinks carefully, "Then he charged right after me with his strange looking sword at me, as if trying to cut my head off from my body, but I dodged it and did the Ryutsuisen right on his shoulder. And all the while he's hurt and screaming at me, I charge right at him with my Ryusosen, knocking him down immediately. It got blurry from there."

"Aw, come on, Kenshin!" Yahiko cries out, "There has to be more than that, spill the beans!"

 _"Yahiko!"_ Kaoru hushes him and the youth once again sticks his tongue out at her in retaliation.

"Daddy go boom boom!" Kenji dances around the edge of the table while Ayame and Suzumi giggles.

"So what else happened?" Sanosuke takes a sip of his tea.

"Did you used your Kuzuryusen? That one is my favorite." Megumi smiles in reminiscence.

"Ah, of course! That's what I used, that I did!" Kenshin perks up and slams his fist in his other palm, "That was the one that made him scurry off with his sons, that it did!"

"And he saved my life," I purr, placing my elbow on the table and lean a little closer to his side, smiling up at him dreamily, "The Kuzuryusen was also the move he made four years ago during our battle. I must admit, I was super close to getting hit with it, and it still impresses me to this day."

"No way!" Yahiko coos and even the other young children stops to stare in wonder.

"You were a really fast fighter, weren't you? Shishio taught you that Shukuchi thing or whatever," Sanosuke crosses his arms in front of him and hums, "I can't get over my shock that day when I realized that you were actually faster than Kenshin."

"Soujiro surely had the upper hand at that time, that he did!" Kenshin nods. Humble still, are we not?

"Yes, well," I do a half shrug and I look at Kenshin intensely now, "Kenshin was the one who had more strength and had more of a true swordsman spirit in order to defeat me. He won fair and square and I didn't have what it takes to beat him. Even without that breakdown, Kenshin would have still defeated me with his extra step in his Battojutsu. That was very smart of you, Kenshin.."

Is it my imagination, or did I just caught a faint blush creeping on his cheeks just now? He smiles and laughs awkwardly and then goes, "Well, thank you, Soujiro."

Strike two. I'm getting warmer and I know it. After lunch, everybody had their own thing to do. Kaoru just reopened a new semester for her training classes, so she's preparing the room for her students to come in, and Yahiko volunteers to act as her teacher aide. Sanosuke goes out for a fishing trip for tonight's dinner while his wife stops at her office to catch up on some paperwork along with Gensai. Ayame, Suzumi, and Kenji are then watched over by Kenshin and I. The sun rises to the middle of the sky when I saw Kenshin doing the laundry outside as the three young children are playing around together. I go up to him and see that he's trying to rub one of his sore shoulder from straining himself over using the washboard so hard. Now's my chance for my third strike.

"Oh Kenshin, here!" I pipe up from behind him and lay my hands on his shoulders, "Let me give you a massage!"

"Eh?" He blinks, "You don't have to do that, Soujiro—"

"—Nonsense, I'm good at this! Miss Yumi taught me how to do it," I begin working on him, "She said she was taught by the other ladies of the night."

"Yumi?" He blinks and then his face opens up to recognizing who I'm talking about, "Ah, the companion of Shishio Makoto. It's awful to know that they both died in the fire, that it is."

"Yes. Unfortunate." I dig my thumbs deep within his muscles, "I think they were happy within their last moments together, though."

"Hmm," Kenshin closes his eyes and seems to inwardly relax the more I massage him, "Shishio stabbed her trying to hurt me during battle."

I stop momentarily, "He did?"

He nods, "It was terrible. I was so angry when he did that, killing his lover in front of us like that in a fit of vengeance. Anything to reach his end goals, I suppose."

I continue with my massage, "Truth be told, I don't think I ever truly believed his words of wisdom."

"I don't think you ever really did, Soujiro. Otherwise," He turns his head to smile up at me, "You wouldn't have broken down four years ago so tremendously like that."

I smile shyly, "Touché."

"I think I'm okay now, but thank you so much, Soujiro," He tries to roll his shoulders from out of my touch, but I don't let up.

"Wait, Kenshin, I actually just remembered this one thing Yumi taught me—" I take my elbows and dig them deep into his shoulder curves, "—I think it goes like this."

"Oro?" He scrunches his face from the impact, "That does go deep, ha ha!"

"Soujiro is hurting Kenshin!" Ayame coos and points in our general direction.

"Soujiro is hurting your daddy, Kenji!" Suzumi chuckles next to the young warrior to be, aggravating him suddenly.

 _"No hurt!"_ He suddenly screeches and charges right at us, and before Kenshin and I could properly react, Kenji jumps into the washing tub and all of the soapy water springs out and soaks the both of us, leaving us blinking and groaning in confusion.

"I am fine, that I am, Kenji," Kenshin shakes his head with a patient smile, wiping his wet bangs from out of his eyes, "Soujiro is only trying to help."

I smile wider and place my chin on top of his head, winking towards Kenji, "Yup!"

After we all helped each other clean up the mess, Kenshin goes inside to prepare a snack for all of us. Kaoru and Yahiko are still very busy with their students in the training room, and all the others seem to be taking their sweet time with their personal businesses, which relieves me. I have all the privacy in the world as long as I'm being careful with this scheme of mine. As a snack, Kenshin prepared some simple rice balls and carries a tray full of them back outside the back porch so that we can all enjoy. He sets it down carefully and the young children immediately swoops in to get their own rice ball to munch on, and we both laugh at their silliness. I wonder if I can have children of my own someday, even through the form of adoption. If I can get over Kenshin eventually and find myself a nice woman to settle down with, I'd like to have several. It would be so nice to have so many pair of eyes looking up at you like that.

I look up to the skies for a while as Kenshin tells the others to try and play nice with one another, and then he looks up towards my back facing him and says, "Soujiro, would you like one?"

I look over my shoulder casually and see my next opportunity. There right on the corner of his lip is a single grain of rice. Perfect. I smirk to myself and turn around to face him completely. While the other kids go on to play around with a garden snail that they found in the grass, I kneel in front of him and place my face on my hand to shake my head at his clumsiness. He blinks a few times, confused as to what's happening, and I reach out with my other hand to take that smudge of food from out of his lip and pop it right into my own mouth. I touched him again and I can feel the electricity coursing through my veins, but I try to hide it with a polite smile.

"You should be more careful when you eat, Kenshin," I close my eyes and chuckle under my breath, "You had something on your face."

"Um, uh.." He seems at a loss for words, so he just thrust one rice ball in his hand at me, "Thank you, Soujiro."

I open my eyes and grab said snack from his grasp and stand up, my eyes and smile never leaving. I take a bite and smile again with my eyes before turning around to walk back inside the dojo, taking notice that even the kids stopped to look at me in confusion as to what in the world I just done. Those poor kids, but at least they'll never know the truth. Later on, everybody has come back home and Sanosuke unfortunately wasn't able to catch any good fish for tonight, so Megumi suggests that we all go out and treat ourselves a trip to a restaurant on her own pay. We prepare ourselves and all head out, trying to find the perfect restaurant. We could go to our usual favorite, but then we spotted a new place opening on one street where it was decorated in a Western style, and we got curious. I wonder what people from the other side of the world eats like, so we go in. It smelled so good and we were surprised to find chairs and higher set tables, a first for me in my short life. I sit right across from Kenshin while he sits in between his wife and child, and we all had a nice time chatting and eating.

Soon another opportunity springs up and I smile devilishly to myself. I take off my slippers and gingerly place them on top of the top part of Kenshin's feet, and he flinches in surprise. He immediately realizes that it was me touching him so playfully like that, and he grimaces at me in a jokingly fashion, trying to kick my feet off of his. I giggle secretly and try my hardest to play footsie war with him, unbeknownst to everybody else at the table. Soon enough, of course, my giggling and his grunts and annoyed huffs caught everybody's attention and they all looked at us in bewilderment.

"Are you two okay?" Megumi's eyes were wider as usual, shooting them back and forth between us.

"Um," Kenshin smiles awkwardly at her, trying to hide our secret footsie game, "Us? I'm okay, that I am—Eep!"

Under the table, I place a firm grasp of my two cold feet around his ankle, and I snigger.

"Maybe Kenshin's sick," Yahiko shrugs. Oh brother.

"Kenshin, it's okay if the food here sucks." Sanosuke grins like an idiot, unaware of everything that's happening right below him.

Kenshin shivers from the cold and the awkwardness of it all and he looks down at his own lap to hide his embarrassment, "I-I'm fine.."

He tries to move his trapped leg but I don't let him. I yawn and roll my eyes, "Mr. Himura seems to be feeling cold is what it looks like."

"Cold?" Kaoru blinks at him, "It's June, Kenshin, why you should be cold at this time?"

Kenshin twitches and looks at her, and replies through a forced, gritted smile, "I-I'm okay, that I am, dear!"

I take the bottom length of his pants and tug it in between my toes, and he glares right at me in a really funny way, and I only smile sweetly in return. Not much you can do, huh, Himura? Guess you'll just have to sit there and struggle for the rest of the meal. I open my eyes and turn to everyone, "Mr. Himura is doing a great job teaching me the Hiten Mitsurugi."

"Is he now?" Kaoru perks up proudly, "I'm so happy to hear that!"

"And if you need any extra practice, you know where to find me, kid." Sanosuke gives me a thumbs up.

"Yeah, and I'm also here if you need even more extra practice!" Yahiko slaps my arm, "I love to practice by myself, so it would be awesome if you could join me!"

I nod at the both of them, "Sure thing!"

"It's also nice to see you two are getting along so well," Kaoru sighs contently, "And to think you were once mortal enemies."

Kenshin and I would have gotten along much better if we could have sex on your bed, Kaoru. Oh, but you don't have to know about that. I smile innocently at her and nod in recognition. Kenshin meanwhile is shivering and groaning in my uncomfortable and freezing touch. After dinner, we all head back home in a fit of conversations and laughter, and the gang go on to do their own thing once again. Kaoru asks me to look over Kenji while she helps Megumi tuck in the young girls to their respective beds, and I agreed. The restaurant has given us all pieces of chocolate as a token of their appreciation of us choosing their place to eat in tonight, so I kept my share in my pocket for later use. That use now comes up again when I see Kenshin sitting in a room enjoying a cup of after supper tea, and he is sitting near this cabinet. An idea bubbles inside my head and I take Kenji into a room near by to whisper something into his ear.

"I'll give you this piece of chocolate if you roll your toy under that cabinet next to daddy," I speak in hush tones, "Can you do that, Kenji?"

He nods positively at my request and takes one of his toy from his pile of stuff, and he chooses this horse toy on little wheels. Perfect. He sneaks around the corner, tip toeing while I watch from another corner. He sets the toy on the floor, looks at me, and watches as I nod to affirm his decision. He pushes the toy hard enough for it to roll all the way under the cabinet. He looks at us with concern but I smile his way, "Good job, Kenji. I'll go get it and then I'll give you the treat. Wait back inside your room."

He does what I say and I nearly skip my way into the room. Kenshin looks under the cabinet and then turns at me with puzzlement, "Did Kenji do that?"

I laugh to myself, "Poor kid. I'll get it."

"Do you need me to mo—" Before he could finish his sentence, I kneel next to him and I shake my head at him.

"Don't move, I'll just reach over and get it quickly," I lean over his lap, outstretching my hand under the opening under the cabinet, "It should be nearby.."

Kenshin grunts from the pressure of my body right over his lap, but he doesn't try to move while I try to 'find' Kenji's rolling horse toy. While I do, I try to think of ways to see how I can get him to feel something for me. Anything! What do I do? What can I say? I wonder if my previous attempts were too subtle and friendly to be considered effective flirting. But maybe that's a good thing at the same time. I can't have him or anyone else become too suspicious of what I'm trying to do. Soon, my fingers hit against a familiar hard object and I recognize that it's Kenji's toy, much to my disappointment. Already? Should I say something? Should I move? It's not like I know how to give seductive lap dances, so I'm stuck. What to do.. what to say..

...

Oh. I know.

"I think I got it.." I strain my voice, trying to sound like I'm stretching with everything I have, "It's right there.."

Kenshin doesn't respond and just takes a sip of his tea in the meanwhile.

I bite my lower lip and prepare myself for what I'll say next, and with a suspicious sounding moan, I whisper, _"It's just so tight."_

Kenshin chokes on his drink and promptly sets down his cup and coughs his way into breathing again, grabbing my hair all the while. My face sizzles in blush but I feel pretty proud to get at least that kind of reaction out of him. Yes, Kenshin, please touch me. I know you want to. His grasp on my hair tightens slightly more while he tries to steady his breathing, and then he loosens his hold on me. I carefully sit up with the missing toy in my hand and I blink naively at him, "Are you okay?"

His face couldn't have been redder, and I try to hide my own embarrassed expression with a forced smile, "Mm-hm!"

I get up and walk away from him, feeling my own face getting just as red as his. But despite all of that.. there isn't any lustful gazes or words or anything like that! Not even one second of him getting hard from underneath me! I grumble to myself all the way to Kenji's room, and I give him both his toy and chocolate to get him to stay quiet over this. Good thing he didn't see anything or else something even worse could have happened. I think I need a bath and just forget about this stupid experiment. I go outside to the bathhouse and light up the fires underneath, and filled the tub with water. Getting in, I try to relax, but my annoyance over the failed plan doesn't let up. I suddenly let out a growl of frustration and slap a hand on the water, splashing everywhere. God! What did I do wrong? Am I really that subtle? I usually know how to flirt with other people, but with Kenshin, something holds me back. Is it guilt? What could it be stopping me from reaching my full potential with that man?

Ugh. Whatever. What's done is done and I failed. I decide to let my anger go with the one thing I know I'm really good at. I take my hand and start to stroke myself, letting the back of my head rest on the edge of the bathtub. I think about his cute little faces he made today while I was messing around with him, and how adorable he'd look cumming if I could suck him off in some other dimension. I bet he'd taste so good inside my throat. I groan and go faster, trying to keep my noises to a bare minimum volume, so that I won't disturb the other patrons of the Kamiya dojo. Don't need them sniffing in my private business. I think of Kenshin some more, of all the variety of scenarios of us sharing sexual escapades together, from licking each other to fondling each other in secrecy, to him fucking me and me being an absolute harlot at his disposal. He can do anything and everything to me and I'd let him. Soon my head starts to swim from the peaking of the intense pleasure inside of me, and my breathing becomes erratic. God, this feels incredible. I'd do anything if it means that Kenshin could double me over and fuck my hole until I can't breathe anymore.

 _"Oh!"_ I suddenly jump up, and I feel myself going over the edge already, _"Ah, fuck!"_

I cum and my body convulses, waves of pleasure ripping inside of me. I try to take composure over myself, trying to get my heart beat and breathing rate down, and my forehead is drenched with the perspiration and bath water. After a while, I heard it; a shuffle of feet from outside of the door. My body tenses up, wondering if it's the Bokkai members again, or the police, or someone else undesirable. Or God forbid, one of my new friends walking in on me screaming and coming so intensely like that. I get out of the bathtub and wrap my cloth around my hips, grabbing my sword from the ground and take it out from its sheath. I inch near the door with my sword ready to strike, and with one swift movement, I slide it open and prepare to swing down my sword when I meet face to face with a pair of familiar lavender eyes. My knees start to buckle and I stop breathing. Oh my God.

Oh my God!

He heard me!

 _"K.. Kenshin?"_ I quiver, feeling mortified and all the color from my face draining away, _"W-what..?"_

He smiles pitifully at me and chuckles, "I apologize. I'm afraid I heard you. I'm sorry for dropping by unannounced. I was just worried about you and wanted to check up on you."

It's a good thing I didn't yelled out his name during my self fondling, but still, this is completely humiliating. Not to mention rude! I flicker my eyes to the floor, feeling my dinner rising up from my stomach and I cover my mouth. He laughs a little harder now, and I look back up and felt annoyed, "How rude are you, seriously?! I need my privacy too, Mr. Himura!"

"I'm really sorry, Soujiro," He bows to me, and leaning back up, I catch a quick second of his eyes trailing down and up over my body, and with a little smile, he nods, "Maybe it is time for you to get a new girlfriend, yes? I have no doubt that it wouldn't be too difficult for you. You're a very attractive person, that you are."

I want to die. Did he just complimented me? My cheeks burn bright and I gulp, feeling no saliva whatsoever. Is this what I've been waiting for? I'll admit, it would have been better if I invoked a more sexual response from the Battousai, but maybe this nice compliment doesn't disappoint me at all. No. It's way better than nothing and him continuing to treat me like I have absolutely no sexual value would have been even more painful. I have to think of something good to say at a time like this. We were both quiet for a while, and I know the moment of opportunity is running out. It's now or never. I look up right into his eyes, and I smirk, "If you think that sounds attractive, I would sound even better in bed. Just saying."

I walk on ahead of him before he has the opportunity to properly react. Still, I hear him chuckling and saying, "You're probably right, Soujiro."

I could explode in any moment now. I jump into my futon and play around with his gift that he brought me on my second day here at the dojo, the tiny trinket that he brought me from the street vendor. I hold it over my head and look at the painted white peach flower on the center of it, and I smile ear to ear, proud of myself today. I did it. I absolutely did it! Kenshin thinks I'm attractive! I squeal to myself and pump my fists out triumphantly. I've done mission impossible and now I can move on from this. I can get over him and my life will return to normal. Everything will be okay again, I just know it. I place my trinket aside and turn out the light, sighing contently before closing my eyes. And now for days ahead will I focus on my training with Kenshin and not have to think of him in that way anymore.

I did it, I did it, I did it. Everything is going to be okay.

Right?


	13. Hunting Grounds

_Author's note: Guys. Seriously. We need to get Soujiro a giant pitcher of water, because that boy is thirsty as hell for Kenshin. His mind is telling him "no".. but his body is telling him "yes", dammit! Also, thank you so much for all the glowing reviews!_

 _Chimerical: Your reviews never fail to make me laugh. I'm serious, anytime I feel it inside my soul that you read my new chapters, I would open my phone and find myself having a panic attack with all my laughter over your hilarious reviews. Sometimes this is during the wee hours of the morning, mind you! I will definitely keep this in mind that you and everybody else wants me to start another KenJiro fic after I complete this series. Thank you so much for the support! :)_

 _Cannibal Corncob: But can you blame this little boy?! He's been clenching over Kenshin ever since he's first laid eyes on him! I definitely love your thoughts on what in the world Kenshin might be thinking about during Soujiro's little slut antics and what not. I bet he's thinking to himself, "Is he ill? Did he eat poisonous mushrooms? Is he drunk again?" LOL!_

 _i8Pi: Yes, at least Kenshin found him attractive, if only for a moment! See, guys, he wins! :D And yes, I can't get over this fanfic I reviewed on this website. Another author wrote a one shot of what it would be like if it was Kenshin who found Soujiro in the rain and, seriously, look for it, it's called "Hero" and it's so sweet and heartwarming. So, I totally understand your frustrations over the voice acting for Soujiro Seta. I had to look over the previous episodes of the RK show on my Netflix account to see if I was going nuts, and it's true what you said! The first voice was polite and yet had a sardonic tone behind it, and I liked it. The second voice left me going lolwut. But the third voice.. I think that's the one that won me over in the end. It's like you said, it had that sultriness behind it that I needed to write this fic. It is definitely up to you, the reader, to pick which ever voice makes you most comfortable while you read his talking notes in my fanfic, but yes.. I vote for the third one. I just especially loved the way he said, "Ah, welcome, Mr. Himura!" when Kenshin finally reached the Room Without Space. Probably wasn't their intention, but the actress behind his voice said it in such a flirtatiously manner that it just, agghh, it was too good to ignore it. Easily my favorite episode between Soujiro and Kenshin._

 _Bone Deep: True that, Soujiro is refusing to be real with his own emotions, but hey, we all need a little conflict for a story to be a good read, yes? ;) That said, you and all the other readers, I think, are going to especially love this new update. Our little Soujiro is going to finally push past his own inner demons and do something special. You'll all know what I mean once you read the end of this update, heheheh! And oh, another vote for another KenJiro, I see! I will definitely write my outline for the new one soon. Thanks!_

 _Internets4Porn: Hey, you! I am glad you liked the chapter, cause it's only the beginning of his downfall spiral with Kenshin, muahahaha! He definitely handled it well, but he did grew red like a tomato once he left the room. Poor guy. What did I tell you guys, get that guy a large glass of water! Thirsty, thirsty, thirsty! Another vote for new KenJiro, got it! :D_

 _Demon Spawn: I'm screaming, can you imagine Kenshin kicking Soujiro right in the nuts?! Yes, get him, Kenshin! :D_

 _And now, ladies and gentleman, chapter 12! Enjoy!_

Scene XII: Hunting Grounds

 _"Haaa!"_ I screamed as I tapped right against Kenshin's waist with my shinai after he tried to strike me with his.

"Good one, Soujiro," He merely rubs his waist afterward, "Good thing we didn't use a heavier one this time around, that we didn't!"

"I still can't get over that day when I broke the top half of your skull," I shake my head with a chuckle, setting down my weapon next to me carefully so that I can sit properly, "Would that be all for today, sensei?"

Kenshin nods with a prideful smile, "I think so. You're really getting the hang of it, Soujiro, that you do. Just a couple more advanced moves and you're on your way to your voyageur, I'm assuming?"

I blink with a frown, "Voyageur?"

His face softens to a confused tone, "You said you had about six years left on your journey, I assumed?"

That's right. I said years ago that I would take up a decade of traveling around Japan, and even out of the country, to find out who I am and what to make of my life. I made that into a promise that I refuse to break no matter how tumultuous the road ahead of me would be. I felt confident at age seventeen when I took my initial step out of Shishio's grasp, and noticed how freeing it felt to become my own person for the first time in my life. I had wanderlust, that I can remember much. I didn't want to just travel inside all of Japan; I had dreams of seeing the majestic architectures in Europe, the rest of the beauty in Asia and how the people lived in them that differs to my home, the natural scenery in the heart of Africa.. I want to see it all. Yumi once brought a world book where it talks about all the countries from around the world, and I'll never forget how I felt reading about the European lifestyles, the prosperous and developing America, and the Australian wildlife that would take my breath away seeing the pictures. I felt worried over how Shishio would have reacted if I told him about my dreams of traveling. He never wanted to leave Japan. He told me so. So, I kept my desires a secret.

I roamed Japan for four years. That part is true. In the midst of my journey, I would dream of red tresses and I would wake up wondering what it could all mean. How stupid was I, that it took me a while for me to realize that I was dreaming about Kenshin. When it hit me as to what the dreams could mean, I felt that I had to go back to Tokyo to seek him out. I know that I would find my answers on my own if only I would have given myself more time. But.. I think I remember when was it that I felt particularly desperate to find him again. It was when I had just turned twenty one years old, and I was enjoying myself in the hot springs belonging to this one inn somewhere in the city of Otsu, in the middle of a summer night. Most of the visitors had gone to sleep, and so I wanted to take advantage of being the only person wide awake to use it. Or, so I thought, before someone else came in to also use the springs. I'll never forget my own reaction when I saw him; a man not that much taller than me, not that much older than me, and not so different from any other man that I would find on the street. But his hair.. he wore it a little long, and it had an auburn sheen to it. For a moment, I thought I had lost my sanity. I thought I was looking at the man I had battled not too long ago. He came into the water, trying to ignore my presence, but I kept openly staring at him all the while.

He didn't bare the cross shaped scar on his left cheek like my previous predecessor has. He didn't carried a reverse blade sword like him, either. He didn't even have the lavender eyes that I knew my last opponent had. But my god, I _really_ looked at him, for the rest of my time there. My heart couldn't have beat faster. The other man had his eyes closed and was trying to relax in the hot water, but all the while, at that moment, my spirit have sung its highest notes. But it wasn't really him that I was looking at.. it was the way the candles all around us had started playing tricks in my eyes. How in some strange way, the light and the shadows would carve his face to appear like Kenshin Himura's, and if I focused hard enough, I could even make out the faint markings of the famous scar on the other gentleman's cheek. I'll never forget what happened next. The man opened his eyes and he caught me staring at him. He asked me if I was okay, because I looked like I had just seen a phantom. I think he was right, because I remember forgetting how to breathe at that moment of him asking. He then asked me what was so funny. I broke down outright sobbing right there and then.

That was when I questioned everything, when I wondered if I was truly finding my authentic self that was ripped out of me from my family and even Shishio himself. I wanted to find myself, but find it, I have not succeeded. I would start to wonder if there was anything to my dreams of red hair and of a man walking all around my mind, a man so familiar in his movements and in his build, a man that I knew I had to talk to again. Finding Kenshin again at the Kamiya Dojo, those same emotions I felt at that hot springs nine months prior to my journey to Tokyo, came bubbling up to the surface. I wondered if I was angry at Kenshin, because I thought, just like Shishio had done with me, someone had filled my head with more lies again. But anger has something underlying in it, and it's passion that keeps the fire alive and growing. I had confused my state of lust and affection for rage at first, and had taken it out on Kenshin as an act of self protection. But when I saw that he had done nothing wrong at all, I became even more confused. The passion, then, revealed itself that night at the festival, and then again the next night when I had my first wet dream over Kenshin. I realized then, that I had caught feelings for him this entire time, and it became more obvious as the time went on. I am attracted to Kenshin, and so, it started to make sense to me once that came to light.

Kenshin also sits down near me and looks out towards the open doors and out into the nature. It's a really nice day again, with no weather extremities, and not a cloud in the sky. There were gentle winds that would wash into the training room, and I lay down on my stomach to rest my chin on my hands to also enjoy the natural scenery. We don't say anything for a while, just to see what would change in the skies, or if another rain storm would come through. But we don't sense any changes and within five or so minutes into it, Kenshin sighs and sets his shinai to the other side of him to relax further. He smiles at me, "Perhaps we could take up fishing together if you'd like to do, Soujiro."

Did I mentioned how utterly and stupidly happy he makes me feel? God. I giggle and maneuver myself so that my head can rest right on his thigh, and I look up at him with a nod, "Of course, Kenshin."

He meanwhile sits away from me, looking surprised over what I've just done, but never the less, he doesn't take much offense to it and relaxes his demeanor, "Alright. If it's not too bad out, we can even try and catch the dinner that Sanosuke promised us last night."

I nod in recognition, "Alright."

"And Soujiro?"

"Yes, Kenshin?"

"Why did you.." He is careful with his next words, his eyes sweeping over my body and how I'm positioned right now, "I mean, why are you lying on my—"

"—Because I'm tired," I answer with a fake yawn, "And your thigh looked comfortable. So I want to lay my head on it."

He laughs a little, "I see."

I close my eyes, "And Kenshin?"

"Yes, Soujiro?"

I don't answer for a moment, but then my eyes open to look right at him while I reply, "I'm lucky to have met you. Thank you. For everything."

I can see his eyes widening and all the while, I don't look away. He has to know what I'm thinking and feeling, despite everything. I don't want to lie to him anymore. He has to know what a profound effect he's had on me. If it wasn't for him, who knows what would become of me. I would have killed every last ounce of humanity left inside of me, to the point that I would only become the shell of the person that I used to be. If I had killed just enough people, I would soon no longer find the place residing inside of me that I can safely call my home. The home that contained the child that I used to be, so full of innocence and desire to protect people from pain instead of inflicting it on them. If it wasn't for Kenshin, I would have become just like Shishio, so cold and bitter inside his heart, who cares about no one else but himself. I don't know if he truly loved Yumi if he carried all that hatred for everybody else like that. Did he even cared about me? I would never really know, but I have a feeling that I know the answer to that difficult question. For him, only the strongest survive in this world. If you're strong, you live, and if you're weak, you die. It's every man out for himself in the end, and I bet he would have ripped my jugular out once he has completed all of his goals in taking over Japan.

But Kenshin, he taught me that I was free to truly feel again. He told me that I could be myself and to live a life full of love and goodness in this world. He made me cry so much during and after our battle at Mount Hiei, but it was the type of tears that cleanses me from the inside out. He freed me and he gave me wings to take flight. Like a good caretaker who's opened the birdcage to let me fly off, just so that I can be happy at long last. But when I realized that the world didn't have my happiness like I thought it did, I flew back to him and found exactly what I was looking for. My home lies in his eyes and in his arms. I feel more joyful and more safe being around him than being out there on the road. That I know is true. And now looking right at him right now, the truth seems even more obvious. Kenshin. I am so sorry. I wish things could have ended out differently between us. I should have followed you back to Tokyo from Kyoto immediately, and made my move before you decided to wed Kaoru. I could have reignited your desire to wander again, because I know, just by looking at your eyes, that you wanted to do it. I could have been the key to your own freedom, had I knew then what I know now. It's all my fault. It could have been us, Kenshin. We could have been out there, traveling and wandering, having sex together just to keep each other warm during the cold nights. Us. It should have been us.

If only.

If only..

"Sir Ken, I have to ask you some—"

I shoot up from my position to sit up in shock at Megumi walking in on us. Her eyes doesn't betray what I feel in my heart. She saw us, and we were sharing an intimate moment together before she came in to interrupt us. She looks so appalled and all the while, Kenshin looks over his shoulder casually and blinks her way, absolutely oblivious to what is even happening. We were quiet for a moment before I hear Kenshin pipe up cheerfully, "Hello there, Megumi! How may we be of assistance?"

Her eyes smolders into a rage my way, and she answers with an gripping tone, "I'd like to have a word with Soujiro."

Kenshin looks at me again, "Hmm? Well, go on, Soujiro, I'll wait for you to come back, that I will."

I don't want to make this anymore suspicious or awkward than it has to be, so I get up swiftly to walk on over to Megumi and trying to ignore the intensity of her eyes on me. She leads me into her own bedroom and closes the door behind her, and then she walks past me to take a seat near a window, not knowing what to say in all the while. I look at her back for a while, shifting my weight on my feet and swaying, trying to find something to say to fill the empty gaps. But before I could say anything nice, or perhaps to ask her how her husband Sanosuke is doing these days, she whips around to openly glare at me again and whispers, _"What is the matter with you?!"_

My eyes widen abruptly but I try to relax, "What do you mean, Mrs. Sagara?"

She scoffs, "Don't start. Don't start with that innocent kid crap. I've had my eyes on you this entire time and I don't like the way you're acting around Sir Ken!"

"Megumi," I shake my head with a concerned frown before I sit on my kneecaps, "I don't understand?"

"What is there to get?" She whispers with a venomous tone, "I see the way you look at him and it's the same way Kaoru used to look at him. It's the same way even I used to look at him years ago. Kenshin is a very easy man to love, I get that, but now.. Now he's married, Soujiro! With a child on top of that! Doesn't that mean anything to you?"

"Megumi.. I don't have any feelings for Kenshin, believe me," I smile weakly, my heart banging all the while, "I'm only here for his teachings and then I'll be on my way out soon. I'm this close to learning all of his Hiten Misorugi moves, so I should be done within a couple of weeks at this rate. I have nothing but respect for their marriage, believe me."

"What about," She sounds exasperated now, "What about the way you touch him sometimes, though? When you tickled his neck while walking past him this morning at the kitchen table? Or the way you laugh at all of his jokes, even his stupidest ones? Or the way you just.. just sit so close to him all the time..!"

"Megumi, I don't like him like that, please," I shake my head, trying with everything I have to not break down despite the all engulfing fear I feel inside of me, "I-I swear it's nothing like that. The reason why I did all of that is because I'm a very affectionate person once I'm comfortable with someone. It means nothing at all, believe me."

She assesses me quietly, and soon her mask of anger and accusatory nature starts to melt into one of self consciousness and guilt. She takes a deep breath and sighs, wrapping her arms around her and she looks towards the floor with reluctance, "I'm.. I'm sorry, Soujiro. I was just concerned, that's all."

I chuckle awkwardly, "I understand. But it's not like that, I can assure you."

"It's just, you're a man, like him, so it's something I'm worried about. I don't care about people who live like that, but they are usually killed by the other bigots out there," She looks out towards the window as if proving a point, "Not to mention Kenshin is already married and has made a child with Kaoru, and.. Well, you know I had to put my foot down somewhere. Do you understand?"

"I do," I nod, "And I think you're a great friend to do that. Truly."

"I'm sorry, Soujiro. You can go back to him now."

I stand up and go on back to the training room, where I find Kenshin had already put our shinais away and is now standing outside to look at the beautiful and vast open skies, the wind playing with his hair meanwhile. I have to be more careful now that Megumi has caught suspicion over my actions, so that means I can no longer play around with Kenshin or touch him while she's around. Or even around the other patrons here for that matter, if she feels the need to gossip about me. But maybe she'll keep her mouth shut since it'll only break Kaoru's heart, knowing someone else has feelings for her spouse. I think I have to hurry up with these lessons and get a move on now; there's no point sticking around here for too long, anyway, and I have to travel again to complete my spiritual journey. This has always been about me and what to make of myself, and not about trying to fuck up everything that Kenshin has worked on these past several years on his own. I refuse to be that selfish or to be like my mother, as much as I love and miss her.

I walk up behind Kenshin and he looks over his shoulder with a smile, "You're back. I think we should tell the others that we will go fishing together for dinner tonight. What do you say?"

"Alright."

"Say, what did Megumi wanted from you?"

"It's not important," I smile, "We should hurry. Kaoru did mentioned wanting to prepare an especially elaborate meal tonight, so we'll need to catch us a big fish!"

I turn around to walk away, but Kenshin grabs me gently by the shoulder and has me facing him again. Electricity runs through me just by that one simple touch alone, and catching me by surprise, he looks a little startled over my shocked reaction. But then his face turns solemn and he asks me directly, "What did Megumi say to you? You didn't looked happy at all when you came back."

My eyes start to lose focus. Kenshin.

"It's.. It's nothing," I try to keep my voice balanced, "She's just concerned about my well being, that's all. She thought that I missed traveling and thought I wanted to flee from here."

His face softens again, "You miss traveling? Why didn't you say so, Soujiro?" He shakes his head, chuckling, "We have to master two more moves and then you can leave here if you want. I have no trouble with that, that I don't."

I'm lying to both of these people, but the difference is, is that I don't really care much for Megumi like I do with Kenshin, and lying to him just hurts me so much. I think I should just be honest for once, even if it kills me. It's not like I'm confessing the fact that I want him to do ungodly things to my body or anything, but only the discussion that me and Megumi just shared. Nothing wrong with that, right? And so, I turn around to look at Kenshin completely and sigh, "I lied. It's not about that."

"Oro? What was it about, then?"

Here goes nothing.

"She thought I was flirting with you," I chuckle, my cheeks already burning up, "I told her it's not like that at all. I am just very affectionate with the people that I trust."

I am expecting a response after, or perhaps a laugh from him too, but I don't hear anything. My heart stops beating for a second and my eyes flash towards him to find him looking at me with a serious and grave expression. Oh no. Did I fucked up royally again? Is he going to kick me out now? Will he take Megumi's word over my own? Of course he would! Megumi has been in his life for a lot longer than I have. I'm nothing but a pest here compared to his lifelong friends here at the dojo. Oh shit. Oh fuck. I really fucked things up now. Without moving an inch, I gaped at him and tried with all my might to not suddenly bolt and run away from him, even though my legs are begging me to go. Fight or flight, as the saying goes. It feels really awful. But then, just when I thought things would take a turn for the worse, Kenshin takes a step towards me and wraps his arms around me for a hug, leaving me speechless.

Oh dear God. This hug feels so incredible. I fight with every strength to not make any pleasurable sounds the more he tightens his arms around me, and I just stand very still in the meanwhile. He leans back to look at my face to say, "I'm sorry she said that to you, Soujiro. You didn't do anything wrong. I know that you're being truthful, that I am."

My mouth forms into a quivering smile and I said in a wavering voice, "You mean it?"

He nods and hums, "I sensed that perhaps you haven't had a lot of people in your life to show you that type of affection before, no doubt that your previous family haven't really hugged you much at all while you were growing up. The abuse is also something else that may make you behave like this. So, I do understand you, that I do. You've done nothing wrong. If you need someone to hold you in your time of need, I'm here for you."

Stop this, Kenshin. My heart can't take it anymore. You're too perfect for me now. I'm absolutely melting on the inside now and I'd do anything to pounce on you. But, I fight back the urge to do so, and just smile at him instead, "Thank you. I appreciate it."

"Great to hear," He walks on ahead of me, "Let's ask Kaoru if we can leave to fish now."

We go into the kitchen to find Kaoru piling up all these large pots and pans and organizing this great big deal of cooking utilities as if she was preparing for the biggest meal on Earth. We blink, completely and utterly confused over what's happening, and she spins around with the dumbest grin on her face. I shrink back in horror as Kenshin tilts his head comically. She starts to giggle manically for a bit before she outstretches her arms to all the big pots and pans and announces broadly, "I'm going to make the best dinner tonight! But! I need your help to do this!"

"Y-You mean to cook with you, dear?" Kenshin laughs uneasily.

"Nope! What I need you—" She points at his surprised face, "—to do for me instead, is for you and the other men to go out into the forest and catch me a mighty beast for me to cook!"

"K-Kaoru?" Kenshin is now shaking with fear and his eyes are large with nervousness, "H-How are we supposed to do that?"

"Easy!" Kaoru turns to bellow out dramatically, **"Yahiko! Sanosuke! Get in here!"**

While I'm hiding and shivering behind Kenshin, the two other males come slugging in, scratching their heads and yawning. It's the middle of the afternoon and they were napping? I guess I can understand the frustrations of Kaoru having to look over everything in this dojo while these two men are too busy sleeping. I would be quite bitter and resentful too after a while!

"I have an assignment for you lazy bums tonight!" Kaoru places her hands on her hips purposely, "I want to cook a really fancy meal tonight, and I need you guys to act like hunters and get me a wild animal for us to feast on."

"Kaoru, you're a dolt, you know that?" Sanosuke grumbles while rubbing his eyes, "Just where in the hell are we going to find you a wild animal here in Tokyo?"

"I wouldn't mind hunting!" Yahiko interrupts, "I can kill it and become the greatest hunter alive!"

"That sounds nice and all, but," Kenshin shakes his head, "What type of animal are we even supposed to look for, Kaoru?"

"I'm thinking a wild boar would be spectacular, actually!" Kaoru places a finger on her chin while pondering that possibility, leaving us all gaping in shock.

"Well, I'm up for a challenge," Sanosuke cracks his fingers, "Who's with me?"

"Me! Me!" Yahiko pumps his fists out enthusiastically, "Let me at 'em!"

"Well, alright, I suppose its us four men who will go out, then." Kenshin shrugs with a friendly simper.

"Megumi and I will stay here to prepare the other side dishes. Oh, this will be so much fun!" Kaoru clasps her hands and looks out into the distance dreamily.

We head out into the forest not too far from where we live in. It's a very vast open forest, filled with fields and many opportunities for animals to roam out and about, and we all have our weapons with us just in case. We search high and low, near and far, east and west, north and south, but we haven't had much luck at all. At most, we found a couple of ducks waddling around, but Kaoru wouldn't have liked that, so we kept searching. And searching, we did. For hours and hours. Finally, Sanosuke collapses on the ground with a helpless and guttural roar of displeasure.

 _"Where the hell is that pig?!"_ He grabs his hair in frustration.

"Sano," Kenshin shakes his head, "We can't give up now, Kaoru needs us."

"I bet the pig is hiding somewhere in that open fields over there," Yahiko points west, "I've seen a couple around there before, honest!"

Sanosuke is growling in his hands, so I take this as an opportunity to speak up now, "Great idea, Yahiko. I have a feeling that there could be one waiting for us right now."

"The sun is setting, so we better make our move fast," Kenshin crouches down to grab a hold of his friend Sanosuke, "Come on, Sano, we're almost done."

 _"I don't wannaaaaa,"_ Sanosuke groans still in his hands.

"Hey, don't be such a baby, Sanosuke!" Yahiko screeches, invoking the other to start bickering with him while Kenshin and I sigh in annoyance.

"Let's just split up," Kenshin crosses his arms and concentrates on the floor beneath him, "Sano and Yahiko will go one way, and Soujiro and I will go to the other side of the field ahead. We should be able to find something faster that way."

Sanosuke finally looks up from his hands, blushing from his previous whining, "I can deal with that."

"Same here!" Yahiko nods with enthusiasm.

Meanwhile, my heart is singing such delightful notes over the fact that Kenshin has chosen _me_ to go with him alone, and I smile with my eyes, "I'm on board."

"Good," Kenshin opens his eyes to a more happier smile, "Let's go."

Sanosuke and Yahiko go off to leave me and Kenshin alone once we had ventured out into the fields. The sun is setting and the orange red in the skies are slowly dwindling into a violet tone to signal the upcoming nightfall. We have to hurry up and find something. We don't have a lot of time left. Still, the skies really do look beautiful right now. I wish I can just stand back to look at it all night long. I never really taken the time to enjoy the world for what it is. It was always about the past and what it could all mean, but I never really just stayed grounded and aware of the beauty of the current, and I'm confident that my life would be easier if I can just enjoy things for the now and not then or will be. The red in the skies starts to interlope with the blue, and I blush. Kenshin, in more ways than one, signify the color red and what it represents: Passion, courage, and strength. Then there's me, who embodies the virtues of the color blue: Loyalty, trust, and truth. Together, red and blue, it can create a high impact energy that surpasses everything evil on this Earth. I wonder if Kenshin and I could make a great team if it was just the two of us.

"I think I see something," Kenshin breaks my daydreams with a hushed whisper, "Right over there. Let's sneak in the grass. Hurry."

We both crouch low to hide within the tall grasses to sneak up north towards the rustling sound, but we are careful not to hurry or make too much noise. It is hard to see since darkness is coming in quickly, but I try my best to concentrate. I crawl next to Kenshin and he hushes me gently to stay near him and to stay quiet, so I did. Despite the rapid shadowing of the night sky, I can still see his flaming red hair and his vibrant orchid gaze on the area several feet away from us, trying to pick up any sounds of what kind of animal it could be. I'm really hoping it's a wild hog. I'm getting quite hungry and a nice meal with a pig would hit the spot. While he's trying to listen to the grass shuffling, I'm hearing my own heart beat beating inside my ears, having to be so close to an incredible person such as Kenshin. My god. For a silly crush, this is a very intense feeling. Why does he make me feel this way?

"Soujiro," His hand accidentally pins his hand on top of my own, "It's coming."

From there, starting from the top of my hand and traveling up my arm and to my shoulder and chest, it radiates inside my entire body. I am alive with endorphin and flames of ecstasy, bursting and blooming like tiny flowers opening up inside my body, and my face reddens upon impact. And then, my heart jumps to a new emotion: the state of complete and utter bliss. Just by one touch alone. Just by Kenshin mistakenly setting his hand on top of mine. Just by that one touch. I can hardly believe this. Can happiness really run this deep? Can admiration for your own sensei really be this all consuming? Is this really just a silly crush mixed with heaps of lust, or is this something else entirely different? I've never, ever felt this way towards anybody before, and I've had so many faces and bodies coming in and out of my life. I've shared my body with other women, at least enough women to know passion, but never in my life has anyone made me rouse to full awareness about the world the way Kenshin does. I am so happy, and so anxious to touch him so more.

And then, I remember..

 _"Wow! Mr. Himura is amazing!" I watch in awe at his graceful movements against Senkaku at the Shingetsu Village, completely over the edge and worried that he would somehow get hurt. But to my surprise, he defeats Senkaku, and all while not breaking his vows to kill him. I unclench and clench my fist during that entire battle._

 _After Senkaku, I had to fight with Kenshin myself. Both our swords broke, and what a relief that was for me._ _I try to hide my giddiness and walk on ahead, "I suppose I better excuse myself for now," Suddenly, a faint blush creeps up on my cheeks knowing I stood so near Kenshin, but I ignore it to continue on to say, "But I hope you can fight me again someday. If you can, please be certain that you have a new sword by the time we meet again, Mr. Himura."_

 _A few days later, when I had to speak with Usui after not being able to sleep, and how he made he feel._

 _"I had a feeling you couldn't sleep. The Battousai will be battling you quite soon. I wonder if your heart wouldn't have what it takes to drive your sword into his, seeing as how you're already warming yourself up to him. But I understand," Usui cackles, "Some men are just born sick."_

 _Some men are just born sick._

 _"If it ever comes down that I catch you having feelings for a man who's named Kenshin Himura," Shishio takes his thumb to drag it horizontally across his throat, "I will make your misery end for your own sake. Not in this lifetime will I ever allow that to happen."_

 _That time in the Purgatory when Yumi suddenly hugs me out of nowhere and says, ""Soujiro, I.. Don't forget what you're supposed to do. Before anything or anybody else."_

 _The way my heart jumps up to my throat when I caught Kenshin's eye on me during the evacuation of the sinking ship._

 _"I can't believe I've missed. I guess I've slipped a little," I turn around, laying my sword over my shoulder as I arride with coy, "That's okay, I'll get him with the next one."_

 _I start to run rapidly towards him, catching a glimpse of his shocked expression on his face at how fast I was moving this time, and I swing my sword downward. He swiftly backs up just in time to avoid it, and as I crouch down on the floor, I smirk at him from over my shoulder, teasing him. And all the while, my heart can't stop racing just by seeing his face._

 _"What's this? Something isn't right! I was sure I would finish you off with that one," I look at him, and sure as I am, he's still alive and kicking, "Somehow, this doesn't make sense! First I didn't take him seriously enough, but this time Mr. Himura was totally vulnerable after that attack, and I still wasn't able to finish him off. I don't get it!"_

My eyes widen at that memory, my vision becoming blurry. Now I understand. I was playing dumb, subconsciously, because I never wanted to hit or kill Kenshin that day.

 _I run up and around Himura back in the present moment, stopping in front of him to swing my knife upward, though in that very tiny second, I almost hesitated, looking deep into his eyes. Although I did catch him somewhat, resulting in a shallow cut on his chest, I couldn't help but feel spooked once I returned to my original spot in the middle of the room, "I missed him again!"_

 _"You let everything we say bother you, Soujiro, that you do. Perhaps, it's because the words 'not killing' stir something deep inside of you, could that be it?" Kenshin presses, and I find myself not able to suddenly see straight, "But someone who slays men without any hesitations wouldn't normally allow such words to phase them._ _Deep inside your heart.. you are."_

 _"Don't you think you talk too much, Mr. Himura?" I sneer at him, and I begin to walk towards him, "Let's go! I won't do something silly as not killing you. So this time you will.. meet your end!"_

 _I fly towards him again, my mind and my own eyes closing in on him. I'm going to finish him. I'm going to do it. I will.._

 _SNAP!_

 _Oh my gosh!_

 _I jump back several feet away to avoid rushing into him over that sound, and crouching down to see if perhaps I've cracked a bone or really hurt Himura, all I see are my shoe straps being broken. Thank goodness, I thought.._

 _..._

 _Why am I like this?_

A realization slowly starts to dawn on me, Kenshin's hand on top of mine still not leaving. No..

 _I feel ready to face the Battousai again. I stand up from where I was crouching over my shoes and smile in determination of what I will do next, "In the end, only the fittest survives in this world."_

 _"Huh?" Yumi turns to me in perplexity._

 _"And using a sword to protect weak people who are just going to die anyway isn't right. That's what he said and what he does," That sentence alone makes my pinkie start to quiver for some odd reason, and my eyes start to tear up slightly at what I'm about to say next that played inside my head ever since I've learned of Himura's philosophy, "And if there were any truth in that, then he definitely would have saved me back then."_

 _He. Not Shishio. Not anyone else._

 _Kenshin._

 _Why didn't you protected me back then?_

 _"But.. Fighting him makes me.. somewhat.." My eye twitches and I start to seethe, "Irritated!"_

 _My sword slices against Kenshin's weapon, him blocking my attack successfully, and I couldn't help but think about the child laying on the floor bleeding as his family beats him. Not killing! Protecting the weak! Everything you're saying is wrong! I fly towards him again, my sword catching his, and yet again, I think of the child on that fateful night at the hands of his abusive family. Why, Kenshin? Why didn't you protect me back then? How could you betray me like this?_

 _"If it was true, then back then.." I said unsteadily, my mind flashing to the younger me trying to run away and screaming for help all those years ago, "Wouldn't you have done something to protect me from everything that happened?"_

 _Kenshin looks taken back from what he's hearing._

 _"If what you're been saying truly is correct," My voice breaks, a bitter sort of sadness over washing my anger now, "Then why didn't you protect me?!"_

 _Kenshin's eyes widen, and I can feel myself losing it. I want to hate you, Kenshin, but I can't. I want to kill you but something stops me every single time. Why can't I be strong today? Why is this happening? We unlocked our sword and I disappear again, running all around him as Kenshin asks out loud what happened to me back then. Nobody helped me back then! It was obvious how worthless I truly am and always will be! If fate truly is real, Kenshin should have been the one to find me that night and take me in as his own. Not Shishio! Not the Juppongatana! Not even Yumi! It should have been you, Kenshin! Why didn't that happen? How can you hurt me like this? Kenshin calls out for my name again._

 ** _Back then, you didn't protect me!_**

 _"You're frustrating!" I grit my teeth at his shocked expression, and I struggle to get up, "Mr. Himura.. the very fact that you're standing here," I grab my head when the pain over what I just did to myself comes in full force, "Frustrates the hell out of me! Whenever I fight you, I start acting real strange! It doesn't matter if you're right, I don't care!"_

 _When he defeated me, I remember, I remember smiling and crying all at once. He freed me. He really did._

 _When I saw him again after four long years in the Kamiya dojo: "Soujiro." Is all Kenshin said to send my heart into a flutter, and my breath seems to be stuck inside my throat. The world stop spinning, everyone else faded away, and I'm in a dark, noiseless existence, with just me and the man they used to call Battosai, the man slayer._

 _In the hallway after dinner. Kenshin suddenly pipes up cheerfully, "Soujiro, I surely must apologize, that I should! I am sorry that I did not talked to you much during dinner. You see, I did not want to scare the little girls with our talks of the violent past. It just would ruin their appetite for my wife's cooking, that it may."_

 _Wife. I carefully train my eyes on him and I feel all sorts of awful for some reason. Kaoru is his wife?_

 _"You're.. married?" I implore, and he seems taken a back by my expression._

 _"Himura-senpai.." I whisper before going to sleep that night after our conversation of starting our training. Together. How excited and how happy I felt._

 _The next day after that, when I see Kenshin and the old man carrying the young auburn haired boy in his arms, the latter reaching up to grab Kenshin by his frontal bangs. Kenshin yelps a little, and the old man laughs in good jest while the young boy looks pretty angry with his father. It is then I noticed that Kenshin no longer had his long hair and had cut to just around his chin. There is no room for long hair in the world of fatherhood, I'm afraid. It's a good look, though I feel nostalgic thinking of his longer tresses.._

 _"Young man, are you ill?"_

 _I snap out of it and find the three looking right at me curiously, the voice belonging to the elderly gentleman, and my cheeks feel flushed._

 _Later on. We arrive at the Akabeko restaurant, the scent of sizzling eggs, rice, and pork hitting me just as soon as we walk inside. My stomach starts to protest and my mouth immediately swarms in saliva, and Kenshin places a hand on my shoulder to help me keep on walking ahead, his touch electrifying me. What happened next couldn't have prepared for either of us; my eyes quickly rolled up and I gasp in a half moan, and just as quickly, I shut my eyes and slap his hand off of me, whipping around to watch his reaction in shame. What have I done? What did he do to deserve that?_

My bottom lip quivers, the sound of the grass rustling no longer on my radar.

 _"An unfortunate event happened to my clan, and I was told that Tomoe and I were to leave to live in solitary out in nature, and to behave as a married couple to prevent anyone else from finding our location," Kenshin's eyes flicker over to me before continuing his story about Tomoe, "It had shocked the both of us, but we agreed to do just that, and we went to live near the mountains, growing a garden together and behaving in marital bliss. Each and every day, I felt more and more easy around Tomoe, until it no longer became a secret that we have fallen in love with each other."_

 _My heart curiously pangs at hearing that last part, but I continue to listen intently._

 _And then after our breakfast at the restaurant. "Kenshin? What did you buy?" I blink and he turns around to reveal in his hand, a small navy blue marble trinket box, oval in its shape, with a painting of a white peach flower right on the center of it, and he thrusts his hand forward so that I can take it. I hesitate before welcoming it in my own hands, and I find that I can open it, revealing silk inseams, like I could drop in a piece of jewelry in it if I so wanted to. I look up at Kenshin to find him giving me a simper before walking on ahead of me without a single word or waiting for me to tell him thank you. I turn around to watch him leave, his mysterious aura making me even more obsessed with finding more about him in the span of two minutes. This is.. so nice of him to do. My heart is thumping even louder inside my ears, my bottom lip quivering from the incoming tears inside my eyes._

 _Damn you, Kenshin Himura._ _What are you doing to me?_

"Soujiro.." Kenshin's voice had a hint of urgency. I don't move one inch.

 _The anger. The pain. The hurt I felt seeing Kenshin's arms wrapped around Kaoru at the festival. The ripping pleasure I felt inside my body when I screamed his name out while I was getting touched by my prostitute._

 _"Kenshin!" I screamed, my orgasm seemingly infinite during those few hot seconds._

 _When Kenshin found me in the middle of the street, completely frazzled and scared of seeing the twins again. How he held me against his chest as I cried hard and the rain falls on us. How utterly confused he makes me feel after, when I was trying to heal from my hangover. The scar on his back, that I gave him. My dream about us having wild and passionate sex, how good it feels to wake up from such an amazing dream even if I felt ashamed quickly after. How envious I felt over his marriage with Kaoru. How scared I felt when he was angry with me and refused to talk to me for almost an entire day. How amazing it felt when he embraced me on that hill afterward, and how I wish I could stay there with him forever._

 _How he saved me from Ohta and the twins on that bridge._

 _How good it feels to flirt with him. How good it feels to just be there with him. How good it feels to see him, talk to him, touch him. How urgent it is to want to always be next to him. How he makes me feel. How he makes me think about everything._

 _Kenshin._

"On a count of three, we'll leap up and attack." Kenshin suddenly interrupts my train of thought, "One—"

Kenshin.

"—Two!"

I can't fight it anymore—

 **"Three!"**

He jumps up and swings out his reverse blade sword, and I too, forced myself to leap up in a moment of crazy and unplanned movement. In that split second, we realized that we were both actually on the edge of a small hill, and both drop dramatically towards the lower level of the field, scaring the wild hog away in a fit of high pitched squealing. I can't even describe you the agonizing pain even if I tried, but we essentially dropped about the height of an average house and landed in a bunch of thorny bushes. Kenshin is on top of me, and all our clothing were ripped and torn by the thorns, our faces scratched with shallow cuts. In a few moments of collecting our thoughts, I open my eyes to see his open too in a moment of synchronize, and his brows furrow.

"Soujiro.. are you alright?"

Kenshin.

I can't fight it anymore. I can't run away from it anymore.

I'm in love with you.

He looks up and around, as if to find any sign of life or if the pig might have come back to attack us, to no avail. The night above him makes him appear ethereal, enchanting, and absolutely unreal. A shower of stars and the moon makes his hair and skin glow, and I can see his eyes traveling around the area to see if our friends are nearby. I take a hitched breath and he blinks down at me, concern written all over his face. I take a grip of his sleeve and try to whisper something, but my voice is too thin and anxious to make out anything. He bends his head forward to get a better hearing.

"Soujiro, are you hurt?" His eyes seem to lose focus for a second.

And in the next heartbeat, I curve my neck upward, closing the gap between our lips.


	14. Shame

_Author's note: I am crying over all the funny reviews. You guys just don't know when to quit, huh?! :D_

 _Shiro Sylthfarn: I am so happy that it's finally happened, aren't you? It feels so good to see our little Soujiro getting to kiss his true love like that. Your question about Kenshin being angry or not will be answered through this update, luckily. :) It's weird, but I do see Soujiro as semi aggressive even in the manga and in the anime, so I was hoping that my fanfic would respect his original development and not stray from it too much. Being in love with someone who used to be your sworn enemy, who is also married with children, AND is the same gender as you during the 1800's is no doubt not an easy thing to go through, hence why he's so passionate all the time._

 _Chimerical: I am so, so sorry for the cliffhanger! :P But I couldn't help it! Your question will be answered quite soon through this update, so not to worry! The Come-To-Jesus comment had me rolling, dammit! :D I will definitely read the fanfic that you suggested, thank you so much! I'll need to research Kenshin Himura as much as possible, anyway! Can you also tell me the exact username that wrote "This One"? Thanks!_

 _I8Pi: Rooster Head, I'm screaming! I definitely love Sanosuke and I'm glad that he's Kenshin's best friend. I'm also glad this was an enjoyable read for you as well!_

 _Cannibal Corncob: The gerbil has died, yes, but hopefully a new replacement will come soon since.. yeah, Soujiro will have to figure out a way out of this mess sooner or later! And Soujiro says to that animal group, "To hell with you people! Can't you see I'm busy clenching and fapping over the Battousai?! Hmph!"_

 _Demon Spawn: Those are all some very interesting possibilities! Who knows what Kenshin and Hiko discussed that day. Who knows. ;) Secrets, secrets!_

 _And now, here is the next chapter. Enjoy!_

Scene XIII: Shame

Magic.

That's what I would describe it, at that moment. It feels magical, having my lips getting to touch his at long last. Through that simple touch, my soul has flown into the night sky, traveling, flying, _being._ Nothing is heard during our kiss but our heartbeats, the rustling of the grass due to the summer winds flowing over us. Through that kiss, I feel more like myself than I have ever felt in my entire life. With my hand still gripping on his sleeve, we don't move, we don't think, we don't say anything, but staying absolutely still, letting the chaste kiss tell us everything that we need to know. I have waited for so long to do this with him, and I knew that another opportunity like this would never come. So is it really so bad that I am kissing him right now? Despite his marital status, despite our pasts together, despite everything else.. am I really that bad? Maybe I don't want to be strong anymore. Maybe it's okay to be weak. What's wrong with that? A kiss shouldn't have to ruin everything. It's just one moment. One moment of bliss, one moment of being myself.

One moment of magic.

I can literally feel Kenshin's eyes still on me, wide and in shock over what's happening between us, and all the while, he doesn't stir or move a bit from this position. You would have think that he would move away by now, to protect himself and his marriage with Kaoru. But he doesn't.. he isn't moving. And my heart feels so happy to know that. I don't truly disgust him after all. And at the same time, I worry that he's just so disturbed that he just can't move an inch, and that he'll hate me forever once this moment is over between us. I want to be like this for just a little longer, but finally, at the faint sound of hearing Sanosuke and Yahiko's battle cries and the swinging of their weapons against the frightened wild hog about a mile away from us.. I had to let go of his lips as well as my grip on his sleeve, our eyes locking for a few seconds before I carefully lay all the way down on my back, my breathing audible and carnal. My face and chest is burning and my lower body parts are trying to poke through the fabric, and my gaze is cloudy with intense love towards Kenshin's petrified look. I don't do or say anything while we hear the other two come running our way, knowing that our special moment has sadly come to an end.

"Hey, you guys alright?" Sanosuke hollers out from our side, and I evade Kenshin's eyes in the meanwhile.

"We got the pig!" Yahiko announces with a voice full of glee, "You should have seen it, you guys!"

Kenshin leans back and looks at them, and they all make a confused sound at the sight of us tangled in this mess. Sanosuke comes rushing forward to crouch near us and to carefully unravel the thorns and branches from out of our hair and clothing, and all the while he's asking us so many questions about what happened, my eyes glazes and my mind fogs over. Why did I do that? I know I said it was okay to do it, for just one moment, but it's slowly dawning on me on the damage that I've just done. I don't think I can run away or fix this one like all my other stupid shenanigans. I don't think Kenshin will let me off so easily this time, let alone forgive me for me kissing him. I've disrespected his entire marriage and I've dishonored Kaoru despite all the kind things she's done for me so far. I don't deserve to be in his life anymore. That is something I can't reason myself out of. I did it. I screwed up. There's no turning back from here on out. I've made my choice to ruin what could have been a wonderful and deep friendship with Kenshin Himura, and instead, I let my silly emotions take advantage of it. This is all my fault. I'm a horrible human being.

"Hey, Soujiro, are you okay..?" I hear Yahiko's concerned voice on the other side of me now, "You look like you're crying.."

"I-I'm fine," I smile out of reflex, Sanosuke finally freeing Kenshin and helping him to stand away from my body now, "Really."

Sanosuke whistles while looking over his shoulder, "That must've been quite a jump for the two of you. Megumi and Gensai will fix these scratches for you in no time."

"You guys didn't break any bones, did you?" Yahiko's eyebrow shoots up suspiciously.

I sit up and turn my back towards them once I am able to stand up again, and ignoring Yahiko's question, I walked on, leaving all of them speechless. I don't deserve their kindness or compassion anymore. Why should they?

"What's up with him?" I hear Sanosuke asking Kenshin from behind.

"He's probably in shock over the fall, leave him alone!" Yahiko retorts.

I don't hear Kenshin's voice. But I can feel his eyes burning the back of my head no matter how far I'm walking away from them. I hear them gathering the now lifeless pig and walking all the way behind me, the brute man laughing over the relay of the way he killed the pig and Yahiko sniggering over knowing that Kenshin and I have dramatically fallen into a very uncomfortable position in the bushes. And all the while, I haven't heard Kenshin saying anything except a few hums of recognition to the other males' questions and remarks. I wonder what he's thinking right now. I wonder how he sees me now. Well, I guess it doesn't really matter, now does it? I fucked up any and all chances of me ever being a part of his life in any way anymore, so I might as well just let it go. My heart is full of heaviness and dread, knowing I once again gave myself another unwarranted heartbreak over nothing. I'm so dumb, I swear. Yumi was right about me being so intellectually lazy. Who would have known loving someone could hurt this much? We reached the Kamiya dojo after twenty minutes of walking, and Megumi takes care of Kenshin's shallow cuts with some alcohol and other medicinal liquids to clean them while Gensai works on me from another side of his bedroom. I don't look at Kenshin nor say anything to him, and he doesn't with me either. The silence is so intense that even Gensai had to ask if something has happened between the two of us.

"Nothing." I only mumble, and Gensai looks towards Megumi with concern.

Luckily, they don't push it and continue to take care of us. Afterwards, Kaoru serves us roasted pig with scallions, onions, raw egg and mushrooms served over white rice, and it really was the best meal she's ever done for us. We had a lovely meal, and we even let Yahiko get drunk with sake in celebration of his coming of age with successfully hunting down this wild boar in the forest. All the while people around us are chattering and laughing and having a grand time, I can see from the corner of my eyes, Kenshin merely smiling sadly and humming to their questions, not really there at the present moment with them, but present enough so that they won't get worried. I, on the other hand, just sit quietly and ate, pretending to be too shell shocked and physically in pain to join in on the conversation. They don't have to know anything, anyway. After dinner, I quietly slip out of the room to go back to my futon, and if anybody were to come in and ask, I'll feign sleepiness from all the extensive hunting that I've done today and that I need my rest.

After a few moments of me sulking in my bed, my door slides open and I hear a familiar young voice, "Hey, Soujiro! We're thinking of going out for a stroll, wanna come?"

"Not really, Yahiko," I mumble, trying to keep my voice steady, "I don't feel well."

"You okay?" Yahiko closes the door behind him.

"I just feel weak from all the hunting, really," I giggle a little to disarm him.

"Oh, yeah, that was rough on you, I'll bet," Yahiko had to laugh a little, "But man, you should have seen me and Sanosuke! That pig had nothing on us! It was running right towards us and everything, and I applied my Ryutsuisen and _BANG!_ " He makes that sound effect from a hush tone, "Right on that sucker's head! It was so awesome!"

I turn on my other side to smile weakly at him, "You did great."

He scratches the back of his head and grinned intensely, "Thanks! You get better soon, alright? Should I get Kenshin in here?"

My heart jumps but I only smile politely to hide it, "No. I'll just sleep for tonight and you all can head out without me."

"Okay, then. Feel better! Night!" And Yahiko soon walks out of my room without much protest, and I sigh, reaching over my lamp to turn it off. Luckily, no other interruptions were made and I fall asleep, not dreaming of anything else but that moment of Kenshin and I kissing. I smile the moment I can feel the dream realizing..

 _In the dream, everywhere was black, but we were in a field of flowers this time, the warmth of summer still apparent on our senses, even though we can't see the sun anywhere. It's our world. Where nothing and nobody could disturb us. In the middle of the fields, it was just us, entangled into each other, kissing and running our hands over each other's bodies. I can hear small and quiet moans of happiness and can feel Kenshin's tongue probing mines delightfully, my spine tingling from the endorphins of it all. It feels and looks so real, just like my other dream where we had sex together, but this time, it isn't as sexual as before. There's an underlying romantic sentiment in this dream, especially the way Kenshin looks so kindly at me and stroking my face. I kiss his hand and he kisses my forehead, feeling everything inside this dream of mine._

 _"I never realized that you would be the one, Soujiro," Kenshin trails his finger underneath my chin, "I was blind, that I was."_

 _"It's okay, Kenshin," I feel the sides of my lips pulling into a happy smile, "I love you. There's nothing else that needs to be said, except that."_

 _"I'm sorry it's taken me a while to accept it. But now that I have.." Kenshin's eyes trail down to my lips before giving me a small peck, "I'm much more happier now than I've ever been."_

 _"Kenshin.." I touch the side of his face carefully, "_ _Don't ever leave me."_

 _"I won't." His face turns serious in determination._

 _"Don't ever leave me.." I whisper before leaning him to kiss him again._

 _"I won't.." He whispers just in time before our lips lock deeply again, sakura flowers now falling from the skies to twirl around us, some falling into his red hair and one landing on one open palm of mine. I crush it in a grip, my back arching in a surge of pleasure from the way Kenshin is kissing me so intensely. It feels so good._

 _Don't ever leave me, Kenshin._

 _Kenshin.._

"Morning, Soujiro!" I hear a female voice chirping and my eyes being blinded by the sun once the curtains are pulled apart on the window, "You haven't come into the kitchen at all, so I'm bringing your breakfast here. How are you doing so far?"

I rub my eyes and sit up, realizing that it's Kaoru who is in my room. Remembering my dream and what happened last night, my cheeks flush and I fumble with my words to say something, anything, to no avail, and swiftly decide to just give up and accept the food from her quietly. She lays the tray over my lap and I smile at her kindly before digging in, and she blinks at me curiously.

"What's wrong? Did something bad happened last night?" Kaoru wraps her arms around herself, worried.

I shake my head, "Mm-mm."

"Kenshin said that you looked really depressed last night but wouldn't tell me why."

My stomach contracts and I bite my lower lip. I'd rather not add on to anything she has to say.

"Soujiro? Is something the matter?"

"Nothing's wrong." I smile, my eyes not leaving my plate, "I just felt really shocked by that injury I had last night, chasing after that pig. I guess I'm not used to falling from such great heights."

"Oh, I forgot," Kaoru hums, "That must've hurt. I'm so sorry you fell from that hill, Soujiro. This is all my fault."

"Don't blame yourself," My vision starts to quiver so I close my eyes, my perpetual smile still carved on my face, "It's not your fault. I loved the dinner last night. It was worth the few scratches."

"I'm glad, Soujiro! And thank you," Kaoru stands up and bows to me, "I'll just leave you be for today to get over that shock. I'll let Kenshin know that you will skip training for today."

I beam at her, my heart and stomach still quivering, "Thank you, Mrs. Himura."

"Kenshin sure is worried about you."

I'm not going to say anything to that, so I just shrug and she smiles, understanding that I just want to be left alone for now. She gently closes the door after walking out, and I finish eating my breakfast, my head conjuring up images of the one man I love more than anything in the world: Her husband. It couldn't have been anyone else, but the Battousai. With the food gone, I place the tray aside to go to the bathhouse for my morning rituals and to plan for the entire day of avoiding a certain redhead. Coming out all clean and dressed, I go inside the dojo to see if Kaoru needs any help. Megumi and Gensai are reading the papers while the three children are eating the leftovers of the breakfast, and Yahiko is playing a board game with Sanosuke in another room. I find Kaoru washing the dishes and I come to her side to give her a hand.

"Oh, you're up! I'm happy!" Kaoru nods and hands me a plate to dry, "Does that mean you want to train with Kenshin today?"

I shake my head negatively, "No. I'd rather help you out today, if that's alright."

"Sure!"

I suddenly hear someone walking in the room and I turn over my shoulder a little to see that it's Kenshin. Our eyes meet and there is a singe of intense emotional connection made between us, catching us both by surprise. I look back to my plate in my hands again, pretending that I didn't noticed him walking in and just worked on drying. Kaoru whips around to make a gleeful sound and heads over to give him a hug, and I ignore the falling of my stomach knowing that.

"I can't believe you're taking us to that really nice hotel in the next town over!" Kaoru sighs happily and comes back next to me to continue with the dishes, "This will be such a wonderful weekend. I need a break from all the washing and cooking."

I don't say anything, but I do hear Kenshin chuckling, "You deserve it, that you do. Both of you deserve it."

A shiver runs down my spine but I still pretend that I'm too immerse in my drying activity to respond to him. Kaoru blinks my way and gently touches my shoulder, which, despite her not doing it so quickly or so hard, still manages to surprise me and I drop the plate, shattering it in the process. I back up against the wall and feel my face reddening from embarrassment. My eyes flicker over to Kenshin and he looks at me with some shock as our eyes lock, and I blush even deeper and immediately crouch down to try and pick up the pieces, to which I hear Kaoru trying to stop me.

"Soujiro, no!" She grabs my wrists in time, "You'll cut yourself! Kenshin, get me a broom, will you?"

Kenshin turns around to walk away and I look into her eyes helplessly, "I'm so, so sorry, Mrs. Himura! I'm so clumsy and so.. so..!"

She smiles and sighs, "Don't be. You're not clumsy. It happens to everyone, don't worry about it."

Kaoru. I kissed your husband. You shouldn't even like me anymore. My guilt radiates in my chest and I evade her eyes, looking at the broken small pieces spread out all over the floor. My life surely seems similar to this smashed plate, and just like one, even if I put it back together, it would never be the same again. A moment later, I listen as Kenshin comes walking and starts to brush on the area right in front of me, and I hasten to get up from the floor, avoiding his eyes all the while, and then decided that he's just too close for me to dry the dishes anymore. I bow down to Kaoru and said, "I will check up on Kenji, I think I hear him calling out for me."

"Oh? He did?" Kaoru looks at the windows that shows the rest of the backyard, but I don't wait for more and start walking away from her, "Oh, um.. Bye, then?"

I walk past Kenshin and I can feel him looking at me all the while, and I quicken up the pace to get out of the kitchen and out into the backyard, where I see Kenji playing with some dandelions next to a tree. How lovely. I go up to the small four year old and he coos at me with a bubbly giggle, and I crouch down to smile at him. He goes back with arranging a small circle of dandelions, and I start to pick one other flower in order to take the petals off of it absentmindedly. He loves me, he loves me not. He loves me, he loves me not. He loves me, he loves me not.. he loves me. I guess it doesn't have to mean anything, of course. I toss the flower right in the middle of Kenji's circle and he babbles happily, making me smirk a little in response. He really does look like his father, minus the scar and his hair looking a little dimmer in comparison to Kenshin's ginger locks. He seems to have the zest of Kaoru's personality more so than Kenshin's demure veneer on top of that, too. As he finishes his ring of flowers on the ground, Kenji looks at me to study me, and I wake up from my daydreams to look back at him.

"I love your father." I find myself suddenly saying without thinking. Saying it straight from the heart.

He starts to giggle, "I love daddy too!" before he runs off to play with a butterfly, and I watch after him in astonishment. Maybe it's better that he doesn't understand what I mean by that. I laugh to myself at his innocent demeanor and place my chin in my hand, looking at him as he tries his best to capture the winged insect in his tiny hands. I don't think if Shishio and Yumi were to survive that fire, would they ever really settle down anywhere and had a family of their own. They would have kept me as their own and only son, but I also wonder if they even had the capacity to be good parents when everything was about them and their next goal. Maybe things had to happen for it to happen. Maybe Kenshin and Kaoru had to marry, and have Kenji, and me not together with him. It has to be a for a really good reason. Kenji crouches down to start collecting small pebbles when I hear the sound of crunching grass behind me to signify that someone is walking towards me.

"He's having fun, it seems."

My heart starts running and I shut my eyes painfully. There's no where else to run, is there? I don't answer at first, but then I shake my head to recognize and agree with what Kenshin is saying. He walks around me in order to come in front of me, and I have no choice but to look up at him, my heart wanting to explode. He has his arms hidden from his long sleeves and seemed to have cross them in front of his chest, but despite that, he has a gentle smile on his face. Unless I'm in some crazy parallel universe where what happened last night suddenly didn't happen, he sure seems to be taking it well. Better than I am, that's for sure. I wait for him to continue while I hear Kenji laughing out loud over all the new rocks and stones he's finding in a variety of different shapes, sizes, and colors. To be young and carefree again. Why can't my life be as simple as that toddler's can be? He's so blessed to not be in my shoes right now and I hope he never does.

"I was wondering if you and I could talk somewhere in private," Kenshin's eyes smile now, "It will only be a minute."

This is it. I'm fucked. I get up from my seating and walk on ahead of him, convinced that this is the part where he'll tell me that none of this is working out, and that I'm getting kicked out, no questions asked. I knew this would happen. What did I expected from that kiss? That all my problems would be solved? Sure, I got a moment of pleasure out of it, but it has dug me into a hole so deep that I won't be able to climb out of it this time. Kenshin and I walk out until we are next to the gated wall so that nobody can see us, and he closes the wooden door that leads to the pathway of the dojo before turning to me. I have my arms wrapped around myself and my eyes to the floor, my bangs hiding half of my face. I wonder if perhaps this is the time where I confess that I'm in love with him but that I understand that I must depart from his life, as it is causing unnecessary tension and pain to everyone in his life, especially to Kaoru. After a few pauses, Kenshin starts to speak.

"I'm not mad at you, Soujiro. I understand."

My eyes widen for a second and my heart stops.

"I'm flattered that you've taken such a strong liking to me. Somehow, I had some inkling that you were hiding something from me and it wasn't until you kissed me that I realized that you have some feelings towards me. It is understandable, the relationship between a teacher and his student can blur so many lines if one is not careful with the intensity that they share. You don't have to feel ashamed with me, but I do ask that you refrain from doing something like that again. Does that seem fair to you?"

I scoff a little, "You can kick me out if you want. I don't mind. I deserve it."

"Kick you out? Why would I do that?"

I laugh, "I kissed you, Kenshin! It didn't happened years ago. It happened just last night."

He was silent for a moment and then replies, "I know. But I'm not angry at you, Soujiro, that I don't."

"Well, you should be. I know I would be."

"Well, you're not me and I'm not you," Kenshin looks up at the skies now, "Only I can decide what I think and feel, that I do. So, I feel relieved that this issue is over for you, and I think that we should just bury it and move on from it. Don't you think so?"

"This issue isn't over for me!" I growl under my breath, surprising him.

"Soujiro?" Kenshin looks at me again, "Can you please tell me what's wrong?"

"What's wrong is that I kissed you and you're married," I start to laugh again, though it doesn't sound as jovial as it should, "I completely disregarded your wife's feelings into this. You should kick me out and be done with me."

I finally gather the bravery to look at him again to see how sincerely sorry I am over it, and he hesitates before responding, "I'm not going to kick you out, Soujiro. That's final."

Tears spring inside my eyes and I whisper, "Why?"

His eyes frown deeper, "Because I'm not mad. You did what you had to do, isn't that enough?"

I shake my head negatively, completely disagreeing with him, "Kenshin.. Please. I can't stay anymore."

He and I stare openly at one another and seem to have forgotten how to talk, or even how to breathe anymore. I've done something terrible and he knows it, but he is willing to forgive me after the fact that I've locked lips with him? Kenshin, I don't understand you at all! I never did back then and I still don't now! Why can't you be angry about this as I am? I kissed you, Kenshin, doesn't that make you upset? Doesn't that disgust you at all? I know I'd kick myself out if I were in your shoes. Especially if it means protecting everything I know and love from someone who just waltz in and wants to take all that you've worked so hard to obtain. It just doesn't seem fair, now does it? I have zero right to be here, can't you see?

Suddenly, the wooden door opens and out comes Kaoru with a quizzical look on her face, "Hey, you guys? We were all wondering if you'd like for us to walk towards the hotel now rather than later before it gets too dark. At this rate, we should reach it before sundown."

I look away from the two of them while hearing Kenshin replying to her happily, "Sure. We'll go right now if you must."

"Okay!" Kaoru thankfully rushes back inside the dojo to get the other ones, and I breathe a sigh of relief.

"Only I can decide whether or not I should ban you from coming back inside the dojo. However," Kenshin takes a step towards me, "It is also your decision as to whether or not you even want to stay there in first place, Soujiro. I'm willing to give you the day to think about it before you make that decision, that I do. I won't get upset no matter what you choose. Just know that I have already forgiven you."

And at that, he turns to walk back towards the dojo, leaving me to grip myself and fighting with all I have to not break down and cry.

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.

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Kenshin, Kaoru, Kenji, Sanosuke, Megumi, Yahiko, Gensai, Ayame, Suzumi, and myself are all walking together through a small forest in order to get to the hotel as quickly as possible. The weather is thankfully pleasant enough for us to have to walk for a few hours together, and we made sure to pack enough food and water to stop along the way if we ever feel too hungry to go on, so overall, it is not as bad as I thought it would be. The air is crisp with grass and moss, and we have a nice time chatting about what will happen next in Tokyo in terms of holidays and what we should be looking forward to. I really, really want a family like this someday, to call my own. It wouldn't be fair for me to try and carve myself into this group when I don't have as much history as they do with each other. Not only that, I kissed a man that they all trust and cherish, and should they ever find out about it, they would surely want me banished from their loving group. It's only rational for them to think that way, after all.

We all reached this wall of rocks that we must carefully climb up in order to reach the higher level of land, since according to Sanosuke's map, the hotel should then be up North not too far away from us if we get over this hurdle together. If we try to get around it, it would only take us an hour or so longer to reach our destination, and the kids are already fussy with exhaustion, so we've got no other choice. One by one, little by little, we all climb up, helping each other, and finally, it was my turn. My body is lithe and agile enough that I don't have to worry much, and my athleticism isn't too rusty thankfully. I reach out for the last rock sticking out to grab on, but one of my foot slips and I nearly fell. At that hot second of panic, a hand shoots out to grab my arm, preventing me from falling anymore. I am then hauled up and another arm comes in to swoop under my other arm to drag me up to the higher level of land, and my heart jumps when I meet face to face with Kenshin who once again saved my life. I have my back touching the front of his body and all the other people have already rushed up way ahead of us to reach the hotel, leaving just the two of us alone.

"Are you alright?" Kenshin smiles politely at me, making me blush.

I don't respond and instead just jerk myself out of his grasp and try to stand up again, walking on ahead to stop this moment from getting anymore awkward, but then, I had another moment of clumsiness; I slip again and fall, and I felt a strong pricking sensation on one of my finger. I yelp and hold my hand up to my chest, crouching over pathetically so, and I chew on my bottom lip to ease the pain. Kenshin crawls over to me and says, "Let me look at it, Soujiro."

"No." I whisper defiantly.

"Soujiro," Kenshin's voice, despite my childishness, is surprisingly gentle and affirming, "Please."

I take a moment to gather the courage to let him see that there, on one index finger, is a splinter, and Kenshin laughs under his breath. He really thinks of me as a child, doesn't he? While I'm fuming with anger and impatience, he takes my hand and grabs a hold of the splinter, and he looks right at me, "Form a fist with your other hand."

I frown at him, "Huh?"

"Just try it. It'll hurt less, that it will."

I did so. Without any preparation, he pulls the small piece of wood from my finger and I gasp, expecting a whirlwind of pain, but all I felt was a sharp pinch and it was over before it even begun. I lay down to try to get over my shock and he chuckles at me, which I then respond with me sticking my tongue out at him. Through that exchange, my heart feels lighter and I don't feel as bad as I did before. I should still be angry and uncomfortable with him, but I just.. I just don't. I can't stay angry or upset about this or at him anymore. He makes it too hard for me to stay in that negative head space. He laughs a little harder and even I couldn't help but smirk. Dammit, Kenshin. We were supposed to hate each other, not laugh together! Suddenly, a flash of red catches my eye and I see my finger is drenched in my blood. My eyes widen, as if mesmerized by its color, and Kenshin blinks at me before looking at my finger and he hums in a surprised tone.

"You're bleeding." He comments, as if I have never bled before.

"I'll be okay." I smile weakly, my eyes not leaving my finger.

He doesn't say anything, but by God, he did something that I will never soon forget. He places my bloodied finger into his mouth, from the tip all the way down to its base, his hot wet tongue swirling around it in order to clean up the blood and to stop it from flowing anymore. An acute bolt of pleasure runs down my spine and into my lower regions, and I bite my lower lip to prevent any moans or pleasurable sighs from coming out, even though it feels so good. I know Kenshin just wanted to help with the bleeding, but now that I know how that delicate mouth and tongue feels like, _fuck!_ I just want to open up my pants and have him please me orally. His tongue is amazing. Finally, he slides my finger out of his mouth and its a clean finger again, and he blinks at it. He spits out some of my blood from another direction and smiles like a child at me. Oh god, Kenshin. Please fuck me, will you?

"All done!" He pipes up before getting up, "We should hurry, the others might be waiting for us.. You alright Soujiro?"

He sees that I am crouching and doubling over my body away from him, trying to hide my hardening member, and could only shiver and respond in a quivering voice, "Uh-huh."

He laughs but walks on ahead, and I hold my now clean and not as wounded finger to my chest, my heart reaching maximum speed and my head is swimming. And I'm smiling. I'm smiling like a love struck, goddamn fool. Does Kenshin really care and forgive me? Does he really not think of me as disgusting or unworthy of me staying in his life? I'm so happy, I could die. Kenshin just appears more and more perfect in my eyes every time I talk or spend time with him, it seems, and my heart grows with more love for him in return. With a few deep breaths, I get over my arousal, and I sit up and look over my shoulder to find that he is walking through the trees and that I better hurry up before I lose sight of him. I get up and smile at his back from several feet away, and my heart can't runaway from what it wants in the end:

I think I'll stay for just a little longer.


	15. Life

_Author's notes: Nice! More reviews! So sorry that this took me a week to update, but you know, life gets in the way sometimes and so much had to grab my attention during that time frame, so I do apologize. I'm giving you guys a very nice long update to make up for it! :D_

 _Bone Deep: I missed your review for chapter 13, so here is my answer to your review. I was whooping with laughter over the thought of them eating up Soujiro as a replacement for the wild hog, but I doubt Kenshin would be too happy to see his friends murdering his apprentice in such a brutal manner, lol! Even if he does taste delicious, it's obvious that Kenshin would get offended that his friends won't follow his no-kill policy. ;) I'm glad you liked the sky scene, I hoped that it wasn't too weird writing it, but I'm happy that you thought it was cute. It was meant to be symbolic for what they both bring into the world. I will definitely check out that fanfic when I get the chance, thank you so much! You're not bothering me with these suggestions, lol!_

 _Internets4Porn: Yessss, I love going to a relaxing hotel after being madly in love with my sensei and want to jump his boner. Wait, what? Did you say something?_

 _Chimerical: "He's fapping his way to a fancy hotel" I'M CRYING LOL. Yes, I'm glad you liked the splinter scene. I think people are wondering if Kenshin is encouraging Soujiro's horny feelings, but.. honestly, he's just trying to help and trying to be nice to the youngster. Kenshin has gotten into trouble before sometimes, being too naive and too nice, so it's only normal. ;p I will find that fanfic and read it as soon as I have the time, thank you! Oooh, I love Florence + The Machine, great choice! I will give these songs a whirl right now while I write this new update. Thanks a million!_

 _Cannibal Corncob: Oh no, am I being too typical in my Ken/Jiro conversations and events? I don't want to end up writing stereotypes or cliches or anything too offensive, so I had to stop and think about this. With this new update, I hope that the armor isn't as obvious as the previous times and that it will be less cliche in that respect. Thank you so so much for giving me the heads up, you guys. :D I really want this fic to be a success!_

 _I8Pi: I had to friggin go back to all the chapters just to count how many times he's had a boner. You get $8. I hope that's enough to get you somewhere nice, lol! And don't worry, off the screen, he's taking care of himself, if you catch my drift. Yes, he will behave from now on. :D_

 _Shiro Sylthfarn: I completely understand everything you're saying. You are right, I am not intending this fic to look like Soujiro will do nothing wrong and that all of his emotions are somehow appropriately intense because, well, you're right, they're not. He's acting out because of his conflicting views on homosexuality as well as knowing that he shouldn't be the evil being that he used to be, and yet his heart yearns to be with Kenshin. But yes, he definitely has learned that he has other emotions other than amusement: Anger, sadness, helplessness, amorous, envy, apathy, depression, and so on. He's learned and is still learning that he is human, but in this situation with Kenshin, all of this is amplified. :) And I will give you all a tiny spoiler: No, Kenshin and Hiko hasn't done anything at all in this fanfic of mine, so not to worry. But yes, rest assured that I understand what you're trying to say, and it's awesome that I can receive constructive criticisms so as to not make Soujiro too passionate or insane. Because, well, falling in love is no excuse for him to act like that, you're right, lol!_

 _Demon Spawn: You definitely get it, haha! In my head, even if it's been years since he's been let go of Shishio's grasp, I could tell that he would be clumsy for a long time after. Remember that this is a young man who had to kill his entire family in a gory bloodbath because they wanted to kill him first, his real parents abandoned him, he got into an abusive teacher/student relationship with Shishio (teaching him to never trust anybody, the strong outlives the weak, "boys don't cry", etc.), he had to kill a lot of people that he never wanted to do in the first place, and he has to re learn everything he was taught in life from scratch. I would hate to meet the man who can go through all of that unscathed, would you? :P In some messed way, yeah, he wouldn't care about Kenshin's friends if Kenshin would have never befriended them. Soujiro went back for one reason only, and it's to be with Kenshin intimately._

 _Bone Deep: Soujiro truly is finger lickin' good. He's scrumptious!_

 _Shamaniac: Welcome to the depths of hell, where you'll find tons of yaoi hotness hot enough to burn your skin if you're not careful! Enjoy your stay! ;p_

 _And now, here is part fourteen! By the way, I will leave a review where I will ask you all which KenJiro project you would like for me to work on next after I complete this series. I've thought up of three different ideas, and I'd like for you to leave your vote after you leave your reviews for this chapter if you can. You can only vote once, so choose carefully! :D_

 _EDIT: So, I made a big fuckin' mistake for chapter 13 (Hunting Grounds) where I talked about the Eiffel tower, even though that wasn't built until 1887, and the year now in my fanfic is 1882, on account of Soujiro's birthday being on 1961. So, I will go over to delete that part out, but I won't touch the rest of the chapter otherwise. I also have to edit out one phrase in chapter 7 (Training) because instead of writing "neck breaking speed", I literally wrote it as "Break necking speed", so I'll edit that one out too. Sorry guys! :(_

 _This will be the last chapter before things go horribly wrong. Just a short warning._

Scene XIV: Life

I finally caught up with Kenshin and we both walked in silence up to the hotel together, the sun setting behind us and turning our hair into a honey golden glow. I've decided, that despite that amazing moment we shared just a moment ago, that I will no longer entertain such lustful thoughts about him anymore. I know I've said and promised that to myself many times before, but, looking up and seeing Kaoru's trusting eyes and her sweet smile at the sight of us walking up to the front of the hotel, I know that I can no longer go about hurting her in secret like this. She doesn't deserve that. Nobody does. She immediately welcomes Kenshin into her arms, and I bite my tongue, smiling at them, even when it feels so painful. I was taught to smile even while my family beat me senseless years ago, and it gave me security for them to cease the hitting whenever they see my happy face, no matter how false it is. If you smile, people will have no choice but to leave you alone. If you present a positive face to the world, they can't hurt you. They would be too scared to. Who wants to hit a smiling young man who doesn't want to wish you harm in the first place?

So, that's what I'm going to do. I'm just to smile. Grin and bear it.

The hotel is very nicely put together. It's run by this small family who's had this place from their previous generations at least three times over, so it has a very nice antique feel to it. Despite its age, they made sure to repair any damages without sacrificing what makes it so charming in the first place, and Kenshin probably had to save up a lot of money for quite a long time to buy out the weekend. We were all put in four different rooms; Kenshin and Kaoru were in one room all the way upstairs, Sanosuke and Megumi in another bedroom down the same hallway as them, and downstairs, Dr Gensai and the children—Kenji, Yahiko, Ayame, and Suzumi—slept in a bigger room that has an attached play room for them. It seems to me that Yahiko and Kenji are getting along famously, with the older one trying to teach the toddler how to hold a stick like a sword and the younger one already swinging it around like its the easiest thing in the world. If only he knew what it's truly like to take a life with your own two hands. Kenshin was kind enough to let me have a separate bedroom from everybody else, and I slip into the bed, burying my face into the pillow, sighing sleepily. All that walking is giving me aches and pain everywhere. While everybody else has someone to give each other a good back rub, I am left all alone.

Just smile.

The nice part about this hotel is the cook and its helpful maids, who brings up our dinners for us without having to leave our rooms. I had a nice chicken dish and washed it down with some white wine, and I am told by one maid that the bathhouse all the way downstairs will be ready for use in a few moments. She said that once the other occupants are finished, that she will be back to alert me and that I can have some private bath time. Lovely. Despite the loneliness, I am enjoying the sensory delights I'm experiencing by being in this nice hotel. Shishio and Yumi would have liked something like this, if they were still alive. They'd take it by force rather than pay for it, but the sentiment is still the same. In some strange way, I do miss them a lot, perhaps out of sheer nostalgia and because they were the only family that I've really come to known in my short life. My turn for the hot springs has come, and so I take a pair of fresh clothing and head out into the hallway, my ears picking up to the subtle sounds of childlike giggling coming from Dr Gensai's bedroom. I smirk to myself and shake my head.

I slip into the steaming hot water and work on washing my skin with the complimentary soap, letting my mind wander meanwhile. Kenshin and Kaoru seemed so happy to hug each other like that, and I find that they do share a bond that is so easily misunderstood. Kenshin Himura, once the Hitokiri Battousai, had slayed dozens of men in his lifetime, and Kaoru Himura, who used to go by her prideful family name of Kamiya, had spent her entire life to teach everybody that a sword is to be used for virtuous reasons rather than to kill. People probably wondered, what's a man like him, married to such an innocent woman like her? What does he really provide her, aside from a warm body, a protective arm around her waist in times of danger, and maybe some excitement? It's not like Kenshin was from a rich and imperial background. He is, by far, very handsome and easy on the eyes, but no doubt that there are men out there with dashing good looks that could have gotten Kaoru. Even if she is someone who wouldn't stand out in a crowd, its her soul that separates herself from the common maiden. Its her desire to make the world a better place that would catch someone like Kenshin Himura's attention, and it's understandable, isn't it? I slide down further down to the water, trying to wet my hair to wash it next.

So, then, who am I to go and ruin what they have together? Even if I am in love with Kenshin, Kaoru is the one who is worthy of his love and devotion. She's the one who loves him no matter what horrific deeds he's done with those hands, and therefore, she's the one who deserves to have him all to herself. I would only get in their way, and it just wouldn't be fair. I have destroyed so many people's lives, because I was taught that its only the strongest who will come out on top. But after Shishio, I've let myself become weak, because it is through this vulnerability, that I will discover a new and deeper sense of strength in return. Just like Kenshin had to learn when he had to wander for ten years after the great Meiji revolution and his part of the war, so will I in this lifetime. I understand this now. So from now on, I will respect their marriage even if I feel so strongly for Kenshin. Would I have liked it if I could have him to myself, only for someone else to walk in and steal him away from me? Of course not. I open my eyes to stare sternly at an empty space ahead of me. It is then empirical for me to really try and just focus on the last two Hiten Mitsurugi moves so that I can then move on and out of Kenshin's life permanently. I've said it before, but this time, I mean it. I take a deep breath to submerge myself under water, my thoughts on Kenshin evaporating in a stream of bubbles.

Just smile.

Coming out of the hot springs area and into the main floor, I head towards the stairwell in order to go back to my bedroom. However, my eyes catches the gaze of the auburn haired swordsman and he stops to give me a casual smile. Just smile back. I plan to walk past him and to just be done with the day, but he stops me with a random question, "Was it nice?"

I look at him with rapid blinking, absolutely caught off guard, "Was what nice?"

Is he.. is he talking about the stupid finger incident?

"The hot springs," He sighs with a smile, looking at the direction of said hot bath area, "My wife was wondering if it's worth it or not."

"It is," I simply reply without much thinking while I place my hand on the hand rail to start climbing up the stairs, "Goodnight."

"Oh," I could sincerely hear the confusion in his voice from behind me, but I continue climbing while he keeps talking, "Goodnight then, Soujiro."

I close the door of my bedroom and walk towards my bed to completely let my body fall on it once again, and I turn off the small lamp on the small table next to me. These beds are much better than the futons back at the Kamiya dojo, honestly. The maid had left the window open to let in a nice gentle breeze and so that I won't suffocate from the summer heat, so I let my eyes daze into the night sky, trying to ignore the fluttering I'm feeling inside my chest. I'm going to forget about Kenshin. I will no longer open my heart up to that man again. He's married. There's nothing I can do about it, but to respect that. I kissed him and it felt amazing, but that's where the madness ends. I understand that this is no ordinary love, and I know that such a passionate fit for someone like him may never come knocking on my door again. But, this, I have to give up, and find someone else. That was the original plan, wasn't it? It's to learn the Hiten Mitsurugi, and then walk out, out there into the world, and to travel to all the different continents like I've always wanted to do. I have to complete my final six years, anyway, because there's just no way I have changed for good after just four years of screwing around. I know I have to get serious now. I feel the heaviness of sleep coming in, and I slowly let my eyes close for the remainder of the night, the sound of insects singing with the moonlight playing softly.

The next morning, after my breakfast and my usual grooming rituals, I head outside to take a lone walk. Who knows what the others are up to, but I have no doubt that they might have taken a visit to the small charming town just one mile away from the hotel. I ask the reception if it's safe to wander around in the forest here, and they assured me that it is okay, so I go out to the front porch to ready my expedition. When the mind feels cluttered, there's nothing like exposing yourself to the natural elements to clear up all that is confusing in this life. I find that the crisp air is what I need to relax and to let all my inner demons leave my body like an ominous smoke into the wind. I am about to leave to go onto this small beaten path, when I hear someone walking out to the front porch too and a familiar voice calling out, "Soujiro."

I stop abruptly, a small and startled gasp escaping my lips. It can't be. I look over my shoulder carefully and just as my suspicions predicted it, it was Kenshin who is standing up there, smiling down at me. He walks down the small section of stairs below him to come up closer to me, and I make it a point to keep my face completely void of any and all emotions. I would smile cheerfully, but I fear the crack of true emotions would show itself again, so I just don't react in any way whatsoever. It's easier that way. There is a subtle fade of confusion in his eyes, his brows furrowing every so slightly, and his smile has softened until I couldn't really detect it anymore. I still don't let even a flicker of concern or anything else show. He slows his walk until he comes in front of me, and I bow to him to greet him, "Kenshin. Good morning."

"Morning to you as well," I lean back to look at him again as he speaks, "Where are you going?"

"Out."

"For a walk, then?"

"Yes." I turn my head over my shoulder as a way to show him the beaten path behind me, "I won't be long."

"Would you like me to come with you? We can discuss some more life philosophy, that we could."

I close my eyes, "No thank you. I think we can discuss that when we're home again."

A moment of pause, and I hear Kenshin reply with a cheerful note, "That's alright, then. I'll see you later on, that we will."

I open my eyes to give him a reassuring smile so that I can continue to walk away from him in peace. Just ignore the heart thumping and the stomach twisting. Repress it. Smile and don't feel a thing. Don't let it show on your face. Just tough it out, and keep going. It's not worth getting into it anymore. I know that now. I journey deep into the forest until I come across a nice small clearing where I can sit and lay my back against this sturdy tree. I haven't gotten the faintest idea on how to behave around Kenshin now that I've had this revelation, because I don't want to push him away too much that he and I cannot properly train together. I'm sure it's okay to just be cordial and to just enjoy it for what it is: A simple, friendship between a sensei and his apprentice. Nothing more, nothing less. I wonder what his sensei is like, this Hiko person. Hiko must be incredible if he made Kenshin the man he is today, really. From casual research, I found out that the Hiten Mitsurugi is a very old practice, dating back to many generations of swordsmen with the last name Seijuro, and was taught to the younger generations until it became Hiko Seijuro the thirteenth himself, who then taught young Kenshin of its techniques. Fascinating, when I think about it. The elder teaches the youth, and the youth then teaches it to the next one. It's a cycle. A perfect circle.

Now Kenshin is showing me the Hiten Mitsurugi style type of swordsmanship in order to protect the weak. An ideal that I couldn't possibly understand back then, but is now seeping slowly inside of me, like black smoke shooting through clear water. And it's because of learning this philosophy, that my decision to try and to stop loving Kenshin Himura is further cemented, from a logical standpoint. Kaoru is weak, and innocent, deserving of life, a life of not just surviving, but a life filled to the brim with love from him and her friends. Kenshin protects her, and I know I have to protect her too. People like her, I also have to protect with my life, not just with my sword, but with my heart. I open my eyes to see that not too far ahead of me, I see a wild fox frolicking with another one, along with its small herd of babies. I couldn't help but feel myself smiling at this sheer coincidence. These things, you just don't plan for it. It just happens, and when it does, it makes it all the worth not preparing for it. Just like anything else in life, really.

...

But, I planned to get out of Kenshin's life soon. That's a plan that I won't risk breaking. Not for anything. After some time relaxing there, I get up to head back to the hotel. Perhaps I can play with the children or spend time with Yahiko, since the other married couples probably want some alone time together. I walk inside the reception main floor, looking all around me to see nobody except the help walking around and tidying things up. I head up the stairwell, convinced that I will bump into a familiar face, and I was right. But it's not the face that I did not want to see, at all. Kenshin sees me and he instantly perks up in recognizing my face from down the stairwell, and I return the curt simper. He climbs down a few steps while I walk up at the same time, and it didn't take long until we were standing nearly face to face. Kenshin is wearing the same black kimono that I complimented on not too long ago, and I fight myself to stay cordial despite the impending blush I'm feeling rising up my cheeks.

"Kaoru and I were just about to head out to see some stores. She's getting ready with her dressing up, but we were wondering if you'd like to join us, Soujiro." He tilts his head slightly with a friendly beam.

"That sounds lovely. But, I think I will stay here and see how the children are up to," I giggle, "Dr Gensai surely needs a break from those rascals sooner or later, right?"

"Are you sure? He doesn't truly mind watching after them," Kenshin looks over his shoulder, "But I suppose he is in need of some time alone as well, that he does."

"So then, I will head up to their room, and I hope you and your wife have a lovely day together," I continue to walk past him, "Excuse me."

I can somehow just feel his eyes on me, wanting to say something, but not sure as to what to say in this situation, so Kenshin luckily lets me go quietly. I made sure until I am out of sight in the corner of the corridor, until I can lay my back against the wall and clench my fists, trying really hard not to feel.. anything, while I hear Kenshin walking down the stairs a few feet away from me. I had to fight with all the cells inside my body that is screaming for me to run back and stop Kenshin from meeting up with Kaoru, but my mind tells me to get a hold of myself. This is for the best. I shouldn't care anymore. I can't go back. With a faltering breath, I blink the tears away and go down the hallway to go to the door where Dr Gensai and the children are residing in temporarily. I knock on the door once, twice, and then another time. Nobody answers. I frown. Where could they have gone? Perhaps Sanosuke and Megumi knows where they are. I go up a floor and knock on their door, and Sanosuke answers.

"Oh, hey kid," Sanosuke slides the door wider this time, "How's it hangin'?"

"Hello there, Mr Sagara," I chirp, "I was just wondering where Dr Gensai has taken the young children at. I wanted to perhaps help him babysit them for a while."

Megumi comes into my view now, "Oh, Soujiro, they've gone out ages ago. I think Gensai wanted to show them a nearby beach from around these parts of the mountain, so I'm afraid you've just missed them."

"Oh." I deflate, "I see."

"Hey, don't sweat it. Dr Gensai loves to look after those kids," Sanosuke cracks his knuckles, "Gives us adults plenty of time to just hang out and relax, you know?"

"You could come spend some time with us, if you'd like," Megumi's eyes wavers and looks the other way, and something tells me I should eject the idea. I think they're in the middle of something intimate.

"Oh, it's no problem, Mrs Sagara," I bow down to them, "I will leave you two be. I'll just wander around the town and just entertain myself for a bit."

"You sure?" Sanosuke blinks.

"Dear, don't be so insulting. The young man said no, so just accept it," Megumi tosses her hair behind her shoulder and walks away, "See you around, kiddo."

"Bye, then." I turn around and try to swallow the strange lump inside my throat. So much for hanging out with anybody on this trip. Am I really that detached from their social circle? But why should I even care about that? I'm only here to learn, anyway, not to befriend these people. We all shared a certain past together, but it's not like they're going to stop their own lives just to please me and include me into their personal space. Besides, it would only make the goodbye part so much more bitter than it has to be. It's better this way. I am walking towards the stairwell again when I see someone else coming into my peripheral vision, and it's Kaoru dressing her best kimono. Pink with floral details, her hair styled with a rose ribbon, and she looked like a right peach. I bow to her to show her my respect.

"Hello, Mrs Himura!" I lean up from my bowing position and I laugh calmly, "You look especially beautiful today. Going somewhere?"

"Oh, Soujiro!" Kaoru walks up to place her hands on my shoulders, "Please, you should join us! Kenshin and I are going to see a local play and well, you look like you haven't got any plans today, right?"

"I," My throat gulps, "I don't, no, Mrs Himura."

"Hey, are you okay, Soujiro? Do you miss wandering again?" Kaoru looks into my eyes and I shake my head with a chuckle.

"No, I'm fine, thank you. I will join you," I said, ignoring the bells going off inside my head, "You're right, I am free for today."

"Perfect!" She lets go of my shoulders, "Let's hurry, the play will start soon!"

We arrive shortly after in the middle of the small town and sitting on a bench near a book store is none other than Kenshin himself, getting up from the seat in order to greet us. He encircles his arms around Kaoru's slender waist and gives her a peck on her forehead, and then he lets her go in order to nod at me in recognition. We head towards north until we are in front of this large establishment with a sign outside that shows the details of the live show. Apparently, its about the story of Momotaro, or Peach Boy, a folklore that I've been told once by Yumi when I was just ten years old. To know that it is now a live show seems exciting in its pretenses, so I'm glad that I said yes to Kaoru's invitation after all. We take our seats inside the auditorium along with a dozen or so other people, cooling ourselves off with these fans that one of the workers was kind enough to let us borrow for today's show. Kenshin sits right in between Kaoru and myself, and the servants close the doors and all windows, the room dimming to start the show. We look up to see an actor waltzing in the middle of the stage; A short child, enshrouded by papers and leaves in variants of oranges and yellow, to show us that he is inside a giant peach, and begins the show right in the center of the stage. My mind hazes over and I no longer paid any attention to the rest of the development, and trying to focus on, instead, on the rapid beatings inside my heart.

Did I really meant that? When I said that I am glad that Kaoru invited me here? Because for some reason, I take that back. I am not having a good time at all. From the corner of my eye, I can see Kenshin's hand intertwined with Kaoru's, and sometimes during the quieter parts of the show, I see him leaning over to nuzzle her neck or to give her a quick kiss on her cheek, whispering sweet nothings inside her ear. Each kiss makes my hand clench over the arm chair. Each soft giggle coming from Kaoru's lips is a shock of adrenaline that sends a jolt of pain inside my chest. And each time where Kenshin would shift in his seat is enough to make my stomach do jumping back flips, convinced that he would accidentally brush up against me, but to my relief—and disappointment—he never touches me at all during the entire show. I did said it today that it would be for the best, and I really do mean that. I did said that he is married to Kaoru for a very good reason, that reason being that they truly do love each other a lot, in more ways than one. I know I said I should only look at Kenshin through the eyes of a student, and not through the eyes of a youth in the throes of love. I know that and understand such concepts inside my head.

So then, why does this still hurt me so much?

Sometimes, I just wish Kaoru didn't have to exist.

The show came to a close and we leave the building to find that it is the middle of the afternoon. Kaoru and Kenshin held each others hands while I follow closely from behind, trying to be inconspicuous as Kaoru ooh's and ah's at all the stores and pleasant attributes to the small town. She made us go to a few shops, one bakery store, another to buy herself flowers, and then a place to look at books. I trace my finger against the back of the books as I walk along side of the shelves, trying to not let my eyes land on the romantic couple who are huddled close over a book about something or other. Never mind, not my business. I pick one book out and it's a book on international travelers and their personal accounts on all the foreign lands they've ventured into, as well as how the unique cultures have helped shaped their entire worldviews. I yearn for these same experiences too. One day, I'll be done with this ridiculous bullshit over Kenshin, and I'll be out there again, taking life by a storm. I'll be out there and go to all of the greatest places to learn more about myself and have loads of fun on top of that. I can easily imagine the different types of concubines I could play around with once I'm out of Japan. Just imagine! I smack the book on top of a small table a little harder than I should and walk out of that shop, regardless of whether or not the love birds are still in there or not.

I come across a water fountain and sit on the ledge of the bowl, looking at the crystal clear water to see my own reflection. These eyes of mine don't look very happy to see me, but it also doesn't really read as anything else, either. I don't look sad, or tired, or even enraged. I just look muted, devoid of any emotions what so ever. I dip my fingers into the water, surprised to find it much colder than I would have expected it to be, and I snap my hand back, blinking. At that moment, I hear someone walking up to me and I lift my chin up to see that it's Kenshin. He nods and I smile remotely and impassively. Be still, my heart. Just smile.

"Kaoru will be done with her shopping trip soon," Kenshin takes this as an opportunity to also sit on the edge of the water fountain near me, "I was hoping we could talk some more. I felt as if you were perhaps avoiding me, Soujiro."

"Avoiding you? Now why would I do that, Mr Himura?" I ask in a singsong voice, "I'm not, truly I'm not. I've just been preoccupied, is all."

"Preoccupied? About what?" Kenshin blinks innocently at me.

"Life. Wanting to get out there in the world," I sigh and look back into my reflection, "Just thinking how wonderful it would be to wander again."

Kenshin is silent for a moment before he continues talking, "Wandering is a wonderful thing to do, that it is. I should know, having done that myself."

I look at him with a simple smile, "Yes, you do understand. I want to travel again, as quickly as I can get to it, if you can understand that."

"I do, Soujiro. If you like, we can work extra hard for the upcoming week so that you can then take your departure."

I open my eyes to look at him, almost.. shocked that he's taking this so lightly. But of course, why would he take it seriously or take it hard? I'm just a student to him and then it's goodbye forever. That's how it's supposed to go between us, is it not? He shouldn't be upset and I shouldn't read into this as anything more than what it actually is. I realize I've been staring at him for a lot longer than normal, because I see him turning away and clearing his throat. I turn towards the water again, hiding my blushing cheeks, "I agree."

"Soujiro.. Are you still upset over what happened at the fields?"

"Kenshin," I smile bitterly, my eyes losing focus immediately, "Don't. I really don't want to remember that right now. I'll let it go for our sake."

My sake, especially!

"I understand. But do you wish to stay with us some more, or do you want to cease contact?"

"I don't want to leave. I'm okay with it."

"I'm glad," Kenshin looks towards the water from over his shoulder with a smile, "I was concerned that you wanted to run out on us."

I turn to him, "You really do care about this a lot, do you?"

He smiles with his eyes at me, "Can't you tell?"

I smirk, "I can. I'll stay. But we gotta hurry. I want to travel again, you see."

He gets up from the edge and looks down at me with a nod, "I understand, Soujiro, that I do. Kaoru was wondering if you'd like to join us for dinner."

Dinner. What an intimate time of the day to eat with those you care about. Especially between two spouses, it is always very important to sit down in a table together, to gaze at one another, and share your inner thoughts while you eat good food together. Such an activity that really should not be interrupted by the other person, in this case, that other person being myself who have already kissed Kaoru's husband on the lips in such a passionate way. I know that Kenshin forgave me for that—the real reason is still lost on me as to why that is—but I still wouldn't feel comfortable enough to do that to them. Eat with them, be with them, sharing such closeness like that, knowing what I've done with Kenshin behind Kaoru's back. I shouldn't.

"I'm afraid I'll have to decline, but thank you very much." I get off from the edge as well and start walking on ahead, "I think I'll head back to the hotel now, but I had fun today. Thank you, Kenshin."

"Soujiro," Kenshin quickly responds and I had to stop and turn to him now, "Wait."

I don't say anything to him, waiting. He seems a little lost for words for a few moments, and then he looks to the ground and at our feet, "I'm not sure why I feel this way, but I hope our friendship isn't suffering. I'm sorry for what has happened, and I understand that it's not easy in your shoes. I just hope that you realize that you don't have to feel like you have to keep your distance from me."

"Kenshin," I ignore the thundering inside my heart as I place my hand on his shoulder to console him, "I'm not upset and I won't ever stop being your friend. We are still fine, believe me."

 _We._ How sweet those words sound, escaping from my desperate tongue.

He looks up at me now, where a hint of surprise flashes in his eyes, but then he smiles and nods, "I believe you. I'll see you tomorrow, then. Good night."

In another lifetime, I would have stepped forward and kiss those delicate lips of his again, to surrender myself to the warmth of his soul's passionate flames and to let myself go within him. But I know that such a life is not here in this timeline, so I instead giggle with good nature at him before walking off, leaving Kenshin behind, ignoring all the cells in my body that screams to have its flesh touching his. Despite his marriage, I really do feel that my heart and my body belongs to him, and his with myself. But, I understand that events in life has to happen for a reason. Kaoru got there first, so she wins. It's only fair. It's only logical. I have to believe in that, in order to give me the strength to trudge forward. I soon find myself back on my hotel bed, the skies turning dusk quite already. For a so called summer's day, it sure feels pretty short. I had room service again and I decided to skip my bath time just so that I can sleep early.

The next morning, I made sure to wake up bright and early to catch the sun rise on the beach, so while it's dark out in the middle of the morning, I slip out of the hotel quietly and head down south until I can hear and smell the ocean. I can feel the sand going through my sandals and under the soles of my feet, but I didn't cared. Up ahead, in the distance, I can see the crack of the bright red line of the sun creeping up, a splash of orange appearing on its edges to compliment the deep, dark indigo. While I watch the sun rising up ever so slowly, my mind goes back to that faithful night when I threw all caution to the wind in order to kiss Kenshin on the lips, how soft and warm he feels, and how I wish I could pull him down so that we can do so much more than just make out.

 _Kenshin is on top of me, and all our clothing were ripped and torn by the thorns, our faces scratched with shallow cuts. In a few moments of collecting our thoughts, I open my eyes to see his open too in a moment of synchronize, and his brows furrow._

 _"Soujiro.. are you alright?"_

 _Kenshin._

 _I can't fight it anymore. I can't run away from it anymore._

 _I'm in love with you._

 _He looks up and around, as if to find any sign of life or if the pig might have come back to attack us, to no avail. The night above him makes him appear ethereal, enchanting, and absolutely unreal. A shower of stars and the moon makes his hair and skin glow, and I can see his eyes traveling around the area to see if our friends are nearby. I take a hitched breath and he blinks down at me, concern written all over his face. I take a grip of his sleeve and try to whisper something, but my voice is too thin and anxious to make out anything. He bends his head forward to get a better hearing._

 _"Soujiro, are you hurt?" His eyes seem to lose focus for a second._

 _And in the next heartbeat, I curve my neck upward, closing the gap between our lips._

 _I can literally feel Kenshin's eyes still on me, wide and in shock over what's happening between us, and all the while, he doesn't stir or move a bit from this position. From the moment I touch my lips with his, sparks are flying and setting my body ablaze, and my soul is sings with the song of true love. I want to be like this for just a little longer, but finally, at the faint sound of hearing Sanosuke and Yahiko's battle cries and the swinging of their weapons against the frightened wild hog about a mile away from us.. I had to let go of his lips as well as my grip on his sleeve, our eyes locking for a few seconds before I carefully lay all the way down on my back, my breathing audible and carnal. My face and chest is burning and my lower body parts are trying to poke through the fabric, and my gaze is cloudy with intense love towards Kenshin's petrified look._

I open my eyes, the sun now coming into full view, and the skies now painting a rosy gold portrait. Suddenly, I feel something is not right within my body, and I frown, wondering what it could be. I reach my hand up to see that my pinky is now trembling, and I make a confused sound, realizing its the same way it's done four years ago during that battle before I went completely insane. What's it doing now while I'm thinking about that kiss? Is this perhaps a sign? With my other hand, I wrap it around all the fingers of that hand to help calm it down, and I sigh. I don't understand myself at all, even after all these years of wandering. I close my eyes now to remember..

 _"If it ever comes down that I catch you having feelings for a man who's named Kenshin Himura," Shishio takes his thumb to drag it horizontally across his throat, "I will make your misery end for your own sake. Not in this lifetime will I ever allow that to happen."_

 _"It's just, you're a man, like him, so it's something I'm worried about. I don't care about people who live like that, but they are usually killed by the other bigots out there," Megumi looks out towards the window as if proving a point, "Not to mention Kenshin is already married and has made a child with Kaoru, and.. Well, you know I had to put my foot down somewhere. Do you understand?"_

 _"The Battousai will be battling you quite soon. I wonder if your heart wouldn't have what it takes to drive your sword into his, seeing as how you're already warming yourself up to him. But I understand," Usui sniffs, "Some men are just born sick."_

That's right. Opening my eyes to the now lilac skies filled with the remaining rosy gold clouds, I realize something: There's no way that Kenshin and I could be together in this era. Homosexuality in Japan was outlawed until just two years ago, and despite the new provision, there's still many loud critics who think of such people as lower than animals. Sometimes, I would hear or read in the newspapers about the bodies of young men found mangled because the village people would figure out that they were interested in people of their own sex, and I don't think it'd be wise for me to do that to myself. I am strong, but I still have my moments of weaknesses, sometimes overpowering the strength I used to work so hard to attain while under the guidance of Makoto Shishio. Feeling ready to leave, I turn around and head back to the hotel to see if I can grab some breakfast before preparing my little adventuring in the next town over. Maybe there's some other things I haven't gotten the chance to check out yesterday.

And almost as if the universe has a perverse sense of humor, I bump into a familiar face once again. Kenshin beams at me and I couldn't help but look taken back from my own surprise.

"Soujiro, you're awake, I see," He crosses his arms in front of his chest, "I am about to head out to get breakfast in town, would you care to accompany me?"

I don't understand. My eye twitch and my voice quivers as I whisper, "Why are you doing this to me, Kenshin?"

"Hm?" He tilts his head and blinks, "Oro? Doing what?"

"You are constantly asking me to do things with you and I don't understand." I knew I had to ask. I just knew.

He shakes his head with a laugh, "Oh, I'm sorry, Soujiro. I just figured you wanted to have pancakes. I saw the sign outside this restaurant after you went back to the hotel yesterday and they are having a special. So I figured you wanted to check it out with me. You are going to the town yourself too, right?"

"Kenshin, I don't care," My voice goes cold, "I just don't care, can't you see that?"

"You don't care about pancakes, Soujiro?" Kenshin tilts his head the other way now. Is he taunting me? Is he really going to try that bullshit game now? I gape at him in a mixture of shock and disgust, and I close my mouth, my eyes open and staring a hole in his head.

"I don't care about you." I state firmly before bumping shoulders with him as I walk on, "Excuse me."

I see his surprised expression but I don't stop, hurrying up the stairs and down the hallways so that I can reach my room, closing the door until I feel safe to collapse on the floor and hold my mouth with my hand to hush down my sobbing. I hate you, Kenshin. I really, really hate you. And I only hate you because I can't have you and love you. Do you think this is easy for us? Aren't you forgetting that kiss we shared? Do you think that's a joke? A prank or something insignificant? Maybe it doesn't matter to you at all, but for me, it was everything. I'm in love with you, you idiot! I continue to weep, laying against the wall on my back so that I won't hit my head against anything and all the while, my hands are roaming from my crying eyes towards my brown hair to pull on it in frustration. It's not easy for me, Kenshin. You shouldn't take this lightly. I can't believe you. I just can't believe you would do this to me. Over and over again you keep betraying me. I hiccup and try to wipe the tears away, trying to steady my breath, and soon the tears just continue to fall silently this time. I hate you, Kenshin. I really hate you.

And yet I love you so much, it kills me.

I am not sure for how long I've stayed on that floor, trying to get through the teary haze of my little breakdown, but some time later, I hear my door sliding open and it's one of the maids. She gasps and rushes towards me, kneeing beside me to check up on me. Once she sees that I am only just crying like a little brat, she blinks, completely at a loss for words. I try to laugh it off, but then the tears just kept coming and she rubs my arm, trying to comfort me. Wow. This really is a great hotel.

"Shall I prepare your bath in the hot springs? Perhaps it will wash these tears away." She nods happily, and I smile with my eyes to affirm my decision to do as she suggests.

So after that wonderful long bath, I got dressed and luckily bumped into Sanosuke and Megumi and they suggested that we head to the town together to find something to do before we get cabin fever. I agreed and we walked everywhere in that town, trying to find something exciting to do. Anything is better than nothing. Sanosuke happens to catch a commotion happening in the middle of this narrow alleyway, and it was a bunch of guys playing poker. Oh boy. I worry that this won't end well and that we'll lose money more so than win them, but I've decided to just trust what the universe has in store for me. It can't fuck me over once I'm far away from Kenshin. I jump slightly at my loud heartbeat, which caught the attention of Megumi and she looks at me all funny.

"You alright there?" She cocks an eyebrow at me and I smile, to which she rolls her eyes with a chuckle.

"Come on, now, double or nothing!" Sanosuke grills the other man while he shuffles the cards in between the two of them. I stand by to watch them all yelling at one another and huddling closer to see who's got the lucky draw, the masculine energy of it all overwhelming to poor Megumi meanwhile. She makes sure to stand behind me so that I can protect her from the few men who are trying to leer at her, and my cold eyes makes sure to tell them to back off without saying anything. Sanosuke seems to struggle at first, but finally, just when I thought it was all over, he draws something incredibly rare and he wins! Over three thousand yen! We were absolutely stunned but happy overall to have won so much today. While the other men grumble, we politely bid them adieu before we walk away together, laughing our heads off. That sure was fun while it lasted!

"Oh man, look at this!" Sanosuke empties out his sack of currency into his hand, "What should we do with it?"

"How about we save it for a rainy day, dearest." Megumi shakes her head incredulously at her husband's hasty personality.

"Or we can have a really nice dinner somewhere!" I suggest, "There's a really expensive place here where they serve one of the best dishes in all of Japan. I heard about it through the maids back at the hotel."

"Where's that at?" Sanosuke puts the yen back into the pouch and starts to bounce it in his hand absentmindedly, "I could sure eat some nice lobster right about now."

"You dolt, be careful with that!" Megumi snatches the small bag and cradles it in her arms as if it were a newborn, "Someone might steal it from right out of your hands!"

"Alright, alright, sheesh!" Sanosuke grumbles, making me snigger in response, "But yeah, what do you think of Soujiro's idea, Megumi?"

Megumi places her finger on her chin while she ponders, "You know, that doesn't sound too bad to do tonight before we have to head back home tomorrow."

"Let's do it," I giggle airily and start to walk a very neat, straight line by expanding my arms out from my sides to balance myself, "It'll be great!"

"Yeah, it would." Sanosuke grins and spits something on the floor next to him.

We head back to the hotel and although I'm still sore about Kenshin's behaviors earlier, I allow myself to be okay while Sanosuke slides Kenshin's door open to find the other married couple having mid-morning tea, catching them by surprise at our arrival. But they were soon all smiles, which honestly, deep down, gives my chest quite a pinch seeing them all lovey dovey yet again. Kenshin sees that I am there, but I avoid his eyes meanwhile.

"Hey, Kenshin," Sanosuke leans coolly on the wall next to him, "I won a hand at poker and got us over three thousand yen, so why don't you say we head over to a really nice restaurant tonight? Soujiro here knows a place."

"You do?" Kaoru gasps in astonishment at me, "What's it called?"

"Parupurinsesu," I shrug, "It's supposedly really good for its seafood selection."

"Oh, Kenshin, can we go?" Kaoru clasps her hands together and looks up at him with stars in her eyes, "It would be so wonderful!"

"As long as Sanosuke picks up the tab with said three thousand yen," Kenshin shrugs while looking amused, "I don't mind, that I don't."

"Oh, Kaoru, please come help me choose the perfect outfit for tonight, then!" Megumi squeals uncharacteristically like, which even Sano had to look at her with some terror in his eyes. Can you even blame the guy?

"Oh my God, you know I can't say no to that!" Kaoru shrieks high in glee and they both run off to go to Megumi's and Sanosuke's bedroom to play dress up while us three men watch the door in blinking union.

Sanosuke scoffs, "Women, huh?"

"I suppose I'll tell Gensai and the small children of our plans for tonight," Kenshin gets up and pats his pants to clear off invisible dust off of him, "No doubt they'd be awfully sore if we were to leave without them, that they will."

Suddenly, I have the strangest urge to speak up, "I'll do it. Let's just meet up at the reception area at four in the afternoon."

"I can have the maids here call up the restaurant to book us a reservation." Sanosuke chimes in with a half shrug.

"Oh," Kenshin blinks at the two of us and then he relaxes into a thankful smile, "I knew I could count on the two of you."

"Hey now, don't get all mushy on us, Kenshin," Sanosuke looks up at the ceiling in a playful yet exasperated manner, "Don't sweat it. You've done a lot for us and I just wanted to treat you all to something nice. I mean, you did already paid for our rooms here, anyway."

I wanted to ask how in the world he even got the money to pay for it, but I decided to keep the peace instead. There's always some other time to talk about these sorts of things. Right now, I just want to fume a little longer.

Just smile.

"So then, what are you guys planning to do for the rest of the day?" Kenshin seems to be looking right at me, but I quickly look the other way.

"I think I'll take Megumi to the beach. Doc said it was really nice when he went there yesterday with the kids," Sanosuke leans away from the wall now, "What about you, Soujiro?"

"I think I'll spend some time with Yahiko if he's available. Otherwise, I'll definitely try and babysit the kids if Gensai lets me." I respond inadvertently, crossing my arms.

"Huh. You like kids, Soujiro?" Sanosuke smirks, "Bet'cha can't wait till you find yourself a dame to get busy with."

I fight with all my might to not let my eyes flicker over to the one man that I would throw everything away in an instance if it means I can spend the rest of my life with him, and I instead just shrug, giggling, "Yup! You'll have to excuse me while I find those kids. Please, take care."

I turn around to walk away, almost convinced that Kenshin will try and call out my name. But he doesn't do or say anything, and I find myself conflicted between feeling relieved and yet wishing he could just.. _do something_ about my resentment towards him. He ought to apologize for playing my emotions like that. That's not very nice of him to do. Would he have liked it if I did the same to him? I don't think so. I knock on Gensai's door and thankfully, he opens the door and I see the kids having some fun together with these brand new toys that Gensai must've brought them during their stay here. He welcomes me into the room and I kneel down to hug Kenji and let the girls put flowers in my hair meanwhile, and as Gensai sips some tea and reads the local newspaper, I let Kenji get on my back so that I can pretend that I'm his wild stallion. I think I'd make a great parent someday, honestly.

Someday..

Soon, Yahiko comes into the room and greets me enthusiastically, and he suggests that we hang out together for a while. I give the smaller kids back to Gensai and we both walk out of the hotel, and Yahiko suggests we head down the mountain to this forest to train together if I'd like. I agreed and we soon find ourselves in the middle of said forest, hitting each other with sticks and laughing together meanwhile. The weather permits us to have a lot of fun but to also enjoy the shade when it gets too hot, so after all the tiresome "practicing" with these sturdy wooden sticks and messing around, we decide to drink some water from the river. I cup my hands into the water and drank some, enjoying its refreshing taste, and suddenly Yahiko pipes up a question.

"Say Soujiro, are you mad at Kenshin or something?"

I feel pale in the face but I laugh it off, "No? Why would you think that, Yahiko?"

"Well, Kenshin seemed even more pensive than usual and I had to ask him like a bunch of times before he told me that he's wondering if you have it out for him for some reason. What's up?" Yahiko leans all the way down to lie on his back to look at the clouds passing by.

I lay down on my back too and start to twiddle my thumbs together, "Sometimes he's just so.. so.. absent minded."

Yahiko snorts. I guess he understands what I'm talking about.

"He can be so careless with his words, and.. I just hate that he sometimes acts like nothing is wrong when something _is_ wrong." I dig my nail at the top of my other hand.

"Kenshin can be a bit strange sometimes, but," Yahiko shifts his weight, "He's a really good person. He might not remember everything about you nor will he be the type of guy to, y'know, show you the kind of support you would expect from the average guy. But that's what makes him so great. He's way above average. He's really something else, that guy."

I bite my lower lip to think about that some more before I sigh, "I guess you're right."

"Why? Did he said something stupid to you?"

"I just, sometimes feel like he's making fun of me."

"Kenshin? Naw, he's not the type to do that, believe me. If it wasn't for him, I don't think any of us would be alive, honestly."

I smile at the skies now, "I think that's the truth. Kenshin wants us to be the very best versions of ourselves, it seems."

"He does. He did tell me before that he sees a lot of potential in you. That you can be the very best swordsman to protect the weak and the innocent. He said that he knows you surpass him and that he has a lot of faith in you."

I turn to him in shock, "He said that?"

He now turns to me and nods with a grin, "Yup! He's really impressed by you and hope you would be the best living proof of the Hiten Misurugi and to finish off what he started."

"What he started..?"

"Yeah, I mean," Yahiko turns back to the skies again, "He's a father now, so he can't just up and leave the dojo anytime he wants anymore. So he figures you could live out his ideals of making the world a safer place to be for the innocent. To fight against evil, even if it means not killing."

Not killing. Kenshin Himura. Not killing. Himura.

"Do you really think not killing the forces of evil is realistic?" I blink and feel a queer sort of sadness inside my chest, "I mean, Shishio died while in battle with Kenshin, and the evil that was there is now no more. Doesn't that say anything to you?"

"I think that guy died because of his temperature going out of whack, right?" Yahiko frowns at nothing in particular, "At least, that's what Kenshin told me. He really didn't want Shishio to die, but what happened had to happen, I guess. He would have preferred to see Shishio repent his sins behind bars rather than die and getting the easy way out. Either way, what a crap way to die."

"Tell me about it," I sigh, "I'm just glad it's over."

"You're free now, Soujiro!" Yahiko punches one fist against the palm of his other hand in fierce determination, "And you'll be the next best Kenshin Himura Japan will ever see!"

"You really do have a lot of faith in me, huh Yahiko?" I giggle, "I'm flattered."

"Don't mention it. I think we should get going, it's about to be around four soon, right?" Yahiko sits up and tries to get up with his stick, "I'm getting hungry for some grub!"

We head back and sure enough, it is around four o'clock, because now we see everybody in the same room waiting for the both of us. We go into town and after asking the directions of a few locals there, we come across a well decorated restaurant and go inside, where we are immediately seated on a round table large enough for this big family. First we had our appetizers and our first dish that was this lovely soup of some sort, and then the main course which is loaded with what I expected and what Sanosuke desires: Lots and lots of lobster parts and seafood in general. We had a really nice time, even though I was mostly on the quiet side. I am sitting next to Yahiko, so we secretly exchange jokes here and there and he tries to get me to steal Sanosuke's food and blame it on Kenji for the crimes. Kenshin sits far on the other side of me, so I'm grateful for the added space between us for tonight. All I have to do is keep smiling and all will be well.

Kenji suddenly starts crying out of nowhere and not even Kaoru can console him, "What's going on, honey? Did you hurt yourself?"

"Aw, don't cry, dear," Megumi coos and grabs a shrimp from her plate, "You want this?"

Kenji shies away from her and tries to cling onto Kaoru, continuing to sob on her kimono sleeve all the while. The other members of our table started quieting down just to look at Kenji and wondering what is happening.

"Perhaps he doesn't like seafood?" Dr Gensai blinks at the weeping toddler.

"Kenji doesn't like fish!" Ayame announces.

"Yeah, Kenji doesn't like fish!" Suzumi chimes in.

"Oh? Since when?" Kaoru looks down at her toddler's head disconcertingly.

The two young girls could only shrug.

"Maybe he crapped himself." Sanosuke callously suggests, to which we all give him a death glare and he shrinks back in fear.

"I think I know what Kenji wants," Kenshin chuckles underneath his breath, "Come here, son."

Kaoru helps with hauling the little boy from her lap and onto Kenshin's lap this time, and Kenji looks up at Kenshin with some reluctance at first, but Kenshin nods at him with reaffirmation. Kenji looks down at the plate in front of him, Kenshin's dinner, and starts picking at it, suddenly eating the vegetables and the lobster bits and so on. Soon the rest of us start to laugh at the innocent exchange between father and son.

"Won't he eat your entire meal, Kenshin?" Sanosuke places his cheek on his hand as he watches.

"He will, but otherwise, he won't eat one bite of his own food otherwise," Kenshin smiles down at his picky eating boy, "And besides, his needs come first."

How does he do it? How does he continue to be so amazing despite everything? I find my eyes losing its usual sharpness as I stare dead ahead at Kenshin being the best father I've ever seen in my life. I'll never know what it feels to be so cared for by a parent like that, but I'm so happy that Kenji has him as his parent rather than somebody else. Kenshin might not always be in the present moment, and he might be clumsy with his words and actions, but.. But otherwise, his heart truly is pure and full of good intentions. Even after I've said those cruel words to him, he still doesn't lose sight of the most important people in his life. His family. His friends. The people who made him who he is, and the person that's sitting on his lap who will soon become like him; modest and grateful for the small things in the world, not needing any riches or prestige in order to get by. Kenshin is genuine. He's authentic. He just wants the best for everyone without pushing it.

I can't just smile anymore.

We were soon done with our meals and everybody got up. However, Kenji refuses to budge and would start whining as soon as Kenshin tries to leave his seat. Kaoru tries to persuade the child with a free lollipop that the chef handed to all of us as a thank you gift, but he still doesn't want to leave. Apparently the lobster bits were too good for him to go and so he won't budge. Kenshin turns to his wife with an awkward smile and says, "You go on ahead back to the hotel, don't worry about me. I'll move him eventually."

"But.. Kenshin.." She looks so worried but Kenshin just gently holds her hand to reassure her, and she smiles with a nod, "I understand. I'll wait for you."

The rest of the gang tries to talk to the young child, to no avail, so they soon wished Kenshin good luck, and it would be very awkward to just stand there watching him, so I took my leave out of the restaurant after all the others left. But I don't follow the group and told Megumi to tell the others to go on ahead of me, that I'll stay behind and see if I can get Kenji to move soon. She understands and walks off, leaving me at the front of the eating place, looking up to see that the skies are turning ominously cloudy and gray. What's taking those two so long? I must've waited out here for at least fifteen minutes or so, and my patience is thinning out. I could go in and try something, but being so close to Kenshin again really scares me right now. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't even know why I'm even standing here in the first place. Why? Why can't I just leave?

"Soujiro?"

I turn to the side and see Kaoru holding a stuffed animal, a baby blue whale to be exact, in her arms, and she continues, "I'm going to go in there and get Kenji back. Did you tried to persuade him?"

"I did!" I lied through my teeth, "But, he's stuck to his father like glue, it seems! Perhaps this toy will help."

"Let's try it!" Kaoru giggles and we both head back inside, and once Kenji's eyes landed on that soft cute toy, there is a light going off behind those baby eyes. He babbles and tries to reach out towards Kaoru, and Kenshin helps to maneuver him so that Kaoru can then take hold of the kid in her one arm easily. With Kenji now off his lap, Kenshin can breathe easier and can now step away from his chair in order to go up to the counter and pay up for the tab. Kaoru playfully nudges my arm and then waves goodbye to me, and I wave back with a friendly simper, somewhat glad that she's leaving me alone with him. Or maybe I shouldn't be glad. Maybe I should be scared and worried and angry instead. But.. Looking back at Kenshin's red hair and how kind he is to the stranger at the counter, as well as seeing what a selfless and patient father he has been with Kenji tonight, I don't think I can handle being away from him any longer. All the times I've spent on this vacation, far away from him and from his eyes, just leaves me feeling even more hollow as a result than usual. So maybe, just maybe, I need to forgive and to forget, because he already forgave me ages ago over that stupid kiss.

I am back outside of the front of the restaurant, waiting for him. There is now a light drizzle of rain and I hope that Kenshin hurries up with his transaction. I hear someone walking out now and my heart stops beating. Without thinking, my hand shoots out and grab the back of his top in order for him to stop walking, and he looks over his shoulder curiously at me. Just smile. Just smile. Just..

Smile.

"Uhm.." Kenshin's voice is surprisingly much quieter than usual, "Soujiro?"

I don't react at first, my eyes hidden by my bangs and I couldn't find the courage to look up or say anything. But he doesn't respond either, and doesn't try to move out of my grasp, and he waits for me. This silence should have been awkward, but it isn't. Instead, it's a pressing feeling of two souls wanting to forgive each other and to move on together again, and I don't feel this urge to flee like I usually do. But I know that time doesn't stand still and I have to say something before he gets even more confused, so with a shaky sense of courage, I look up so that he can see my sorrowful gaze and I whisper, "I'm sorry."

He doesn't move at first, but then his lips and his eyes smile warmly at me, understanding immediately, "It's alright, Soujiro. Really."

I look down again, my bangs hiding the top half of my face again, and I move forward carefully to place both my hands on his shoulders, resting the side of my face on the back of his neck. He doesn't react to that either, but something tells me that he doesn't find this strange at all. I think he knows how sorry I am and that I have no reason to feel ashamed of anything anymore. Kenshin really is my best friend, and that's saying a lot, considering our bloody pasts together. We were once arch nemesis, but now, he shows me the gift of forgiveness and I feel so touched by this philosophy that he fights so strongly for. Forgiveness is like taking all the poison out of your body. Holding a grudge, just like Master Shishio did with the Meiji government, just kills you ever so painfully in the end. Nobody wins when you want to hold on to old resentments. The rain continues and I feel so pure just by melting into this seemingly light yet deep touch. I feel whole. I don't have to just smile anymore. I can now be okay with the entire spectrum of every human emotions there is.

We both head back to the hotel, together, in silence, apart physically, but spiritually in sync.

We are back in the Kamiya dojo early the next morning. We were lucky to have caught up with a farmer in a horse wagon who's heading down the same direction as we are and we all hopped in to enjoy the ride. It took us a couple of hours until we're back safe and sound in Tokyo, even though the young kids are still cranky and want to rest. So we placed Ayame, Suzumi, and Kenji to bed while the rest of us went on with our days as usual. Sanosuke and Yahiko went off fishing together for tonight's dinner, Kaoru is readying the training room for her classes, Megumi and Gensai are back in their office to check any paperwork that needs to be sorted, and Kenshin and I decided to just do the housework meanwhile. At first he and I were both quiet and trying to focus with the tasks on hand, but after crossing each other's paths a few times, we couldn't help but start conversing and cracking jokes with one another, trying to start over with a clean state. I vow to never be angry with Kenshin again, at least, not in the way I used to do when I wanted to overreact to everything and anything he says or does. I realize that I am projecting my insecurities onto him and that just isn't fair to him. I'm going to deal with this in a more mature way. I refuse to let this friendship disintegrate.

Days have stretched into weeks and I soon got the first of the last two special fighting moves of the Hiten Misurugi style, the Kuzuryusen . We eventually reach the middle of August and in between all the training, Kenshin and I started spending more and more time together, almost as if we would think up any little excuse to be together. We don't touch each other, and I certainly don't flirt with him anymore like I used to. Everything that we do together, stays strictly platonic. We would do chores together, cook up meals together when Kaoru couldn't do them, fix any house repairs together, work on the garden together, do the food shopping together, and go fishing together. Kenshin would talk to me more about what he's been through as a child, about his parents and how it felt to lose them at a young age, his caretakers who tried to protect him from everything that threatened their well beings, how hard his master Hiko was on him, and how the war hardened him. What he's been through while wandering for ten years, the things he's seen, the life lessons he's learned by helping innocent people with anything they needed, the beautiful skies he would catch unexpectedly. How he used to be called Shinta, then Hitokiri Battousai, until finally, he was just "this one". Kenshin Himura.

"Jesus, kid! You're taking my best friend away." Sanosuke pouts and sulks at me one day playfully while he saw me and Kenshin doing the laundry together. This isn't the first time we heard the joke that Kenshin and I seemed practically conjoined at the hips these days.

But I don't care. _We_ don't care. One day, Kenshin and I decided to go on a fishing trip late August to catch Kaoru the biggest fish we can find for a really nice dinner. The skies were clear, the water is calm, and nothing is out of place. We brought out a small canoe for today and we're now in the middle of the river, not straying out too far from our home but further enough so that we both are convinced that we won't be bothered by anyone that we know. I am amazed at how close we are becoming, telling each other secrets that we haven't really told anyone, and how smooth the transition was from that back hug from the restaurant to now being each others' really close friends. I didn't knew intimacy like this could exist, especially from all the pain and betrayals I've been through. Shishio used to be my leader and, in a way, a friend of mine too, but he never let me close to him and I never let him close to me either. He always had that cold center to him that would find ways to put me down or make me doubt of any goodness in other people's hearts. Kill or be killed. Trust and you will be betrayed. Kenshin is also strong, but he was strong in a way that is almost unheard of. He pushes through the boundaries of normal human reactions, such as jealousy or murderous vengeance, and seeks forgiveness in himself and in others.

"They're putting up those signs all around Tokyo, about the Bokkai family," I frown at the space ahead of me, "I'm really scared, Kenshin. Where could they be?"

"Who knows." Kenshin sighs. I blink at his sudden distance in communication and had to ask.

"Kenshin, you're quiet. Is something wrong?" I am sitting with my back almost against his back when I ask him this.

"Hm," Kenshin hums a little sadly before replying, "Kaoru's a little upset with me."

"Kaoru? Why?"

He doesn't respond at first, but I hear him shifting his weight and sighs, "I told her that I've been having this strange urge to wander again."

I blink at the area in front of me and then I frown, "Wander? Do you mean by yourself?"

"Yes."

"Are you leaving Kaoru and your son behind? Will you.." I look down at myself, "Will you ever come back?"

Don't ever leave me.

"I most certainly will. But wandering doesn't have any plans or time frames. You take a small bag and you just leave, that you do. When you'll come back from such an endeavor, is something that only the universe can answer, based on the signs it throws upon your path to enlightenment. I had wandered before for ten years, but something has happened recently that makes me want to go again."

"What?" I turn over my shoulder, "What happened, Kenshin?"

He hesitates, not sure on how to go about saying it, and then he shakes his head, "It's too difficult to talk about. I trust you very much, Soujiro. The things you do and the things you say makes me think about a lot of things these days, that you do. Especially when you talk about wanting to go world traveling has got me thinking about my own life. I don't want to hurt Kaoru or the others, of course, so I won't wander out on them. But thank you, Soujiro."

"For what?" I feel my face fading to pink now.

"For showing me that there really is a world out there outside of Japan, outside of everything I've come to know my entire life. Thank you."

I don't say anything, but the silence is a comfortable one, so we don't push it. We continue to fish some more, waiting, hoping that something will catch our lines, to no avail. I love Kenshin Himura for many reasons. He knows that what he's done is wrong, killing all those men from many years ago, and yet he still found redemption by repenting even when at times it felt nearly impossible to do. I love him because he made me learn things that takes so much courage for people like him and I to face after we've murdered innocent people before, because he wants to live a life through the acts of true love. The love that wants to heal, the love that wants to protect, the love that wants a world where men will no longer slaughter each other and where women and children can know their husbands and fathers are safe from any wars. I love him because he makes me feel so true to myself, without any shame for that what so ever. I love him because he doesn't judge me, or criticize me, or push me to do anything that I don't want to do. I love him because he's shown me what caring for another truly feels like. I love him because he makes me become the best version I can be. Just for me.

It's unnoticeable at first, but we seemed to have sat there for so long, that our backs soon touched each other and I bite my lower lip at the awareness of feeling just through that touch alone. Pure electrifying sensations. I love Kenshin because every time I touch him, I come alive and feel at one with the world. I love him because I feel so safe and warm just by being close to him. I love him for many, many reasons. Too many reasons, in fact. I take a breath, my face feeling warm from the sun and from my flushing cheeks, and I let it go, goosebumps forming on my arms at the deliciousness of my flesh feeling against his own. No matter what, even once I master the Hiten Misurugi and leave the dojo behind, I will always love you, Kenshin Himura. Even if we can't be together in this lifetime, even if I have to marry someone else, and live a completely distant life away from you, just remember that I will always have you placed deep inside my heart. It's because of you that I can get inside myself and pull out the young man that I am supposed to be today. It's all because of you, Kenshin. Please never forget that. You will always be the love of my life.

"I think I caught something." I hear Kenshin comments out of nowhere.

I caught you in my heart, Kenshin.

And I'm never going let you out.


	16. Missing

_Author's notes: Hey guys, this is a remake of the same chapter with a totally different ending. The reviews you guys sent me really had me think that I need to really do a slow burn after Kaoru's death, and it's absolutely understandable and I'm really sorry for the rushing I did with my previous update. Hopefully this one will cover everybody's questions and concerns. I will delete the other chapter, and replace it with this one, so I think you might be able to review this new update. If not, I understand, you can use another chapter to review this one again if you can help it, and meanwhile, I will immediately work on another update after putting this one up._

 _Again, as a reminder, the first sentence written in Japanese letters are "The true strength comes not from bodily awareness," and the second line translates to, "but from the matters of the heart that makes a man."_

 _I've decided, since I can't hold it in anymore, that I will maybe work on the one-shot so that I can finally see these two jerks together in the nood, so heads up for that one! ;p_

 _Enjoy! I will scatter the lyrics to the Rurouni Kenshin's second opening song. I can't find the name of the song, but on YouTube, just type in "Rurouni Kenshin opening 2" and you'll find it._

Scene XV: Missing

 _ **"Mommy!"**_

The scream is guttural, painful, encompassing, traumatic. I shoot up from the bed, covered in perspiration, looking all around me for any hints of danger, only to find myself sitting and clutching on my bed sheets until my knuckles are turning white. My heart is racing, my lungs are exasperated for air, and my mind is sounding the alarm. I hear from outside my door, a series of feet running around, muffled shouting and chaotic energy emitting everywhere tonight, and I try to find my breath again meanwhile. What is happening? Who screamed that? Was it me? Did I just have a nightmare? My door is nearly ripped open and I see Megumi panting and a piercing fear in her eyes towards me. The sounds of people rushing around is more discernible, and I look at her in shock, still trying to wake up from my slumber.

"Megumi?" I ask in a tiny voice.

 _"Soujiro,"_ Megumi takes a shivering breath, _"Kenji. He saw her disappeared. Kaoru is missing."_

I don't wait anymore and I nearly leap out of the bed to grab my sword from near my futon and we both run out of the dojo despite our sleepwear, the air thick with humidity and horror. Millions of thoughts travel passed me at the speed of the wind rushing against my forehead and temples, not able to pinpoint any of the questions I have inside my mind, and I find myself instead being completely present and wounded up tight to spring into battle if someone is ready to fight me. Megumi is running behind me and I think I hear Sanosuke also running after us, calling out Kaoru's name, panic swallowing us whole. We run through many corners of the rural town, heading down different alleyways and small spaces to see if she's hiding anywhere, and soon I take myself towards the bridge where Kenshin had battled the Bokkai family not too long ago, convinced that I would find something or someone important. I was correct in my assumptions: Up ahead, my eyes train themselves to a redheaded man looking down at the river from the bridge, his face completely hidden by his hair. I rush to reach him, slowing down to a light jog once I am close enough, and I turn my head towards the river to see nothing but rushing water. I lift my face to him again.

 _With my ears pressed on your back.. I held onto you._

"Kenshin.." I find my voice losing from all the running around, "Is Kaoru..?"

He doesn't respond and instead abruptly takes his leave, ignoring me. I am left in a state of disturbance at what he just did, but my feet starts walking on their own again, following him. He continues to disregard me and keeps walking, my ears aware to the sounds of familiar voices calling our names in the distance behind us, but my heart yearns to be close to him again. What is going on? Where is Kaoru? Where could she have gone at this time of night? Could someone maybe hurt her or took her away? I start to pick up my pace to try and catch up, but Kenshin immediately also starts to hurry up and suddenly applies his Godspeed to disappear into the trees, and I nearly lost it; With a dizzy head and angry hot tears springing in my eyes, I went a couple of steps before my Shukuchi to try and play catch up, the noises we are making against the Earth as booming as steel clanging against metal, small branches flying all over the place from the forcible impact. I can see him here and there, appearing like a ghost rushing around a tree, and then he'll disappear again due to the rapid speed. Being much quicker than him, my eyes could still pick him out despite the rapid movements; it's just one of my inborn talents. We continue to plow through deeper into the forest, and I jump from a higher branch in order to leap in front of him. He slides to a screeching halt, our breaths in sync and erratic all the same, our eyes frantic and going out of focus.

 _The body is like a boarder which gets in the way.._

"Kenshin—" I start to cough and I find myself on the verge of hyperventilating, "—Please, don't go alone. Let me come with you."

 _But it feels like it's leaving for another place._

Kenshin is practically wheezing at this point, not answering me for a couple of moments, and then he responds in a growl, "Go back."

My hands are trembling but I try to keep my voice even, "Kenshin, I can't. You can't fight him alone. You need me. You need me!"

He shakes his head at my ludicrous babble and starts walking normally again, trying to go around me but I step right in front of him to restrict his movement, "Soujiro, move."

I looked at him with defiance, my world collapsing before my very eyes. He moves to the other side and I quickly side stepped in his way once more, making him visibly annoyed with me. Say what you want, but you are the love of my life and I won't allow you to get hurt. He tries one more time, trying to rush in another direction, and I just grab his sleeve to pull him back, twisting him around so that he can face me, _"Stop this, you jerk!"_

A quick flicker of pain flashes in his eyes, recognizing who he is talking to, and then he tries to move back his arm, trying to swing it violently enough so that I can lose my grasp, and he goes running again. I could hardly see straight but I bolt towards him, our running becoming faster and faster, until it was us using our respective Godspeed moves once again. I know I can catch up to him if I applied my actual Shukuchi, but for some reason, I can't seem to push myself to that boundary anymore. Something that I've learned and mastered for over a decade, and something that had helped me before in the past, now becomes simply unthinkable to use when it comes to Kenshin. I don't know what it is that makes me so useless in times like this, something that I can only describe as a psychological block in my head that prevents me from applying myself completely to defeat Himura in any situation, but it frustrates me to the core. We are nearly flying through the area and then suddenly, being so focused on the area up ahead and not where I was going, I slipped and fall right into a large body of water, the sound of Kenshin ceasing into the night. I come up for air and go in a fit of coughs, swimming out and away from the water and climb onto dry lands again. My arms are shaking from the shock and I look up and around to find myself completely alone once more.

Alone. A familiar world.

 _"Kenshin..?"_ I whisper, looking around me frantically, _"Kenshin..!"_

All I can see and hear are the gentle rustlings of the leaves from the trees as the wind passes over, the night air crisp with cooler temperatures, and the only thing lighting my surroundings is the sight of a full moon above me. My hair sticks to my forehead and my neck and my clothes feels heavier from the water, and I feel and look like a right fool. A stupid love stricken fool who thinks he could get into bed with a married man who has birthed a young child, a stupid fool who thinks he has what it takes to become alluring in the eyes of a true swordsman who has already done and seen everything in life, enough to not be impressed by someone so much younger and inexperienced. A stupid, stupid fool! I slam my fist against the ground and bite onto it, trying to contain the scream I feel igniting inside my throat. I'm such an idiot. Of course Kenshin would want to do this alone. Kaoru was his wife, his best friend, his real true love. I would only stand in his way. Just like I've always had been; back then when he wanted to fight Shishio and defeat him, I stood in his way. When he wanted to enjoy his new life as the ex-Battousai the manslayer, I stood in his way. Flirting. Talking. Looking ever so deeply in his eyes. I remember that our deeper bond was formed after our last fight, how we would spend so much more time together, and how little by little, subtle at the beginning, would he start to also look into my eyes as we discuss the deeper things in life and the world at large. This is especially obvious whenever I would talk about my own dreams, of traveling or his deepest longings to perhaps wander again. You could cut a knife in the tension between the two of us when such conversations arise.

And now, he's just gone. Back to her. Back to Kaoru.

 _These feelings will tear me up if I keep them in._

I get up to start heading back to the small town, trying to ignore the strange stares from people as they are wondering why a soaked young man is walking around with tears in his eyes. Don't mind me. I'm nothing but a stupid fool who believed in stupid dreams. It did not take long until Sanosuke finds me somewhere in the middle of the street and he stops me, not knowing what to say or if he should even ask what happened, since he can clearly see the red in my eyes and my overall crestfallen expression. He instead places a gentle hand on my shoulder—I almost wanted to flinch away from him—and leads me back to the Kamiya dojo, where I can see Megumi is already talking to a couple of police officers on the description of what Kaoru looks like. I don't see anybody else inside the dojo except Yahiko who is too busy crying silently in the corner, the other young children missing in action. I could hardly walk straight and Sanosuke senses this, so he leads me back to my room and helps me to at least sit down on my futon before he kneels in front of me. Looking at him, his eyes reads: Exhaustion, worried, expecting the absolute worst. No doubt, without my knowing, that my eyes read the exact same way.

 _Though the world is only three meters across.._

"Just rest. We'll find her, Soujiro. Kenshin will be back soon. I know him." He stands up and looks down at me with a very weak and uncomfortable gait, "We'll let you know."

 _I want to be pressed against you._

I lean back and try with all my might to not throw up or start sobbing in front of Sanosuke, and I just nod at him. He takes his leave, and I close my eyes, fatigued with all that's happened in the span of under one hour, and yet still so alert from the dread of what's yet to come. I turn around and try to take some deep breaths to calm my nerves, wanting to at least try and get some rest before I get to hear the final news of what happened with Kaoru or, God forbid, Kenshin's whereabouts, so I'll need the energy in order to take it. Good or bad, I have to be ready. Sleep comes to me like a wave of black water, noiseless and suffocating, dreaming of nothing, and feeling so vacant from the depths of reality. I wish I could dream of Kenshin again, and feel his skin with my fingers, tasting it with my mouth, and have him do the same with me. I would do anything for such pleasures even in this dark hour. This darkness is interrupted, finally, after what felt like an eternity of being inside such a miserable prison, when I hear my door opening and closing, and the sound of hesitating footsteps coming towards me. I arouse from my deep slumber and through my blurry vision, I see a young figure standing over me, and the person has these two clenched fists that, if I were to focus very intensely, could see them quivering. I train my eyes to this person's face, and it's Yahiko, tears dripping from down from his cheeks and chin. I sit up, a pressing force slamming against my chest.

"Yahiko..?" I whisper, my throat closing. This can't be.

"Kaoru.." He starts to heave and hides his face in his hands, his shoulders shaking from his sobbing, "She's.. She's been found in the river. She's.. She's.."

 _"No.."_ I slap my hand over my mouth, my eyes looking at the floor and my nausea comes back full force. She can't be. She couldn't be.

Yahiko falls to his knees, going into hysterics and I couldn't see straight anymore. I feel so violently ill. Kaoru can't be dead, can she? She can't! This isn't happening to us! Who murdered her? Who could have done this? My eyes snap open and the sudden realization hits me like a hammer. Ohta Bokkai. It has to be him, along with his twin sons. Despite wobbling legs, I get up and rip the blankets away from me, stepping around the crying youth and stumbling out in the middle of the hallway, trying so hard not to hurl anywhere despite the intense sickness. They won't get away with this. I promised to myself I wouldn't kill anymore, but this, I can't let it go. I have to find them and finish them off. I don't want to admit this. I don't want to think that Kenshin was wrong, but.. is it true then? That only the strong survives in this world while the weak perish? Was Kaoru strong or was she weak? She had to be weak if she's truly dead. Otherwise, it wouldn't make any sense. I see that in the kitchen, there are lights from candles on and I can see Megumi groaning in Sanosuke's shoulders, the latter pressing his forehead on the top of her head.

"I heard.." I whisper audibly enough to get the couple to look up at me, "It was them. The Bokkai family."

Megumi covers her mouth and continues to cry while Sanosuke looks completely shell shocked, unable to respond. But at least he heard me and is digesting it, so I go back to my room in order to retrieve my sword, trying to be careful around the still blubbering teenager on my bedroom floor. I have to finish those people. They can't get away with this without Kaoru's blood stained so brightly on their hands. But before I could turn around and go back out of the room, I see Gensai standing in my way. He too, looks very disturbed by the news of Kaoru's passing, but at his age, he is used to so many deaths of his family that he is able to take control of his emotions in order to speak with me coherently. He looks at Yahiko on the floor, then his eyes flip back to my own, and he shakes his head.

 _We'll take turns pedaling, and pass by the drooping sunflowers._

"Do not go out there. There is a storm approaching and Kenshin is already out there searching. We don't know when he will come back, but he will. Trust in that, my boy."

 _We'll keep breathing in the wind._

"I can't just let it—" I shut my eyes, composing myself, "I can't just let this go. They have to die."

"That is up to Kenshin to decide for that. He was her spouse, so he has to do it. It is the only way. If he doesn't come back within three days, you may look for him. But right now, the rest of us need you here safe and sound, Soujiro. Kenshin has always come back to us even in the worst of times before, so I know he will return to us soon again. So please, Soujiro. Stay."

I don't want to agree, and I want to be stubborn, but ultimately, he's right. There is nothing I can do right now. Not a damn thing. Not when there's a strong storm outside brewing. Not when I don't even know the exact location of Kenshin right now. Not when it's so dangerous out there, with police officers and the calamity of finding a young mother down by the river. Not when most surely the village folks are so riled up and are forming a mob over this in order to seek the real killer that may lurk beneath the shadows. I have to wait for the chaos to be over. Gensai shushes and soothes the teenager on the floor and in the span of a few minutes, I'm back in bed, alone, my eyes sore from crying. I feel like a whisper of a tiny flame that is about to blow out into the night air, unable to find any strength to even continue to cry over this, so I let the promise of a good dream take over me instead: Dreaming of red hair and soulful lavender eyes staring into mines, in a world of our own. Where nothing, and nobody, could ever hurt us this way ever again. Just you and me. That's all I've ever wanted. It's all we could ever hope for anymore.

 _Yeah, we can almost fly._

Kenshin..

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It has been three days already. Days of penetrating silence and heartbreaking nights knowing that the heart of this dojo is no longer with us. Tae Sekihara, Tsubame Sanjo, and even Sae Sekihara from Kyoto, all came down to take care of us and do the cooking and cleaning since we are far too emotionally removed to do it for ourselves. Tae especially makes sure that I eat and drink enough water to survive, despite my adamant refusal for most of the things she whips up for me. I should feel guilty but strangely enough, I don't. All my mind can focus on is where Kenshin could be and if he is even okay anymore. I spend many of the hours either crying or staring blankly into the distant, struggling with distinguishing the present moment with the past as well as future projections. Sometimes I think I could swear I see a redhead walking around in our backyard, but blinking once or twice has shown that I am just seeing things. It takes so much force from the waitresses to get me to remember to get some sunlight outside or to wake up from my very long naps, since all I want to do is just lay there and do nothing. This depression is crushing my soul.

I miss Kenshin so much.

 _I can feel your body heat for the first time, I want to be stronger than anyone else._

"Get up!"

My eyes unbolted and I sit up briskly to see an angry Sanosuke glaring at me from where he stands. I don't understand why he's so upset, but I pull my knees close to my chest and I look at him, waiting.

"The time to mope is over. I understand that this is killing you, but I have a favor to ask."

I don't reply, still waiting, still hugging my knees.

"I need you to go out and get Kenshin back, wherever the hell he may be. I can't go with you. None of us can. We have to arrange for her funeral and the kids would flip if any one of us leaves, but they might understand if you were to leave since you haven't been with us the longest. Makes sense? Now chop chop and get moving!"

I pause for almost a minute and then I smirk, laying my forehead against my legs to hide my eyes, "I can't."

"What was that? Why the hell not?"

"He doesn't want me there."

 _A warm rhythm, and two hearts fused together_

"Bullshit! He needs you, Soujiro. He'll say otherwise but he's a jackass like that. We need you out there and to bring him home. We'll find the Bokkai members but he can't do it on his own. He needs us, Soujiro. Please, for our sake."

"That isn't my job." I growl in between gritted teeth. The sound of a loud banging noise shakes me from out of my defiance and I stare at Sanosuke with wider eyes now.

"Enough! You've moped for long enough. We gave you three days, and three days are up. We need you to be strong for us now, Soujiro. This is exactly what those Bokkai people want; they want to destroy us so that they can walk free. Are you telling me that that's what you want?!"

I can feel the pinch of anger on my face, "Why does it have to be me?!"

"Because you're Kenshin's best friend!"

 _"No!"_ I shake my head angrily, "It's you who is his best friend! You're the one he's been with for all these years, not me!"

 _Lips to lips, eyes to eyes, and hand to hand.._

"Bullshit! It's you now who he cares about so much. When you're not around him, all he ever talks about is you!"

I am taken a back from what I'm hearing, "No.."

 _God doesn't forbid anything at all._

"Yes!" He crosses his arms and shakes his head with a friendly scoff, "You think you don't do anything to him? You think you're not that important to him or to us? Horseshit, I tell you. You mean a lot to Kenshin. He talks about you with me and he says he knows that so many good things will come to you and that you are incredibly powerful for such a young guy. He said that fighting you at Mount Hiei had to be the most scariest fight he's ever been in, and trust me when I say, he's been in a lot of deep shit before with other enemies, so don't take what I say lightly. He says that out of everybody else, that you're the one who's going to change Japan."

I can feel the defiance coming back into the surface and I laugh at him harshly, "If anyone's bullshitting anyone, its definitely you, Sanosuke. Maybe Shishio was right all along. If you're strong, you'll live, and if you're we—"

"You shut your trap this instance." Sanosuke cuts in with a deadpan overtone, and I flinch, "If Shishio was right, then you would be long dead. You're strong in body but weak in spirit. You let everything get to you, Soujiro."

I can feel all color fading from my face and the side of my face twitches, "You're saying nonsense!"

"I'm telling you the harsh truth. Real strength comes from having an open mind and an open heart, two things you obviously lack. You're the type of person who shuts his mind to anything new that conflicts with what you know and what you've learned before. You're an ignorant adult who looks down at anything new from your own nose because deep down, you're too stupid to let yourself be wrong for once in your life."

"And what am I wrong about this time?" I hiss. He cocks an eyebrow and smirks wider.

"You're wrong about yourself. About not being the best that you can be. For yourself, for us, and for the world at large. Prove me wrong, Soujiro. Show me that you really are as strong as you say. And in the meanwhile," He turns around to look over me from the door frame, "We'll all wait for your return. Because we care about you, even if you are a little shit."

I am left speechless but he winks at my direction, walking out and not wanting to hear anymore of my excuses. I think he is right. I have to find Kenshin and bring him back. Even when it feels like everything in the world has something against us, now is the time more than ever that we have to remain strong. With our hands together, this family can survive. I get dressed and take my sword with me, going out of the front porch before looking back at the dojo, the memories of what I've shared with these people fresh and alive inside my mind. Especially the memories of Kaoru, and how kind she's been with me, of how hospitable and welcoming she's been with me despite my love for her husband. She deserves to have her death avenged if nothing else. I see Sanosuke coming out of the front door and looks at me, nodding, and I smile lightly, as if I knew. I turn around and walked away, feeling his eyes looking on ahead to make sure I get out of here safely. Now to find a certain red head.

 _I love you, I love you, I love you!_

I obviously don't know exactly where Kenshin could have gone, but I remember from last night that I found him on that bridge and then he went deep into the forest heading north, so that's where I'll go. After an hour or so doing this, I suddenly reach another town that I've never been in before, the subculture of it very different from the one back behind, so I try to blend in as much as I can in the midst of the crowds so as to not attract trouble. Still, I keep my eyes open for any red hair or even the signs of the Bokkai family should I have to draw my sword. It's a very big place with so many different areas that Kenshin might be in, so I have to hurry and try to seek him out. Even though it is very illegal to carry a sword around, my agile body will get me out of trouble as quickly as it'll start, so I have nothing worry about. I look and I look and I look. High, low, near, and far. I ask the locals, some were kind enough to point the way of where a red haired swordsman with an obvious facial scar could have gone, and others just shoos me away with a fierce rudeness. Still, I do not falter and I keep searching, sometimes stopping to steal a fruit to eat as a snack in hiding or to sit down and to think harder on where he could be. Minutes fade into hours and I still did not falter or waver in any way, even if I feel the stress forming a pit inside my stomach.

Soon, the sun starts to set, the skies now a picture of scarlet and golden heavens with stars and the fading moon peeking through cyan clouds. I drink some water from the side of one farm house in secrecy until I hear feet shuffling nearby, and I snap up to see Kenshin with his back turned towards me and walking in some other direction, unaware of me hiding from the other side. I press my thumb on top of my sheathed sword and start to follow him, careful not to create a commotion. My eyes train themselves on Kenshin so as to not lose sight of him again this time, and I take care to keep a safe distance so as to not have him aware of my presence. I know he's not stupid, of course, and he might have already realized that someone is in fact following him, but I still have to go after him. He comes around a corner of one house and I lay my back against the wall of said house, creeping up and slowly looking from the corner to see him sitting on a tree stump to look over the grassy fields ahead of him as if he is deep in thought. I put on a semi Battojutsu stance and ever so cautiously, I slide my sword from its sheath centimeter by centimeter so that it won't sing one silvery note as I do. With it completely out, I move as slowly as a garden slug, coming closer, and with a movement as swift as light, I glide the blade right on top of his shoulder, just so I don't cut him but will make him freeze in movement. I take a step forward and let the blade move from the shoulder diagonally so that the sharp side of my sword rests right on top of his throat, and I lean forward to his ear.

 _I haven't had enough yet, adults just don't understand._

"Hello, Soujiro." Kenshin plainly greets me without any hesitation.

I don't respond and keep my sword pressing faintly against his throat. We're lucky, Kenshin and I. There are no witnesses around us nor are there any distractions to lose our focus on the important issues. The fields ahead of him seemed endless, almost like a dream. His hair smolders with the sun beam caressing his locks and I have to fight with everything I have to not suddenly grab his chin to hold it up and kiss him from above his face. Kenshin, if only you knew what you do to me. But enough about that. I have to get you home. Back home with your friends and back home with your son. Kenji needs you, Kenshin, can't you see? Sanosuke needs you, Yahiko needs you, Megumi needs you, everybody needs you back there. Tokyo needs you. Japan needs you. The world needs you. _I_ need you! Realizing that the strange sensation I feel on my cheeks were tears, I gulp and straighten up, to which I hear Kenshin sigh quietly. Perhaps he's waiting for me to answer him, but since I'm just standing here like a right idiot, he's probably already given up trying to understand me anymore. I know I'm difficult and I know I have control over it, and I know I should act like an adult. I'm not the child he fought four years ago. I'm a man now. But it's just so hard.

"If you're going to kill me for whatever reason, you better do it now before someone sees us." Kenshin talks in an even tone once again, not daring to move an inch.

"You think that's why I'm here?"

"I think of many things."

"Please, share."

He doesn't respond. So I do the talking for him.

"You miss Kaoru. You want to find those people. Admit it. Admit you need my help. Admit you can't go through with this alone."

He still doesn't respond. I continue.

"This isn't about seeking vengeance, isn't it? It's never about that. It's something else. I know what it is. It's guilt."

I don't know how I know, but I felt something turning inside Kenshin's mind. I keep going.

"You feel guilty because you wanted to wander again. You wanted to live your life as a rurouni again. So you told Kaoru and she understandably got upset. This was a day before the incident."

"Soujiro." Is all Kenshin said to warn me not to go on. But I am relentless.

"So you want to hurt the Bokkai people to get rid of your guilt, is that it? So that you can be free of the chains anchoring your heart to the bottomless pit? Is that it?"

"It's not like that at all."

"Then tell me how it is."

"I can't."

"Yes you can, Kenshin," The smile in my voice is obvious, and I position the blade an inch away from his throat, "I'm on your side. I want to help."

"If you want to help, then please keep yourself safe and go back to the dojo with the others."

"Surely you jest," I shake my head laughing under my throat, "It wasn't easy tracking you down and I refuse to give up now."

"Who said anything about giving up? I want you safe and back home."

"The dojo isn't my home."

You're my home.

"If it is not your home, then you wouldn't feel so strongly about this. It's just another place, just like everywhere else."

"It's not. Because there's love there and I've gotten too close to you and your friends."

"Does it frighten you to be so close to someone, Soujiro?" There's a hint of sarcasm in Kenshin's voice as he says that.

I return the blade back to its original position, "Does it frighten _you_?"

Silence ensues and he doesn't react.

I smile, "But of course."

"You really are persistent, I'll give you that."

"Be careful, Kenshin. Someone here is holding a knife and the other person is completely exposed."

"Then murder me. It was your original plan years ago anyhow."

"Only I've changed, or did you forget?" I swing the blade away from his throat and take a step back, him turning his head to look at me, "Nice to know you have so much faith in me."

His face stills and my rage simmers quietly meanwhile. He closes his eyes, turns his face away from me, and stands up. We don't say anything and I wonder if perhaps we've said too much already. I don't mean to let it get this far but somehow my mind just wanted to say all those things. I almost couldn't stop it once it wants to connect to my lips and help me to seek the truth. The tip of my blade barely grazes the ground next to my feet, but I have no use for it anymore. A long wind sweeps by us and combs through our hair, my eyes focusing on the many shades of reddish highlights on his head, and I wonder if he knew how special he is for that. He's special for many reasons, actually. I wonder if he ever realizes this or knew. I wonder if Hiko ever told him that he is special, or if Kaoru whispers it lovingly in his ear. I wonder if Sanosuke calls him special with a hint of playfulness, as if to insinuate it means something completely different, but to also let Kenshin know how absolutely one of a kind he is. One in a thousand. One in a billion. Perhaps not even that. Perhaps Kenshin truly is the only type of himself in this entire world, and in this entire lifetime. And he wonders why my heart and soul were so confused four years ago; To murder a man like Kenshin, would be like murdering a rare animal and killing off its entire genes forever after. It just can't be done. It shouldn't be done. How could I hurt you like that, Kenshin? Slicing your back was already hard enough to do when I had to do it, and I could have finished you off with that one, but I couldn't. My heart just couldn't do it.

 _So painful, so lonesome, if I don't show you how I feel, I'll burst._

"Go back, Soujiro," Kenshin looks over his shoulder and this time, he has a genuine and subtle smile on his face, "Thank you for caring enough to follow me here. But I must do this alone."

"I can't go back. Not without you." I suddenly start to giggle and couldn't control it, just like I cannot control the impending sense of dread inside my head.

"You will be fine and so will I. Those people must be punished for what they've done to my wife. I promise you that I won't kill them. Shishio was wrong."

There it is. More tears, streaming down my face, while I'm smiling and feeling my psyche cracking like a beautiful vase fighting to keep its form despite the pressure trying to destroy its exterior. His eyes and smile soften, worried about me, but seeing as how he cannot stay here for much longer, he only whispers this before he turns to walk away again, "Take care.. Soujiro Seta."

My knees are locked and I couldn't move, nor could I run after him. I did, however, say this loud enough so that he can hear me as he walks away: "You can't keep running away from the people who care about you."

He stops and turns his head towards me again, the smile still the same, warm and inviting, "I know. I care about you plenty as well, Soujiro. I don't want you to get killed. I already lost someone incredibly important to me. I can't afford to lose you too. I will return to you after this."

My heart jumps at that last sentence, but my brain quickly rationalizes that it's not what I think he meant. It's not romantic. I know it isn't. Still, that tiny possibility of it being something more makes me so damn happy that I had to smile even wider, no doubt looking completely insane. He turns and continues to walk and I know that my final opportunity to stop him or go after him has passed. He said that he wants to do this on his own and I have no choice but to respect that. Kaoru was his rock in times of trouble and he must avenge her death, and to do the honorable thing here. Who am I to get in his way of that goal? I've never avenged anyone and all I've done in my life is take, take, and take. I'm absolutely selfish compared to Kaoru. I place my sword back in my sheath and walk the other way, my heart racing and pounding and wishing I could flee back to Kenshin to at least talk to him some more, and look into his beautiful eyes, but I know I shouldn't. I have to give him time and space even if it kills me. I have to trust what will unfold from here on out. It's all I can do anymore.

 _I'll be waiting, turned the other way._

Night has fallen and I have no choice but to return to the Kamiya dojo. After all that traveling and footing around, all I want and desire is some alone time to process all that's happened. This is quickly becoming the absolute worst day of my life, right next to killing my entire family in a gruesome bloodbath. I just want to sleep for the rest of my life at this point. Coming up to the dojo, I can feel that the energy in there is absolutely racked with deep distress. Our dear friend, Kaoru Himura, the woman who's made this entire group so happy and thriving for so many years, is no longer here, no longer here to take care of us, and no longer here to be the main piece of our harmony. She's gone. The strongest link to our family, the person we always look forward to first thing in the morning.. gone and scattered to the winds. Yahiko is the first to run up to me when I walk towards the front of the dojo, and he slows to a jog once he's near me to see how I'm coping. I'm ready to fall apart, but I must also be strong. For their sake. For my own, too, especially. I turn my eyes away from him, looking towards the ground, but he doesn't budge. Instead, he pulls me in for a hug, sensing that I needed comforting, and for a moment, I feel a deep feeling of guilt. I shouldn't be hugged or touched at all. I'm a horrible person, Yahiko, can't you see?

"Soujiro!" I hear another voice and I look up from the hug to see it's Sanosuke, his face pale and contoured to a painful expression, no doubt coming out from a crying spell, and he comes marching up towards us younger men. Yahiko lets me go to look over at him now.

"Sanosuke.." I can only mumble, still in a daze.

"Are you alright? Where's Kenshin?" Sanosuke looks all around him, as if he expects Kenshin to just jump down miraculously from the sky to return to us.

"Did he tell you anything?" Yahiko places a friendly hand on my shoulder and I look up with glassy eyes.

"He's.." I started with reluctance, prompting the two of them to peer right at me expectantly, "He's.. not coming back. He said he'll fight this battle alone."

"Again with the lone wolf bullshit." Sanosuke smashes his fist against his other palm in a fit of frustration, "Dammit, Kenshin! I thought we were over that!"

"Did he tell you where he was heading?" Yahiko asks me, careful to not appear too confrontational with his wordings. I shake my head negatively at his inquiring.

"But, where did you find him? Maybe we can track him down. Someone ought to know where a red headed man should be heading." Sanosuke looks down with twin fists shivering in rage.

"I was at this small town about an hour away from the bridge. I'm not sure what it's called, but I know where it is. At the same time.." I deflate with a sigh, "He'll hate us if we follow him."

 _Take your indecisive hand from your pocket and touch my cheek._

"Fine, let him hate us! I want to kick some ass!" Sanosuke combust emotionally, and I gasp silently at his tears forming in his eyes, unable to comprehend how someone so strong can be breaking down like this, "They took our friend away from us. _Our family member,_ at that! They can't get away with this!"

Kaoru. You were so loved. Suddenly, we all felt another presence has joined us, and we all glance up to the front porch to see Megumi with a hardened look on her face. She stares right at us, but looking closely, I realized she is looking right at me specifically instead of all of us as a collective. We don't say anything for a moment and she starts to climb down the small set of stairs to walk towards me, her stone cold eyes never leaving me. I am too devastated to properly react to such hateful eyes, but I let her encroach my space anyway. She looks at me, not saying anything, and I don't respond. She finally closes her eyes, gathering her thoughts, before looking at her husband, "I'd like to speak with Soujiro in private."

"What fo..?" Sanosuke stops in the middle of his sentence at the callous look his wife is giving him, and he nods, confused at what is happening. Even Yahiko, easily the loudest person in the group, is at a loss for words.

She turns to me again, "Soujiro, come."

I immediately comply and follow her lead back into the dojo, where she once again put us in her bedroom. This feels familiar, and I know that it won't go down well again. I brace for the inevitable and hold my breath. She stands looking over the window towards the night sky, the only thing illuminating this room is a small paper lamp on the side of her and her husband's bed. I know that with the way I've been spending so much time with Himura, that Megumi realized that there is something strange going on between us that shouldn't have happened, especially now that Kaoru is officially gone and not with us anymore. Maybe she noted but didn't know how to tell Kaoru about my suspicious activities without people freaking out over it. I mean, how often does it happen that someone who is once your enemy of a deadly clan willing to take over Japan, comes back to seek you out, and falls in love with you despite your marital status? I clench a piece of fabric of my pants as she turns around to finally say something.

"You were spending an awfully lot of time with Kenshin before Kaoru passed away," Her eyes glare deeper and her voice suddenly jumps up in volume at the sight of me rolling my eyes, "Don't do that! You know _exactly_ what you've done, Soujiro! Kaoru had her worries about you but we didn't want to say anything."

My eyes seem to falter to the floor and I bite my lower lip, "I don't.."

"I'm sorry? You don't what? Out with it!" She snaps and I cringe.

"I don't love Kenshin, if that's.. what you're implying.." My words also seem to falter, seemingly unsure of myself.

"Oh, I sure feel a lot better, Soujiro!" She crosses her arms and sneers, "Because Kaoru told me before she was killed that she had wondered if the reason why Kenshin wanted to wander was because of you. Does that ring any bells?"

I look at her helplessly, "Well yes, Kenshin did mention wanting to leave here for a while.."

"Do you ever stop to think that it's because you make him uncomfortable? Make _us_ uncomfortable, for that matter?!" She damn near yells at me, "Honestly, Soujiro, I swear you're just playing dumb as a fox just so that you can continue this sick obsession you have with Kenshin. Is that it?!"

My eyes widen, my pupils dilates, and with a dry throat and suspended breathing, I answer, "No.. I swear, Megumi.."

"You swear to me?" Megumi's eyes suddenly look a fraction sadder out of nowhere, "We lost our dear friend Kaoru and not that long ago, you were all over her husband! As if he was trying to engage with you to do something disgusting, and you have the galls to stand there and lie to me? Her best friend for the past half decade? Do you really want to know what Kenshin thinks of you? He thinks you're the weirdest person he has ever met! He thinks you're creepy and he hates it every time you look at him or touch him so deeply, wishing he can get away from you as quickly as possible! That's the truth and now I want to hear your side of the story, Soujiro, because something isn't adding up here!"

Kenshin said those things? My hands are trembling and I can feel myself growing pale with nausea and shock. He didn't. He wouldn't say such ugly words, would he? How do I answer her? I realize that the majority of Kenshin's time before was spent either training with me or talking with me about his life experiences, but I never thought that it would be so obvious to other people. But then, maybe Megumi saw the way I stare so lovingly.. Or worse, with penetrating lust.. anytime I was around him, so she no doubt had to connect the dots somewhere. Women have that sort of instinct, I guess. Sanosuke and Yahiko, not even Dr Gensai, seemed to realize much of anything, aside from Sanosuke's little quip about me spending so much time with his best friend and feeling absolutely replaced. Maybe they were all talking about me behind my back? Oh my God. I can't believe I'm being figured out, now, after all that is happening to me and what has happened to Kaoru. Can't this wait?

"Why are you.." I look down and shut my eyes with clenched fists, "Why are you going at me with this now, when we should be worried about Kenshin's whereabouts? When we should worry about the Bokkai? When we should—"

 _"Because I don't want you to take Kenshin away from us!"_ Megumi belts out with a sob, "Because Kaoru is taken from us and we can't bare the pain of losing another one of us anymore! Don't you get it? Are you really that stupid?!"

I flinch and cover my eyes with my hands, my own sobbing wracking my entire being, and I hear the door sliding from behind to hear Sanosuke whispering, "What the hell are you people fighting about?"

I can't see but I do hear Megumi growling, "You can ask Soujiro here that same question. He's in love with Kenshin Himura!"

No. No. This isn't happening..

"Huh?!" Sanosuke sounded like he almost wanted to laugh, strangely enough, "No way, missy, that's just not—"

"—Sanosuke, don't you get it!?" Megumi bellows out even louder, "Did it ever occurred to you that they were spending so much time together? Too much, in fact? Kaoru told me that she didn't want Soujiro in this dojo anymore but didn't have the hearts to tell him herself!"

"She said that?" Sanosuke takes a couple of steps closer behind me, "Is that what I'm hearing?"

"You bet." Megumi scoffs, "Soujiro was never here to learn about anything. It was all a cop out. He certainly wasn't taking Kenshin away from you as your best friend, but to have him as his lover. Wake up, hun!"

 _"It's not true!"_ I whimpered in between sobbing, and I can hear Sanosuke grunting awkwardly at my emotional breakdown.

"Kid.. Just tell us the truth, and I promise that nobody here will get angry." Sanosuke places a hand on my shoulder but I flinch myself away from his touch.

 _"No! I'm not in love with him!"_ I whine. I'm dying. I'm dying! Kenshin..

"Hey, what's going on?" I hear a new voice entering the room and I quickly realize that it's Yahiko, and I can hear the annoyed huff in Megumi over the new number of visitors in her room, "What's with all the yelling?"

"I'll say it one last time: Soujiro is in love with Kenshin and he won't admit it." Megumi answers through closed teeth and I finally look up at her from my hands, my eyes burning from all the crying. How can you be so cruel, Megumi?

"Dude, no way." Yahiko gasps, "There's no way that two men could.. would've.."

"Well, it happens, but I don't think Soujiro here is lying to us, Megumi," Sanosuke takes one step ahead of me as if he's trying to protect me from her, "Megumi, you're not being fair to Soujiro, and even if it is true, there's nothing we can do but to accept it for what it is. We're not Kenshin, he's the one who's going to have to answer Soujiro's affection, not us, and whatever Kenshin decides in the end, we have to support him to the end."

"Don't be so naive!" Megumi groans, annoyed, "This is Tokyo and this is the Meiji Era. People are getting killed every single day, and if they knew about Soujiro's lust, they'll hang him by the throat to a tree! I've known this to be true, it's all over the papers when it happens. Do you want Kenshin to get murdered too?"

Sanosuke is quiet for a moment, the silence deep and deafening, but he speaks at long last in a low voice, "I don't. But these men, they are strong, and as such, they can protect themselves. We can't stop our lives just because of what's happening outside of these walls. Life goes on. That's all I can say."

It's finally ending. We all stood around staring at one another, my eyes especially not leaving Megumi while she glares openly at her defiant husband. Yahiko doesn't even know who to look at or what to say, and I want nothing more but to run away and never look back. But this family, they are all on a boat without a paddle, so to speak, and I'm realizing that this is the part where I must apply Kenshin's life philosophy into action, by being there for other people even when they don't want your help. To be kind and patient with people who spit venom on your name, and to be calm like the sea despite the calamity that is orchestrating all around you. This is where I have to act like a real adult in action and not just in title over how long I've been alive on Earth. This is where I have to think about other people instead of just myself. When I broke Shishio's favorite sword, I had joked that I would outright refuse to get it fixed. My selfishness helped me survive, but selfishness did not provide me with the bliss of feeling connected with other people in such a deep way. Now, it's time for me to surrender myself to the pain of being there for my friends even if they now see me with a new pair of eyes. It's all I can do anymore. It's all I can really say anymore. Even if I want to flee and even if Megumi knows of my secret, I can't leave them behind at a time like this. They need me to protect them and to take care of them.

真の強さは体の意識から来るものではありません

It's really all I can..

しかし、人を作る心の問題から。

Kenshin would have wanted me to do that.

"Soujiro.. Are you going to leave us?" Yahiko finally asks me, barely above a whisper, and the other two also looks at me.

 _Enchant the power to love, so that the sun never sets._

I straighten up and answer with unwavering courage, "No. I'll stay."


	17. Return

_Author's note: Hey guys, thanks so much for all the reviews! I am a little tired these days so I will just quickly get to this review despite my lack of answering your questions right now. Somebody asked what Kenji saw the night of Kaoru's murder and that will be answered in this update. I've made a small mistake in the previous update about Soujiro's sword, so I will go back and change it since his favorite sword (The Kikuichimonji-norimune) was shattered years ago and there's no way he would have gotten a replacement, I don't think. So, that will be gone but everything else will be untouched, of course._

 _So, about Soujiro's family, I did find their actual names, but their family tree seems lost on me somehow. For all purposes intended, the old woman (Tsuru) is the grandmother, the loud mouthed older man (Yoshiemon) is Soujiro's father's brother of roughly the same age, Yanosuke is also Soujiro's father's younger brother and son of Yoshiemon, Gonzo is the eldest son (and older brother of Soujiro) of Soujiro's father, and Mitsu is Yoshiemon's daughter._

 _Without further ado, here's the new update! Thanks so much for all the support! Just a few more chapters and this saga will finally be over. :D_

 ** _This chapter will contain a scene of sexuality. Viewer discretion is advised._**

Scene XVI: Return

I can't begin to describe the tension in the air after that heated conversation with Megumi. They all made sure to stay away from me and to speak with me for only absolutely necessary reasons, keeping their dispositions professional yet distant. Tae and Tsubame continue to visit us to give us some of their meals and maybe run a couple of errands for us, though now seeing as how I have finally toughened up and do all the house chores by myself, their visits soon become sporadic. Tae comes by every once in a while to check up on me, but my smile always lets her know that I am doing just fine despite my broken heart. She seems to understand, somehow, and doesn't push for more details, thankfully. Yahiko eyes me more carefully these days, unable to talk to me as freely as he used to, and it really does hurt how damaged all of our bonds have become. Even though I cook, clean, and babysit the young children, every body else just treats me more as a house maid than a real friend these days. The young children are, fortunately, unaware of the impact I've made last night, so they do treat me as normal behind their depressive states, though Megumi continues to look over her shoulder at me with heavy suspicion. It's enough to make me feel like dirty person, touching the children casually like this, when the secret is all out in the open like this. Like I'm some kind of sick pervert. Sanosuke is nice to me still, but even there's a new wall between us. I truly am all alone in this dojo. After all the chores are done, I spend many of my time by myself in the guest bedroom, or out in the backyard, sitting on a tree branch to look at the sky to tell me its secrets on the whereabouts of Kenshin.

Despite the piercing loneliness, I continue to stay at the dojo. Because, it's the right thing to do. It's all I can do for you, Kenshin.

It's really nice out tonight. Not a cloud in the sky, and the full moon shows a promise of a brighter future. Maybe not for anyone here right now, but for the other citizens of Japan. I've always been a lover of the night, always seeking the freshness of the witching hour. It calmed me when I was a child and after getting beaten by my family, and it kept me company when I was a part of the Juppongatana. The moon always set the point for me to follow, and I always trusted its insights. I know what you're thinking. What in the world could a giant floating rock in the sky could ever tell me, an ordinary man? I can't say, but I like how it never loses its glow no matter how dark life can be. I refer its symbolism to mean something to my life, especially now that everything is once again falling apart in front of my eyes. I can tell you how many times my world has collapsed; the first being when I realized, at eight years old, that Shishio Makoto was correct in his teachings that only the strong survives, and it rang my head when my family were talking about finally killing me for hoarding Shishio in their rice shed. The second time was when Kenshin asked me if it's not too late, that I can start over despite what happened, despite killing my family and so many people, and despite the fact that I never wanted to kill anybody. And now, losing Kaoru and everybody else's respect for me, is the third time that its ruined my entire life. I'm surprised I haven't committed suicide yet.

But the moon, just like my own sliver of optimism despite everything, continues to shine.

Suddenly, I remember something. Something, long ago..

 _I was carrying in plates and cups for my boisterous family members as they were getting drunk off the continuous rounds of sake one night, after I was done with hauling the rice barrels and bags for today. It was a chilly night, and what better way to warm themselves up than with copious amounts of alcohol? Yanosuke keeps snapping his fingers anytime he needs me to fetch more food or more sake, despite the alarms sounding off inside my head. If they get too drunk, they'll beat me again. I just know it. Still, I comply, because what other choice do I have? My father left me under their care to go fight in the war, and they hated the fact that I am an illegitimate child to some prostitute that they didn't know about at all, so maybe I deserve this as much as the next person._

 _"You won't believe what I saw today!" Our grandmother, Tsuru, spits into her cup in a fit of disgust, "Two of them homosexuals making out right out front of our business! Who do they think they are?!"_

 _"Gross! What did you do, ma?" Yanosuke's face contoured to show one of discomfort at what he's hearing, "Did you tell them to get lost?"_

 _"I sure did! Who do they think they are, thinking they can just show off their diseases to everybody who doesn't care about seeing it? It's sickening, I tell you!"_

 _I sit, alone in a corner, pulling my knees to my chest to wait for more instructions from my family members, and feeling all too strange of where this conversation is heading for some reason._

 _"It's a disgrace. Why can't they find a woman to make children with?!" Yoshiemon also spits somewhere on the side, "Are you hearing any of this, Soujiro?!"_

 _I peer up from my knees at him with a smile. I always have to smile no matter how bad it gets. It's the only way they can stop beating me for so long now. Yoshiemon's eye twitches at my ridiculous veneer but he wastes no time in scoffing before continuing, "I don't suppose you do understand what is it that we're talking about?"_

 _I don't answer but I continue to smile, waiting. A large crashing noise erupts next to my ear drum and I cry out in surprise, looking to my side to see that Yoshiemon has thrown a cup of wasted sake at the wall next to me. So close. I look up at him with frightful eyes as he bellows out in anger, "This isn't the time to smile, you idiot! Every day we have to see those kinds of people hanging around and doing ungodly things, and you're just sitting there smiling like a moron! Did you ever seen such people before, Soujiro?! Did you ever tell the cops about those sick people?! Well, did you?!"_

 _My eyes sweep all around me to see the disappointed looks of my family, suspicious of my daily activities whenever I was done with the horrifically long hours of physical labor. Of course I've seen people like them before. I never said anything, of course, and I never bothered them. What exactly are they doing wrong? Am I missing something? I hear the growl of Yoshiemon and I peer right at him, and then my smile automatically returns, albeit less sure of myself than usual, "M-Me? I've never seen them before.."_

 _"You liar!" Yoshiemon blows up, making me shrink back with a wince, and Mitsu shakes her head with a sigh._

 _"You're not trying to protect those people, are you, Soujiro?" Mitsu looks at me with a strange smirk, "I mean, technically, they are breaking the law, and we sure didn't raised a criminal in this household."_

 _"If I ever find out that you've been spying on them and not reporting it back to us, I swear on our ancestors that you won't be able to walk straight anymore once I'm through with you!" Tsuru screeches, making me smile wider and even more fearful._

 _"Hmph! It's fine, then," Gonzo suddenly speaks with a small hiccup of drunken stupor, "If I see them again, Yoshiemon, can't I just kill them myself? They are ruining our business's reputation, after all."_

 _Yoshiemon openly glares at me for a few moments, trying to dissect anything out of me, perhaps a secret that could get me killed if he knows. After seeing nothing but my usual smile, he closes his eyes and continues to eat his dinner, "It would be too much trouble for what is worth. I'd like to kill 'em myself if I could, but we need the law on our side to run this business."_

 _Mitsu sighs dreamily, "Oh, I sure would like to have them on the table just so I can slowly open their intestines out one by one! Perhaps even cut off their you know what, since its used for places where it shouldn't go_ _—_ _"_

 _"_ — _Mitsu, we're eating here!" Yanosuke groans in annoyance, "Do you have to talk about it?"_

 _"Soujiro," Gonzo leans over and grabs me by my shirt collar, lifting me an inch off the ground as I struggle to keep a straight face, "I've always had my eye on you and you never act like the young boys from around this neighborhood. Always smiling and giggling like a little girl.. It better not come down that you're like those people or you will pay with your life, you hear me?!"_

 _My face feels clammy and pale with intense fear, my pupils dilating. I don't know what to say to that. What are they even talking about?_

 _"Say, now that you've mentioned it.." Yanosuke looks over at me with a pair of confusion in his eyes, "Soujiro really isn't like the other kids from around here. The young boys here are tough and know how to fight back. Meanwhile, we have this sad sap that does nothing but smile and probably blows kisses to the birds flying around."_

 _Gonzo brings me closer to his face and screams outright, "You better not be like them, Soujiro! It's not right! It'll never be right!" and then he slaps me right across the face. I fall limp and my face feels hot with the sting from the aftereffects of the smack, but my smile, that smile that never lets up no matter what, it stays there. My eyes clouds over from emotional dissociation. As long as I smile.. as long as I keep smiling.._

 _And suddenly, I lose it. I start giggling, rousing the anger in all of my family members._

 _"That does it!" Yoshiemon suddenly and noisily gets up from his seating and grabs me by my hair, dragging me across the floor while I cry out in pain, and he then tosses me all the way across the hallway, "Who the hell do you think you are, lying to our faces like this!"_

 _I grunt in pain and discomfort, slowly and carefully trying to sit up from such a horrible landing._

 _"And speaking of lying, just how many barrels of rice have you done today?!" Yoshiemon bellows out, and I looked back at him with fearful eyes._

 _"I.. I think.." I hesitated, twiddling my thumbs and fighting the urge not to pee on myself yet again whenever he gets into these moods, "Twenty five?"_

 _"Twenty_ — _" He quickly cuts himself off by hurrying over where I'm now standing and he takes a dramatic swing right at me, "You stupid brat!"_

 _The incredible punch has me flying through the walls and I landed on the ground outside of our house, and Yoshiemon starts screaming once again at me, "I told you that I wanted a hundred barrels of rice moved to the west shed today! Get out there and move it, runt!"_

 _I once again struggle to sit up, the pain everlasting all over my body._

 _"When I tell you to do something, you're supposed to do it." He takes a swing of his bottle of sake, watching for my response. And a response, he surely got: I only smiled happily at him, as if I am enjoying this sick twisted game he's orchestrating against me. His eye twitches once more, "What the hell are you smiling for?!"_

 _He then tosses the bottle right at my head, an explosion of hurt now overcoming my senses and he continues to berate me, "Listen up! Until you finish the job right, you're not setting one foot inside this house!"_

 _All I see is red and the sound of my heartbeat, my fear slowly brewing into a cloud of rage instead. And yet, despite it all, I continue to smile._

 _"You can sleep outside tonight!" He growls._

 _"Come on, why do you bother with him, dad?" Mitsu tries to comfort Yoshiemon with some friendly pats on his back._

 _"Don't forget to do your chores when you're done with the rice!" Tsuru demands, not an ounce of concern anywhere on her face at my bleeding._

 _"And massaging my shoulders too!" Gonzo gleefully adds, his stupid grin wanting me to snap._

 _But, I do no such thing. What's the point. This is my life now. I simple stand up, turn around, and walk away from them, wishing I could just be killed so that I won't have to keep paying for the mistakes of my father. Why can't he come back and just take me with him? I am only eight years old, and I know that fighting in a war means times of absolute strife and constant combats, but anything has to be better than this hell I'm living on a daily basis. I learned on that night, that lust is the source of evil, whether it's cheating on your spouse with a concubine, or to be like 'one of those people', the people who love someone else despite the same gender. I don't understand why my family would even insinuate that I have to be one of them too, but I know that it can't be good if I am like them. If I keep smiling, everything will come together in one piece._

 _If only I just.._

I open my eyes from my memories and see that the dark has fallen in an even deeper darkness, and I should head back inside soon for my bedtime. That's right. That was the night I first came in contact with Shishio, and when he almost killed me from catching him in the act of murdering those policemen. When he saw that I seemed almost too happy to die, he let me live, to make use of me for that night. We made a bond from our collective sad pasts together, and he taught me the mantra that helped me survive during my most terrible hours in my life: If you're strong, you live, and if you're weak, you die. That's all there is to it, and that's how the real world works. If my family knew that I was one of those people, they would have killed me and wouldn't hold themselves back or feel guilty afterwards. Because I was weak and they were strong. But through learning Shishio's lessons, I became stronger than them, and killed them before they can get to me first. Even though I cried that night, I let the rain wash over my tears and smiled at Shishio, marking the beginning of my apprenticeship under his fist of steel. I go back inside the dojo to get some sleep.

The days roll by. I have to fight with every ounce of my being to not sob in the middle of my chores due to all that's happened, but I keep everything inside with a polite smile. I know I'm supposed to be authentic and honest about how I feel, but when everybody in the dojo just looks at me with disgust, it's hard not to let go of bad habits. It took a while, but soon Megumi starts cooking us meals which relieves a portion of my housework, and even Sanosuke and Yahiko try to do some light laundry work every couple of days since they saw how much I was struggling with all the heavy loads. Tae continues to check up on us and makes note of how we are coming along, helping with some extra cleaning or giving us food if we feel we cannot buy anymore for the week. At night, I just run my thumb over the top of my trinket that Kenshin gave me, how it felt so long since he handed it to me as a gift. It's amazing how dramatically things have shifted in this dojo. At one point, they were all happy, and now, their lives are completely ruined over losing such an important member of their family. The Bokkai family will pay for this, that I'm sure of.

Kenshin. Where are you?

I always ask myself this every single night. It's a question that penetrates my mind whenever I busy myself with the house cleaning and the babysitting. Gensai is sympathetic with me, more so than all the others, and he continues to talk and spend time with me as if the conversation with Megumi had never happened. Does he know and not care, or have the others not told him what's really going on between Kenshin and I? I'd rather not know myself, since either answer will just make me scared for my life. The only thing that really gives me comfort anymore is the feeling of Kenji as he clings onto me. Even though he keeps crying about where mommy could be, and why she had to leave him, it always feels nice to be able to hold him in my arms. I asked him one day what he saw that night, and all he could say was _"Poof!"_ and then he would fall quiet, sadness overcoming in his eyes. So Kaoru just up and disappeared? Did she sleepwalked out of the dojo and then the Bokkai swept her off into the night, or did they perhaps cast a spell on her so that she can leave in a cloud of smoke? It doesn't make sense, but I never push him to say anymore than what he can come up with. Ayame and Suzumi, even though I usually find them moping around the house, continue to hug me and cry on me, even if it feels awkward having Megumi or Sanosuke finding us like this. I swear I'm not a pervert around children, but well, there's nothing I can do to ease their worries about me anymore. All I can do is just smile.

One evening, there is a knock on the front door, and Yahiko answers it. We were all doing our own thing, and I am sitting on my bed to do some meditation, something that's keeping me sane this past week, when I hear Yahiko crying out in surprise. I jolt from my serene state of mind, but I don't move from my position. I did turn my head towards the sound from outside of my own door, and I can hear footsteps shuffling inside, and an unknown male voice going, "Is this the Kamiya residence? I am the head of the police department, here to return to you Mr Himura Kenshin."

 _Kenshin._ My heart is screaming but I still don't dare move an inch.

"Kenshin!" I hear Yahiko cry out in joy, no doubt probably fighting back tears of happiness, and then I hear the others coming up to the front door as well to greet him. I want to be there and see him so badly, but I know I should hold myself back. Not while Megumi, who is still hot in her resentment against me, is there and happy to receive Kenshin back safe and sound. I can't show my face knowing that Sanosuke and Yahiko now see me the way my family used to see certain people: One of 'those people', the people who disgust and horrify all that they come in contact with. I think I'll just let them have their own private reunion. While everybody were chattering and asking Kenshin questions about his whereabouts and what happened to him all this time, he doesn't respond to anything at all. I frown but still press my ear against the wall to listen for more. I hear Sanosuke rambling on and on about why it isn't good for Kenshin to just waltz off all by himself while the rest of us were worried sick about him, and I hear Megumi stating that it just hasn't been the same without him around here. All in good cheers upon his return. Kenshin still hasn't said much, but the police officer finally got a word edge in.

"Mr Himura was found badly injured in Saitama, though he successfully captured Japan's most wanted criminals going by the names of Ito and Kuno Bokkai. The third one is no where to be found on the scene, but we lead Himura to a nearby medical center before we traveled back here for his return."

The twins were captured but their father Ohta is still on the loose? I press my ear against even harder in anticipation.

"Gee thanks, officer, I think we can take it from here." Sanosuke chuckles a little awkwardly, "Come on, Kenshin, let's get you comfortable."

"Thank you so much for this, sir." Megumi says with a kind disposition, "Would you and your fellow men be needing anything? Tea, perhaps?"

"Thank you, but I best be going. Stay alert for the whereabouts of Ohta Bokkai, and do not hesitate to report to the proper police here in Tokyo. We do not need people to go around fighting and pretending to be heroes. It's too dangerous!"

"Hey, this is Kenshin Himura you're talking about here!" Yahiko suddenly blows up in anger, but I hear someone shushing him to pipe down.

"Yahiko, enough." It was Megumi who did that, and her voice returns to its natural sweetness, "Thank you sir, again. Let me escort you."

The front door closes and I hear people walking towards some other place in the dojo. I sigh, wondering if I should come out, but then decide against it. Too much trouble for what is worth. I think I should just sleep and wake up early in the morning to catch the sunrise. I close my eyes for a few moments, or perhaps a few hours, it is very hard to say. I don't want to show my face there and that's final. Of course, since the universe never liked me since I was a child, the door slides open and I hear someone coming next to my bed to shake me awake. I flinch my shoulder away so that I can continue to nap, but then I am shaken again, much more violently this time, so I groan and sit up to rub my eyes. I open them and it's Yahiko, surprisingly. What does he want now? What time is it, even? Have I slept for a long time, or only five minutes at best? Oh god, I hope the latter isn't true or else I'm going to feel like a complete ass hat.

"What is it?" I turn to him, feeling groggy.

"Sanosuke wants to talk to you. It's very important."

"Can't this wait till morning?"

"It can't. We're leaving."

My eyes widen, "We?"

He nods, "Yeah. Sanosuke and Megumi decided to take me, the girls, and Gensai out faraway from here."

"But what about..?"

"Kenshin? He's staying here to protect the dojo from Ohta. He said he refuses to come with us. He said that Ohta might return to look for him and he can't afford to miss it."

I almost want to ask what about me, but I can't sound selfish now. I'm supposed to be selfless. There's also something else I'm wondering about. Kaoru. How did she disappear? What did Kenji even saw that night?

"Yahiko.. how did Kaoru..?" I eyed him carefully and his eyes widen a little before he looks sad again.

"I think Kenji told me that she literally just walked outside and he tried to follow her. But then she just, disappeared. In a cloud of smoke or something. It's witchcraft those Bokkai people must've done."

I wince and we both didn't know what to say for a while. Poor Kaoru. Are the Bokkai really a family of such magic or is it all smoke and mirrors?

"Come on, Megumi already went to bed. You don't have to worry about her anymore." Yahiko chuckles casually, knowing she busted my balls not too long ago about my stupid little crush on Kenshin, "Not for a while, at least."

I smile weakly and get up to follow him into the living room where, in the middle of it, is a table with tea being served. We are deep into the night and I can feel it in my bones that it's late in the night time. Thankfully, it was just us men and nobody else, so I sit down with confidence and Yahiko pours me a cup. Sanosuke then comes in with Kenshin, both of them looking very serious. My heart jumps at the sight of Kenshin, and his eyes lock onto me, the tension thick between us. He doesn't look happy to see me, but he doesn't look very joyful overall anyway, so maybe it's not me he's angry at. At least I hope not, anyway. They both sit down across from us, and Sanosuke begins after an awkward pause of silence.

"I guess Yahiko already told you the news, huh?" Sanosuke takes a sip of his tea, "What do you think, Soujiro?"

"That's.." I hesitate, my eyes flicking over to Kenshin, who is peering inside his own cup meanwhile, and I look back at Sanosuke quickly before he gets any ideas, "That's a great idea. Where are you guys going?"

"Megumi has some family members who live pretty far from here. Much farther than Kyoto, to put it into simpler terms. Kumamoto, I think. It'll take us a while to get there, but we can't just sit around here like sitting ducks. Kenshin here doesn't want to leave but that's understandable. He wants to defeat Ohta Bokkai by himself. My wife left a nice sum of our savings in Kenshin's care so that you two can thrive here for a while. But with all of that said, we're just wondering what is it that you want to do, Soujiro. Do you want to stay here, or do you want to leave?"

I don't know what to say. Should I be here and also protect the dojo with Kenshin, who is really not in any mood to deal with me anymore, or should I leave and continue my six years journey anyway? I haven't learned all the moves that Kenshin has been teaching me yet, but maybe it doesn't matter anymore. Maybe I really should go. But then, I promised to stay here to protect the group from any impending dangers, as well as look after them with nurturing care. And even though nobody thanked me, or talked to me much at all this past week, in a strange way, I felt really happy being here for them. The kids especially seemed glad that I stayed behind to comfort them in their times of need, whether it is physical or emotional. Maybe Kenshin too, also needs the same thing that I've gave to his friends. But what if he doesn't want me here anymore?

"I don't know. I think.. it's him," My eyes peer over at Kenshin again, "Who has to decide. I will respect his decision."

We all turn to Kenshin, who seems to be really taking the time to think this over. We don't say anything and let him try to play this inside his head, tinkering with it, dissecting it, wondering if it's a good idea or not. Finally, he looks up at me in all seriousness and I brace myself for his final answer, "Soujiro can stay. I need him."

He needs me. My heart feels so weak. I feel the tiny pulls of a small smile coming onto my face, but then I fight it into submission, knowing it's not appropriate at all to be like this right now.

"That settles it, then. We'll leave first thing early tomorrow morning. Best of luck to the both of you." Sanosuke nods and I am at a loss for words. I don't understand. Does he not believe what Megumi told him a week ago about my supposed love for his best friend? Does this not concern him, knowing that I might be in love with Kenshin, and putting me so close inside this dojo, alone, with no witnesses around to see if I will 'try' anything with the red haired swordsman? But then, looking at Sanosuke's eyes, I can tell that he has nothing but trust and faith in me to do the right thing no matter how difficult things get for me. So, I nod, agreeing with the terms, and we enjoy our teas in silence now before we head off for bed. With Sanosuke and Yahiko gone, I look over my shoulder to see Kenshin standing up to also head back into his bedroom, not bidding me goodnight like he usually does. He has a lot on his mind and heavy weight on his heart, so I don't mind it at all.

I'm just glad he's back home.

I slept through the group's departure, which is maybe a lot better that way than having to face the wrath of Megumi. When I woke up finally, I busy myself with making breakfast for Kenshin and I. I know I shouldn't be too happy that it's just the two of us here, but dammit, this feels amazing. Just me and him, alone, with nobody around to bother us. I place the plates of food and wait for Kenshin to come by, but he doesn't, so I dig in all by myself. After I'm done, I put away my own plate in the kitchen, convinced he'll be there somehow, but he wasn't. Again, I let it go. Maybe he's exhausted from all the hunting for the Bokkai members and from fighting against all of them. He'll eat when he's ready. I place his breakfast and a cup of tea on a tray to carry it to his bedroom, where I find him resting on his bed still. Poor guy. I quietly come up next to him to set the tray next to him, watching him for a few moments. He has his back turned towards me, and I wish I could see his face again. Despite everything, I'm still so in love with him and I would do anything to be with him. I walk away from his room to let him be, and start on my daily house chores.

I swept the floors, I wiped everything clean, I air out the dojo, I do the dishes, among other things to keep myself preoccupied. I made myself a quick lunch and Kenshin still hasn't woken up yet. I know I shouldn't be worried but I can't help it. I slip by into his bedroom a few hours later to find him just sitting on his bed, with a serious look on his face, eyes closed and concentrating on something inside his head. I look down to see that he at least ate his entire breakfast, save for a few bites left of it, but it's better than nothing. I don't think anyone would be able to eat comfortably after losing a spouse like this. I stand there, watching him, wondering if he'll notice me or say anything at all. After a few moments of silence, I decide to just come in and take his tray away, looking over my shoulder at him, but he doesn't budge. I walk out of his bedroom, a queer feeling pulling on my heart strings. I know I should understand where he's coming from, but I'm not used to him being so silent. I remember how sociable and friendly he used to be and I really miss that Kenshin. But, he needs time to cope, and I completely am in support of that. I need to continue to take care of him meanwhile.

Because Ohta Bokkai is still at large, I would get visits from the police from time to time, and I always made sure to use a fake name so that they wouldn't connect me to the previous Juppongatana fiasco. They never noticed anything strange about me, and my smile always made them relax around me. They said that they can always send one officer to come by from time to time to check up on us, and I agreed, not wanting them to know about our illegal sword carrying. Tae would also still drop by to chat with me, and she seemed glad to see me doing well. For tonight's dinner, she gave me a huge pot of soup and she told me to just heat it up and that it should be ready to eat within a half hour. I thank her graciously. Anything to make it easier for me and Kenshin. That evening, I take a bowl of soup and a side dish of rice to Kenshin's room, still finding him sitting on that bed, deep in thought. He hasn't really come out of his bedroom much at all today, and I figured maybe I should help him relax in the bathhouse tonight. I set his dinner next to him and smile at him gently. He looks at me, not an ounce of emotion anywhere on his face, and he then closes his eyes with a small grunt, not knowing what is there to say.

"Maybe after dinner I can light up the fires so that you can take a nice bath?" I pipe up and clasp my hands together, "The fireflies should be out tonight and it'll be really nice to look at."

He doesn't answer and only opens his eyes to look at his meal in front of him. That's okay. There's no need to say more. I bow to him to excuse myself and take myself out of his room, trying to ignore that sinking feeling inside my chest. He needs time, Soujiro. He won't be leaping in the air for you for a while and you need to give him his space. At least he's here, safe and sound, and you're here with him. Alone, with no one else. It's a blessing, really. At the same time, I shouldn't look too happy around him either. I mean, his wife is dead, for goodness sake. I shouldn't be all giggly and make him think that I'm actually glad that she's dead and gone. That's a horrible thing to even think about. I wash the soup pot so that Tae can pick it up tomorrow, and I go out in the back porch to look at the fireflies glowing and dimming in the grass. Kenshin. I hope you are okay. I know things must be so difficult for you right now, and I'll always be here for you. No matter how hard it feels, to hold all these emotions inside of me, the passion I feel whenever I look into your eyes.. I know that for now, I have to be mature and just focus on our next battle against Ohta. Together. As a team. Kaoru deserves to have her death avenged.

I stock up the pieces of chopped woods and light up the fires under the bathhouse, and filled up the tub with water. I walk up to the dojo to go get Kenshin when suddenly, the panel doors peel open to reveal himself. We both seemed a bit surprised to catch each other like this out of nowhere, but then he frowns at me and walks past me to go to the bathhouse. Not a single word. That's okay. I promise myself I wouldn't take it to heart. I watch him as he enters the small house to take his bath before I go back inside the dojo, not wanting to give in to the feelings of disappointment. I turn myself in for bedtime soon after to prepare myself for a new day. I tossed and turned all night, dreaming about Kenshin walking away from me, or glaring at me, refusing to talk to me or touch me. I dream that we somehow had a fight on the fields of flowers where I used to dream of us making out in, and the dream would end with him bidding me farewell with a bitter voice, and I trying to slap him across the face whenever he would say such hurtful things. Just to get me to stop following him. Just to get me to stop loving him.

The days rolled by and Kenshin still hasn't talked to me. I would find him either on his bed or out in the back porch, refusing to say anything to me, always thinking about other things. I feel as if I'm living with a ghost instead of an actual human being. We used to talk and spend so much time together, and this harsh contrast really hurts me deep inside. But, I don't let it show. I don't let him see that it bothers me. I am always smiling and whistling and humming happy tunes, doing the laundry and whipping up meals, just to show that I can be strong. Sanosuke said that I was strong in body, but weak in spirit. Perhaps with doing all the chores and nurturing another broken soul will greatly humble me and teach me how to be strong in spirit, too. Little by little, I find myself feeling at peace with knowing that I'm making a small difference in Kenshin's life while he goes through the motions, while we both await for the final showdown against Ohta. Who knows where that evil man is right now, but he has to be close by, and he's probably waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike us when we least expect it. I am always keeping my eyes open and my ears always reach for any new, suspicious sounds. Say what you will, but I am glad Shishio taught me how to become Soujiro the Tenken, and how to fight with blinding speed. I will always be prepared for the unexpected.

One sunny afternoon, I am visited by Tae again and we both have some tea. She wondered where Kenshin was, but I told her that he's still resting on his bed. She quickly understood and we just enjoyed the weather out in the backyard without him. She turns to me and quips, "I'm just so happy that you're taking this so well. I was worried that Tsubame and I would have to literally move in here for a while to take care of you guys, but it looks like you got everything down to pat. This house looks so clean!"

I smile with my eyes, "Thank you."

"And how is Kenshin doing these days?"

My smile fades and I probably look more sullen now, staring off into the distance, "He's been quiet."

She looks at the side of my face with worry, "I can only imagine," She looks towards the area where I'm staring at right now, "Poor Kenshin. I wouldn't want to know how deep the pain is for him right now."

I don't respond and just try to keep my face still even when it feels so difficult. We were silent for a while, just watching the grass shiver from the passing gusts of wings, just wondering if Kenshin would actually join us so that we can see his face again. But he doesn't. Of course he wouldn't. He's in mourning and we have to respect that. Still, Tae and I miss him something fierce and we hope that he's fine even when the life as he knows it is collapsing in front of his eyes. I don't even want to know the level of pain that he is under right now either, and I've been through many harsh moments in my own life to know exactly what I'm talking about. Finally, I turn to Tae and I wonder if I should ask for her advice about my own emotions. Shishio always taught me that women were only good for a few things in life, but I was hoping that he could be wrong. Maybe she knows something that I don't.

"Tae?" I start and she turns to me expectantly, "Have you ever.. been in love with someone before that you really shouldn't?"

"My teacher!" She breaks out in a fit of feminine giggles, "I was so young and he was much too old for me, but he was really something special, that man. I always got the best grades from his tutors with me because I always paid so much attention to what he has to say. It took me a while but I realized that I was falling in love with him and wanted to be with him. _Buuuut.."_

"Was he married?" I blinked and she nods.

"You know it. With children and a big house. I was just sixteen years old but I sure felt ready. I think he sensed it because he told me that someone should be with his neighbor's son, who was also my age. It was indirect but my goodness, the heartbreak really tore me up for many months afterwards."

"Aw, I'm so sorry." I smile a little awkwardly, but she whips her hand away with a snort.

"It's a lesson well learned. We'll always have feelings for those we cannot have, but we have to respect their status. If someone is married, it's a done deal, I'm afraid. Plenty of fish in the sea to fill in the gap, luckily. Me and Tsubame found our own mates and we're very happy now. It takes time, but it is through heartbreak that we learn how to be loving partners for someone new in the future."

I gasp silently. Shishio was wrong again.

"It is through heartbreak that we learn," I repeat after her, my eyes widening to my own realization, "How to be loving partners for someone new in the future. It teaches us how to be empathetic for another person."

"There you go!" Tae pipes up with pride, "Soujiro, I've no doubt you'll be a wonderful husband to a really nice girl someday."

I bite back a smile and look down. If only she knew.

"Say, Kenshin's really doing a good job teaching you how to regulate those new emotions, isn't he?" She winks at me and I hesitate. I'd say Kenshin is teaching _a lot_ more than just that, sadly.

I nod quickly anyway so that she won't get suspicious, "Oh yes. He's a great sensei."

Her eyebrow suddenly cocks up and then she smiles a little too wickedly for my taste, "Why, Soujiro? Are you, per chance, catching the romance for someone you really not oughta?"

I look at her a little strangely and shake my head, "Not really, no."

She leans closer to try to inspect any hideen lies inside my eyes, and I lean back with a nervous twitch of my eye. You're too close. She hums, really trying to investigate. Don't feel. Don't crack. Don't show a thing. After a few weird moments of her being way too close for comfort, she sighs to herself and sits normally again, "Oh, you don't have to hide anything from me, Soujiro. I won't tell anyone that you're in love with my Tsubame."

Oh my God. I start to chuckle, "Alright. Thank you."

That was so close..

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The clock strikes eight at night. Tae bid me goodbye a few hours ago and I already washed down my homemade dinner. It really doesn't have the magical touch that Kaoru used to with her own meals, but it was passable. With that realization, I noticed, that I miss her a lot. I may not have known her for as much as I should have in between my lessons and spending time with Kenshin, but from all I've witnessed about her so far, she really was a lovely woman worthy of her title. I can't believe that she's gone. I can't believe they took her of all people. Why couldn't have they taken me instead? Ohta Bokkai warned Kenshin that he would take someone who was very precious to him, someone he loves more than anything in the world. Kenshin loves all of us, but it was Kaoru who he loved the most. The answer was simple and they took away the most important person in his life to protect their own egos from the suffering it felt at the Akabeko restaurant just months ago. All because of a stupid injured chin and some passionate words exchanged. That's all it took to get a young mother killed so brutally. I can hardly believe it. I wonder if Kenshin will break his vows and kill Ohta out of vengeance. I know I would. My eyes widen a little at that thought while I am in the middle of folding a blanket. Did I really mean that? Have I not changed at all? Am I still weak in spirit? I wonder how long it'll take until I'll experience a real change of heart.

Maybe it'll happen in six years exactly. I groan impatiently and take hold of all the clean and folded blankets to put them away somewhere. I walk with them into the middle of the dojo so that I can put them away safely in a closet somewhere, when I see, sitting on the floor against the wall, near the same small table where I flirted with him with Kenji's horse toy, is Kenshin Himura himself. Since he hardly appears much during the day, finding him suddenly makes me jolt on the inside in surprise. His face looks solemn and serious, and his eyes flicker up to train on me. Those eyes. Those eyes that speak no lies to anyone or himself. Those eyes that I've dreamed so many times before, the same eyes that I wish would peer lovingly into my own. Now those same eyes are burning a hole into my head, immovable and intense. Just smile. Just smile and don't crack. I smile at him and continue to walk, making a mental note to perhaps prepare a pot of tea for the both of us if it means that we can talk again like normal again, when he gingerly gets up from his seating to take a step in front of me, stopping me in my track. I look at him, startled, and he doesn't react in any way what so ever. What is he doing? What's he thinking? What kind of game is he playing here? What am I talking about! This is Kenshin. He doesn't play games with people. Not with anyone and not with me, especially considering I'm supposed to be his student still for his no kill policy.

And then, he takes a step forward. I immediately take one step back, blinking. He does it again, and I go backward too, frowning. What's going on? Is he okay? Does he have to tell me something? He takes another step and I do it again, his face or eyes never faltering or changing one hint to anything else. If he were a stranger, I would have thought that he wanted to murder me and eat my liver as a treat. Goosebumps break out from my arms and I cling onto the blankets, my fight or flight senses going off. Maybe he wants to tell me something important and just doesn't know how to go about it after not talking to me for a week straight. This must be so difficult for him. Maybe I should break the ice and say something. I smile with my eyes and said, "What is it, Kenshin? Would you like anything?"

He doesn't answer. Of course. I don't let down and continue to ask him with a tilt of my head, "Would you like me to get you some tea? Something to warm you up while you watch the fireflies tonight?"

"No." He simply replies with a harsh voice, and takes another step. I take one step back, my breathing hitching. Kenshin? What's happening? What's going on? Why are you doing this?

"Kenshin.." I whisper and can hardly see straight now, almost falling from a misstep behind me before I regain my composure, and taking another couple of steps back, my back meets the wall. My fingers dig into the fabrics of the blankets in my arms, and I see Kenshin walking up to me slowly and carefully, placing a hand on the wall next to the side of my head before leaning in, _"Kenshin..?"_

He doesn't say anything. He doesn't do anything. The world inside my head is spinning and I almost feel dizzy from the lack of oxygen going into my brain. I can't breathe. I can't think. It's like the world had hit a pause and everything has been suspended. My finger is twitching in between the cloths and I don't know what to do anymore. From here, I can see the amazing eyes that belongs to the man that I have such feverous feelings for; royal violet adorned with flecks of indigo. Rarity means beauty and Kenshin is the absolute definition of it. Kenshin. Kenshin, do you hate me now? Am I no longer your student and are you no longer my sensei? I know I should open my mouth to ask him what's happening here, but my throat is too dry to conjure my thoughts and my lips refuse to move in order to speak. I can hear my breathing shaking and my eyes even more erratic from not being able to see straight. The suspense is killing me. I finally see Kenshin leaning closer to my face, and we both still don't react at all. Waiting.

I remember the first time I saw Kenshin Himura. I'll never forget that strange feeling in the pit of my stomach when I saw him in person, after Shishio told me the legend that is Battousai the man slayer. I remember thinking of him many times over the situation going on in Kyoto, the dreams I've had of him while preparing for my battle with him in the Shingetsu Village, and then again at Mount Hiei. I remember how he stared at me so openly and without apology around his friends in the Shingetsu Village, trying to subdue me into submission with his battle glare, to no avail. I remember feeling so strangely happy whenever he would pay even the faintest attention towards me, and how amazed I felt seeing him fight against Senkaku. I remember fearing for his safety, asking his friend Saito to help him fight against the giant, worried that Kenshin will get hurt and won't be able to continue. I remember the sound of my heart beating when Kenshin's sword was right in my face, him standing over me, how handsome he is up close. I remember how difficult it felt when I had to leave that place, hoping that Kenshin is okay, where ever he is. I remember feeling my soul flying into heaven when I saw him again, four years later, across the dinner table at the Kamiya dojo. Wishing he can take me and turn me from a childish boy into a full grown man.

The grasp I have on the blanket becomes flimsy and Kenshin takes his other hand to brush it against the front tie of my pants, a shock of electricity sparking down towards my lower regions. Fuck. The blankets quietly retreat to the floor and I still cannot find my balance from the sheer intensity of it all. This is what dreams are made of. I can't believe he's touching me.. down there.. am I dreaming again? Am I hallucinating? Maybe I didn't sleep much last night and I'm stuck in some strange world of being half awake and half asleep right now. He continues to drag a finger across the tied bow that holds my pants together, sparks continuing to fly down there and the rest of my body, and I let out a small gasp that then descends into a low moan from underneath my throat. My eyelids drop a little as the lust comes in full bloom, and he keeps his eyes squarely into mines. He leans a hair closer, just a few centimeters away from having his lips touching mines, and we wait. We wait for my own detonation. Will I return this, or will I collapse and run away? What will little Soujiro do at a moment like this?

And then, it happened. Kenshin's finger goes from horizontal to vertical, feeling that light touch over my hardened sex. Pure, hot static. I see his mouth curving a smile so subtle that only a trained eye like mine could spot, and I lose it. I close the gap between us and kiss him, my own hands grasping the sides of his face to hold him still as my tongue enters to touch his. Fuck, fuck, _fuck!_ This is happening. This is really happening! I've waited too long for this. I've been so patient and it's paying off, finally. Should I even feel sorry that we're doing this in the wake of Kaoru's passing? I can feel the guilt gnawing in the back of my head, but my lust overpowers it and all I can focus on is the searing heat I feel all over my body touching his. His tongue tastes so amazing, fuck! He kisses back, for just a couple of moments, my own kissing going a little too wild with my tongue, and as he pulls back, a string of saliva is fabricated in the middle of the gap until it just streams down my own chin. His eyes are cloudy and I can feel mines doing the same, our breathing as carnal as mines were the very first time we kissed. Fuck me, Kenshin. Please. I need you. I need you so much. I..

"I knew it." He mumbles, taking a step back and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. What? My eyes dilate and my hands are tense. He looks at the floor, thinking, and then his eyes flicker back up, even more serious than before. I can only gape at him like an idiot without any words to fill this space between us. He turns around and walks off, stopping just about a foot away from me, and I hear him speak with an evenness that is almost too terrifying for someone like him: "When all of this is over.. Perhaps, it would best that you leave. And never come back."

Kenshin.

Kenshin.

I'm sorry.

Please.

Please come back.

I love you.

I don't respond and he doesn't care to wait for one. He walks off, no goodnight, no goodbye, and without any regrets. The silence that is left in this room with me alone is enough to make me go insane. It's enough to make me want to scream just like I did four years ago when Kenshin broke into my head, and made me question everything that I've learned my whole life. It's enough to make me breakdown and lose it completely. My heart.. My heart, it hurts. So is this it? Is this what a heartbreak feels like? Is this what it feels like to have someone else walk away from you, with your heart in their hands? Is this what being a human being with real emotions really is like? I can't cry. I can't smile. I can't do anything but just stand there. Oh my God. This hurts so much. Please come back, Kenshin, you're the one for me. My hand goes up to touch my chest and take note of the sharp pain I'm feeling there, wondering if this is normal at all. Of course it is. It's called having a broken heart. And it hurts even worse than any wounds I've faced in all my battles against anyone that I had to fight against. Physical wounds heal, but a broken heart is something that stays on its fabric for a long time. Even forever, if it goes deep enough. Yumi told me about heartbreak whenever she would think back about her other concubine friends falling in love with married men and not having their feelings reciprocated. "Nothing will ever hurt as much, Soujiro, so please be careful who you give it out to." She always used to tell me, and I would always giggle it off. Now I realized, she was right.

I shouldn't have given my heart to Kenshin. Because Kenshin belonged to Kaoru. To Sanosuke. To Megumi and Yahiko and all the others. He will never belong to me. Ever.

I'm all alone.

I'm really all alone in this world.


	18. Taken

_Author's note: Hello everyone! I missed you guys so much! I know, odd thing to say to a bunch of strangers, but it's true! I've rested up and now I'm ready to rock and roll. This will be a shorter update, but the other ones will continue on at a longer and normal length afterwards, so do forgive me for the small let down. I hope that this will quench some of the thirst for more KenJiro._ _ **For those of you who are not aware yet, I uploaded a new one-shot of KenJiro called "By Breaking Light"; if you haven't read it already, please do so!**_

 _Chimerical: My dear, how I miss you so! I saw your review on my other story and had to cry tears of laughter once more. I hope you enjoy this update. I agree.. Kenshin can be such an asshole sometimes! But, rest assured, my dear, that they will get it on soon. Patience, my dear, patience.. ;p_

 _Cannibal Corncob: Kenshin is a legit fuckboi, what can I say!_

 _Internets4Porn: Oh man, I do hope that I placed in all the proper warnings in my previous chapters. :( Would be really awkward if I hadn't, LOL! I also hope that I hadn't made the gang behaved too harshly with Soujiro, because I mean, even though its only Megumi who has a huge issue with him.. the other guys don't really mind him much at all. They just don't know how to deal with the new information of knowing that the babyfaced Soujiro is salivating over Kenshin's bod secretly for all this time._

 _Daemon Spawn: It's because of your review and the others for dreaming up of Soujiro being a clingy lover, that the other updates will be a feast to read for your eyes. Trust me on this. ;D_

 _Bone Deep: Even Lecter would be deathly afraid of the love starved Soujiro, LOL! I love that show too, omg._

 _Shamaniac: Those are some great questions, my friend. If I were in Kenshin's shoes, I think I'd be very ashamed to know that Soujiro was so in love with me, especially since I do feel a pull towards him when we developed a deep bond over the past couple of months. With Kaoru being my wife and Kenji being my son, I would do all I can to push Soujiro away, even if it means losing him forever. It'd be the best thing to do, the most logical thing to do, to preserve the sanctity of my marriage to my dead wife, to respect my relationship with my son, and most importantly.. to let Soujiro live a better life than being confined in the same dojo that now everybody else has reservations about him._

 _Tempest Moon: I'm screaming. Please, please write a story about Soujiro going to therapy. Please!_

 _I8Pi: The one thing I can point out to defend Kenshin is that in the previous chapter, all he said that he needed Soujiro there with him, but he didn't say anything about fighting with Ohta by his side. All he said was, "Soujiro can stay. I need him." Like maybe needs him there so that Kenshin can protect him from Ohta, you know? Oh, and yes, let's trap them in the closet right now. You got any roofies?_

 _Shiro Sylthfarn: Thank you for such a passionate review! I agree, Soujiro's going to lose his mind soon, don't you worry. ;D_

 _Hell Hound & Alumina: Ahh, new faces! Welcome to Hell! Enjoy the yaoi and the fire! :)_

 _And now, without further ado, here is chapter seventeen!_

Scene XVII: Taken

So this is what a heart break feels like.

The light pours into my bedroom to welcome a new day, but I refuse to let myself rouse from my desolate slumber. With my eyes aching and feeling dried out from all the hard crying last night, the only strength I have left inside my body is just to move my chin lower so that I can hide the top part of my face away from that taunting light. He told me to leave. He told me to never come back. He said all of that.. all on his own accord. Megumi was right. I thought she was saying those horrible things out of sheer panic at the thought of losing Kenshin to me after having to lose her dear friend Kaoru. But, Kenshin said it with his own lips that he would like me gone and away from his life forever after the situation with Ohta Bokkai comes to an end. Nobody had to push him to say that.. except for my own passionate gaze into his eyes that had shoved him over the edge. I did this. And now he doesn't want me here anymore.

I could never see the ending of this pain I feel.

I skipped breakfast today. I don't have it in me to face Kenshin head on. It took well until I can hear the front door opening and shutting, to know that Kenshin will be out doing some personal errands on his own, that I am confident enough to get up from my bed and head outside too. The sun is out, but so are the clouds, with a heavy silver overcast. I can feel the mist of the upcoming rain, but I don't want to go back inside just yet. I walk until I am out from the front yard and leaning against the wooden door, my eyes still strained and my voice hoarse as I take deep breaths. I just have to breathe and relax. That's all I have to do. That's all I can do anymore. When Ohta Bokkai is found, or he finds us, then this will be over and I can make Kenshin's wish come true. With a faltering gasp, my hand flies up to cover my mouth and I shut my eyes, scolding myself to not give in to the urge to sob. I simply place my other hand over my chest. This pain.. This unbelievable pain.. It is simply unreal. I have gotten hurt before, by a broken bone, or by my emotions whenever my family would talk about my parents never loving me. But nothing could have ever prepared me for this deep, sinking feeling inside my chest. I can feel my stomach twisting and turning as my mind re-hashes over last night's events, the cold glint in Kenshin's eyes as he tells me that he needs me to leave the dojo soon. If only I knew.. if only I knew how much this would have hurt.. could I have ever..

A gust of wind knocks me back into my senses, the faint scent of orchids carrying over these winds and I look up towards the direction it was heading to, almost surprised that the world could sense my pain just a second ago. Do I even believe in coincidences?

And then, I remember something just now. My confidant, Yumi Komagata, and how she taught me life lessons as if she had taken over the position of becoming my quasi mother figure. One lesson, I concluded, that she told me when I was just shy of turning seventeen, and nearly a year before I would meet Kenshin Himura for the very first time. Shishio took us to this hotel before running off to do something important on his own, though I cannot pinpoint exactly as to what that is. He's been very busy ever since he sprouted the idea about taking over Japan, so I knew better than to bother him when he gets into those gung-ho moods. It was a warm summer night at the hotel, and I remember that I couldn't sleep, so I got up from my bed to knock on Yumi's room for entrance. She seemed happy to see me, her eyes just as warm as the air outside, her perfume as delicate as the orchids blooming in the gardens below us. I remember her half sitting and half laying on her bed, fanning herself, as she watches me leaning over the balcony to take a look of this grand ocean not too far from the hotel. I remember the pressing heat against my forehead.

 _"It's gotten really warm." I noted, a false smile painted on my lips that I've had on since I was eight years old, "Miss Yumi, do you agree?"_

 _She scoffs, "I'll say. Shishio better hurry up and get us some more refreshments."_

 _I giggle airly as I turn to look at her while leaning over the railing, "He does take really good care of you, I find. Why is that, Miss Yumi?"_

 _She smiles to herself and, had it been my imagination, but I could have sworn that I have seen a light blush creeping up to her cheeks, "That's love, kiddo."_

 _Love. A word that I still haven't the faintest idea of what it is or what it's supposed to mean. What is this love that people speak of? What does it do, exactly? What purpose does it hold in our existence? Why do people fight so hard for it, when it's a concept as flimsy as paper lanterns? My father cheated on his wife with my mother and then he left my mother when she needed him the most. My family beat me almost every day and never had it in them to give me a hug whenever I would cry into my hands. I've never really had a true friend, save for maybe Shishio who really just acts as a teacher rather than a good pal to lean on. What is love? Why does it even exist? Does it really exist? Can a love that is pure and wants to heal rather than deceive, to give rather than to take, and to hold you rather than smite you, could ever really exist in this world?_

 _"Yumi.." I turn around carefully to face her completely, my head tilting to the side, "Do you love Shishio?"_

 _She takes in a surprised breath and looks up at me with wide eyes, as if I had said something out of this world just now, "Of course I do, Soujiro. He is my world."_

 _I look right at her, her words still haven't placed a dent on my conscious, so I press on, "But why him? Why do you love him out of all people? Do you know that he's a bad person, deep down?"_

 _One of her thin eyebrows furrow and her eyes does a sweep from my head to my toes, and back up again, "I know what he is capable of. And in the end.."_

 _Her face softens and that blush has made its formal return, looking at the floor as if reminiscing something sweet, "I just refuse to let him go. I know exactly what he's capable of, Soujiro, but my heart, it wants to be there for him, no matter what happens."_

 _My lips parted to ask her why once more, but then I decide against it. I just watch as she blossoms in front of me, her eyes and her smile giving away the fact that she's thinking about him again, and I realized that she had been on his side despite his monstrous behaviors for the past several years. That woman stayed by his side no matter what he did or said, no matter how often he would ignore her just to focus on his vendettas and missions, no matter how lonesome she may have felt periodically. Shishio isn't exactly what you would think of when the words "lovable" or "cuddly" pops up in mind, but Yumi doesn't care. She really doesn't. She refuses to leave him and I'm at a loss for finding the real reasons as to why. She could have a normal man to take care of her and to take her out of the prostitution business once and for all. The only reason in the end.. is that she really does love Makoto Shishio, in spite of everything._

 _"Miss Yumi.." I look up at the ceilings as if in ponderment, "I don't think I'll ever love anyone."_

 _She chuckles under her throat, "I told myself that once before when I was your age. But I was wrong."_

 _"But what if I'm right?"_

 _"Rest assured that you are not."_

 _"How do you know?" I smile openly at her again and she looks into my eyes from where she lays._

 _She shakes her head, "Because love is an accident that ends up being either the worst mistake or the best decision of your life. It hurts you sometimes, but when you find the right person, those painful moments will be worth fighting through when they open their hearts up completely just for you."_

 _"Shouldn't love be easy?" I walk into the bedroom again to get away from the heat of outside._

 _"Kid.. if love was easy, just like anything else in this life," She tucks a hair behind her ear purposely, "It wouldn't be worth it in the end."_

 _It wouldn't be worth it._

 _It wouldn't.._

Back in the present moment, I let my fingers trail over my lower lip, my memory still fresh over Kenshin kissing me last night. Kenshin. I have loved you despite knowing that you could never love me back. I loved you when you were loving Kaoru, and I think I will always love you even if you do hate me now. Now I realize what Yumi meant all those years ago. I can't really pinpoint as to whether or not falling for Kenshin was the worst mistake or the best decision of my life, since it simultaneously feels like both of these could describe what I'm going through best. It's the worst mistake because it shouldn't have had happened in the first place.. and yet, it was the best decision I made to surrender my heart completely to loving him, even from afar. Because now, through this heart break, now I know that even if this love wounds me deeply, it can come back and I can love someone else again. When you work a muscle, it always hurts and it always feels sore from the pressure. But then, through those micro tears, it comes back bigger and stronger. I'm willing to bet that it is the same for the human heart vessel, too. Kenshin.. I miss you so much. I'll always love you no matter what. I'd do anything to have you in my arms again. But I understand now.. I understand that I can't be in your life anymore. I was a fool to think otherwise..

 _A mental picture flashes inside my mind: Of seeing Kenshin from where I sat on this tree, on that faithful spring morning when I had to kill Secretary Okubo. His long red hair glistening in the sun, his lavender eyes a shade lighter from the shock. Those perfect lips._

 _Another image comes in. His stone cold glare as he meets me again in front of the hot springs retreat in Shingetsu Village. My knees buckling from meeting his lion's gaze head on. Those same eyes again when I had to fight him for the first time after he defeated the aggressive giant Senkaku._

 _His graceful movements whenever he fought against other people. Perfectly calm, and yet so cutting in his techniques. Like a dancer swinging swords around in its artful form. Dangerous and moving._

 _My heart, so full and quivering, as I look over him on Shishio's battleship before I had to leave for the evacuation. How hard it was to tear my eyes away from him completely._

 _How happy I was to see him again in Mount Hiei. How much I loathed him as he opened me up from the inside and all my secret emotions come bubbling out. His gentle smile when he told me that life is about finding out my own path, by the decisions I make from that day on. The way he said my name that day, just the tiniest hint that it could have been sung from the song of love. Or perhaps, what I would have hoped it could have been that._

 _Seeing him again, across the dinner table, four years later. The world fades away and it was just us two staring at each other. The sound of his breathing. The sound of my heartbeat._

 _His laughter and his kind words towards me as he teaches me. His wistful gazes into the distance as he goes into a deep thought. His love that he shares with his wife, with his friends, and all that he comes in contact with. The way he looks into my eyes as I tell him about my dreams of traveling the world, how thick and tense the air between us for seemingly no reason at all. How I wish I could stay in that suspension forever._

 _His surprised look after I kissed him in that field hunting for the wild boar. How heated I felt everywhere and how elated my heart felt to have finally touch his lips with my own._

 _And finally.. those beautiful eyes, ever so close, just last night. How deliciously consuming that kiss was. Kenshin. You could have been mine. You could have.._

 _You could have.._

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 _ **... !**_

 _"Hn..!"_ I whip around in time to see those ugly pair of pale blue eyes, his movements so swift and lethal that, before I knew it, I am meet with an everlasting and chocking darkness.


	19. Rescue

_Author's Note: Hey everyone. :D So, I kinda knew that the short update from last time was gonna disappoint some of you, but thankfully you understood where I was coming from, and for that, I just wanna say thank you for being a bunch of good sports. We are now gonna get back into our regular programming with lengthier updates and all the yummy KenJiro romance and sexyness that you've all been patiently waiting for. I really do hope that in a few months time when I get to re-read this story all over again, that I will enjoy it from top to bottom. I feel like I'm really proud of what I've accomplished here, because believe me, it really has been many years since I have written a fanfic. So, to have you guys here with me has been a blessing. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. Group hug!_

 _So, just a short warning, I kind of suck at writing fight scenes, so I'd like for you all to basically know that while Soujiro was having those strange hallucinations, that Kenshin and Ohta were fighting tooth and nail meanwhile, okay? As much as I wish I can physically describe all those awesome Hiten Mitsurugi moves, I am a bit limited in that area for some reason. Hope you can forgive me for this! This chapter was proven a tad difficult for me to write, hence why it took me a bit over a week to update this time, so please be nice to me, lol!_

 _The scene with the Inferno Room was from Rurouni Kenshin's Season 2 Episode 58 "The Age Chooses Shishio?". I honestly screamed internally when I saw how hard Kenshin tried to save Soujiro's honor with Shishio. I loved it so much!_

Chimerical: I am so sorry my previous update was so short, lmao! Still, I do enjoy your little fanfiction about the cheesecake and the monster in your home. ;p

 _Bone Deep: I will also add another scene between Sanosuke and Soujiro, just to show the poor lad that he's not really hated at all. But that's for another update. I agree, I think it's important that I write out all the personal attachments that little Soujiro has with all the people he has come in contact with in his life._

 _Cannibal Corncob: Soujiro did sense Ohta but his emotions compromised him from thinking on his feet like he usually can, if that makes sense. I think what you say about Kenshin's killing intent being so heavily put under a lid is really wonderful, because I do agree that I find him heroic in his efforts in not killing people to instill an era of peace in the world even when other people find his ideals so ridiculous. It's one reason why Soujiro, even in the manga and anime, finds him so fascinating._

 _I8Pi: Yes, I have spoiled you little children far too much! But, this longer update as well as all the others will be your new treats for being so patient with me. ;p Yes, I do love Yumi and Soujiro very much together, in that mother and son sort of sense!_

 _Daemon Spawn: Your two questions will be answered in the next few updates, do not worry. I know that everybody has been scratching their heads over that one little scene in my Illumination chapters, but the answers will come clear in due time. So sit tight!_

 _Tempest Moon: CAN YOU PLEASE MAKE A FANFIC ABOUT SOUJIRO GOING INSANE OVER KENSHIN LOL I WILL LITERALLY BOW AT YOUR FEET IF YOU DO IT :P_

 _Alumina: Soujiro had his sword with him, I just didn't write it. I guess maybe I should be mindful that not everyone just magically assumes that our little rurounis are always armed whenever they walk outside. My bad! Funny thing, I looked up the Soujiro Seta names and what they could mean. Soujiro means "Wise Boy", and then suddenly Seta means "rice paddy located on the strait", which is so fucking hilarious considering his childhood past, lol! Poor Souji._

 _Internets4Porn: Yup, I changed that little mistake, thanks for giving me that heads up! :D_

 _Shamaniac: Soujiro's not dead! He's alive, look below and you shall see~_

Scene XVIII: Rescue

 _The darkness, it seems.. endless.._

 _I can't hear anything.. I can't see.._

 _I can't move a muscle.. Where am I?_

 _Am I alone again? Am I all lost and wandering?_

 _What's going on?_

 _Am I dead?_

"Mm.." I mumble to myself quietly, my eyes squinting open to see, above me, blurry and indistinct, a crack of light. And in an instant, my eyes close again, the same darkness washing over my senses. I don't see or hear anything for what seemed like a few bouts of eternities, nothing but the strange distant ringing inside my own ears.. I can't smell, think, or feel a single thing anymore. I used to never fear dying when I was younger. Death is a component to a life meant living. You are born and then you die when it was time. That's how I used to operate under, to keep my heart and spirit cold as ice. Shishio taught me to never fear death when it wanted to come for me, because to die early in life is truly a blessing served for those who lived life well. To live a long, miserable life, he said, was for those who already did died on the inside, and had no choice but to keep waiting for something to happen. Like waiting at a corner for transportation, wondering and waiting, just when it'll come for you. Who needs it, we both said. Just let it sweep us away as swiftly as possible.

Just let it.. Just let it sweep us away..

...

I am trying to remember what it was that happened and how it lead up to this moment. What was I doing before this? I think I remember, but then again, maybe I don't. I wonder if death just means you are stuck in an abyss of all the things you wish you could have done, but never could now that it's over. How frightening death is, then, if that were the case. There was still some things I wanted to do before I died. Things I wanted to see. People I wanted to meet. The joy I wanted to feel, walking on the line of sunshine while I go traveling through the countries that I've set my sights on long ago. Have I not tried hard enough? Did I not do enough for other people in my life? I mean, I did used to do bad things, horrible things even, but did I not redeem myself somehow? Was it not enough to keep this from happening? Could I have done more? I wince internally at the sudden realization that, yes, I could have done way more while I was alive. For one thing, I shouldn't have met with Kenshin again, and ruined his entire life in the short duration that I stayed with him at the Kamiya dojo. That was all my fault. I shouldn't have set foot in Tokyo, looking for him. How selfish was I to believe that I could stand the chance to whisk him away from his established lifestyle just so he can join up with me in some unrealistic dream of traveling the world with the man I love? Am I really that deplorable of a human being? Do I have any shame at all?

My senses starts to sharpen again and I lick the roof of my mouth, to feel if my body is still in this vortex. To see if I'm just dreaming of death or if this is really it. With a tiny peek of one eye opening, I can see the crack of light again, and I strain to look closer, to get something to shape up in my line of vision. What am I looking at? Is that the sun? Is that the sky I'm looking at? Am I having one of those lucid dreams again? My head starts to throb painfully and I groan miserably. I close my eye, just to see if it'll change anything, and I open them both to look at the crack again, and that's when I see them. Clouds. Blue skies. A faint set of birds chirping just outside of these walls. The other senses are now coming in like sequential notes to a piano solo; my sense of smell now picking up the odor of hay and dry grass. My sense of feeling now realizing that the reason why I couldn't move in the first place was because I can't even move my wrists or ankles as freely as I could. The taste of something hard and wooden in my mouth, a moment of shock dawning on me that I cannot close my mouth entirely. I let my eyes scan over and around me, seeing my wrists tied up by these strong scratchy ropes, the same being said for my ankles now. I seem to be lying on an abandoned bed of some sort, and I seem to now know that I'm actually inside someone's barn house. Someone.. somebody..

Oh my God.

Oh my _God!_

I was taken! Kidnapped like a little child! Why haven't I sensed anyone coming for me in time? I remember now! I was outside the Kamiya dojo just to nurse my stupid heart of mine, before I noticed something didn't felt quite right in the air. I remember whipping around in time to see a pair of the most hideous blue eyes I've ever seen in my life. Blue eyes so cold and devoid of any emotions, of anything that could even resemble human. I remember now. I was taken away by someone who I should have been more alerted around and should have known better than to take down before he could have taken me from where I stood. I can't believe this! I let my own emotions compromise my usual alertness that could have prevented this from happening in the first place. I can't believe I let my stupid emotions get the better of me and now I'm just.. I'm just.. Now I'm bound and gagged and spread out into a position that even the likes of Yumi wouldn't ever approve of, if she was here to see me right now. The only thing that could save any dignity left in this scene is that at least all my clothes are left on and nothing is exposed for the world to see. Despite that, a blush looms over my cheeks, despising how vulnerable I look and feel right now, with my legs spread out like this. I pull on these ropes but someone had made sure that these were tied so tight, any other material would have surely snapped by the high pressure. I can't believe this. I just can't fucking believe this..

Why me.. Why—

 _ **"Mmmhhh!"**_ I cry out with towering rage, my throat already feeling sore from the cut off scream against the gag inside my mouth, the skin on my face and chest glowing with heat.

I hear a taunting and chiding noise from behind of where I am laying, and then a dark chuckle, "My, my, aren't we in a bit of a pickle?"

I moan helplessly. He laughs harder.

"I wouldn't move too much if I were you, Soujiro Seta." The way that beast said my name, each syllables and how it slides off his tongue, makes my skin prickle with tiny needles and a cold sweat slides down the side of my face, "It won't do you much justice and it won't get you out of here, I'm afraid. You'll have to just wait and relax until the Battousai gets here."

The Battousai. Battousai. Kenshin. I'm here because of him. I don't know if he can find me here, can he?

"Ah, you're probably wondering how he'll find us here. But don't you worry your pretty little head, my boy," Ohta walks with heavy and determined steps around the mattress, peering down at me with a creepy grin, "When I knocked you out cold, I made sure to leave a little note for him to find on his way back from his trip outdoors. He'll know exactly where to reach us, and I'll be ready once he gets here. How dare that man treat me and my sons so cruelly like this.. He's lucky we haven't murdered his entire family like we did with Kaoru. Such a poor loss, having to grab her by the hair and slice a dagger across her neck. If only you were there to see it."

The ropes begin the tremble just as the anger rises up inside of me. I'm going to kill you, you bastard!

"You see, Soujiro," I can see Ohta now turning around to face his back towards me as he looks up at the sliver of light just outside the large doors of the barn house, "We the Ohta family of the Black Magic have come a long way. We perform magic tricks just to get by, to pay for our own way, and we may have committed some small crimes here and there, but what else can one do in these trying times? Kenshin was lucky to have found Kaoru all those years ago.. She let him stay with him practically free of charge. She was the one who let him live in her dojo, without paying any rent, just so he can walk around pompously with the idea that if we as men should behave humbly no matter what our positions on society are. Even when our clothes are tattered and our food has gone rotten, Kenshin Himura thinks we should always be thankful. Bah, I say! He is one fool that should be taught a lesson. Who does he think he is, Soujiro? Don't you see he's got even your own mind in a tight bound, too? Do you really think he cares about you as much as you think he does?"

A small piercing shot enters my heart.

"As you can tell, Soujiro, Kenshin Himura the Battousai, his past dictates that his future will stay the same. It's kill or be killed. It's eat others or be eaten by others. You either win and come out on top of the world, or the world beats you down and makes sure you stay down. The food chain philosophy that Makoto Shishio wasn't a lie! What he said was the truth, and you know it. The Battousai is alive now because he killed anyone and everyone who wanted to murder him in the first place. What was it that Shishio told you before? What was it.. ah, yes. _If you're strong, you live, and if you're weak, you die. The food for the strong is the flesh of the weak._ And now here you are, thinking you serve something of higher importance to that man's life, when his entire life is the living testament of all that Shishio has shown you before. Kenshin thinks that you can live a life on top without having to kill anyone to get there. Once he rids of you, he can get back up on top, pretending that he is better than the likes of you and me. As if he himself hadn't killed anyone before.. Don't you see, Soujiro?! He's got you just where he wants you. He wants your heart because he lost Kaoru's. I know you're in love with him. I could see it in your eyes."

Another piercing shot.

"And he doesn't even have to love you back just to keep this charade up. You'll do whatever it takes to make him happy. To spread his illogical philosophy out to the world that is still trying to hang on to the noose that their enemies have crafted. People die every single day, Soujiro, many of them happening through the hands of somebody else. Wars will keep happening, women will still be left without their fathers or their husbands, and children will never know the joys of enjoying the sun on their skins without realizing that one day, they too, will be used as human shields for the government. How is that fair now, hmm? How will Kenshin be able to reason you out of such human hypocrisies?!"

I don't want to hear this anymore. I can no longer bare to hear you speak..!

"Oh, but you'll follow him around anyway. He knows it and you know this too, hidden under all your excuses and daydreams of what could have been. He'll tell you to jump into the ocean and you'll leap without even letting him finish his sentence. That's how desperate for his love you are. But I'm here to tell you today, Soujiro, that you're just wasting your time with him. He loved Kaoru.. Still does, believe me. He will never love you. A man like him, with so much to lose, and has lost so much already, will never gain even a hint of a normal life if he were to keep you with him. He told you to get out of his life, didn't he? I'd say it's for the best, but hey, who am I to say that, truly? I am but a magician and a homeless man without much to look forward to, either. If he comes here, it'll be to settle the score. Not for you. But, you can stay and watch. Who knows. Maybe if I defeat him, you'll lose respect for such a weak man, and you can move on to bigger and better things. Such is life."

I turn my head to the other side now so that I don't have to look at that man anymore, to turn my own back against the things that are just too painful to hear. And even though I know better than the rebel against the words of Kenshin Himura and all that he's done for me these past few months, I know that what he said last night was by no means an accident. He said those cruel words for a reason, and that reason, it was Ohta Bokkai himself who had the stomach to give it to me straight. I really don't mean anything important to Kenshin at all. No, there's no way I truly was as important as I thought I was. No amount of repentance or hard work or staying loyal to him would have made him look at me in any other light than how he looks at me right now. With disgust. With scorn. With disappointment. Ohta is probably saying all of this to mess with my head, to make me insecure and to perhaps become his ally to go against Himura, but what if he's right? What if he is saying the harsh truth and what if he just knows what Kenshin is thinking and feeling? I probably still don't believe in magic despite what I've witnessed today, but.. I do believe that accidents in life aren't really mistakes once you look at them through all angles. What Kenshin did last night.. it wasn't an accident at all, was it?

He really doesn't care about me at all.

I can hear Ohta coming to my side again and I look towards him again, my eyes misty with tears. His face doesn't contour to anything but a self pleasing smirk, knowing the damage he's done to everyone right now. His eyes are so cold. Is it even possible for someone's eyes to look like that? I have to wonder, of course, if he really isn't telling me the truth at all, that what he says is all a clever ruse to get me to join his side instead of Kenshin's. I wonder if I should give any weight to his statements when he's got me captured like this. I think I know just what to do now to save what's left of my dignity. He blinks once I make a small noise under my throat, me trying to tell him something. He reaches over and pulls the gag out and the band down to my chin so that my lips are free to say anything now. He looks at me expectantly. I hold his gaze. We look at one another. And then I hack and spit right into his face. He takes a few steps back in utter shock and revulsion, wiping my saliva off of his eyes with a deep growl. I only glare back at him in defiance. Nothing to lose, right?

 _"You pungent little..!"_ He charges forward, hands ready to grab me, when suddenly—

 _ **"OHTA!"**_ A grating yell that seemed to have almost come from the pits of Hell erupts from the double doors of the farmhouse, and we both turn our heads to see who it was. Of course.

 _"Kenshin_ — _!"_ I am cut off when Ohta has his hand over my head and I am stunned with a sharp noise ringing inside my head, my line of vision closing in until all I see is a bleary sort of darkness overcasting my eyes. Suddenly, I could no longer breathe or talk as normal. My sense of hearing is also affected, though I can still make out the vowels and what the other two are saying.

"Ohta.. You let Soujiro go this instant!" Kenshin barks.

"Not until I see you become the real Battousai! Not until I see you try and kill again, you hypocritical sap!"

"Ohta.. Mark my words..!"

"If this Soujiro boy of yours truly is as important as you say he is, surely you would do whatever it takes to save his life, now would you?"

Kenshin doesn't respond at all. What? Why aren't you saying anything to that? The silence cuts my heart deep. Is Kenshin hesitating? Was Ohta right all along?

"Ah, I see you have nothing more to say. You see, Soujiro?" I can feel a distant feeling of a finger poking at the side of my head jokingly, "This man doesn't care about you anymore. I have shown you proof now, don't you see?"

I don't want to.. I cannot believe this..

"Touch him one more time, and I will make sure that you would never walk this Earth again!" Kenshin is damn near screaming at this point, but I am losing him in all the ways that I used to know..

He really doesn't care about me.

I should have known.

"Oh? And what if I do, Battousai? You think you can defeat the likes of me?" Ohta scoffs offhandedly.

"Cut the shit and draw your sword, Ohta." Kenshin glowers and I swerve my neck in time to catch sight of his body crouching over his own sword to a stance, my vision now blackening until all I can see are the outlines of him and everything else while doused in a dark purple ooze. The blood in my veins feels icy cold and I start to shiver violently from where I lay, and although I am able to at least breathe enough to keep my brain functioning, it's not enough to calm my beating heart. It feels like it wants to drum itself from out my chest at any given moment. I can hear Ohta drawing his own weapon and laughing like it's all a damn joke to him, his words now barely audible. All mumbles and moans and sounding completely incoherent. My eyes couldn't tear themselves away from Kenshin, though. Despite the darkness, the pulsing and strange twinkling stars that would appear around him like star dust sprinkling over his body, I can still see him, alive and well, ready to do all he can to fight for honor. For justice. For Kaoru.

Everything and everyone but me.

Kenshin, you're such a fool. How in the world are you going to defeat Ohta? He's a powerful man as far as I can tell. He seems to move beyond God like speed, able to catch me and Kaoru by surprise, the latter unfortunately having to pay for her dear life. I know Kaoru must have been very strong before if she was the one who lead the group to defeat the other Juppongatana members at the Aoiya. It just has to be. And yet, it was Ohta who was able to defeat her and kill her off in an instant. So easily and without much struggle. So it is true after all. Ohta must have so much strength if that were the case. Where will you fit in this entire puzzle, Kenshin? You're so stupid. I swear you have to be. Being so idealistic and risking everybody's lives like this, including your own. _Especially_ your own! I gasp in a moment of startle when I can hear someone cackling evilly in the distance, and Kenshin's figure morphs before my very eyes to somebody else. His red robes that I've loved so much, start to ribbon around his entire form until he looks like a creature from the pits of the night. Ribbons of bandages, skin smoldering until it looks unrecognizable. He turns and my breath is caught inside my chest. Shishio.. Makoto Shishio. He turns to me with a sickening sweet grin and I whimper, shrinking back.

"In the end, it's only the fittest that survives." He simply states with a hiss, his eyes glowing red with demonic force.

I shut my eyes and shake my head to get rid of what I'm seeing and hearing. This has to be trick of some sort. This isn't real. Shishio has been dead for years now. No way he'll show up all of a sudden out of nowhere. I bravely open my eyes again to see myself in the Inferno Room, right inside a small room overlooking the arena below me. Is this all real? Am I seeing things? Is this a dream? I can see Shishio and Hoji standing down there waiting for their arrivals, Shishio looking fierce and ready as always. I gulp, my knees already giving away and I slump down to the floor, my hands pressing against the window. In a flash of time warp, I can now see Shishio and Kenshin facing one another, talking. Despite the physical distance of me being all the way up here and enclosed by these windows and walls, I can hear their voices as clear as day as if they were right next to me. The heat is taking the oxygen out from my lungs.

"In the end, only the fittest survive in this world." Shishio's silky voice rings inside my ears and I take a sharp breath, not wanting to remember anymore.

"I've heard those words!" Kenshin's strained voice now enters my ears and my heart starts running.

"I was the one who engraved them into Soujiro's head, but it doesn't apply only to swordsmanship. What I taught him was: A law of nature. The weak's reason for being is to be food for the strong. Those that are even too weak to be food, have no right to exist. And the strongest of the strong is at the top of the food chain. The Meiji government is weaker than I am, and has no right to be in control of this country. Power belongs to the strong. It belongs to me alone. Taking over this country is my right by natural law! If you're strong, you live, and if you're weak, you die."

How I wish those words never reached these ears of mine when I was a child. What could have been.

"You were a manslayer who lived through the blood storm of the Revolution. I'm sure you understand that going against these laws would be absolutely useless."

"No I don't!" Kenshin replied huskily, "Those people you claimed as nothing more than food for the strong, they managed to survive the hard times, and finally have peace now after all the chaos. No one should be forced to live a life that has no other meaning than to be sacrificed! That was true then, and true now! If you're trying to bring back those uncertain times, Shishio, then I can't allow you to do as you please, no matter what your reasons may be!"

"This isn't about passion. This is simply about the law of nature." Shishio dryly responds.

 _"Even if it is law, I'll stop you!"_ Kenshin shouts vociferously, marking the beginning of the continuation of their battle.

"Hmph! What a pathetic pacifist." I hear a new voice ripping through the conversation, and I flinch with a startle. I look all around me in this small room that I'm in, but I don't see anyone else with me. I recognize that voice.. It's Ohta Bokkai, looming over my head with just his words.

"He's.. He has to be right.. I mean.." I can hear my words faltering, doubting itself to continue on, which pleases Ohta enough to make him chuckle.

"Ah, so now his biggest fan can no longer hide from the truth behind Shishio's words. I told you that Kenshin is a hypocrite. Shishio is talking about how the West is doing all they can to control Japan through military force, and the Meiji government is much too weak to fight back against something so deeply ingrained in those bigots' heads. They're laughing at us, Soujiro! Can't you see? You should have never left Shishio's side. Japan would have been the new powerhouse of the world and now you let a weak man like Kenshin determine it's fate with flowery language about peace and poetic justice!"

As if to further prove Ohta's point, Shishio says the following to capture the overall message into a neat capsule for me to swallow, "That peaceful world you are talking about, only exists in your mind. It's nothing more than illusion. I'll show those insignificant, ignorant fools leading this country that the reality is survival of the fittest through chaos and not just a worthless mirage of peace. I'll use that truth to open the eyes of every single person in this country."

From my other ear, I can hear the words of my seventeen year old self chirping, "After all, weak people always die in the end. The strong are the ones who survive.. that's the reality."

 _"No.."_ I shake my head with a faint whisper, leaning close against the window to keep my eyes on Kenshin.

"Yes! And no amount of you slobbering over him is going to change the truth!" Ohta's grating voice returns and it sounds like nails and needles inside my head. I just want him to disappear!

"I refuse to.. _I refuse to believe you!"_ My eyes snap open and I slam my fist against the window, "I'm going to stay here and listen!"

Almost as if my words were the ones with all the power right now, Ohta's presence soon withers away from the room and I continue to look on the arena to see and hear what happens next.

"If you're strong, you live, and if you're weak, you die. That's what _you_ taught him!" Kenshin growls and my heart skips a beat; is he talking about me? He continues: "You have no concept of just how that phrase you claim as the law of nature made that young man to suffer, do you?"

I watch as Shishio continues to just smirk arrogantly at Kenshin. What? He knew and he just.. continues to hurt me like that for ten years?

"Are you saying that even Soujiro, despite all of his loyalty was merely food in your eyes?" Kenshin confronts Shishio abruptly, and what I heard next, I will never forget this.

"Yes, of course he was." Shishio merely responds as if he just answered a more casual question about the weather or another flimsy subject. Something presses against my chest and ribs as I hear Shishio say those words as if it means nothing at all to him, "The fact that he lost to you, proves that he is among the weak. Therefore, following the laws of nature, he became a source of nourishment for me."

I can't believe what I'm hearing. I feel so sick.

Shishio finishes with the following, "Not only did he weaken you physically, he was also good enough to leave me the truth behind the Amakakeru Ryu No Hirameki as a parting gift."

I remember now. I told Yumi before she was rushing off to meet Shishio here in the Inferno Room before my own departure from the Juppongatana. I told her that it was Kenshin's left foot that helped him finish me off in our battle in the Room of Zero Space. Did I really do that? Did I really betray Kenshin like that? I really am a deplorable human being. It's no wonder he told me to leave him..

"A parting gift, was it?" Kenshin muses that phrase to himself, and I wince knowing what I've done, but then he says, "I'm relieved to hear that."

What?

"That young man that you describe as being weak and nothing more than nourishment for you will find some true answers of his own one day, now that he's parted ways with you. He'll be able to learn these answers on his own, by finding his own path, and he'll figure out that we can't determine right and wrong by who wins or loses."

The pain that Shishio's words have stabbed my heart is now tenderly kissed and caressed by Kenshin's more positive and supportive phrases, and I can almost feel my head swimming with amorous feelings. No matter how mean spirited I was to that man, he always finds a way to keep the faith in me and wants nothing but the absolute best for me. He wanted me to be happy. He still does want me to be happy. No matter what it takes. My fingers bend the harder I wish I could just climb through this window and run towards that red haired swordsman, to have him hold me and to never let me go, but just as I thought the conversation will continue, suddenly, a bright white light shines below the feet of the people below me as well as underneath my own. What's happening now?! I shield my eyes with my arm to protect them from the blinding light, an alarmed heaving sound escaping my lips as I do. I can feel a violent gust of wind twirling around my body before I can sense the ground below me disappearing altogether, and I fall into a tunnel of darkness, too afraid to even scream as I fall into an abyss. The seconds stretched into minutes, and looking up, I can see, in the middle of a circle of that same blinding light, Ohta Bokkai glaring down at me. Those eyes. Those dead, horrible eyes.

And that's when I see it. That marble like glint in his eyes, and I am left speechless.

I feel my back smacking against the mattress again, my senses now returning to normal and my wrists and ankles are once again feeling the burn of the ropes. I hear metallic sounds singing and banging against each other, and my experience tells me that I'm hearing a sword fight not too far from me orchestrating. I peak with just one eye to see Ohta and Kenshin going at it, with Kenshin disappearing and re appearing behind him to get a good hit. Ohta would either also disappear or jump up and to one corner of the farmhouse to spring forward with a guttural scream, his glowing sword glinting by the angry sun outside. Ohta strikes down and Kenshin catches it with his sword, taking his other hand to slam his sheath right into Ohta's lower abdominal. But we don't hear any gasps or groans of pain.. With a bone chilling realization, we realize that Ohta is wearing a special garment to protect from that kind of blow. Can a sword cut that open? It looks very powerful with its adornments and the thickness of its metallic coverings. Kenshin does a back flip in order to keep a safe distance between each other, panting and glaring at his opponent as he tries to think of the next move. I don't know if he can defeat Ohta with his hands or even with his reverse blade sword. This is a fight unlike any other he's had to face. No doubt his fight with Shishio years ago must be somewhat similar to this combat. It has to be something else that can defeat Ohta instead of just physical force alone. And it's not like Kenshin can just up and hack Ohta's head off since he refuses to break his vows of not killing, even with an opponent as insufferable as Mr Bokkai.

No, it has to be something else. But what?

"What's wrong, Battousai?" Ohta booms with laughter again, "Already out of ideas on where to hit me? Perhaps it would be better to just flip your sword around and not treat this as a child's play, hmmmm? Do you think you can just hit me with it, knowing I am as fast as you and have the ability to cast a spell on you anytime I want? I can freeze you any time I want, I can blind you anytime I want, and as I've done with your boy-toy here, I can put you into a state of utter hysteria. It'd be better to release your old self so that you can have a half chance at defeating me. How about it?"

Kenshin's only reply is a death glare. What should I do? What can be done to stop Ohta from hurting or even killing Kenshin? What's my role here? I know I should do something. My vision is still dim and blurry, with the edges oozing deep purple and I just want to faint. I have to stay strong. What can be done to help Kenshin? Think hard, Soujiro, think! What's something that makes Ohta different from all of our enemies? What makes him powerful and what makes him weak? Think, Soujiro, just think.. What is it about him that's just so.. That's just so..

"Ah.. I see it now.." Ohta suddenly straightens up at the sight of Kenshin's eyes now glimmering golden, "Your eyes are changing. The eyes that kills all in its path."

The eyes that kills all in its path..

Kenshin's eyes..

Ohta's suspiciously synthetic eyes..

His sons' eyes..

Shishio's red eyes..

Kenshin's eyes. The eyes that haunts my every dreams. The eyes that never lies or betrays. The eyes that seeks your underlying pain and extracts them into full light, in order to heal you. The eyes that has made me into the person I am today. The eyes that I've fallen in love with ever since I first met him. The eyes that speaks no ill of anyone, the eyes that wants to restore faith in this world. The eyes I always peer into whenever Kenshin talks about his life philosophy and his no kill policy, of his past experiences wandering and protecting the weak. The eyes that sent my head into a flurry when he looked into my own eyes to ask me that if it's not too late, that I can change despite what happened. The eyes that wants to protect me, even if it means letting me go. The eyes that knows all.

The eyes of truth.

Now I understand.

 _"Kenshin!"_ I cry out and he appears startled by my outburst, "It's his eyes, Kenshin! You have to strike his eyes!"

Kenshin looks at me with unease, unable to tell whether or not I am still delirious over being spell bound in Ohta's grasp. Ohta whips around at me to snarl under his breath, trying to intimidate me into silence, but I refuse to. Kenshin has to know!

"Kenshin.. The answer was there this entire time. Ohta's eyes aren't real."

Kenshin hesitates and with a couple of blinks, the golden tinge seems to have mysteriously disappeared from his gaze, "His eyes..?"

"Oh, shut your mouth, you insolent fool!" Ohta bellows out at me, "My eyes are plenty real! I can see, you know."

"Of course you can see. You are Bokkai of the Black Magic. But I know why your eyes always looked so dead to me and now I realized as to why that is. They're fake. They're just fake glass eyes and you lost your real ones long ago."

Kenshin's eyebrows jump up at that same conclusion also and he turns towards Ohta with a glare head on, "Is that the truth?"

"It's none of your concern!" Ohta roars violently, "I will end this battle if you don't stop talking and will go ahead and kill your Soujiro instead!"

Kenshin knows that it is time to take action. He bends his knees so that he is crouching over himself, doing a different variety of the Battojutsu with a much lower standing form this time, and he bows his head as if he is ready to pray. All is silent and I can hear Ohta cackling at the ridiculousness of it all. Kenshin. You have to believe me, even it sounds so far fetched. Ohta's eyes couldn't be real like a human being's if he knew how to capture Kaoru and killing her before she could stand the chance to fight him back. There's no way he could be so quick enough to catch me off guard earlier today, because even our eyes, Kenshin, even our eyes can't always be so perfect. You and I, we had to suffer our own brushes of death because our human eyes can't always follow all movements all the time. We are only human, after all. Ohta probably isn't, or at least, just one part of him is inhuman. It has to be his eyes. It just has to be. From my viewpoint on the mattress, I can see the sun hitting Ohta at an angle where I can see, ever so closely, the hollow parts of his eyes seeping through. I knew it. I just fucking knew it! They're made of glass!

We have no other choice!

 _ **"Strike his eyes, Kenshin!"**_ I finally shriek in a fit of passion, and time moved slowly. I can see Kenshin in his ultimate glory; his eyelids snap open to reveal a gaze cold and deadly upon his opponent, and with a thrust of his sakabato, his body disappears and jumps ahead through the fabrics of time just to reappear leaping right above Ohta's right shoulder, his sword hitting him square over his eyes. I hear the sound of glass shattering, much louder than I would have expected them to, and there is a spray of blood shooting out of Ohta's upper area of his face. I knew it wasn't because Kenshin hadn't used the sharp side of his sword. I know Kenshin. I know he just wouldn't do that no matter how many risks are at stake. Instead, Ohta falls over and becomes unconscious, blood seeping out from his eye sockets and his glass eyes broken beyond repair. I wince and look away, the ropes scratching against my flesh until it burns. Such an ugly sight. It's been years since I've had to face another body like this and my stomach is betraying me by brewing up bile to ready itself to projectile from out of my mouth. I hold it in just in case.

With closed eyes, my ears pick up the sounds of footsteps walking on dry grass towards me, and I flinch the second I feel his hand on my shoulder. I turn back and open my eyes to face him, his expression grave and yet there is a hint of relief in his eyes and in his ghost of a smile. The sun behind his head seemed to have cast a subtle layer of a golden halo over his silhouette, and I inhale a breath in amazement. What a wonderful sight to behold at a time like this. No matter how many times he has indirectly or purposely hurt me just once before last night, Kenshin never fails to make me feel things that are indescribable. He unties my wrists and my ankles from the rope, and uses those same ones to tie up Ohta who is still has his lights knocked out. I sit up prudently and hiss at the sharp stings, looking down at my wrists to see angry red marks and slashes from where the ropes were tied around. I lift my head in time to see Kenshin coming up towards me after he was done with tying Ohta's wrists and legs together, my stolen sword in his grasp, and we hold each other's gazes for a while.

"Let's go home." Kenshin leans over to try to take me into his arms to haul me up, but I lean back so that he won't be able to reach me so easily.

"I don't understand. You wanted me to leave last night. Ohta is.. He's defeated now. So that means I'm no longer.." My eyes flutter downwards, unable to finish my sentence. It hurts so much.

Kenshin doesn't let me finish, though, and simply leans over again to slide an arm under my rear and carries me from the creaky mattress. I look down to see Ohta's eyes still bleeding and mouth agape, his hair wet with perspiration and blood, and I shake my head over such a sight. Ohta Bokkai of the Black Magic. He knew so much of Kenshin and I, hasn't he? It must have been those eyes. Was he ever a normal man before? Or did he always had this sort of magic inside of him? Either way, I'm glad he is finally captured and will be put away for good. I rest my head against Kenshin's chest and he walks on out of the farmhouse and out into the clear air again. Ever since I murdered my entire family, I've never liked the smell of barn or hay or uncooked rice anymore. Memories hurt, what can I say?

Ohta hadn't taken me out too far from Tokyo. It took us about fifteen minutes to see it up ahead of us again, and I have to wonder when Kenshin will go to the police to report Ohta's whereabouts, but then again, maybe he has the luxury of waiting since he did tie him up. But then, would he be so powerful enough to rip those apart once he awakens? Perhaps all of his magic where in those glass eyes of his and now that Kenshin have shattered them, Ohta is but a simple man once more. As if luck have known it, once we were found traveling through the main shopping street, a police officer stops us. He seems familiar with Kenshin and asked him why we had all these cuts and bruises, and if he should escort us to a doctor. Kenshin simply tells him that a man named Ohta Bokkai is tied up and waiting to be arrested at the remote village just north from here, and to please let us be. The police's eyes flicker over to mines and I simply hide my face into the folds of Kenshin's haori in response. Thankfully, he lets us go.

Setting me down in the bedroom where Dr Gensai used to sleep in, Kenshin opens up a box that Gensai had prepared for us in times of medical treatments. There were pre-made concoctions and bandages, as well as alcohol to clean any cuts and wounds. Kenshin decides to ignore his own bruises to treat me first, which is just too much of him to do at this point. But, I feel an exhaustion seeping inside my bones that for some reason, I don't protest while Kenshin dabs the alcohol on my cuts gently. I grit my teeth from the pain, but I pull through just to get it done and over with as soon as possible. Sitting on Gensai's futon, I tell my heart to not beat so fast or too loudly with Kenshin sitting so close to me, eyeing my injuries and where to clean and when to blow some air on it to relieve the stinging.. Which also just strikes electric sparks up and down my spine as he does so. He's so handsome up close, it hurts. Reaching behind him, Kenshin pulls out another jar of what appears to be a cream of some sort, to perhaps soothe my skin from the harsh alcohol. I hold my breath as he inches closer in order to rub some of the lotion on one ankle, his eyes looking focused on the task at hand. Kenshin. Why? Why are you letting me stay here despite what you said last night?

Have you.. Have you changed your mind? But why?

With one ankle done, he moves on to the other one, the one closest to him. We don't say anything, just letting the silence fill in the gap between us. Well, if you can even call it a gap anymore, with Kenshin sitting so dangerously close to me like this. I know he's just trying to help, but I think I'm getting a heart attack over this close proximity. My smile couldn't help but break into a subtle smirk at my own thoughts, which caught his attention now. Drifting his mouth next to my ear, he asks me not even barely above a whisper, a sound so quiet that I could only make out what he's saying by the exhaling sounds and the movements of his lips so close to me, "Does that hurt..?"

 _Fuck._

An intense blush creeps up on my face and I gulp with a harsh dryness inside my throat, "N-no.."

"Hm," Kenshin backs his face away from me again in order to concentrate on his work, "Did not liked the way he tied you over the bed like that, that I didn't. Ohta didn't touch you anywhere else.. Did he?"

That last question seemed so threatening for some reason, but not towards me, but towards Ohta instead. I just shake my head negatively at him.

"Good. I would have probably ignored my own vows just for that one." Kenshin looks back at me with a wry smile, semi joking about it, and I gape at him with surprise. Are things okay between us again? Did he realized how awful life would be like.. without me here? With him? No way. It just couldn't be.

"Kenshin, I.." I take a hold of my chin and let my eyes drift to the floor below me, my eyes losing focus from the tears spiking in the back of them, "I understand that.. That you need me to leave the Kamiya dojo after we're finished with the Bokkais. And now that that's done with, I just.. I think I should leave.. Right now.."

The silence grows louder between us and my stomach drops. Have I said the wrong things again? Have I said too much once more? I brave myself to let my eyes flip up to Kenshin's face again, and he has a subtle shade of surprise in his eyes at my questions, but then it melts to a more understanding tone now. He doesn't answer me with words, but instead, with a side hug, his forehead pressing on my temple and both arms wrapped around me. My entire body is submerged into an ocean of pure warmth and butterfly tremors, even though my mind is alarmed full of more questions. Just when I am about to open my mouth to ask these questions, though.. I felt it. That trickle of liquid on the side of my face. Kenshin. He's _crying._ My body stiffens all over as he silently lets his tears flow, his arms tightening his hold around me. My heart feels a weight so heavy that it's crushing the lungs underneath it. Oh my God. Kenshin. Please, please don't cry. I'm not worth these tears..

"I am so sorry for hurting you like this, Soujiro." Kenshin's husky voice is muffled through my hair, "I didn't tell you to go away because I harbored resentment towards you. I didn't say those things to express disappointment or disgust over your attraction towards me. I never hated you for that reason, Soujiro, that I did not. I did what I did because I wanted you to be free from the past, the past you had with Shishio, and the past you have made here with me. I don't want to hold you back to the person you are meant to be in the future. You wanted to travel the world, and see all that it has to offer.. There is nothing here for you, that there isn't."

I lean back, my own tears now traveling past my cheeks, "But, you're not.. You're not holding me back—"

"—I am, Soujiro. I felt it in your kiss back in the fields." Kenshin also leans back to take a look at my tear stricken face, "There is a world of pain and longing behind that kiss you gave me. I had so many suspicions over how you felt towards me, and the kiss sealed it for me. The second one that I initiated, I did that to see if perhaps your attraction was short lived or if I was correct in my assumptions that it's a lot serious than you let on. Turns out, I was correct. But I hurt you and for that.. I don't know how you can stand to stay here anymore. You have so much to experience still in your life.."

I stare at him for a moment, processing this, and I finally whisper, "You had to be cruel in order to be kind towards me. Is that it?"

He winces ever so slightly but manages to nod, affirming my statement.

I scoff and smile sadly, "I understand it now, Kenshin. I am not mad at you. I mean.. I understand that you don't feel the same towards me. It's inevitable, is it not? What are you supposed to do with me, anyway? I'm just a face of your distant past and nothing more. I really do want to preserve our friendship if that's possible, though. You've done so much for me that it'd be a shame to throw that away just because of some silly crush I had over you."

Silly crush. Had. How many times can a person lie to themselves before they drive themselves into a state of mania? I look over at Kenshin and I see something strange morphing inside of his eyes at my talk of my own emotions being unreciprocated, as if he found or heard something out of this world. We stare at each other for a while, the silence tense and awkward for a pause, but Kenshin takes a deep breath to say his piece. I wonder what in the world happened just now..?

"I thought I lost you for good. Losing Kaoru hadn't been easy, though I know I will be coming to terms with that in due time. Losing you, though.." Kenshin caresses my cheek with the back of his hand softly, my heart floating by his simple touch, "I would never be able to get over it, that I won't. You've become someone incredibly important to me.. The most important person in my life, perhaps. I wouldn't know what to do with myself if Ohta had murdered you too, Soujiro. I wouldn't have been able to stop myself if I got my hands on him if that were the case. I am glad he did not, of course."

 _"Kenshin.."_ I exhale with more tears overflowing my eyes, and he gently wipes the corner of one of my eye with his finger, his smile as sweet as honey.

"I am thankful for your sweet and forgiving nature, Soujiro. You were there for me and my family no matter the obstacles. You were free to leave and yet you didn't. You have been nothing short of a blessing coming back into my life after four years of your wandering. I am so thankful that you came back to me. I will let you decide what to do from here, that I will," Kenshin leans in to hug me once more, his face once again smothered in my brown messy hair, "Thank you. Truly."

My heart collapses through my lungs and I couldn't hold back anymore. I wrap my arms around his torso and start to sob hysterically in his chest, his grip on me the most supportive and loving I have ever experienced him doing with me in my life.

What a coincidence. I am truly not alone in this world, after all.


	20. Carnal Knowledge

_Author's note: So, like, I'm really, really, **really** sorry for not updating in so long. Life has been insanely busy but now, I'm ready to give this story all my might to finish it, at the very least. I'm really excited for this update, because its going to show what we've all been waiting for. I'd like to say, once again, thanks for all the support you have shown me over the last few months whilst writing this story. Some of you have asked some great questions about the Bokkai family, and please, I'm here to tell you not to worry and that all of your questions will be answered in due time. Until then, enjoy this steamy update. ;)_

 ** _Rated M+ for strong graphic sexual scenes. Viewer discretion is advised._**

Scene XIX: Carnal Knowledge

Life has been pleasant after Kenshin and I shared that crying session together. Almost as if a story page had turned over, our lives have shifted into something more peaceful and calmer now that we know that the Bokkais have been properly put away. The first person who heard the news was Tae Sekihara, and she seemed to have heard about it through word of mouth, because before the day was over, she came rushing up to our dojo to see if we were okay. Kenshin opens up the front door, blinking, as she throws her arms around his neck and sobs into his shoulder, blubbering about justice being served and how proud Kaoru would be knowing her husband's bravery. All the while, I'm standing at the other side near a corner, grasping the edge of the wall at the sound of Kaoru's name. I remember now. Kenshin lost her. He's a widower now. This is all done for Kaoru. But still.. I am really happy for everybody, none of the less. At least the worst of it is over for good.

"I can't believe.. I mean, I can't..!" Tae wipes her eyes, "I'm just.. I'm just so happy that they're off to jail now. Oh, poor Kaoru!"

"Tae, there really isn't any reason for you to be crying like this, that there isn't." Kenshin laughs awkwardly as he holds her. My grip becomes tighter.

"Um, Kenshin?" I hear another voice looming in and I turn to see that its the other worker of the Abeko restaurant, the young Tsubame Sanjo. The poor thing. She must miss her boyfriend Yahiko something fierce, especially with all that's happened so far. Kenshin smiles gently at the young brunette to let her know she can come in too.

"It's all over, Tsubame, that it is." Kenshin bows to the both of them now, "Thank you, for the support that you both have given us at this time of need. Soujiro and I were gracious for the food you have given us from the restaurant, and we will do all we can to repay it back."

"Nonsense!" Tae cries out happily and wipes more tears from her cheek, "You've saved all of Tokyo once again. Those meals are on us, you just continue to be the hero that we both know you to be!"

"Soujiro, is that you?" Tsubame blinks at me and I can feel myself stiffen with everyone now turning to look at me, surprised to find me there. I don't respond at first, feeling suddenly very shy at this exposure, and I can see Kenshin looking a little confused at first as well. But then, he smiles softly and nods at me reassuringly for me to come forward, and I do so, albeit cautiously.

"Oh, Soujiro, are you okay?" Tae comes up while I am walking towards them to also give me a hug, rubbing my back with a touch so maternal that I had to fight with every urge to not melt into such a wonderful hug, "What happened?"

"Soujiro was taken from me." I hear Kenshin respond for me, my arms breaking out in bumps over his sultry voice saying my name. Taken from him. Almost as if..

"Ah, oh no," Tae turns her head to look at Kenshin with a shock, "Ohta took Soujiro just like that? He must have been so fast!"

"He was. But Soujiro here, he told me the secret in defeating Ohta and if it weren't for that, I have to wonder if I'll even be here standing on my own legs right about now. It's all his doing. You two should be thanking Soujiro more than you should be thanking me, that you should."

Kenshin..

"Wow, Soujiro, you truly are amazing!" Tsubame coos from where she stands, obviously impressed by my smarts to defeat such an incredibly difficult opponent without having to use my sword to do that. I smile shyly to the floor, blushing.

"Do you two need any food for tonight? Tsubame and I have so much food back at the restaurant and we need to get rid some of it, anyway." Tae places her hands on her hips and shakes her head at herself, frowning, probably thinking how in the world she got so much goods shipped to her place of work by the volume.

"If it's no trouble," Kenshin scratches his cheek with a sheepish smile, "Soujiro and I really liked your miso soup and rice dish, that we did."

"Is that right?" Tae looks at me with a wink and I nod, my blush deepening, and she clasps her hands together, "Well, don't you two worry! We'll bring over a pot of soup in about an hour if you two can hold on."

"Thank you, Tae." Kenshin places a hand on her shoulder, "Truly, I am grateful for your services."

"Yes," I finally speak up in a tiny voice, though they all could hear me as they turn to me in surprise, "Thank you. So much.."

"Ohh, you are just so adorable!" Tae gushes and looks back at Kenshin, "This handsome young man will make someone so happy someday, I just know it! Don't you agree?"

Kenshin's eyes flickers over to me, his expression unreadable at this point, but it quickly flashes into a regular old grin once more, "I agree, that I do!"

My stomach drops. Am I seeing things? No. It's just my wishful thinking. There's just no way. Tae and Tsubame bid their goodbyes for now and promise they will hurry with the food, so off they went to take care of their business. With the house all to ourselves now, Kenshin decides that he will write to his friends that are now in Kumamoto to tell them that the Bokkais are officially in prison and that it is now safe to come home. Kenshin writes his letter in his own bedroom while I go prepare us some tea to have before the dinner arrives. I feel so relieved, for many reasons: The obvious being that the Bokkais are defeated, and the second being that Kenshin is no longer running away from his own conflicting emotions on how to deal with having a student being so madly in love with him. There is also a third reason, the reason that I know that when the gang returns, perhaps the storm will blow over between all of us and we can maybe, if they can permit it, to maybe start over with me again. Maybe. Perhaps. If only.

No. They probably won't.

Too much has been said and done for things to return to its original axis. I've made them uncomfortable for a very good reason, and it would be unfair for me to hold that against them. They have every right to stay in Kenshin's life. They helped him just as he helped them, and they make his life a happy existence. I don't. I'm just a nuisance and a bothersome pest at best. I don't do anything for these people, and as life wields it, when they come back at the dojo, I will have to take my leave. Such is life. So any weird looks I get from Kenshin, of hoping for something more in between the lines, I know that I'm just wishing for things that could never be. There's no way that Kenshin could ever find me attractive. I know that other people have always loved looking at me because of my supposed beauty blessed by the genes of my mother, but somehow around Kenshin, I cannot hang on to that sort of self assurance anymore. Suddenly the flaws that weren't there before, seem more apparent when I pass by my own reflection. Such as the one I'm looking at now, bending my knees and crouching over a small bucket of water next to our well, surrounded by beautiful trees. With every leaf that falls on my reflection, I can see what exactly is wrong with me. I'm too skinny. I'm too pale. There's dark circles around these tired blue eyes of mine. The luster from my hair has disappeared from the stress that I've been through. My lip appears destroyed from the habitual chewing of my own doing.

I could never stack up to Kaoru Himura, could I?

I look up to gaze upon these trees and the way they just let go of the loose leaves and into the winds. How simple it appears, and yet, how complex the mechanism behind these actions. The cycles that nature have to go through in order to survive. Change is inevitable and there are things we must let go so that we can thrive in an altering environment. I know that if I let Kenshin go, that is when real self growth can begin. He knew this before I could come up with the same conclusion, clouded by my own lust for him. He knew, from the moment I first kissed him, that we have to let each other go so that I can be the wonderful person I can be. The best version I can be. For me. Not for him, or anyone else. Just for me. My heart pangs and I grunt uncomfortably so, realizing what this could mean. If Kenshin does, in fact, return the sentiment, that perhaps he cares for me as much as I care for him.. Maybe he knows that by letting me go, even if he desperately wants me to stay, he can perform an act of true love and one that he must undertake for my own sake. I can travel the world, with nobody to worry about, and nothing could ever hold me back. I remember what he told me before: _"I don't want to hold you back to the person you are meant to be in the future."_

I smirk, thinking, damn you Kenshin. Damn you to hell. If you are so certain of that, why does it kill my heart at the faintest thought of having to leave you behind? Even if it means I get to make my own dreams come true? I know I can find happiness in other places, but Kenshin, what about the idea of building a home in this world? A home I can come back to from my long travels? What if you're my home after all? What if I don't want to take up traveling because you have to stay behind here in Tokyo? And what if that doesn't hurt at all? What if I don't want to make my dreams come true, at least, not until Kenji is older and you are freed up to come along with me? What if I don't care about exploring the countries anymore? Kenshin, what if its you I want to explore? What if its not just your body, but your mind, your soul, your every ridge and curves of all that you hide from everybody else that I am craving to have a taste of? What if its you I want to let my kisses travel all over, the one my hands wants to grab a hold of, like your body is the ship of an ocean that I am set to sail on? What if it's been you, all this time, that holds the secret of my own questions in life?

Kenshin.. What if you're the answer to everything? Why do you insist on letting me go?

"You damn idiot.." I whisper ever so quietly, staring at the same reflection.

"Who are you talking to?"

I jump up with a high pitch gasp and damn near fell over the bucket. Luckily I just collapse on the side and turn to see Kenshin standing next to me, looking ever so puzzled and perhaps a touch upset with himself with what he just did. I am blushing all the way to the strands of my hair and start to heave at my rapid heart beat, but at that split second of realizing that I'm losing my cool once again, I just scoff and regain my composure to throw him off, "Don't do that!"

"Hm?" Kenshin now turns his body towards me and frowns at my disposition, "I was looking for you. I wanted to share the news that tea is ready and I'd like to share some with you, if that's okay.."

He looks and sounds so serious today. But who could blame him? Maybe it's my job to make things more lighter for the both of us. I nod at his request and off we went to head back to our dojo.

Sitting on the wooden floor facing towards the backyard, we enjoy our noon tea and watch as the white clouds continue to blow past the skies above us. I'm going to miss this type of weather when the summer season is over. It won't be long now until September rolls in and I'll be turning twenty two, marking the beginning of the end of my unreciprocated romance with Kenshin. Not even the coldest of winters will amount to the frost my heart will feel when I have to travel thousands of miles away from the one I love. With that in mind, for the time being, I'm going to enjoy these last few moments with him. From the corner of my eye, I can see him staring off into the distance at nothing in particular, with eyes not so bright in its usual intensity, but a milder one, a more exhausted one. I wonder what Himura is thinking about at this time. I'm sure he's at least relieved that the worst of the worst is over and he can relax now. Still, some questions remain unanswered. I set my tea cup down once I'm through drinking from it when out of nowhere, Kenshin immediately places his own hand on top of my own, my heart leaping out of my chest from the contact. I gaped at him, feeling stupid, and he pivots his head to look back at me with those tired eyes, his lips now parting into a mild smile.

"What are you thinking about, Soujiro?" He asks, "You were looking at me and I had to wonder, that I do."

"I wasn't.." I stammer, looking away to hide my flush, "I wasn't looking at you!"

His face doesn't change for a moment until he suddenly smirks, and I can feel his hand (sadly) leaving from my hand, "I can accept that. But you do seem pensive right about now."

There really is something going on in the back of my head, and its not about Kenshin or my own inevitable departure, but its about the Bokkai family and what they're all about. Maybe I should visit them in prison once their paperwork are all done and they are booked for their sentences. I could go within the next few days to give the police some time to calm the citizens down from the pow-wow over the news of their arrest. It's the least I could do for them.

"I am thinking about visiting the Bokkai family soon. Just to see why they did what they did.." I grunt, feeling uncomfortable with knowing that I seem so eager to see them when they murdered someone so close and dear to us, "I want to know why. I want to see if I can.. If I can forgive them for what they've done to Kaoru. I know it all seems too easy when I say these words, but inside, I almost want to hold on to my anger towards them. I want to spit on their names and forget about their freedoms if they ever do see it. I want to be mad at them, Kenshin. I do. They took her from you and from everyone else here. This dojo will never be the same without her. Kenji has missed out on having the most nurturing mother in the world because of them. I want to hate them, Kenshin, don't you see? I want them to suffer for what they've done.."

He doesn't respond, waiting for me to continue. I do so.

"But then, you were the one who woken something deep inside of me four years ago. That part of me that just wants to love and to appreciate everybody instead of seeing them as my next set of targets. You taught me to be open and to appreciate the vulnerability that comes with the weakness. I can't always be strong and you showed me this, and you didn't judged me for not being the strongest of them all. You did something even better, Kenshin. You accepted me, even the parts of me that aren't polished to most other people's standards. The only reason you turned me away that night was so that I can gain strength in my own weakness, not by hurting other people, but by my own unique gifts of what I could provide for them instead. You see something in me, Kenshin, and I want to see something in them, too."

Kenshin shakes his head softly with a muted smirk before looking back at me again, and I look back at him, and there, we looked at each other. An intense silence envelopes the both of us, caging us in, and that's when I see his smile faltering and his eyes that are telling me something. The kind of eyes you see on someone who has something they regret with every ounce of their being, the kind of guilt that could kill a man inside. I can't find any strength in me to pull myself out of his stare or even move my head so that I can end this, nor do I have the bravery to ask him what's happening. Maybe he's proud of what he's hearing me say. Like all his teachings has been a success and to be honest, he did a great job for that. But, because he's done just an amazing job in such little time, that I'm all ready to embark on this journey alone and have to leave him soon. I just don't understand these looks he's giving me. Maybe he knows I have to leave soon and is already feeling disappointed in my pre-departure. I guess I can understand those feelings. If I were him, I know I'd be quite let down that this has to happen in the first place. Steadily, I sigh, deflating and softening my body in order to calm down.

"You amaze me every single day.. Soujiro." Kenshin mutters, with a voice as light as air. My _heart._ I can hardly breathe in that moment. I have to wonder if Kenshin truly is serious, telling me that. I look at my fists on my lap, tightening and digging my nails against my palms, trying to keep it all balanced on the inside. Despite this, despite the awkwardness, I do feel a sense of pride coming up with what I just said no matter how evil the Bokkai's actions were. I look up at the skies, open and now clear of any clouds, and my heart dips at the thought of knowing that Kaoru will never again know the joys of being alive and to enjoy such lovely weather again. And yet, no matter the obstacles, I know that the right thing to do is to let go of this grudge and to forgive the beast that lies in those people's eyes. Not for them. But for myself. For myself and for Kaoru Himura on top of that.

"I will come with you when you visit them, Soujiro." Kenshin turns to me with a sad smile now, almost paining him to hear himself say such a thing for what they've done to his late wife, "Your strength truly knows no bounds. I mean it."

"Shishio was wrong, Kenshin," I lean over to place my chin on my one hand now, staring intently at the tree close to us, "Strength comes from within the spirit. It does not come strictly from bodily strength."

"I actually like that." I can hear Kenshin laughing softly with me now, "That I do, indeed."

We continue to watch the shivering tree branches now, the sun calling out for a brighter future. After tea time, we head back inside to catch up on some light chores and to accept tonight's dinner from Tae, graciously thanking her for all she's done for us, and I prepare the supper in the kitchen. Dinner is as expected between Kenshin and I. Mundane, restful, and uneventful. I do keep a mental note to not stare at him for longer than three seconds lest I want him to think that there's something more to my looks. He doesn't want me in that way and that is something I am coming to full terms with. Two men, together and in love, in the Meiji Era? Impossible. When killing is as normal as petty theft on the streets nowadays, it would be better to just swallow these feelings and not rub the salt in Kenshin's wounds even more than he has to deal with. They say that true love means letting go, after all. After supper, life has stretched into a haze where I can feel my mind numbing to the routines that I've set for myself. While waiting for our friends to come back home and for the newspapers to announce that the Bokkai family will meet their ultimate fates, I just learn to distract myself with the little things. Making sure that all the dojo is impeccably clean and immaculate. The way the grass moves against the wind outside. The casual sightings of a person walking past our gates while I sit all the way on the rooftops, trying to imagine what their lives consisted of.

And, of course, trying to ignore the very strange signs that Kenshin keeps throwing at me. But it's so difficult. I'll explain why. Each and every time we see each other in the hallway, his eyes wouldn't leave my face as I walk past him. Maybe it doesn't mean anything, but he hardly even greets me or say anything at all, so it always feels tense between us. Or when I would do the dishes and he would come in to get rid of some clutter, and he'd stand just _a little too damn close to me_ , that I can feel maybe one body part of his brushing against me when he walks away. I would think to myself as a paranoid freak at this point, but he's never done this before, so why now? Or how about whenever I would eat or clean something or do anything by myself, that I would catch him staring at me? And then when our eyes clash, he would just get up and move somewhere else, as if not wanting to explain what that was all about. Of course, he is nice to me, albeit still distant and cooler in manner since he is still reeling over his grief. But still.. It's like whenever our eyes would meet or we have to talk about anything, it's like we create an invisible world with just the two of us, ignoring all that is going on outside of these walls. I can literally sink into his eyes and he can breathe me in, a connection so silent and yet so intense. I just do not understand. But maybe it's not my job to understand him right now. He's grieving. He's not going to behave normally, after all.

Right?

I shoot up from my bed when I could sense someone at my bedroom late one night. I grab my sword that lies next to my bed and I yell out who's out there because I'm ready to let heads roll. I stand up from my bed and do my battle stance and, stupidly enough, the door slides cautiously open and I see Kenshin stepping in with an expression on his face that seems deeply confused as well as mildly offended. Oh, this is so embarrassing! I'm blushing and I lower my sword, blinking at him. He frowns at me and looks at the floor, pondering on what to say next. Or if he should say anything at all. I'm so rude, I swear! Who the hell goes around threatening death to other people in homes that don't belong to them? This is Kenshin's home, not mines! I should have known that by now. I must still be so out of it since my traumatic kidnapping. I should know what Kenshin feels like, his aura and his presence. It's different from anybody I've ever had to sense before. I guess I'm abnormally paranoid and just wanted to be extra careful so that nothing of the like happens to me again. But now his eyes shoots up at me and he finally mumbles, "It's nothing. Forget it."

He walks out of my room and I stumble forward to stop him, but for some reason, I can't move my arm or tell him to wait. I feel so shocked and embarrassed by my own behaviors that all I could do is watch him walk down the hallway and enter his own bedroom, shutting the door behind him. I'm such a fucking idiot, I swear. Things feel much tenser since that incident, and Kenshin cannot even bring himself to acknowledge me whenever I would enter the same room as him. I, of course, try to let it slide, and just bring him his meals dutifully, not wanting to disturb him as much as I can help it. And still, those beautiful violet eyes of his, they never leave my face, no matter how awkward things feel between us.

One day, I was finished with the laundry and had put everything where they should be, when I realized too late that I had almost pulled a muscle in my shoulder and it hurts quite a lot. I kept rubbing it with my other hand to soothe and to hopefully loosen up the muscles there, to no avail. I hide this from Kenshin, knowing he's not going to help me anyway with all that is going on inside that head of his, but he couldn't ignore what was happening to me. It's about evening time after dinner when he notices me in the living room trying to give myself a rub on my injury that he walks up towards me to ask what was wrong. I giggle and shrug, wincing at the pain of doing just that simple act, and he frowns at me, sinking to the floor to sit down next to me and to study it.

"You hurt yourself?" He lifts one hand slowly, carefully, to lay it on my affected shoulder, "Is it alright if I take care of it?"

"How?" I ask in a small voice, and he smiles reassuringly.

"Here. Loosen your haori."

That really hit me head on, my throat constricting the gasp enveloping in there, and I can feel my skin crawling at him saying that. Calm down, Soujiro. It's nothing of that nature. I mean really, what the hell do you think it's going to happen? Is he going to call you his princess now and marry you immediately? Just calm the fuck down already and do what he says! My shoulder is killing me. With slightly nervous fingers, I untie the knot of my haori so that I can expose my injured shoulder, and Kenshin moves behind me to start massaging me, my face burning already. Oh god, oh god, _oh god._ Just relax, you idiot. It's not that big of a deal. It's just a massage. You've received plenty of massages before. This one's no different. So what if the person giving you it looks like a fucking angel that lost his direction back to the sky? I gasp slightly at the sharp pain shooting from my shoulder and to my chest area, flinching. Kenshin hums.

"You're tensing up. You have to breathe and let yourself give in to this. Otherwise it's just going to get worse."

"Okay.." I whisper, trying so hard to just release the tension inside of me. Soon after, the massage becomes more pleasant and less painful, and I would have never guessed that Kenshin was so good at this. Maybe he has given many massages to Kaoru when she was pregnant or something. I let my mind drift to random places as Kenshin does his job, just concentrating on my deep breathing instead of the weirdness of this situation. He's just a friend.. Kenshin is just a friend of mine. He is my mentor and nothing else. He's only trying to help me and it doesn't mean anything than what it simply is. It's only a massage. A massage from a friend who wants to help out. That's all there is. That's really what's happening. I'm just freaking out over nothing. Kenshin doesn't love me. He doesn't even like me like that. Kenshin carefully digs his fingers into my shoulder blade and the area between that and my neck, the pain now subduing and the muscles no longer contracting. I sigh, unraveling. At that sound, Kenshin comes to a slow halt, and now I can also hear.. something else. I can hear myself breathing, but.. I can also hear him too. Breathing that seems hesitating and confusing, wondering if it should even make a sound anymore, and that's when it got very strange. Kenshin leans in and I feel his breath hitting against my flesh, and I freeze.

It's not..

I'm not going cra..

...

What is happening?

"K.. Kenshin?" I whisper carefully, and I hear him take in a quiet but sharp breath.

"I can't take it anymore."

Then it happens.

He kisses that soft area near my neck and I exhale and, as if that sound has awoken something inside of him, he responds with another kiss on the side of my neck, an open one this time where I can feel the brush of his tongue against my flesh. Hot, searing wetness that causes my insides to melt upon impact. My eyes flicker upward and I groan from the sensation, which earns an eager hand of Kenshin's to travel down to start stroking my quickening hard on, a thunderbolt of pleasure ripping through my insides and I moan deeper. Is this really happening, here, right now? This isn't a dream. I know it isn't. With a determined growl, Kenshin takes his other hand to grasp my chin firmly to have me face him and he kisses me, lips crushing against lips, my body system going through an intense shock. Oh my God. Should I stop this? Is it wrong? Oh, to hell with it! I don't care anymore! I wrap my arms around his neck and there our tongues finally meet each other, the sounds of carnal moans and relieving sighs making us both harder by the second. My mind ceases to no longer make any sense of it all, but my body goes under autopilot and does all that its meant to do at a time like this. His arms now encircle themselves around my hips and he pulls me to sit on his lap, the entire room rotating around our heads and swimming under a sexually dizzy spell. I can hardly breathe from the frenzy kissing and touching, but I still don't care.

I'm just.. so..

 _"Ha..!"_ I exhale a sharp gasp as Kenshin takes a lover's bite on the side of my neck, sucking on it and shivering from his groan vibrating against my skin, _"Oh..!"_

Kenshin releases my flesh from his teeth and just starts to drag his tongue carefully over the wound and outside of it, feeling it wipe against my protruding throat as I gulp nervously from the pleasuring shocks my body is experiencing from his slick, wet friend. Although all of this feels unbelievable, I knew I had to ask him something important. It's now or never.

"Kenshin.. This isn't like.. last time, r-right?" I sigh as he takes another nibble on the other side of neck, his hand doing something amazing on my hard on all the while, "This feels so fucking good, I can't.."

"It's not like last time. I promise." His voice sounds husky with penetrating arousal, giving my neck another wet kiss before he murmurs into my ear, "I'll prove it to you."

My eyes rolls back and I groan, "How?"

 _I know how._

 _Of course I do know how he'll do this._

 _But god fucking dammit.._

 _I have to hear him say it._

 _I have to see him do it.._

 _I have to.._

Kenshin hauls me from the floor and I wrap my legs around his mid section, our intense making out commencing and he starts walking backward, knowing his way around the dojo even with eyes closed from living here for so many years now. My cock is already begging for sweet release, but I wanted to experience the full magic before I can let myself do that. God, I'm so fucking turned on, my eyes could hardly stay completely open in my hazy state of mind, looking into Kenshin's mirroring stare as we enter my bed room and he nearly drops me like a sack of bricks on top of my futon. Without any restriction, he attacks my mouth again, hands traveling all over my body, touching me in just the right areas to entice me to moan louder and deeper than the last. Fuck. I've been waiting for so long for this to happen. He leans back to get a better look of me, both of us panting and feeling flushed, and he trails his finger starting from my forehead down the bridge of my nose, to my lips, to my chin, down to my neck and finally towards my chest, where this simple action pulls open my haori so that the rest of my body is exposed for his use. His eyes drinks this image of me, my face feeling so hot from this intimately erotic moment, my bottom lip quivering.

He slants over me again, taking his time to close the gap between our lips, and I whimper from the pleasure coursing through my veins. I'm so happy, I swear I could die. This isn't a dream. I know this isn't. This is real and it's really happening. I was wrong this entire time about Kenshin's feelings towards me. Or maybe I already knew, deep down, but could hardly believe that it could ever manifest into reality. With all the stacks against me in this lifetime, I simply wouldn't have ever believed that this could happen. But it is and I'm finally blissful to catch a break in life at long last. For once, even if its just for tonight, I'm going to experience pure joy with the person I love with all my heart. And I'm going to enjoy this, without any guilt, without pulling back from any of it. We break the kiss and he busies himself with working on the knot holding my pants, my breathing laborious with anticipation and sexual captivation of knowing what's next. I'm so excited. My stomach keeps doing flips and my heart might go into cardiac arrest, but I try to keep my composure as best as I could. Kenshin pulls down my pants and the rest of me is now out in the open, and I suddenly feel shy, so my hands fly up to my face with a little giggle. Which in return, also makes Kenshin laugh under his throat with amusement.

"It's insane, really," I laugh uneasily, "I've touched myself to you and even had some crazy dreams about us having sex, but now that's it's finally happening.. It's brand new all over again. I'm so scared, Kenshin.."

Kenshin doesn't respond, which makes me peek through my fingers at him curiously, and his eyes frown seriously, "All you have to do is spread your legs, Soujiro. That shouldn't be too hard for you to do. I mean.. It's _exactly_ what you wanted to do since you first saw me, after all."

I bite my lower lip with a shy grunt, remembering all those times I've bitten my bottom lip over my attraction for the red haired swordsman in my days of the Juppongatana, and of course, over Kenshin's confidence for saying the rudest things tied nicely with a shiny bow on top no matter how crazy the crap that flies out of his mouth sounds. How does he do that, I'll never really know. Kenshin's eyes softens and his smile seems inappropriately innocent given this situation, with his hand now laying over my chest and letting it roam over down to my stomach, his eyes clouding over with lust. As it slides over my gut, I heave with a nervous gasp, my stomach flinching back for a second, my cock twitching. Touch me. Touch me. Please. _Please_ touch me. Kenshin finally has his hand near my aroused sex, and his eyes flicker to me, silently asking me if he could. I nod, my throat feeling dry from the anxiety I'm feeling, dreading the inevitable pain that will follow if I let Kenshin penetrate me. But I know that it's either tonight or never again. And I have to do this. I have to close this chapter, if it means we'll never be together like this again once his friends come back.

 _"Oh fuck.."_ I whimper as he starts to rub the top head area of my member with his skillful fingers, moving it as if it were a squid or an octopus, shots of pleasure sparking each time he pulls it upward. My back arches and my hip involuntarily bucks in a futile attempt for him to touch me more or to change his hand positioning so that he can jerk me properly, but he ignores me, leaving me helpless at his disposal to do what he pleases and at the rate he wants to go. His smirk is subtle but there's a wicked light in his stare that can't be ignored by me, making me feel even more horny in return. He leans over again, his hand not leaving my cock, just to kiss me deeply again. His tongue enters my mouth and I feel fervorous in my desire to have Kenshin all to myself, so I start to softly wrap my lips around his tongue, moving my head to a lewd movement that looks like I'm giving him fellatio with it. He did not expect that, so I feel his body flinch in slight surprise, groaning at the back of his throat and that's when he starts to wrap his fingers around my dick to pump me finally. I also flinch in response from the wonderful sensations, but I refuse to stop my sucking. Kenshin pumps me faster, saying to me, to stop and to let him go or he'll go insane with desire. I didn't cared and went as deeply as I could to swallow his tongue into my eager mouth, driving him over the edge. Taking it as a challenge, his other hand goes down and brushes against my opening, which makes me let go and exhale nervously, realizing the seriousness of tonight.

I didn't think it would happen to me. Sleeping with another man and having his member go inside of me. Kenshin stops and frowns with concern at the expression on my face. I must look so afraid right now all of a sudden. We were quiet, just looking at one another, almost at a disbelief that this is even happening.

"Soujiro.." His voice is as soft as velvet and he looks so concerned over my frightened disposition, "We can stop if this is too much for you."

"It's not.." I shake my head with a quivering whisper, my eyes glassing over with tears, "I mean. I want this. I do. But.. But it's just.. Have you.. Have you ever..?"

Kenshin seems to understand exactly what I'll say next, and in the next beat, he nods, "I have with another man before, yes. I won't hurt you tonight, Soujiro, that I won't."

My eyes widen in surprise. He's done it with another man before? He's done this before Kaoru or even Tomoe? I never would have guessed just by looking at him and his behaviors around certain women in his life, but.. I guess I was wrong. I wonder who the man in question was who's had sex with Kenshin Himura. That man must be so lucky to have Kenshin with him like that. But now.. Now it's my turn to experience Kenshin intimately. Kenshin comes down to kiss me sensually, and in between kisses and tongue overlapping tongue, I hear him mumble, "You just say the word and I'll either stop, or continue.."

I whisper, "I need you. Just be careful.. I'm a virgin down there."

He growls darkly and kisses me fully on the mouth by hearing that confession, excited at how delightfully firm and tight I'll be for him. And I moan with enticement and pleasure, also excited for the kind of pleasure that will leave me breathless once Kenshin breaks me in. I'll just do everything I can to relax and trust Kenshin to guide me from start to finish. Breaking the kiss, he rapidly and feverishly leaves me pecks of kisses from my jawline to my neck and continues to move downward until he comes onto my torso, to which he slows down. He lifts his head to stare straight ahead into my eyes, my breathing halting once I see him lower himself enough that his chin is just grazing over the top part of my member. Sliding his tongue out and his eyes not moving from my gripping gaze, he drags his tongue just over the top of my cock, and my mind disconnects from all that is reasonable and logical. My eyes shoots backward and my neck and back arches, my face meeting the pillow behind my head, muffling my cry of sweet rapture, the feeling much more pleasurable than it could ever compare to my greatest dreams of doing this with Kenshin. He wraps his lips around my cock and starts bobbing his head, the sensations indescribable. I can hardly breathe or think straight and my mouth remains open as small sharp exhales of delight plays, Kenshin's tongue sliding over and around the base and flickering against the most sensitive parts of the head. My body fucking loves this.

 _"Yes, yes, yes..!"_ My voice breaks in sharp notes and my eyes shut when Kenshin rubs his tongue and thumb around the head at the same time, _"Aw, fuck!"_

Now with his hands gripping both sides of my hips, Kenshin is able to devour me all to his heart's content, my body swarmed with the highest peaks of pleasure. His mouth feels insane on my cock and my bottom lip bursts with a spurt of fresh blood from biting down on it too hard. Regardless of the copper taste, I lick it all up, moaning as I can feel my tip touching the back of his throat and my hands reach down to ruffle into his thick hair. This keeps going for several maddening minutes before Kenshin comes up to sit properly in between my inner thighs and holsters me up so that my legs are further spread out. I open my eyes to look at him, my heart fluttering at the possibility of a painful intercourse, but he shakes his head reassuringly that it won't happen yet. With one wet finger, he starts to stroke the rim of my opening, tiny sparks of pleasant sensations shooting from that area and into my stomach. My cheeks blush deeper but I refuse to let this stop him or myself from enjoying myself. He dips down to continue to pleasure me orally, letting his saliva go down on his finger periodically and tease my hole more and more, my body writhing and I moan helplessly each time. I just want to get this over with, and have him enter me at long last, but he knows what he's doing and I should trust him. I don't want this to hurt me too much, after all, and he knows this.

I don't know how long this took, his finger encircling my opening like this, but then I feel the tiniest prick of pain as it finally goes in by the first centimeter and I flinch. Kenshin hushes me patiently and softly, licking and sucking me while he plays around with not going in too quickly but determined to be able to finger me completely soon. Meanwhile, I just concentrate on relaxing my muscles and calming myself down with deep breathing, mixed in with groans and sighs with all that is happening in this moment. This is incredible. This is so much better than my first sex dream with Kenshin. Because this is real and he really wants me like I want him. Another centimeter enters me, another prick of sharp pain, but then it melts away the more Kenshin pleasures me in other ways like jerking me off or licking the sides of my throbbing cock. Another centimeter, one minute at a time. He is very patient and tries to make sure I don't freak out, and for that, I appreciate that very much. This is my first time, after all, and he refuses to ruin the moment with me going ape shit over the pain or the novelty of sleeping with another man. Another centimeter, the pain lessening each time he enters deeper and deeper. Soon, he's in there completely and carefully pumps the finger in and out of me, trying to stretch me out with dainty movements so as to not tear anything. It took him a while, but soon he curves his finger upward to rub something inside of me and I moan passionately from the intense pleasure with him doing that. He groans at my eyes rolling to the back of my head and from seeing me open up to him completely like this, my orgasm nearing.

 _"God!"_ I whine with a happy sigh, _"Kiss me..!"_

Kenshin does so and my hands clasp on his jawline to hold him firmly against my lips, my tongue violently dancing against his. And all the while, he's fingering me and rubbing that delightful spot inside of me and I enjoy these shocks running up and down my spine. Breaking the kiss, Kenshin just lays his forehead against my own firmly, his breaths hitting my lips, and his eyes gazing deep into mine where I can see the fires in his pupils turning a slight golden tinge. I wouldn't turn down the opportunity to get fucked by the Hitokiri Battousai, so I'm not concerned by the color in his eyes. He soon enters another finger, each minute going deeper until its also all the way in, rubbing against that sweet area and I pull on his hair gently while I hump against him and he suckles on my neck hungrily. Sounds of our hoarse breathing and my surprised gasps and sensual moans fill the room, no doubt them being loud enough to reach the other corridors of the dojo, and lucky us that we are here just the two of us, alone, to enjoy all of this in private. This feels so fucking good, I can't hardly imagine what his entire cock will feel like in me if these two fingers are already driving me up the wall. Soon I feel a pull in my lower stomach and I convulse, on the brink of crying as I finally cum over my stomach as well as parts of Kenshin's stomach, and he slows his movement of his fingering as I go through the motions and him licking his bottom lip at the image of me cumming in front of him. He finally stops fingering me and returns to his original position and I try to slow down my heart rate to normal, and before we both know it, I am on my knees untying his pants open and engulfing his cock inside my mouth, moaning at how good he tastes. Kenshin bites down his groans as I deep throat him, surprised at my own confidence in knowing how to give oral so quickly and efficiently. I guess I must be incredibly aroused that it had drown out all negative emotions such as shyness or clumsiness and I feel secure enough to give Kenshin all of me now without holding back. Swallowing him whole, I can feel the bubbling of a giggle coming on as Kenshin finally erupts in a guttural sound as he can feel his entire cock hitting the back of my neck.

I slide it out of my mouth and hold his cock with both hands, flitting and sliding my eager tongue over and around his sensitive head while smiling up at him, "Now I understand all those looks you've been giving me lately. You just want to fuck me raw, is that it?"

"Sou.." Kenshin is cut off with another suckling of my dainty mouth on his head, _"Fuck."_

It's too much for him to handle. With glazed eyes and my soft moaning while I rub my tongue under his cock inside my mouth, Kenshin couldn't bear the sight or feelings of this anymore, and with one hand he removes himself from my captivity and shoves me down on the bed again. In a moment of calamity, he is hurrying himself with pulling his lower garments down completely and holstering me up on his hips again, my back against the bed and he slants over me to place one hand around his cock and the other on my shoulder to offer himself support before entrance. He looks at me. I look back at him. It's silent for a moment. This is really it. It's finally happening. There's no backing out now. This is what I've dreamed of and wanted since I first laid eyes on him. His snarky comment earlier now sounds more ironic than I realize. There's an invisible currency of electricity in our gaze towards each other, and the air is unbearably thick with suspense. Never in my life would I expect him to want me back, to like me back, to _love_ me back, and yet here he is ready to claim my body as his. I'm so afraid and yet, I am so relieved that we can both have this together. We will be united as one, two bodies into one soul. I won't ever forget when Kenshin asked me years ago if I was able to connect to my Shuntensatsu with my heart and soul as confused as it is. At that time, I never realized that it was because Kenshin knew, mysteriously so, that I've been in love with him and that is why I couldn't attack him or finish him off properly. How can you murder the person you love so much? How can you kill the love of your life like that?

"I'm in love with you." I hear my own mouth wording this, smoothly and effortlessly, without thinking of it beforehand, without my brain connecting to my mouth.

Because my heart did the job for me.

And I know that's the truth that is needed to be said.

Kenshin's eyes open just a tad, impressed by my courage on this fateful night, especially before the inevitable will occur. He smiles and leans down to kiss me chastely on the lips, whispering, "I am fond of you as well, Soujiro Seta."

Hearing those words, everything becomes light and floating, and I can unwind my body to let Kenshin pierce my hole with his tip. Even despite the small sharp sting of pain, I trust him enough to take his time to thrust himself into me, gently and slowly, feeling his way around, easing into it. He murmurs in my ear to remember to breathe and to use my stomach to relax my tension there so that he can slide inside of me easier. It seems to be working, though it does still hurt quite a bit. But Kenshin never gets angry when I freeze or gasp out of nowhere from the pain or the alien feeling of my insides widening from being penetrated, and I don't feel so ashamed of my own reactions. It took him around ten or so minutes until he is inside of me completely, and he holds me as I cry silently between his neck and shoulder blade. I never knew being deflowered could be such an intense experience. Women must have it so rough to be on the receiving end of this. To be torn apart like this, no matter the speed of the man in question doing it to them. I have a newfound respect for women, although I've never had any issues with them before.

With tender thrusts, Kenshin starts to have sex with me and I throw my head back steadily from the queer mixture of pain and pleasure making waves throughout my body. Every now and then, Kenshin would carefully move back so that he can rub more saliva either from his mouth or my own around the base of his cock or around my hole to get it slick and wet for easier puncturing. To make things easier, he would leave the sweetest kisses all over my face and on my throat, caressing one side of my face with his hand while he kisses my eyelid. I would choke back sobs from sheer bliss of it all and he would be so understanding of my emotional outbursts, unlike so many people of my past. With Kenshin, I'm free to be who I really am on the inside. Us having sex is just a web connection between my epiphany as well as to Kenshin's once guarded heart, and I can feel my weary soul entangling into his more stronger one, uplifting me and carrying me into the universe at once. I wrap my arms around his neck and rub my tear stricken face against his, nuzzling him and quietly weeping, and he welcomes it all. Kenshin. You're the only one I think I'll ever love in this lifetime. I mean it. I feel so safe, so warm, and so loved by you. With you, I'll never be lost again.

 _"Ha.. Senpai.."_ I sigh happily, buckling upwards with my hips in rhythms with his own thrusting. I wince once the pain elevates here and there, though it is subsiding the more Kenshin continues at it and I am relaxing to being wrapped around him. I'm just glad he isn't rushing me to get into this. He's so understanding. Soon, he's banging me and has my legs spread out enough that I am biting my fist to keep from screaming in joyful pleasure. A sheet of perspiration cover our faces and bodies and Kenshin sounds so hot, grunting and groaning at my heated tightness around his cock, and I'm breathing rapidly and in higher tones than normal, not caring how effeminate that makes me appear. He seems to like how I sound, judging by his intermediate sighs and words about how beautiful I look right now. His cock is hitting me in _all the right places._ I'm feeling dizzy from the red hot heat I'm feeling everywhere. The shocks of this joyride and Kenshin's cock hitting my swollen prostate are leaving me breathless. God, I think I'm going to cum again..!

Biting on my fist harder now, I whimper loudly as I orgasm once more, my cum shooting almost as far as reaching up on my chest, prompting Kenshin to chuckle at my poor expense of getting myself all sticky now. I scoff at him and pout as he continues to ram into me, not hard enough to hurt but enough to give us both potent satisfaction, which is almost unbearable as I already came twice tonight. I don't think I can handle another one. Still, I let him get to it, arching my neck and hiding my face with the pillow to bite on it. Kenshin bends forward and starts to suck on my throat now, running his tongue over it and I twitch, moaning. Our hands are roaming everywhere. Tongues are at war with each other once more. My hand slides on the side of my face and I drag my finger into my mouth to suck on it, my eyes flirting with Kenshin's and he plummets into me deeper in response. Nothing could ever reach this level of beautiful insanity that we've achieved tonight. Soon, I can see Kenshin's eyes not being able to focus straight anymore and I can feel his hips moving with more erratic movements than normal, losing all sense of control. He's about to cum. I can feel it. I feel myself smiling at him, eyes wide with titillation, hoping that my smile will finally push him over the edge. I love it. I love being younger than him and having my youthful body giving him all the pleasures in the world. And it did. Kenshin buries his face into my neck and bites down his yell as hot cum shoots into my body. I gasp quietly at this new feeling, my lip trembling and my giggling sounds strangely off key. God, that felt amazing. I feel so.. I feel so possessed by this. I love it. We both take our sweet time catching our breaths, looking at one another.

"How was it?" Kenshin whispers gravelly, and my eyes flutter at how completely satisfied I feel.

"Amazing." I whisper with a thinner tone, wrapping arms around his neck so that I can kiss his forehead.

"Good." I can hear his tired but happy smile in his voice and he lays his head on my shoulder, our bodies, hearts, and souls, together as one.

The way it should be.


	21. Waiting Game

_Author's note: Hey guys! I'm so happy that I still have some fans left, LOL! Life is still busy, as I now have a new addition to my family to take care of. It does take up some of my freedom up along with my other responsibilities, but I do have you guys at the back of my head and I won't ever forget you or abandon this story. Here's a fun update that I think everyone will enjoy. This update will focus on the new relationship between Soujiro and Kenshin. Aren't you glad these little knuckleheads are together now?! *squeezes them*_

 _I'm sorry that I'm not directly commenting on your reviews, but I promise to be more social in my up and coming new KenJiro fanfic, so please be patient while that's in the works. I will answer your reviews in the final chapter of this series and I have mulled over your questions to make sure that all loose ties in this story will be tied up by the time its completed. There will be a scene for the Bokkai family within the next chapter or so, so don't worry, all your questions about them will be answered. I hope you guys enjoy this! So much fluff in here that I know some of you will like, as well as.. well, y'know. ;) I consider this more of a fun type of filler chapter while I prepare for the last couple of chapters of this. It's almost over. *sniffles* But not to worry! Other KenJiro fics by me will be written and all will be fine in the world!_

 ** _Bonus question: Would you guys like me to write a small chapter about how Kenshin and the "secret male lover" came together? It means an extra update for this story, so it's up to you. Three reviewers who says "yes!" to this will see an arc between these two._**

 ** _Rated M+ for strong graphic sexual scenes. Viewer discretion is advised._**

Scene XX: Waiting Game

Last night was magical. We slept in my futon and morning crept into my window many hours later, slowly rousing me awake and I find myself smiling in a daze at Kenshin sleeping peacefully next to me. With the rosy gold ray of halo surrounding his head, casting a soft flow on his porcelain face, he looks like a painted portrait of the highest talent. I inch closer to him to snuggle up against him, rubbing my nose along Kenshin's nose bridge, and he groans like a child being waken up before feeling ready to. I giggle. Snaking my arms around his waist, I kiss his forehead lovingly, our skin pressing against each other, and I sigh happily. Nothing could ever come close to this. I shut my eyes and rest for a couple of hours until the sun is finally up to signal a brand new beginning for the rest of our lives.

Me. With Kenshin. Can you believe that? I sure can't. It doesn't even feel real. I keep pinching myself to see if this is just a long drawn out lucid dream, but it isn't. It's all real and last night really did happened. It's crazy, when I think about it. I've never had sex with a man, and that's a given, but I never had an actual boyfriend before. How do you behave around a boyfriend when all you've ever known was to date other women and making them your girlfriends? I know how to treat a lady, but how do you treat a man well? What are the rules surrounding that? What are the do's and don'ts? What's off limits? Has Kenshin ever had a boyfriend before? He's had sex with a man, but was that other man ever his boyfriend too, on top of that? It's something that I think I should ask him later when I have the time. For now, I can't help myself but feel unbearably clingy with Kenshin. I don't know why this is. It might just be our history together, how far apart we seemed in the beginning, with no way of knowing that it would come to this. He was married, with a child, and I was just a homeless young man with the world on his shoulders. No way these two could have ever gotten together in this realm of reality, right? So to have this happen just sends my head into a whirlwind. Not to mention, being so close to losing him a few times before is enough to drive me into another panic attack.

So, I would follow him wherever he went. He doesn't mind. Not one bit. Kenshin tells me that his friends should be home around a few weeks time due to the long distance, so we have ways to go before we see them again. We still have to look after the dojo, and we still have to watch out for each other. I feel so protective of Kenshin, afraid of him getting hurt, but he seems surprisingly relaxed despite it all. I would even wait nearby whenever he would use the restroom, just to keep an eye on him. I hate that I'm like this. With previous girlfriends, I always played it cool. I didn't have a care in the world when I was with a woman. The relationships always played out so easily and even the break ups were never that traumatizing. But with Kenshin.. it's so different. It feels so much more pronounced. I actually fear that he won't love me anymore someday. I actually plan an entire lifetime inside my mind when it comes to him. I actually want to maybe, if it is ever embraced by society, to marry him and to be his spouse. I love Kenshin with all my heart and it hurts me when I have to be apart from him for just a fleeting moment in our daily routines. When he has to busy himself with chores and has to go to another room than the one I'm in, my heart aches. When he has to go out and get food for us, I can hardly breathe. I would find any small excuse to hug him or give him little kisses on his face or on his lips and he is so patient with my new clingy personality. We no longer sleep apart.

Tae and Tsubame do come down to see us from time to time, and Kenshin and I hid our relationship from them, naturally. It's so difficult to tear my eyes away from Kenshin's beautiful face whenever I would bring the two girls their teas. Or if Kenshin is conversing with them in the backyard and I have to pretend that we didn't just have the most amazing sex in the world not too long ago. The two ladies never suspected anything, thankfully. In their worlds, nothing is out of place. And in between their visits, Kenshin and I would just venture out into Tokyo, shopping in the main street, looking at all the corners of this town and anything that stands out to us, and spending lazy afternoons near the river where Kenshin could fish and I would take a nap on his lap meanwhile. Any passing person who would walk by would just assume that I'm Kenshin's sleepy brother or something, so nothing bad or alarming would happen whenever I would touch him with love. As long as I don't kiss him squarely on the lips or on the cheek, or anything that carries romantic notions, people peacefully ignored our existences. And I'm happy for that. I feel free for the first time in many years. This is exactly the kind of life I wouldn't mind leading.

Kenshin makes sure that our time spent waiting for our friends to come back home wouldn't be too boring. He'd take me out camping when the nights were warm and all the insects and animals come to life, and we could build fires and hunt for any small creatures to take it back home as trophies or for dinner. The one night I won't ever forget was when we were both sitting in front of a roaring campfire, looking up at the starry skies and just enjoying the silence together. And in the next few moments, Kenshin's gentle hands would carry my face, inspecting me, and I'd look at him with a soft and trusting heart. A dramatic difference between this and four years ago, how different that I am with Kenshin versus the seventeen year old me who very nearly came close to killing him in cold blood. Kenshin's thumb carefully swiped some strands from out of my eyes and he sighs with a smile.

"You really do have a beautiful face," Kenshin shakes his head with that same smile, "I love how the shadows from the fires plays with your face."

I smile, feeling so elated to be here tonight. The fire cackles soundly next to us. Kenshin takes a moment to pause before leaning in slowly to close the gap between our lips, a single beating heart made with two.

He and I would, on another day, go a bit further from Tokyo until we would find a large river bank to swim in, to lie under the sun after as the clouds fly by, just enjoying each others' companies and laughing together. When there was nobody around us, or if we find ourselves walking in between two houses and we find ourselves all alone, he would pull me in for a kiss and I always kiss him back, if only for a moment. All of my most painful memories that used to anchor my moods and used to bring me into depressive spirals have since lifted with every kind gaze coming from Kenshin, every stroke of his hand on my arm or on my knee, and especially every time he would hold me at night as the fireflies come out to play. Summer is quickly becoming my most favorite time of the year. It's the season that we became lovers, after all.

Lovers.

What a word.

 _"Oh fuck.. Kenshin!"_ I exhale with a helpless moan following soon after, squeezing the wet cloth I was using to clean the floor one warm morning. I'm on my elbows and kneecaps, my bottom pants pulled down until Kenshin is able to have enough access to lick my opening, my thighs quivering with each stroke of his wet tongue against my hole. I couldn't even make a proper sound as I feel his finger now sliding inside of me, an explosion of pleasure popping from there and now radiating throughout my body except for a sharp gasp. Kenshin doesn't hold himself back as he now gets on his knees to properly finger me quicker and deeper, his other hand grasping my hip and pumping his finger in and out of my ass continuously, ignoring my pleas to stop doing this or else I'll soil the floor with my cum.

 _"S-Stop this!"_ I whimper, genuinely afraid of cumming, and I hear Kenshin chuckle regardless of the panic in my voice.

"Just relax. This won't take long."

"I can't cum here! I was.. _I was.."_ I take in a sharp breath as he goes in deeper and thrusting harder, _"I was cleaning this floor..!"_

"And?"

"My cum will mess it up.. Kenshin, please!" I struggle to keep myself on this position but this is just killing me, so I end up laying my forehead against the back of my hands now as Kenshin retreats his finger from me finally. In that split second of feeling relief, I cry out suddenly when I felt his cock pressing against me now, his hands guiding my hips to let it pierce me. As it finally goes all the way in, feeling my insides widening to accommodate his girth, I bite back a sob of pleasure, loving every second of Kenshin propelling himself into me. The way his hips move against mines just couldn't be described with the justice that it deserves. I just can't help but cry out and cover my loud moans with biting over my hand, tears brimming in my eyes while Kenshin jerks my cock and fucking my tight hole at the same time. It didn't take long for me to finally orgasm and cum over the floors exactly how I predicted and feared the most, in which Kenshin also cums inside of me. I just huffed annoyingly while Kenshin laughs with good nature into my ear and kisses my cheek.

"Sorry about that. I'll leave you to it, then." Kenshin gives me another hug from behind before standing up to walk away to let me grovel and feeling even more irritated at the mess I've made.

I'll get him for that.

Later on that day, I find Kenshin finishing up with the laundry and hanging them all on the clothing line to let the wind and the sun dry them properly. He sits on an upside down basket to rub his shoulder from all the hard handiwork, and I walk up to him with no expression on my face. He looks up, blinking and sweetly confused as to why I look so dead right now, and he says nothing while I am nearly standing over him. I look down at him, my arms touching him, my left foot stepping over his foot softly, and he gazes back at me, expecting me to tell him what's going on. A silent hush passes us by, just like a wind. No words were said. His brows pull together ever so slightly, his confusion now taking on a deeper note, and I do not react. Not for almost an entire minute. And then, a small smile plays on my lips, which makes Kenshin freeze internally, now suspicious over what I'm up to. Perhaps he knows he's done wrong with torturing me with such pleasure earlier today and will have to pay for it dearly. I mean, it's his fault, really. I slowly descend to the ground, my eyes not leaving his all the while. He also doesn't break his stare on me, and with a gentle movement, I already untied his pants without his knowledge, catching him by surprise. I'm still the fastest person he knows, after all. Before he can come back from his surprise, I pull on the hems to get him out of his pants, and he grunts comically, blinking and flushing from his private parts being exposed like this towards mother nature.

"Oro?" He tries to get his pants back but I simply block his hands with my entire arm and an evil grin, successfully making him back down, though judging by his rapid blinking, he's still as confused as ever.

I answer his million internal questions with just this: "I wanted to thank you properly for saving my life. You've done that twice and I feel you should be compensated for it." I bend on my knees all the while I'm smiling up at him coyly, which prompts him to look even more confused. I waste no time in spreading his knees apart and then rotating myself around so that I'm facing from beneath his exposed cock over my face, and I hear Kenshin inhale quietly, already on edge for what I'm about to do next. With a small smile, I slide my tongue out to give a very light touch with it on the underside of his shaft, soft and sweet, grasping his outer thighs so that he won't be able to move out of my mouth's way. He exhales and I giggle a tad, repeating this crazy making action with the tip of my tongue, not going anywhere near his most sensitive parts, just to drive him insane. And it's working, judging by his sounds and flinching. Despite the age gap, I actually prefer to be the more dominant one sometimes.

"W-wait, we should—" Kenshin stiffens all over at my tongue flickering along his length.

"—Shhh," I hush him politely, gripping on his thighs with warning, "This is okay. We don't have to go inside."

"But—"

I interrupt him by going ahead and letting my tongue slick on over towards his head and he exhales nervously, which in returns, makes me smirk delightfully. He knows I won't listen, so he sits there quietly as I continue on with my torture, even alternating with my lickings with taking one finger and dragging it alongside his twitching member, as if it's some newly found artifact and I'm inspecting it, observing his reactions intently as I go along. Kenshin groans and winces helplessly at all I'm doing, my tongue flickering and fluttering over his shaft and I moan softly to amplify his pleasure, my mouth swarming with saliva. Taking one hand, I start to rub the top half of the head of his cock while I start to suck around the base of it hungrily.

"Oh God.." Kenshin grunts.

I let his cock go from my mouth just to whisper, "Thank you so much for saving me, Kenshin," before I continue to lick under his length with my grasp on his head tightening slightly. Kenshin finally lets himself moan in pleasure and my stomach quivers from satisfaction, making my other hand travel down to start stroking myself. This is so hot. I go about this for many moments so that Kenshin can enjoy my sweet and wet mouth over and around his hard on, me enjoying how he tastes especially, and he seems to enjoy the sight of me jerking myself off as I continue to lick him. My patience runs thinner the more Kenshin sighs and moans in pleasure, and after a while, I couldn't help myself but to finally sit up straight and turn myself around so that I can give him a more traditional fellatio, letting him have sex with my mouth as I continue to please myself. It took him just about a few minutes until I can finally taste his cum running down my throat, and I collect all of it almost selfishly, ignoring his small whimpers of how intense my sucking is for him so that I can get each and every last drop of him. Letting him go, I see him shudder with relief and him slapping his forehead with his open palm.

"You win." Was all he had to say to me, and I grin sinfully, letting my tongue slide out to give him one last lick from his opening of his cock as a parting gift.

What can I say. Kenshin and I fuck each other day and night. It's as if all those weeks and months of us having to just pretend to be fine with being friends is finally coming to a boiling point and we can't get enough of each other. Kenshin loves fucking my tight ass and I love sucking on his big cock. I love it when Kenshin fingers me and he loves it when I cry out his name while cumming, and we both especially love touching each other with feverish desire. Kenshin is one who likes to hold these playful grudges and then acts them out against me whenever I least suspect them. Such as now while he's reading the newspapers and enjoying a cup of tea one fine afternoon, about a couple of days after I tortured him in our backyard. The sun is out and all in the world is perfect. The weather is perfect. His tea brew is perfect. The daily news speaks highly of a certain samurai who has once again saved all of Tokyo from chaos is perfect. Everything is perfect. His finger inside of me, especially, is perfect.

 _"Oh fuck, oh fuck!"_ I cry out in a high pitch as he delve his finger all the way inside of me to rub against my prostate vigorously, seeing stars from the cutting pleasure in my body as he does that. Kenshin seems to behave as if this is normal, not paying any mind to my pants and moans as he continues to read his paper lazily, not once looking my way as my stomach lies over his lap and he has my legs spread out in a lewd fashion to gain better access. With his other hand, he takes a sip of his cup and sets it down to then grab my ass cheek and continues to drill his other finger deeper inside of me, earning a muffled cry from me. Goddammit, this isn't fair! I thought he was being serious when he told me that he dropped something underneath the cabinet which, ironically enough, is the same place where I rolled Kenji's toy horse into it. It seems so long ago since that embarrassing incident happened. And now here I am in the same place again, now getting my body destroyed just for Kenshin's sheer amusement.

"It's so tight." Kenshin smirks, the synchronicity of me remembering that same dumb thing I said ages ago when trying to find Kenji's toy and him stating that right this moment is enough to make my face glow red.

To expand on my earlier comments before about being clingy, I'll give you one example that I think will make you laugh as it has done with me long after it's happened. Kenshin and I went out to do some shopping around town out of sheer boredom, and we stopped by the book store that I found a while back when he and I had that silent argument over me dishonoring his wife's name. The store owner, the aged shopkeeper who woke me up from my slumber that day when I was brooding over Kenshin, seem to have remembered me judging by his widening eyes and smile. He welcomes us both in and we browse the books for a bit together. Kenshin wanders off to find something when the shopkeeper corners me with a friendly simper and asked me how I've been doing these days. I tilt my head, blinking, wondering where this friendliness is coming from and why.

"I've been wondering about you since I found you sleeping on that small table over there," He turns as if to emphasize his point and my eyes follow it to said small table that sits in the middle of the shop, "And you were saying someone's name over and over again. Now, what was it? What was that name again..?"

Oh dear _fuck._ I can't believe this. This old man still remembers my face and now he can remember the horrendous things I've said while sleeping?! I try, though, with all my might, to not crack any expressions on my face but a polite smile to acknowledge what he just said. Inside, I'm already dying from humiliation. I can't believe this.

".. Ken.. Zuu? I think that's it. No. No, that's not it," He rubs his chin and ponders some more, "I could have sworn you were dreaming about someone named Kenshin, is that right?"

Kill me right now. I smile wider, ignoring the twitch of my eye, "You sure about that, sir?"

He nods happily, "Yes, that's it! It was Kenshin you were dreaming about! You were sitting there, going, _Kenshin, Kenshin, please love me, Kenshin.._ I had to wonder if this is a family member who went off to fight for the war, because you sure sounded very sad saying his name like that. Is he back home now, my young boy?"

My eyes flicker over to Kenshin who is busy himself with reading through something far away from us and not able to hear our conversation, and I look back at the shopkeeper who seems blissfully oblivious to who that red haired man is, "He is back, yes. I'm really happy that he is home safe and sound."

If you count fucking my ass home, then yes, Kenshin is back home. The shopkeeper seems satisfied with the answer, and bows to me to excuse himself. I sigh in relief, about to head on over to where Kenshin is, when I see, standing near him, a young maiden dressed in a wholesome blue kimono. Her hair is steep black and is worn over her slender shoulders, and she is every bit as precious as her face. She seems to have asked him a question, and Kenshin turns to her with a confused face, and then he answers back with a smile and I see her giggling in return. Oh. There it is. That prick of bitterness inside my chest. Who is this girl? And what is she doing talking to Kenshin? To _my_ Kenshin? Who does she think she is? Is she lost coming back from the red light district? I could easily imagine her as a sly fox waiting in the grass to come pouncing out and claiming Kenshin as her new lover to her own desires. I know I have to put my foot down somewhere. And so, I wait. Waited until Kenshin tells her kindly that he best get going and that he wishes her a nice day.

And then, I swoop in.

She watches Kenshin leave out towards the front door of the shop, and right as he slides the door behind him shut, I pipe up suddenly next to her, catching her by surprise, "He's a nice guy, ain't he?"

She blinks at me, a small blush creeping up her cheeks at the thought of being found out that a society's lady like herself has been caught flirting with a man much older than herself, and not even having the common decency to find out whether he's married or otherwise taken. She comes back from her surprise with a honeyed giggle, "He is! I saw him and thought, what a handsome man! I wanted to find out his name and where he came from. I've never seen red hair like his before around here, and his name makes my heart jump. Kenshin. What a name!"

I smile wider and with my eyes too, "Oh? And why were you curious about him? He and I are really good friends, you know."

She gasps with joy, "Really? Would you perhaps, if it's not too much to ask, if it doesn't trouble you at all, to maybe.. ask Kenshin if he's willing to go out on a date with me sometime?"

Oh, that does trouble me very much so, you slimy shit. I look right at her, and lay a hand on her shoulder, and she looks at my hand with rapidly blinking eyes, unsure of what to make of that action. She looks back at me and I lean close to her face, my smile slowly fading from my lips and my eyes, and she freezes. Had it been my imagination playing tricks on me, for I could have sworn that I can see a blue tint washing over her sweet face at the fear of knowing the trouble she's setting herself up to.

"When I said that he and I are really good friends," I tighten my grip on her shoulder and she flinches, "I meant we've fucked each other and I let him shove his tongue down inside my mouth. So if you have any sense left inside that pretty little head of yours, I would suggest you forget who Kenshin is and to never bother him again."

She shivers at my threatening disposition, but has no other choice but to nod in agreement with heavy reluctance. I break out into a beam and I take my hand back, standing up straight to give her a half bow and said, "Now then, I hope you have a wonderful day yourself, miss!"

"Where have you been, Soujiro?" I hear Kenshin asking me as we walk back towards the dojo.

I look at him with an innocent smile, "Just had to say goodbye to someone, is all!"

Thankfully, he doesn't push for more details.

Another time where we're being physical is today on a mild Sunday. We had done all of our chores and we decided to spend some time reading out in the backyard. It all seemed to be going according to plan when, just several minutes in, and I'm sitting on his lap facing forward, him fucking me and grasping my inner thighs to hold me up as he slams into me. The weather permits us to us going completely nude for this, though thankfully, it's not so unbearingly hot that it makes such activities a burden to perform. Kenshin and I slap tongues into each others mouths as he fucks my ass harder, making me moan and exhale in excitement at the pleasure building up inside my body. Thank goodness nobody else can see us right now.

"I never would have thought you'd be fun to please.." Kenshin growls into my ear and I arch my back in a fit of shivering satisfaction.

"Kenshin, I.." I couldn't finish my sentence, with his cock hitting my softest and most reactive part inside my body, so all I could do is enjoy the ride. Soon, I can feel myself stiffen all over and so could Kenshin, so his grasp on my inner thighs tighten and he quickens the pace to smash against my sweet spot over and over again. Over and _over_ again. God, this is too much.. My mouth opens to make a sound, but nothing could come out, absolutely speechless over the rapture my body is experiencing right now. He's so big and wide. A steady stream of cum shoots out of my cock and Kenshin couldn't help but chuckle at my vulnerable state, but I couldn't care less. The stream quickly turns into continuous spurts and I lean my head back so that Kenshin can kiss my face meanwhile, my orgasm creating ripples inside of me with the blinding rage of the sun.

That evening after supper, I find Kenshin lying on his stomach on the floor, trying to think about something or other. His pensive expression on his face, with eyes closed and brows furrowed, looks equally as adorable to me as it is hot. Unable to contain myself, I nearly leaped onto his back and he huffs annoyingly at my childish antics, me giggling in return. I wrap my arms around his shoulders and chest and nuzzle my face into his thick hair, and he ignores me to continue to think further. Maybe he's planning another fun activity for us for another day, or maybe he's thinking about his son Kenji and if he is okay. Maybe he misses his friends. It's only natural. I do hope he sees his son soon. Even I'm starting to miss him a lot. He and I seem to have bonded very quickly in the short time I've spent living here and I hope he's alive and well, wherever he may be right now.

Despite these inner concerns, my hips starts to have a mind of their own, and I find myself absentmindedly humping Kenshin from behind. It doesn't do much, per say, but it's strangely arousing and I can feel sparks of pleasure just by doing that alone. Kenshin quickly catches on as to what I'm trying to do and he grumbles, "I'm not into that, I hope you realize, that I do."

I stiffle a laugh by burying my mouth into his neck before coming up to whisper, "Just relax. I won't put it in, I promise. I just.."

My hips slowly rocks back and forth on his behind, both of our clothed bottoms are keeping any penetration from out of this equation, and I lean my cheek on top of his head to relax all the while. It feels strangely comfortable doing this with him. He just goes on to think and ponder some more inside that magnificent head of his, my hands roaming on to the top of his shoulders down to his forearms and back up again. Pleasure continues to ride inside of me the more I buckle and hump my hips and my hard on against him, and Kenshin sighs with slight irritation, but he doesn't protest at all. He lets me have this one thing, thank God. I continue with it, slow and steady at first, and then faster and harder without reason. This feels so good. What is happening to me? I soon find myself spreading his legs open a little with my kneecap before I continue to grind on him, my breathing picking up speed mysteriously so. I don't know what's happening but I really like this a lot more than I should. What started out as a harmless joke is now becoming very sexual. I'd never thought I'd be dominant over Kenshin like this, or if he'd ever let me really stick it in one day, but now that this is happening, such an idea would be feasible. Not to mention delicious, with just the thought of me doing it to him.

My pelvis presses into him and I worked up a bit of a sweat doing this until I can feel a pull inside my torso and I exhale shakily, prompting Kenshin to hush me soothingly in a knowing tone. I shove my entire self on top of him until Kenshin lies completely flat underneath me, and I whimper sharply as I came. At any other point of my life, this would have been very embarrassing. But now? It's just nice. It feels really nice to be myself like this with him, without him judging me, without him criticizing me. After one final plunge forward, my body falls limp on him and Kenshin smirks, maneuvering us so that he can now lie on his back while I am still on top of him, kissing me on the lips. I kiss him back, hurriedly and yet lazily so, peacefully content from my orgasm. He rubs my back as I close my eyes and rest on him for a while, my mind dozing off and drifting into very short sections of dreams here and there, and after a while, I wake up to still find myself on the same position on Kenshin and he's still thinking.

"What are you so pensive about?" I ask with a sleepy mumble, kissing under his eye.

"I'm thinking about what will be."

I open my eyes completely to look at him also looking back at me with a concerned frown on his face. My eyes widen and I chew on my lower lip, not liking where this conversation is heading. Is he talking about us? What will become of us when his friends return from their long trip? Is he thinking about kicking me out anyway? He has so much to lose if he stays my lover, after all, so it does make sense. That doesn't make the realization any less painful, though. I suddenly feel nervous. Does Kenshin not really love me like he said he did? He didn't exactly told me that he loved me back on the night where we first made love, just that he was fond of me and that's it. Does fondness mean you love someone or does it mean something completely different? Kenshin realizes my emotional state because he suddenly reaches out to wipe one solitary tear from my face, surprising me in the process. Was I really crying? I wasn't even aware of it.

"Don't worry, Soujiro. I won't let you go. You do have a place here in my life, that you do." His smile seems calm yet sad, and my stomach convulses at the prospect of losing him after all. I'm going to lose it.

"I don't.." I very nearly dry heaved and his eyes widen a little over my intense reaction, "I don't want to leave, Kenshin. I don't care about that stupid trip anymore. I don't want to leave you. I love you, Kenshin. I can't be without you."

His face relaxes and he takes a hold of the back of my head so that he can gently pull me in for a kiss on my forehead as a way to comfort me, "It's alright, Soujiro. You don't have to go if you don't want to. I'd love for you to stay. Please do. I.. I love you too."

I burst into tears from hearing that and he holds me tight as I do so into his shoulder, grabbing onto his sleeves and wanting so much to just literally be a part of his body so that I would never have to know the feeling of being apart from him ever again. And Kenshin, ever so patient and loving, just hugs me even tighter and doesn't say a word while I unravel emotionally, understanding immediately why I've been crying so much since I first step foot here in the Kamiya dojo. To carry so much hurt inside of you for so many years, to hide it away with a fraudelant smile since you were a child, to conceal the love you feel for someone whom you would never thought will return the same sentiments.. it's too much. It's all too much. And I'm letting it all go, by small increments, and I know he won't abandon me for it. This is the home I seek in this world. It always here in Kenshin's arms.

And I'm so happy to finally come home.

"The young man I was with before you was Okita Souji." Kenshin confesses suddenly after I calmed down moments later, "I can't remember how it happened, I just remember that it was very special to him when it did happened. Even now, after all this time, it scares me whenever I look at you because I just see Okita time and time again."

"Did you loved him too?" I whisper while playing with the fabric of his sleeve and looking at it instead of him.

"In a way, yes. It felt more compassionate than romantic love, if that makes any sense. It's how I feel for you too, though I obviously do enjoy the romantic moments we share together now."

I lift my head to look at the area beneath his neck and smile, "Compassionate?"

"It's difficult to explain, that it is. I never expected anything from Okita and neither did him with me. What we had, for a time so fleeting, we were there for one another when I had the inkling that something was wrong with him. I remember taking the news hard upon hearing of his tuberculosis."

"That's awful.." My stomach flips over hearing that, "I'm really sorry to hear that, Kenshin."

"Don't be. What will be, will be. As I said before," He rubs his hand over my back with loving strokes, "What will be is us now, and that's what matters. It's inevitable that we would end up like this and I knew it since the beginning."

"You knew that I loved you?" I spoke barely above a whisper. I can hear him smiling.

"I did. But you needed to be on your own for a while to realize certain truths about yourself and your part of the world. I'm glad you did so, in the end. You came back more human than when I met you before. You shouldn't smile if you don't have to anymore, Soujiro. You're free to do as you please."

"What about Kaoru?"

"She and I had something special. I came to her just like I came to all others before and after her, because I learned quite an important lesson in life when I was a young wanderer like yourself: That no matter how much life takes from you, to never shield yourself from the hearts of other beings, for they too, have felt loss and can fill a part of you in return. We can never thrive all alone, as you may know now."

I haul myself up to now look over his face and I frown, "I won't ever leave you, Kenshin. And I'm not going to get myself killed. I'll be by your side for good."

His smile is candid and sweet, and yet, I could see a small flicker of doubt in his eyes. So, I lean closer and whisper just above his lips, "I won't die. Not until you do. Not until we spend a lifetime together. Not until it really is time. I love you."

And we kiss.

"You're too much. Don't ever change." Kenshin whispers back afterward.

* * *

 _Author's extra note: I just wanted to say that after reading this, it almost sounds like Kenshin was cheating on Kaoru long before Soujiro came back after a few years of wandering on his own. I just wanted to let you guys know that this is NOT the case. Kenshin and Kaoru did loved each other a lot, in canon as well as in this fanfic, and it's only towards the very bitter end that Kenshin opened his heart to the possibility that loving Soujiro back would be a good thing for him. Even though Kenshin knew about Soujiro's feelings for him during Kyoto, Kenshin only cared for him from afar and did not return any romantic sentiments until much later on. Just to clear things up as I know some people will come swarming in with suspicions about that, LOL!_


	22. New Beginnings

_Author's note: It's been a really long time since I've last updated. When I said I had this "new life" to take care of, I really did mean it, LOL! It got very busy but I now have time again to do this update. This is going to be the last update for this story, somewhat, and then the next update will be an epilogue to pull everything together nicely. I just want to say thank you for the countless support and the laughter you've all given me from your hilarious and heartfelt reviews, and I promise that I WILL do the other KenSou fics after this story is completed._

 _Edit: So, I'm thinking another chapter will be added after this update, and then after that update will come the epilogue to tie everything up nicely. I'm really excited to start my next Kenshin x Soujiro fanfic, and I think I want to start "Mirror", the AU one, starring Soujiro and the actual Battousai as a teenager. What says you guys? :D_

 _I'm so glad to be back. I missed you guys! I promise I won't take a billion years for the next update, LOL!_

Scene XXI: New Beginnings

"And you are sure that you want to do this?"

The birds outside are chirping more loudly than I can remember them doing before. The sun seem to have lifted into a higher velocity of brightness than usual. The air feels so pure that I am almost suffocating just by breathing it in. I can hear the blood rushing inside my body, up and down and all around me like a swarm of flies. I could feel the ground beneath my feet threatening to swallow me under if I don't make my move soon. Everything feels more hyper realistic than I am comfortable with and I don't know why. Looking up to see the sign that reads _Police Station_ , my fingers and lip feels comically numb despite how pressing everything else in my body feels right now. I feel dizzy and I can hardly see straight anymore, and my legs are trembling. I do not know for sure anymore. Am I really sure I want to do this, after all? Am I endlessly chasing after a stupid dream? Do I really have to know, for my own sake?

...

Of course I do. I have to know.

Kenshin lays a hand on my shoulder to give it a reassuring squeeze and I lay my hand over his hand to give one back also, us standing in silence in front of the station. We've settled last night that today will be the day that we'll finally get to meet the Bokkai trio to hear their reasons as to why they've murdered Kenshin's late wife, Mrs Himura Kaoru. It feels wrong to just not come back and to settle things, to hear from their side, even if I really dislike them at my very core. They make me sick with anger and hate, but I needed this for closure. Kenshin also needs to hear from this, to really move on from what has been. As selfish as this might sound, I want him to close this chapter of his life so that I can be his complete focus, so that we can start a real life together. It can't happen when his mind wanders to what has happened before; the future cannot happen if the past keeps washing up like the shores on the beach, endlessly lapping and crashing against the present matters. I want this to be cleansed and set to a pristine state so that I can be his one and only. I will promise to Kaoru that I will take care of him and Kenji, no matter what it takes.

No matter how frightening reality of making that choice can be.

The next thing we both know, we are walking in front of this hallway that leads to a guarded wooden door, and through the small opening, the police and I can see that in there is none other than the Bokkai twins, chained together by the wrists and sitting with their heads tilted downward. The police opens up with his key and the heavy groan of the door sends a shiver up my spine, anxious for what might happen next. There is a pressing silence in the room, dark and almost damp with the poorly installed walls that are hardly ever washed or even covered up properly to protect the inmates from outside storms. I wrap my arms around myself without thinking. The twins don't move for some time, and the police officer takes a couple of steps back so that Kenshin can be by my side, waiting. After a minute, the blond haired one, Ito, lifts his head to look at us, and my heart jumps to skip a beat. There isn't a glassy glint in his eyes anymore, nor are they deadpan appearing like I remember them looking like before; instead, I see his blue eyes looking back at me with the intensity of a real human being, glossy with emotions and with a liveliness that did not used to be there. Soon the other twin, Kuno, also looked up, his green eyes filled with human confusion. Kenshin and I grunt quietly, at a loss for words.

"What happened?" I whispered, unsure if I was asking Kenshin, the cop, to the twins, or even to myself that question.

"They don't look like how I remembered them before, that they don't." Kenshin answers in a weighty tone, his eyes squinting to get a better look at them, "Something must've happened since the last time we saw them."

I frown, before me are not the evil twins that I have painted them inside my mind to be, but instead, I see two young men not much older than sixteen who look afraid and bewitched by the horrific environment that they've been subjected into. Both with a pale pallor and sad looking eyes, Ito and Kuno could have been anybody's kids. My pinkie twitch and that minuscule flinch caught Kenshin's attention, for which he turns his head around at the officer to tell him that they'd like to be alone with the inmates. Alone with the young men, Kenshin and I stepped forward to come closer, and I couldn't help but kneel down in front of them, which seemed to cause concern in Kenshin, since the twins may still have their magical powers inside of them. I look over my shoulder at Kenshin to give him a smile, to ease his mind, and he deflates, smiling back cautiously. I turn back to the twins and they seemed to have shrunk back as far as they can away from me as they possibly can, considering the length of their chains, and I don't react. They don't need a stern talking to, or me preaching to them for the wrongs that they have committed against us. I want to learn. I want to know their own truths. I want to see things through their eyes, no matter how ugly the picture. I have to know.

"Tell me why. I want to know." My voice is soft with the touch of maternal love, as if it would have been able to curl up under the chins of the two teenage boys to look into my eyes and see that they have nothing to be worried about. They look at me and then at each other, talking to each other with just their gazes alone. Ito frowns and the brother looks down, sighing; Admitting defeat, perhaps, to just come clean, since there's nowhere else to run now. Ito slowly peers up at me and begins to talk, his voice even more purer than the sarcastic one that it used to sound.

"What is there to know? We killed your Kaoru and we will be hearing our final sentencing in just a day from now. I cannot see a way out of this, really. I know that my brother and I will meet our fate and we won't live anymore to see adulthood for what we've done with these hands," Ito closes his eyes with a pained grunt, praying that this conversation will be a pleasant one before their inevitable death sentences, "We've accepted our destinies. Especially now that father has died."

A thunderbolt of shock courses through Kenshin and I upon hearing this unexpected news.

"He's dead?" I heave, my hands clutching at my thighs while various emotions sing their notes inside my chest. Ito looks down and Kuno looks the other way, as if ashamed, "How did that happen!?"

"Soujiro.." Kenshin breathes in, now also bending on his knees to sit beside me for support, and despite the two people responsible for his wife's death, he puts it aside and lends his hand on my shoulder again to let me know that he's not going to walk away from this. It still does not stop from the angry heat pricking my heart. _I know what that other man did..!_

"How did that happen?" I asked passionately again, the boys flinching from my outburst, but in just a few seconds, the boy with the jet black hair and forest eyes turn to me to answer right into my surprised gait.

"He killed himself."

I could hardly believe it. Not even a foot from me are the two murder suspects who will face a public hanging in front all of Tokyo and its inhabitants, and _no one_ to comfort them before their dying breaths. Not even the father who had helped create them sixteen years ago with the unknown woman who could have been a wonderful mother to them, to guide them to seek a better life than that of a magical merchant. Especially a better life than that of a murderer! And their father, instead of taking the honorable road to stay by them before the execution, decide to do the deed by himself and leave them all in their own aid instead. I can't believe my own ears or my own eyes. Although I could never forget the loss they shoved upon me by taking Kaoru away from us, my heart opens to a level that I have never felt in my entire life; a yearning to go to the twins and to protect them from harm's way, or at least to soothe them when they will meet their ultimate demise. How dare their father leave them under these circumstances? Does evil know no limit? Does evil know when to stop?

But then, I too, had held onto the same evil when I was just a young boy very much like these two once before. It was evil that helped me survive for many years, no matter how unethical the standards. I had followed under the footsteps of Master Shishio, and I looked to him as a father figure that was missing inside my heart. I trusted him, and let him lead me from the weak crying boy to the strapping young man who could cut throats with finesse. Now that I've learned the truth about what good and evil means to me, it hurts to see these boys also losing the father figure in their worlds that basically lied to them about what true strength means in the end. To them, and to me, if we were strong, we'd live, and if we're weak, we'd die. But turns out, it's not that simple. If we're strong, in spirit, that's how we survive until old age. And if we're weak with toxic in our souls, we die. Horribly so. It never had anything to do with skills or speed or even our swords and magic. It takes a strong spirit, like Kenshin had to cultivate by himself as a wanderer, to get us through this lifetime. With love. With friendship. With honesty. With trust.

All the things I've shielded myself away before.

And it's too late for these two twins to learn that.

But not for me.

"I'm.. I'm sorry. For your loss." My eyes trail down to look at my hands now lying limp over my legs, and I can hear the shifting of the twins' sitting position to look at me again, completely lost on what to say next to me. Even I can feel Kenshin's quiet surprise next to me, his hand never leaving my back, a warm heat radiating inside my body from such a simple touch alone. So this is what a soulmate's hand feels like on me. I really like this and my lips curve into a hint of a smile in the midst of my deep and intense anger against the twins' now deceased father. Damn you, Ohta. Damn you to hell. You had one job, and it was to be their father.

"We still want to know the story. We still want to know how your father came to have that magic and how you two also became like him, as well." Kenshin's voice, steady but with a hint of caution, fill my ears and I inwardly relax, his hand clutching my shoulder once again to comfort me as I try to keep it together, "You owe Soujiro that the most."

What? I turn to him with blinking eyes and he turns to me with a reassuring smile, "I don't understand?"

"Soujiro.." His eyes soften considerably and his hand rubs my back as he talks, "I know why they did what they did with their father. That has come from my years of living as a manslayer and as wandering as a rurouni for the past ten years. For those ten long years, I've come to grow and learn of what is it that makes men murder one another and what makes human beings come to hate and vilify each other so much so. But I think that it is you who need to hear their reasons so that you too, can learn what I've learned before, and that is why I want them to tell you and not for me, that I do."

My eyes widen and I stiffen all over, at a loss for words. But I think he's right. He's lived through this. I haven't. This is how I have to learn. I blink once and nod, turning towards the twins who look back expectantly to see if I'm ready to hear what they have to say. The blond twin begins to talk.

"Our father was gifted with the black magic when we were just six years old. It's been ten years and now the spell has been broken. All it took was for our father to commit suicide in order to do so. He was gifted because he met a powerful shaman who promised him a life of leisure and wealth as long as the shaman can be gifted with some commission of all the money we've took from others. It was a great deal, a deal almost unheard of, and our father felt rushed to agree. In return, the shaman took our eyes. He told my father, that the eyes sees all, but if we can close them, we won't have to feel pain ever again. We've never met our mother before. We still do not know who she was or where she might be now, or if she's even alive anymore. It was always just us three.

The world was not kind to us. It wasn't kind when we were poor and lived as panhandlers, but now that we have been granted with the power, people treated us like lepers. We were shunned from society and their kind hands wouldn't come near us to give us food or hospitality during the worst of storms. We were outcasts, and we had to fend for ourselves by stealing and using our powers to manipulate other people into giving us what we want. My brother Kuno and I learned early that if you showed weakness, the world will only beat you down harder, but if you learned how to be strong, then you can come out on top. And we survived through famine and enough near death experiences to know what we are talking about. The great Meiji war only prepped my father to expect nothing but the worst of any person who came our way, is all."

Now, it's Kuno's turn to talk: "We were only twelve years old when we heard about Makoto Shishio and his grand master plan in overtaking the entirety of Japan to forge a new vision of a more powerful nation, to fight against the Western countries who wanted to change our ways of living. We heard about you too, Soujiro, the young man who moved faster than God-like speed, and what great swordsmanship you've harness under Shishio's teachings. We cheered on silently from the sideline, because we too, sympathized with Shishio's plights. He was burned at the stake after helping his own men, forgotten just like the three of us were. We knew how it felt like. It wasn't until Kenshin Himura came along and stopped everything, that we street dwellers once again had nothing to look forward to. We held the greatest grudge against the Himura the Battousai, even though we haven't the faintest idea of what he looked like. Father only said he'd heard rumors that he was the Battousai during the Meiji Revolution, but we wouldn't believe it, knowing what the real Hitokiri was capable of. There was no way you'd be the Battousai, but our meetings has closed the gaps of any hint of the suspicion that it really could be true.

So, when we met unexpectedly in that restaurant, father realized what was happening and he had put two and two together of who you really are. But you, Kenshin, ever so idealistic and not empathetic to what we've gone through, push us to the ground just like everybody else, when we had hoped you would understand, being of from such humble beginnings yourself. An orphan, with no one to take care of him, aside from his sensei, who then took him as his apprentice to learn how to fight, how to be strong and face adversity in this unforgiving world.. we had hoped you could understand just where we were coming from. We learned how wrong we were, and we became even more bitter. It was the final straw. And so, father had told us that we must help him kill your wife. Ito here had confided me in private that he wasn't sure he had wanted to, but did not want to disappoint father. Neither did I. We felt compelled to do it, though now admitting this.. It can never erase the crimes we've committed against you. It can never bring Kaoru back."

Ito finishes up with just a few words as he looks into my eyes and says, "We don't expect your forgiveness. Not anymore. Especially with what will become of us soon. We will pay for our crimes with our lives. It is only fair. But you wanted to hear from our side.. something that has never happened to us as a family before. And for that, we will always be grateful for this. You are a good person, Soujiro Seta."

I couldn't say anything anymore. Even Kenshin could not answer them and had to help me up from the floor so that we can leave the cell. As the police officer push the heavy door close and the sharp note of the lock clicking shut, I could only look at my own two feet through a tearful blur so that I won't trip over myself and become a sobbing mess. With Kenshin holding me with his hands and arms, I at least made it to the front desk, with one other officer working through paperwork. I looked at this man, not much older than twenty and seemed to not have been on the streets fighting crimes himself due to his soft hands and virginal eyes appearing hopeful for a safer future. Could he perhaps do something for me? I continue to look at him as Kenshin thank the first officer for letting us visit the twins that I take a few steps towards the front desk to gather the courage to catch his attention. The young officer behind the desk looks up expectantly with a cheerful smile, and I can feel my eye twitch from the pressure of not giving into my urge to cry or go crazy. I had to try, if this is my only last shot of making things right or making sense in my life journey.

"I'd like to put an end to those twin's execution, please." I simply said, with a polite smile. The officer blinks with a frown, before opening a drawer below him to grab some documents to read over.

"The Bokkai family, is that correct? I see that the father has been deceased and all that's left are his two sons. Their public execution will be carried out by the end of this week. What seems to be the problem, sir?"

"I don't want them to die." I almost couldn't hear myself saying this. My heart is trembling.

"Soujiro?" Kenshin comes to my side to see what's going on, and it did not take long until the other officer steps in to speak up.

"What is the meaning of this?" He growls, but I ignored him.

"I don't want them to die. I want them to live." Even as my voice shakes, I remain strong on the inside.

"But they killed Mrs Himura Kaoru, haven't they?" The reception tilts his head at me, bewildered by my wish to set the perpetrators free, "We have all the evidence that points to them being responsible for the murder of this woman and you are telling us that you want them to be pardoned?"

"And even if that's what you want, it is to be from the actual family member who may wish to write us a statement to hold off the execution. You have no attachments to Mrs Himura, but Kenshin Himura here was her husband and thus, would be the one who can put an end to this. The court will still go ahead with the sentencing anyway if his reasoning aren't up to their standards. They've broken the law and for that, they must pay under the Japan's judicial ruling." The officer next to me explains evenly and without compassion, which earns me a sharp look from me for just a moment until I deflate and look down dejectedly on the floor again.

"I may hand Mr Himura here a copy of the statement so that he may write to this office and we can see what will come out of it. We hold no promises." The reception's smile took on a sadder and sympathetic tone, knowing that the twins very well be dead in just a matter of few days time. There is a silence so deep it deafens all that inhabits in, and we don't know how to react to my defiant mood swings other than to take a while to think about this. Kenshin can object to this, but it is his choice to do so in the end. Could he do it? Can he accept the statement and write it back to these people? Can he put an end to the death sentencing? Or will his words fall on deaf's ears? Suddenly, Kenshin takes a step forward and bows to the officer sitting behind the desk.

"I will take one, thank you." Kenshin takes a hold of my hand and I gasp silently, looking down at our hands clasp together. Is he serious?

"You are serious about this, yes?" The officer next to us questions him, ironically.

Kenshin nods and smiles at the both of them, "I do believe in forgiveness, after all, that I do. I think those boys need to learn through a lifetime of making right of their wrong doings even if it will be proven difficult. I do think that if I could punish them through that, all the better than to just wipe them from existence, that it is."

"Kenshin.." I said barely above a whisper, tightening my hand over his. I'm so in love with this forgiving, strong, and wise man. I'm not sure if the officers can see our hands right now. I'm not even sure if I care anymore if they do. With the blank statement handed over to Himura, we bid them a good day and go on our way back to the dojo for lunch. The day feels a lot shorter and I could see that the skies are taking on a rosier glow to signify that the early evening is coming up soon. The humidity chokes my air pipes and my unstable emotions only amplifies this. As we close the door of the dojo, thankfully, we can enjoy a cooler environment, shielded away from the unwelcoming and heartless scorching world outside. Away from those streets infested with bad intentions. Away from the police station and the officers there who just treat inmates as another payroll. Away from all that pains me and reminds me of my past.

Though Kenshin has made us some food to eat, I find myself too rattled to even feel hungry enough to accept it. I sit near the tea table to stare off into the distance instead, toying with the various scenarios that could happen in the future: The twins either get freed and they can repent their sins by living an honest life without their parents, or they get executed in front of everybody else. Or they run away and we won't ever know where they have gone. Or they commit suicide together, just like Ohta. So many possibilities and only one of them I hope with all of my heart can come true. And yet, it feels almost too good to be true. I don't think that this will end well for them at all. Is it all just too late in the end?

Kenshin finishes his meal and slides on over from behind me to start massaging my neck and shoulders, humming and he mumbles, "I'm impressed."

"Hm?" I turn to him, "How so?"

"It mustn't have been easy for you to talk to the Bokkai twins today and yet you did. To hear from their side of their stories for why they took such an important person away from us must have been very difficult for you to hear. But you did, and you stayed to hear their confessions and their apologies. Looks like they too, know what it's like to not want to live as the expense of hurting others. Just like you used to be years ago when we first met."

That's right. He said that to me before I lost my head completely four years ago. He was right then and he's still correct now. The moment I shared with those twins is parallels to the life I used to live under Shishio's hand; just like they were guided by their father who never forgave the world who turned its back on them. Makoto Shishio was burned alive after being so loyal to his comrades and he came back with magical powers that upholstered his philosophy of strength. And its Ohta Bokkai who also rose from his metaphorical ashes with his own set of spells that also backed up the same beliefs as Shishio. And despite their horrible actions and behaviors, I knew that deep down underneath all of that anger and hatred, used to lie a heart that was once pure and just wanted to belong. That's why I had to forgive myself four years ago, and that's why I want the twins to pardon themselves, too.

Kenshin continues with his massages and I am more relaxed thankfully, and he takes this as an opportunity to take my chin to turn it slowly so that he can plant a kiss just near my lips. I sigh quietly, my heart simultaneously melting and fluttering from the contact. I can be thankful for one thing, and that's that I'm loved right now even with these hands that were stained with the blood of innocent people. Himura also, is loved by me, a gift considering the circumstances. This is one thing that really hurts my chest when I think about the twins. Who will love them? If they get out of the execution by some miracle, will they ever get over what they've seen and experienced? Enough to open their hearts for someone to take care of them and cherish them for who they are and not what they did back then? I know that in my heart, my father must've loved my mother, enough to give birth to me. But life told him to just do the correct thing, by societal standards. I refuse to do the correct thing anymore. I want to be happy. I want the twins to be happy.

"What was that for?" I smile coyly at Kenshin who is now busying himself kissing my ear and on the side of my neck.

"Nothing. I just love you."

My heart skips a beat and my smile stretches, "I.. I love you too."

"I'm just really proud of you today, Soujiro. I think you are learning the principles of my teachings very well. It is much easier to hold on to grudges but it is much better for the soul to at least keep the enemy alive so that they can learn their own lessons. We as human beings truly never had the right to take other people's lives in the first place.. Death is a natural occurrence and I think we should respect that. You've changed so much, Soujiro."

"It's all thanks to you, Kenshin," I turn my head completely to lean my forehead against his, my smiling lips just a hair away from kissing his, "I'm so happy that you're a much more demanding man than Mr Shishio. You expected more from me and for that, I will always be by your side."

"I'd say today marks a new beginning in your life. Let's celebrate.." He closes the gap between us and takes a soft hold of my bottom lip with his mouth, and then he does the same with my upper lip, gently, lovingly, and oh so sweet.

-.-

 _"Kenshin.."_ I whisper with a satisfied sigh, his hands already untying my clothes and my sex hardening. We continue to kiss as he helps me out of my outfit and get me completely naked, though he doesn't get out of his own for some reason. I pay no mind to it, though; his tongue is giving me an orgasmic experience already inside my mouth. He's such an amazing kisser even if he can be a shy person around attractive members of both sexes. The air is comfortably cool on my skin and yet my arousal makes sure I stay warm enough to let Kenshin have his way with me. He takes a hold of my hips and has me lying on my back on the wooden floor before he climbs on me to resume making out with me, moaning as he takes one of my nipples in his mouth to suckle on. My hands run through his scarlet tresses, my hips flinching upward at each spark of pleasure thanks to his wet mouth. Outside these walls, the world doesn't know of the nature of our relationship..

For now, I'm okay with that.

Soon, we are in my bedroom and Kenshin's ramming inside of me from behind, my back arching and clutching the blankets below me in between rapid breathing. I can't count the amount of days it's been since we've started this relationship, but it already feels like forever. In a good way, you see. I feel like I've known Kenshin before I was even born; the slightest tension in his eyes could tell me any emotion he is going through, and the the most subtle shift in his demeanor tells me all I need to know about who he is as a person. I can see it from the very first day we've met, how captivated I am over his enthusiasm to protect the innocence no matter how difficult. He's found his redemption, and he wants me to find mine. Every day, he inspires me to do more, and to _feel_ more. And it's not just because he's hitting me in the best spots inside my body right now, mind you. It's more than that. It's deeper than that. It's more significant than that: Kenshin makes me want to live and to also inspire other people.

Kenshin takes in a startled breath and slants over me, one hand gripping my hip and the other one holding my jawline so that he can lift it towards his lip to kiss my cheek, whispering in a dark and hoarse voice, "Soujiro.. You really are the best thing that's ever happened to me.."

I falter with a pant, whispering back in a more delicate voice, "Why?"

He grunts with shut eyes, going deeper into me before he continues, "I wouldn't have signed that paper if you weren't there. You don't.. You just don't give up once you've learned something and I.. I admire that so much in you, Soujiro."

The next thrust from him has me heaving in pleasure and I slap my hand on my thigh in a fit of exclamation, "I can't live without you!"

He stops and leans back, "What about.. your traveling dreams, then?"

My eyes snap open to see the futon beneath me, pondering that question. Wait, of course! What am I going to do when his other friends come back here? What if I'm really no longer welcomed to stay? What if me staying here, helping out, and aiding Kenshin to defeat Ohta, was all in vain to these people? Especially Megumi, who really has it in for me for very good reasons, what if she won't accept the love I have for Kenshin and for our relationship? Kenshin is a father to a young toddler.. how will either of us explain to him as to why his dad is holding my hand, holding me, and kissing me, just like he used to with his mother? How will we ever raise a young boy as two grown men in a society that's just not ready for us? What if Kenji ends up resenting me for taking his mother's place? What if Kenshin's friends ends up leaving us out of disgust for what we share together? What if.. what if all of this is just one huge horrible mistake? What if I should just leave and travel the world and not ruin Kenshin's life anymore than it is now?

What if I'm just a puzzle piece that could never fit?

"Stop.. stop, please!" I grab a hold of his wrist that's on my hip and I can hear him humming in confusion. He doesn't slide out of me but he has stopped moving, waiting for my explanation. My heart feels like its wrapped in heavy chains and I fight the tears that are coming, "Stop.. please stop.."

"Soujiro?"

"I can't.. we shouldn't.. I can't be here with you anymore." I help myself from getting Kenshin off of me and I sit in the corner of the bed, slumping over myself to look at the floor bleakly. Kenshin sits where he is, staring at me for some time, before he carefully slides over to where I'm at to smile at me sympathetically.

"Tell me what's wrong." I can hear him smiling even more, gutting my heart even more.

"I don't belong here."

"Yes you do, Soujiro. You do belong here. With me."

"But what about your friends, Kenshin?" I turn to him and even he looks surprised at my devastated expression, "What about Kenji? How will I fit in here? Megumi hates me because I love you. She doesn't want me here.. and your other friends, I doubt they want me here either. How will we ever take care of Kenji when he can see us loving each other just like you used to love Kaoru? How will he take us, seeing us holding each other like you used to.. with her? How, Kenshin, how?"

Kenshin now smiles with his eyes, as if he had heard such questions a million times before, "I think you are worrying too much, that you are!"

I scoff, already offended, "I'm not! I know this is exactly how it's going to play off! Megumi will tell me to hit the road and I can't fight back against more than one opinion!"

"I think even if Megumi has something to say to you, I very much doubt she would want you to leave and hurt you just because you're in love with me, Soujiro."

"And why not? Kaoru is dead because of me."

"You mean you killed Kaoru?" Kenshin crosses his arms and ponders this for a second.

"Oh, fuck you, you know what I mean!" I try to stand up but Kenshin simply holds me with just one hand on my shoulder, "Let me go!"

"Not until you admit that this has nothing to do with my friends.." Kenshin opens his eyes to look right at me with a more serious expression, "And everything to do with your unrealized fears you have inside of you."

"It's.. I'm not scared. I know what's going to happen to me when your friends return. They will want me out of here."

"Sano and Yahiko both really do like you and don't want you to leave even if they know of your feelings towards me," Kenshin smiles gently to try and calm me down, "They told me this so before they left. They hope that they can see you again when they return. They want you happy, Soujiro."

A faint blush looms over my cheeks over what I'm hearing right now, "But then.. what about.. Megumi..?"

"Even if she has reservations about you when she returns.. she has told me in confidence that she doesn't ever want you to get hurt. She'd sooner want me to care for you and love you than to have you out there without anyone to lean on to. Kenji is just a small child.. he will know that we aren't together just to spite him. He looks up to you already, that he does."

"I don't want to hurt your son.." I try to look away but Kenshin already has my chin in his hand to make me look at him again.

"You won't. You are a part of our lives. You are a part of me."

Before I can object, he already has his lips firmly on mines to shut me up. He holds it for a few seconds before seperating from my lips softly, just a centimeter from kissing me again, and I could only stare at him, dumbfound and with giant wet eyes. I can't find anything else to say. He has me beat. There's nowhere else to run or to hide from him. Kenshin's eyes of truth always sees me for what I truly am and he doesn't want me to lie to him or to myself ever again. Just by the way he's looking at me right now.. twin embers of lavender.. covered by the bangs of hell fire red.. with a touch as soft as an angel's light.. I know he just wants me to always be open and vulnerable with him because he won't ever abandon me even at my worst. That I have found a home, here, with him. That I don't have to leave if I don't want to, or even if Megumi doesn't want me here. Because it's Kenshin who wants me here and that should be way more than enough. Because it's I, who wants to be here. And that's okay. That's more than okay, in fact. We don't have to be ashamed of who we are anymore. We are done with that. We are over that. Today is more important than yesterday.

"Make love to me." I melt into his eyes with a quiet murmur, and Kenshin climbs over me to do so.

Today is even more important than what tomorrow will bring.

I have fate in that.


	23. Choice

_Author's note: HEY GUYS! How have you been?! I am going to be honest, yes, I realized I was being a jerk for taking such a long break, but man, the new pupper was surprisingly just as difficult as taking care of a child. My husband's been a trooper and makes sure she gets her walks and baths, but.. You know how it is, LOL! Along with other life stuff, I did felt a little distracted from this special side job of updating and writing fics for my own enjoyment. However.. seeing the new story faves and followings and your review is giving me a needed push to get things rolling again. I'm glad you liked my other update!_

 _So, this was supposed to be the last chapter to this saga, but after I felt guilty for letting the update go for longer than I anticipated, this will be the second to last update. The next chapter will be the real last chapter, and then the next update after that will be the epilogue to finish up the stray pieces nicely. Thank you to all my other fans who are probably unaware of the new updates. I'm going to laugh so hard when they all come back and see new updates to this fic and send me a flurry of passionate reviews asking me where the hell I've been, LOL! ;p But, consider this my token of my own appreciation._

Scene XXII: Choice

"Tell me what you want to eat tonight, Kenshin!" I call over from the backyard while sweeping the back porch, "Tae will visit us in an hour and she needs to know!"

The sliding door peels open to welcome Kenshin out into the mid-morning sun, and in his hands is the tea set for our snack time, the sun mildly warm despite the winds. There is an autumn like chill ringing in the air, and even I notice the skies appeared even dimmer and grayer than before. Is summer over already? Kenshin sets the tea cups and the pot down to begin arranging things for us as I finish up with the cleaning, when he turns his head at me with a quizzical expression, "Should we have the same as usual?"

"What, the tea?"

"The dinner," Kenshin beams childishly, "I wouldn't mind another round of that miso soup with the shrimp, that I don't!"

I can feel the pinch of annoyance on my face now, "I'd rather have something different, Mr Himura."

"Hm?" He smiles at me sweetly, blinking a few times.

I sigh, "I'm sick of it. I want to try something new."

Don't we all.

His smile doesn't leave but his eyes seem to have taken a more serious note, "There is something on your mind, isn't there?"

"Huh?" I cock an eyebrow at him with a head tilt, shaking my head at his nonsence before I bend down to take my cup of tea, "The only thing that is on my mind is the food, really."

"There is something more in there, Soujiro. I can see it."

I am about to take a sip when I hear him say that, so I look up at him with confusion, "Kenshin?"

"You're doing that thing again. When you don't really say what you really feel, Soujiro. Tell me," He takes a sip of his own tea, "Is it because you will be seeing my friends again tomorrow?"

I scoff, "Don't be ridiculous. I'm not thinking about that at all!"

Kenshin chuckles, "Alright. What ever you say, Soujiro."

A blush sweeps over my cheeks while I peer inside my own tea cup with ponderment, just wondering if maybe I am hiding my feelings from him again. Or maybe, even hiding the feelings from myself, especially. Am I really that nervous about his friends that will return from their journeys tomorrow? Am I worrying about Megumi's reaction when she sees that I am still intact in here? What will Sanosuke say when he sees what a great job I've done manning the dojo? What will Yahiko think to himself when he sees me trying to brush my hand against Kenshin's when I think no one else is looking at us? Will they be accepting of this despite it all? What about Kenji? Will he accept me as his new father, too? I don't think it's going to be that simple, even at his tender age. He will reject me, to protect his mother's role that was set upon here years before I arrived. I'm going to accept that for a little while. I know I'd be restricting of my own affection too, if my father was sleeping with a man much younger than himself. It would have made me feel strange to see it before my very eyes. I understand how Kenji would feel, truly.

"Well.. I.." I hesitate with my own words, rubbing my thumb around the rim of my cup, "I am.. worried, somewhat, about tomorrow."

Kenshin takes his time to study my face for a while before he nods, "I understand. What exactly are you concerned about?"

 _Everything._ I look up to peer into his eyes, wondering if I'm just going to embarrass myself with telling him how I feel. I know what you're thinking; Haven't I already learned that there's really nothing to be worried about even if his friends do have an issue with us being together? Isn't Kenshin's love and acceptance towards me supposedly enough? I know. _I know!_ I already know all of this. I guess I'm just worried about disappointing people in general. I just don't like it. I never liked disappointing my blood family years ago and I never liked letting Shishio down for the smallest things before either. Am I really that pathetic? Kenshin looks at me with all the love and understanding in the world, refusing to let me succumb to my own fears and wanting me to not run from everything anymore. Shouldn't I be thankful for that, over everything else?

"Soujiro?"

I snap back into reality and look back up to him again, "I'm sorry. I was thinking."

Kenshin smiles warmly, understanding that I'm trying to ease into this conversation to the best of my ability. Here goes.

"I'm.. I'm worried, yes. I'm not worried about their reactions or if they even want me to go away, as you have assured me last night that it's not the case at all. I guess I'm just.. scared that they'll be disappointed because maybe they expected me to get over my feelings for you while they were gone. Maybe they expected things to go back to normal, like, _really_ normal. Like having you being here by yourself when they get back, so that they can build a future here without Kaoru or me anymore. Maybe if they see me again, they'll probably feel.. let down. Do you know what I mean, Kenshin? I don't even care if they don't like me for loving you anymore. I'm just scared that your friendship with them will feel tainted now that I'm here."

"You have a very big heart, that I can tell very much so. You care for me, and for my friends. You care about our relationship we have together when there isn't a you in the equation. I think that's very kind thing of you to do, Soujiro," He sets his cup down, "That said, however, I think that this will be their test much more than it will be a test for you. Will they accept our relationship? I'm afraid that it is up to them to decide which is more important at the end of the day, that it is. I've reached a stage in my life that the most important thing in my life these days is taking care of Kenji. A permanent relationship with someone like you is also up there on the list, too. Friends, wonderful as they are to have, come and go just like the seasons do. I'll let the gang decide what they want. All I know is, I love you, and I want you to be with me."

My heart weakens considerably after hearing those words, and I smile shyly to myself.

"I want to stay," I grin with consuming happiness, "I do, Kenshin. You have nothing to worry about."

"Then we have nothing to worry about. Now then, what else is there to be done to this place to be prepared for their arrival? I believe we've done all the neccesary chores.."

"It's all done, yes. I think the last thing to do so far is to maybe hang up a welcome home sign," I chuckle to myself, "Even I'd like to see something like that after a long journey."

"That sounds really nice. I think there's a store around here I can slip by today to pick up the materials." Kenshin chuckles at my naivety.

"And paper lanterns!"

"Oro?"

"Yeah!" I smile widely at the possibilities running inside my head now, "Maybe a cake, and some alcohol and snacks and all even more decorations! It will really make them feel like it's home again!"

Kenshin couldn't look more surprised and yet entertained by my childlike whims, laughing underneath his breath as I go on and on about how cool I'll deck this place for his friends. I want to change. I really want to change and love life for the gifts it has given me. I've been through my own shares of nightmares in the past, but there were good moments in there too. Of clear summer nights and being in full health, of eating the best food that Japan has to offer during my wandering days, and the feeling of my skin meeting the sun, of getting to meet people from all walks of life and learn their lessons in becoming better people. Of being able to walk, and see, and being fully alive with nothing holding me back. Having the strength to keep going even when it gets too hard. Feeling Kenshin's arms around me at night while I am fast asleep. And with all of these gifts, I want to give them back to the people closest to the man that I love with all my heart. I can't change what happens in my lifetime or its inevitable events. I can, however, change my reactions and my perceptions of them. That's all I can do. I can choose to be happier and love others fiercely. I can choose to trust his friends. I can choose to protect Kenji as if he were my very own child.

I can choose.

That's my power.

It was later that we finished our tea together, and Kenshin goes off outside to go to the store to pick up the party supplies to put up later for tonight. I am running around making sure that everything is in its place. I want this dojo spic and span and absolutely perfect by tomorrow. I want his friends to be proud of me. I can't erase the embarrassing moment of them finding out my true feelings for their friend Kenshin, but I can win them over again by being a positive friend. From what I've gathered by mere observations, his friends love to celebrate even the smallest things for the fun of it. I now know that I should just adapt to that and use that to my advantage if I want to secure myself in this dojo for the future. Once Kenji sees what a great and fun loving guy I am, even if it'll take some getting used to, he'll love knowing that I am going to stay by his father's side for life. I can't bring his mother back, nor should I even try by groveling, but I can accept today for what it is: A gift from life, another day spent breathing and being happy.

So far, everything looks good. I rearrange the furniture here and there to see what would look best, only to find out that their original places are already my favorite. With all that said and done, it doesn't take long until Kenshin comes homes with the decorations. He asks me if there really are any chores that are left to be done, but I told him that it's all done. He places the goods on the kitchen table to come back to it tonight and sits on the floor, looking stumped.

"There really isn't anything there left to do?" He muses, cupping his chin with his hand.

"I'm afraid so." I shrug, slipping to the floor with him to lay my head on his shoulder and hold his other hand. He squeezes my hand and I rub my thumb over his, pondering on what to do before Tae comes over. There's still about fifteen minutes left until she does arrive, so maybe we should already put the decorations up and save ourselves the pain of doing it after dinner? I look around me, the place completely spotless, and I regret being so gung-ho on finishing all the housework so soon. What are we going to do now? Am I really sure that there's nothing else left for me to do? The floors have been brushed and wiped clean; the dishes are all done and put away; the dojo has been aired out sufficiently; the bathhouse has been scrubbed from top to bottom; even the small backyard garden has been tended. Maybe I should start building a moat around this place to ward off anymore magicians and killer twins. At that thought, I burst out laughing, catching Kenshin by surprise.

"What's so funny?" He inevitably asks me, and I quiet my laughs into soft giggles.

"Nothing. I'm just wondering if maybe a moat should be built around here to keep away all the evil from this place."

He shakes his head, "Now you're just being silly. And endearing."

I blush and shove his shoulder playfully, "Cut it out."

He grabs my hand that I used on his shoulder and pull me in for a kiss, shocking me in the process. Are we really going to make out or have sex right this minute? With Tae walking straight to this place and could very well catch us in the act, no doubt? How crazy is Kenshin going right now? I wonder if grief makes people crazier the more they experience different losses. Never the less, I soon accept this kiss and our hands start traveling over each others body parts passionately, Kenshin mounting me and my back pressing firmly against the floor. I don't want this to escalate to anything sexual, since we are expecting Tae soon, but man, is it ever so difficult to walk that fine line with my boyfriend these days. A muffled giggle bubbles from me as I think about that word further while Kenshin is busying himself with kissing my neck; _boyfriend._ It almost sounds so juvenile to be so hyped to call the serious and stoic Kenshin that word, but I really love being able to dub him as such. Boyfriend.

"You're in a good mood today." Kenshin remarks happily, pecking my cheek.

I snigger: "You would be too if you get to call the Battousai your boyfriend."

"Oro? Boyfriend? Is that what I am to you?" Kenshin nuzzles his face into my hair, tickling me.

"If that is alright with you."

"It's more than alright. Soujiro." The way he says my name that time seems amplified with his whisper hitting hotly against my ear, and goosebumps ghosts over my arms and legs.

"We can't have sex," I moaned with an arched back, holding his forearms with my hands so that he can't kiss me anymore despite his insistence to do so, "She'll be here any minute now."

"Who says we're having sex? I just want to kiss you," Kenshin shakes his head with a laugh, "Now give me that handsome face."

He overpowers me and continues to plant kisses all over my face, and I figure I'll let him this time. I close my eyes and sigh blissfully, enjoying this shower of affection, appreciating these last summer days before autumn will soon come to Japan. It's funny, but I wonder what my life with Kenshin would look like in every part of the year and through all the seasons and holidays; what would we do to celebrate with Kenji and what a great time we'll have, just the three of us. And if the rest of the gang stays and wants to spend time with us in the near future, I'd be even more happy. And if they can't accept us? Then.. that just means that it's me who will last in Kenshin's life. That's all. Doesn't mean I'm better than them, and it doesn't make them worse off than me. Life changes.

My mind wanders to other places while Kenshin continues with his kissing on my face, and I almost couldn't tell that he's been trying to loosen my upper garments until I feel a suspicious loom of cool air over my chest. I grab his wrist again that is responsible for this and glare at him openly, only to have Kenshin tilt his head at me with a sheepish grin, "I thought I told you that we couldn't do this, Kenshin."

"I thought I could at least try my hand at it." Kenshin quips, making me blush with irritation at that pun.

I scoff, "This is the part where you apologize to me, Himura. You know how easily embarrassed I get in these types of situations!"

"Why? Because of Tae?" He leans dangerously close to my lips despite my best efforts to keep some distance between our faces, and he murmurs, "It'll be over before you know it."

"Don't act so coy! You know that this is just irresponsible of us to do! Tae can't find out about us right now, not when the gang isn't here to lay down what's going to happen to the dojo!" I turn my face away from him in defiance and outstretch my neck so that I can find more space, which only gives Kenshin the opportunity to bite my neck tenderly with his teeth, "Stop it!"

His laugh is muffled in my neck before he kisses my cheek, "You get riled up so easily, that you do."

"When Tae leaves, you can do whatever you want to me," I sigh while pinching the bridge of my nose exhasperately, "But now's not the time to flirt with danger like this. I'm not ready to come out to her yet."

"I understand, Soujiro–" Kenshin tries to prop up on his elbows when I reach out to him unexpectaedly, _"–?!"_

I crush my lips against his and make out with him furiously, since his previous anticts aroused me to salivate for more pleasure even if I don't want to have sex right now. I just want to feel his warmth in my mouth before we expect our visitor, so it can't hurt to have a make out session right this minute, no? I overpower myself on top of Kenshin and continue to probe my tongue inside of his lips, his hands already playing its usual melody of rubbing my shoulders and my back, and as I feel his legs spreading open, I push my pelvic bone against his. He sighs and I nibble on his bottom lip with my hand sliding upwards his chest, a groan vibrating at the back of my throat. Okay. Forget what I said before, I want to have sex with him right now! With that in mind, I hungrily gnaw on his jawline and reach my hand down his pants to rub his cock, eliciting a stifled a surprised moan from Kenshin. I smirk secretly and darkly, enjoying this power play I have over him this time.

"Soujiro, I.." Kenshin tries to find his diminishing voice while I stroke his length with my delicate movements of my fingers, "I thought you didn't want to..?"

"I changed my mind." I shrug with a shoulder simply, "I want to fuck."

Kenshin tries so hard to conceal his laughter that his eyes closes shut and he plants his forehead against mines in a fit of joy. Even I had to giggle a little at my own dumbassery. As our collective laughing dies down naturally, I look into his eyes with lust and he strokes the side of my face, nearly fascinated with the fact that we are here.. together.. as a real couple and not just something that he plays as a fantasy in his mind when he was with Kaoru. I know exactly how you feel right now, Kenshin. This really does feel like a good dream. It doesn't feel real.. but I know it is. I know our love to be true. Leaning closer, we were about to kiss again when I hear someone rapping at the front door, and I lean back with a disappointed sigh. It's been fifteen minutes already? I can't believe this. I get up to dust myself off and adjust my garments so as to look less, well, undressed. With a light tug, I finish my knot holding my shirt, frowning at myself. I wonder, if the gang does accept our relationship, how in the world are we going to continue having sex with everyone around us almost twenty four hours a day?

"Can we have the miso soup, then?" Kenshin offers, stretching his entire body with a satisfied purr, "I'm really aching for those shrimps."

"I'm aching for something else too, honestly," I roll my eyes and turn around from him, walking away as I continue to speak, "But sure. I don't mind the usual."

Hearing Kenshin sighing happily at my answer, I stroll on ahead to reach the front door to answer it. As expected, it's Tae on the other side, looking peppy and springy as usual. I study this young woman before me, remembering our conversation about forbidden love not too long ago, and instantly, I feel a prick inside my chest. I'm scared. I'm really scared of losing Tae's friendship and of her respect towards me. What if she doesn't agree with the love that Kenshin and I share? What if we can't even go to her restaurant anymore because of the awkwardness of it all? I really fear that I'm going to somehow ruin Kenshin's life once our relationship comes out into the open. Megumi's scathing anger towards me is just the tip of the iceberg, I'm afraid. I really hate knowing that Kenshin may have to even move altogether away from Tokyo to start over with me, because everyone he's come to know around here will refuse to have me as his romantic interest. Even though I don't blame them if they react like that.. I still feel like shit over it.

"Soujiro!" Tae chirps as she wraps her arms around my neck, "I know it hasn't been long since we last saw each other, but I just can't help myself around your handsome little face!"

I wrap one arm around her waist to return the sentiment and I chuckle, "I'm so glad to see you, too."

She lets me go so that she can see my face, "How's Kenshin?"

"Better. How are you and Tsubame?"

"We're fine, now that we know all that will happen tomorrow," Tae nods enthustiastically, "With your friends coming home as well as the court ruling tomorrow for the Bokkai sons, there's definitely a lot to look forward to. I am more than welcome to come back tomorrow after I hear about it and report back what they'll do to those boys, though I can't lie and say that I hope they don't give them the rope."

I gasp quietly to myself, stunned at what she's saying. Did she really mean that? Is she actually happy that the Bokkai twins may very well meet their demise tomorrow? Will I even have the strength to watch the execution myself? Of course I can't do that! I would never participate in that barbaric practice! Especially not after everything I've learned so far! Looking at Tae, this seemingly sweet and innocent woman, I am shaking quietly at my very core that perhaps evil does exist in even the best of people sometimes. This isn't so much about being strong or weak as it is about morality in general. Kenshin is pure of heart too, but even he used to dabble in sin for many years before as a manslayer. Innocence can turn to evil, just as evil may very well turn to a life of holiness, right? And it is also possible, too, that good and evil can co-exist in the same person?

".. Soujiro? Are you okay, hun?" Tae's head slopes to the side at me with curious eyes, touching my arm ever so gently, catching me by surprise.

Was I away for too long?

"I'm fine. I'm.. I'm just wondering.. how would you.." I am careful to choose my next words slowly, ".. Would you be happy if.. if those boys did not receive the death penalty?"

A silence ensues between us, the sort of silence where I am afraid to exhale out of fear that any little sound could create a calamitous result. I look at her and she straightens herself up, her brows furrowing slightly and her mouth opens just a hint to show her disbelief at my strange question. She's probably thinking what in the world has gotten into me; isn't revenge what we all wanted this entire time? Isn't this the outcome that we've anticipated? How am I not happy or excited at the prospect of the Bokkai family hung in front of all of Japan for the horrors they've committed against the Himuras? I chew on the inside of my lower lip, my grip on the door tightening as the adrenaline surges in my blood stream. Will Tae become angry and start hurling abuse at my insensitivity over Kaoru's wrongful death? Does this mean that maybe.. That maybe Tae and Megumi had shared the same concerns about the strange ways I've been behaving around Kenshin this entire time? And with this newfound philanthropist attitude and the blush that no doubt has been looming over my cheeks and lips from the heavy kissing, maybe Tae has finally put the pieces together?

What am I going to do?

What am I going to say to her?

Why do I continuously ruin my own life time after time?

Finally, Tae's face calms down and nods just once. She looks at the floor for just a moment to collect her thoughts, and with a sweep of her eyes over my figure, she whispers, "I guess I already knew since the beginning."

My blood freezes, the adrenaline numbing my insides. My hand on the door is hurting me.

She laughs silently to herself, shaking her head softly at the ridiculousness of it all, "Kenshin really got to you, didn't he? From the moment you stepped into my restaurant, I had the strangest feeling that you and him shared something really special. A camaraderie, a certain affinity together, that I brushed aside as a deep brotherhood of some sort because of the same pasts you two shared. And to think, that I thought I knew everything there is to know at my age in this life.. I am so shocked to even.."

"Tae.." I mumble airlessly, feeling dizzy.

"To tell you the truth.. it was Kaoru that came to me in tears shortly before her death. _'Kenshin wants to wander again!'_ , Kaoru told me, and I didn't know what to tell her. Or even how to comfort her. She felt that something, or somebody, was bothering him and that was why he needed to flee. She mentioned your name, Soujiro, and that she felt a strange sort of energy coming from you every time you laid eyes on her husband. Always staring. Always touching. Always there by Kenshin's side.."

I stay quiet, allowing her time to pick herself up when she takes a sharp breath and blink away her tears.

"I always knew that there really was something between the two of you, and.. And I just want you to know, Soujiro," She looks at me head on, "That I'm not angry, I'm just really sad for Kaoru. Because she really loved Kenshin with everything she had, and really wanted to stay with him forever. To grow old with him and to enjoy life without the constant fighting from war minded criminals coming after Kenshin.. So just know this, Soujiro. Just know that if you are to have Kenshin, that I will simply refuse to let you walk away from him or to any one of us. If you want him, I hope it's for life and not because it's a silly summer's romance. I want Kenji to have two parents to look after him.. I want Kenshin to never have to wake up alone again, and–"

She loses it and sobs into her hands, and without thinking, I envelope her feeble form into my arms, embracing her tightly as she disintegrates into her sorrow. I know what you're thinking. I'm going to go back to feeling sorry for myself, or I'm going back to reassuring Tae that everything will be back to normal and that I'll be gone first thing tomorrow when the gang returns. That this was all just a nightmare that she will soon wake out of and won't have to be reminded of the passion my body has with her closest friend. That there's just no way that Kenshin likes men the way she enjoys them. That this is just one huge misunderstanding and that Kaoru was paranoid over nothing. And I've got just the perfect phrase for you:

You're wrong.

Nobody, save for Kenshin, knows who I really am and what makes me the happiest. Since the time I was little, people assumed that they knew what would make me happy, living themselves vicariously through me. That the only way to be happy, is to forget myself and care for other people above myself. Well, that was then, and this is now. I will not comfort Tae with pretty lies but with the honest truth instead. As her crying quiets down to mere sniffles, I cusp her chin with my hand to have her look up at me, to have her see the seriousness that is now clouding my eyes. She waits, and I take a breath to ready myself, "Yes. It is true. About me and Kenshin."

She takes a quivering breath and her eyes is renewed with more tears, but I place a finger on her lips to continue, "And this isn't just an affair that won't last forever. I've already made up my mind from the first night I stepped foot inside this dojo and met Kenshin again after four long years of silence. I'm.. I'm in love with him, Tae. I think I've always loved him since the beginning, really. So I know it's not just a crush, but something real. I want to be by his side, and take care of Kenji too. I know that Kaoru loved him and saw him as her soulmate.. and that's something I wasn't planning on soiling. I respect what they had together, the special bond that helped them through all the bad things they had to go through. If I could.. I would thank her myself for never giving up on Kenshin Himura, no matter how stubborn he can be sometimes. I will spend the rest of my life making sure that Kenshin will never have a moment's doubt of uncertainty in this world.."

I let go of her chin and take my finger away from her lips, now smiling at her without caution, "Because I'll never leave him. I love him too much to ever do that. Rest assured that this is the truth."

Her eyes broaden and her eyebrows lift, not knowing what to say despite her lower lip hanging in suspension, and I just simply hug her again before she even has the time to think or say anything anymore. It took her a minute, but then, I feel her wrapping her arms around me. We stay that way, understanding one another, letting the pain seep out of our hearts for a while. She takes a step back and her new smile tells me that she's glad that I confessed to her, because really, honesty is the best way to live after all. I let her know to tell me the news of the twins tomorrow evening and she agrees, taking her departure politely as I close the front door. I go back to the room that I left Kenshin behind, only to find it empty instead. Blinking, I look all around me to see if I can spot a single strand of red hair, to no avail. Where did he go? I frown and hum, deciding to go out to the backyard to catch some air.

Opening and closing the sliding panel, I seem to have caught a new energy in my mind, the kind that tells me that someone is there with me. I freeze internally, looking over my shoulder at the big tree in the backyard. My eyes takes its sweet time to trail from the base of the tree upward, moving up and up until I see someone sitting on a strong branch. With red hair sweeping over his forehead and revealing his face, I see a man who's basking in the moonlight, his head tilting backward and has his eyes closed to enjoy the sweet scent of the air. My heart climbs to my throat and I make a weak sound to myself. I can't believe a beautiful saint like him could ever love a fool like me. I take a few careful steps towards the tree, my gaze never leaving Kenshin, until he hears me and he turns to my direction with a confused expression. I smirk gently to myself, and his face softens to one of recognition at my own, outstretching his hand towards me. I climb up to where he sits, wrap my arms around his waist and lay my head on the back his neck, breathing in his smell.

"Is Tae alright? You were out there for quite a while." Kenshin looks up at the night sky like a little boy who's never seen the moon before.

I close my eyes again, my smirk never leaving my face meanwhile, "She's fine. She asked me about you."

"Oro? What did she say?"

"Nothing important. Just the general questions. I told her you were okay, really."

"And she was fine too?"

"Of course." I tighten my grip around his waist absentmindedly.

It's quiet.

"Soujiro.. you and her had a talk, haven't you?"

I chuckle as expected, once again defeated by Kenshin's impressive intuitive powers, "We have. I told her about us. She took the news well in the end when I told her how much I really love you. I think that's the most important thing, in her eyes."

Kenshin hums, looking over his shoulder at me, "So I take this that you really won't leave the dojo after all."

I shake my head negatively to affirm his statement.

"And you are aware that this will put a dent on your plans to travel the world?"

"I don't care." I rub my nose against his cheek lovingly, "I've made up my mind. I'll do that when Kenji can take care of himself years down the line. Not right now. Not while you two need me."

"But it is what _you_ want, right?" Kenshin takes on a more serious disposition and doesn't respond to my nuzzling, "Perhaps Kenji and I do need you, but that shouldn't stop you from your own development. You still have six years."

I feel taken back from his change of mood, but regain my composure and nod, "I know I have six years. But who says it has to mean wandering? Can these last six years be about me loving and being there for you?"

"That depends. Can you be there for yourself, too?"

"Yes." I pleaded him, "Kenshin.. I don't want to leave. Don't make me leave. I choose to stay here. I choose to be with you."

Before Kenshin says another word, I shut him up with a kiss, holding his peace with just my lips. I can feel his surprise, his desire to speak his mind some more, but then.. I feel his tongue dividing my lips and entering my mouth, and I knew that he's decided to just let me do what I need to do. Even if he doesn't agree with it, necessarily. Kenshin knows better than to try anything with my conscious now that I've learned about my own truths. I've learned that my existence has nothing to do with other people's opinions; not my family when they beat me, not Shishio when he taught me to fight, not Yumi when she tried to silence my strange orientation, not Megumi when she tried to protect Kaoru from me, and now.. Not Kenshin when he thinks I should travel for myself for the next six years. I know he'd wait for me, but I can't wait to start my life here in Tokyo. I've already decided.

I let go of the kiss and let my eyes and my body do the talking. Come closer, Kenshin. I climb down the tree below him, much to his confusion, and from the ground I look up, pulling on my shirt knot to loosen it. He blinks once, exhaling quietly at the sight of my chest. I start walking backwards, slowly, my eyes clouded with lust. Kenshin doesn't wait for anything else, so he casually leaps down onto the ground to come follow me. Every step he takes is a step backward for me. Teasing him. Enticing him. Soon we are both back inside the dojo, deciding that, instead of putting up the party decorations or even caring about the fact that I completely forgot to tell Tae which dinner we want to eat tonight.. We decided to just enjoy the present moment and what it has to offer. Something that it has taken Kenshin years to learn and me arriving at the same conclusion not too long ago myself. It's funny how people change so much in so little time.

Once Kenshin is near my bed, I close my bedroom panel to begin our dance of carnage.


	24. Belong

_Author's Note: Merry Christmas! Happy Kwanza! Happy Holidays and New Years and all of that! Can I just say, ummm, I'm a horrible human being? For not updating after all of this time? Yeah, I know. And you all deserve so much better from me. So here it is, the last chapter of this saga. I will also have you know that I will ALSO work on new KenshinxSoujiro fics so don't think you're getting rid of me that easily. ;) I also freaked the hell out when I saw that someone has been uploading literal yaoi hentai fanart between these two hotties and I fell to the floor in a fit of covered screams when I saw them on the Google search engine. I'll tell ya all about it later on... is there like a chat room or a Discord I can get on to talk to people from this website? Seriously. It would make things so much easier for me to communicate with the fans of my stories than through here._

 _It's horrible how hard it is to write THE last chapter to any story, and this story of mine proves it. But still.. thank you and sorry again for the long wait._

 _So, again, this is the last chapter, although technically, there will be another short update that will be the epilogue to tie up everything nicely. Rated R+ for a strong sexual scene. Thank you so much, and here's a kiss goodbye for 2017 and for a new year full of new possibilities and happiness and yaoi smut. Enjoy!_

Scene XXIII

 _"I'm so sorry that I wasn't there for you, Soujiro.."_

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In my grip is Shishio's Wakizashi, its power detectable by its sturdy length and voluminous weight. And for that moment, I swear nothing could throw me off my balance. My eyes are closed, and with a clear conscious, I could hear the entire world in its frightening simplicity. A bread crumb falling to the ground could arouse me awake, if it were so. Never in my life have I felt so ready to fight and be at such present moment in my body. The time is now to defend my beliefs and my own strength. Shishio is counting on me. The plans of renewing the Japan of the Meiji Era rests just on top of my head. Everyone is waiting and cheering on silently behind closed doors and reserved smiles of my comrades. Soujiro Seta, the boy who could break the speed of sound, is going to take down the dragon of his life.

And that dragon―

 ** _KLANK!_**

―is none other than Himura the Battousai, the renounced man slayer who has taken the path of righteous living, of bestowing peace wherever he is. Our swords are caught in a bridge between two worlds that couldn't be more different; one tinged in blue with the sadness of yesterday's sorrows, and the other doused in red, confident of a new future. I looked into his eyes, his glare not betraying the subtle smirk playing on his lips, bewildering me in the process. Bouncing back to my previous anger, I thrust forward until our swords unlock from the impact, rapidly moving myself around him and to one corner of the room to do another defense, eyeing Kenshin suspiciously. The auburn haired samurai doesn't skip a beat, also lowering himself to another battle stance in preparation for my next move. A certain stillness infects the room, a raging distrust emerging from just our eyes against each other alone. I take a note of his look, his hair gleaming like a burst of flame inside a dark cave, amethyst eyes dangerously nearing itself to a golden glow, and his clothes seemingly worse for wear. Almost without thinking, I quickly blink and let my eyes sweep the room, recognizing immediately as to where I am.

The Room Without Space.

The title seems fitting, with how I feel, at this moment. Locking eyes again with my predecessor, it seems as if he has come closer into my view, which is confusing since my supersonic sense of hearing could've picked up the sound of his feet if he were to have moved from his previous place. I blink once, and he seems to have come closer. I hesitate, a troubled sound emitting from my lips and the muscles in my hands and arms tense up, my sword quivering as I fight with all of myself to not blink again. Don't close your eyes or he'll come closer. Don't do it. Don't do it, Soujiro. Please. The burning intensity of keeping my eyes betray me and in a second of weakness, I blink once more and see Kenshin just a couple of feet away from where I stand. My sense of panic is ignited and I back up cautiously, which only invites Kenshin to take another step forward. This feels so unknown, and at the same time, so horrifically familiar. My back meets the wall behind me and I flatten myself as far back as I possibly can, and Kenshin's response to my outburst is just him silently walking up towards me with a blank expression on his face. What ideas are floundering inside his mind that could only result in me getting tortured or killed in cold blood. My lower lip trembles with the same vibration as my hands the closer Kenshin walks towards me..

 _"Please.. please don't..!"_ I whisper, writhing uncomfortably just as Kenshin stands right in front of me. Despite this growing fear inside of me.. I swear, an alien emotion bursts through the complex of the paranoia: A burning, longing sort of arousal that spreads in my pants just looking at that beautiful face up close.

Kenshin's face remains emotionless, but then his arm moves up and he cups the side of my face with his hand sweetly, his thumb running over my flesh and he tilts his head to the side to explore the contents of my glance carefully. Suddenly I couldn't hold it in anymore and a fresh hot tear streams down my face, just over his thumb, and he blinks once with a smile, as if understanding. His eyes travel from my cheek to my eyes now, and my heart stops in one horrific second. He speaks finally, with a voice so soft and sweet..

"I am so sorry, Soujiro."

My heart skips, and I take in a shaky breath, _"What?"_

"I'm sorry. You asked me before why I wasn't there when your family tried to kill you. You were right, Soujiro. I should have been there. I should have protected you and helped you back then. You were so defenseless.. so cold in that rain.. You needed my aid, but my aid had not delivered that night. Had I know who you were and where you ran to hide, and what was happening to you, Soujiro.. Believe me, I would be there to shield you from the danger of that night."

Now my tears become unleashed and I am sobbing dryly, absolutely floored by the words I so badly needed to hear after all these years. The grip of my sword weakens and it clangs against the floor once I drop it, and Kenshin gently accepts me into his arms as I wrap mines own around his neck. The feeling before of wanting to fight him, of wanting to defeat him, of wanting to kill him.. seemed to have instantaneously turn into something much warmer and romantic in nature. I want him to hold me. I want him to touch me. I want him to kiss me. Love and hate, how they climb on that thin line, hand in hand.. how it used to mystify me when people talk about love and hate being one of the same.. it seems so obvious all along. I hated Kenshin because I've always loved him. I hated how he made me feel because I love how he makes me feel emotions that I've long concealed for a very long time.

It's that simple.

I could no longer run from such a truth.

Suddenly, the floor beneath me seemed to have opened up, and I feel as if floating on thin air, slowly descending into nothing. But with Kenshin's arms wrapped around me, I know for a certain, that no harm could ever come my way again. No lonely nights of heavy drinking to hide the darkness in the corners of my mind, of the memories that would keep any grown man awake at night. No more crying or punching things in bouts of rage, for what used to felt like it happened without reason, now it is because I had tortured myself with trying to forget the love of my life. I'm more free with Kenshin than I could have ever been, even before on my solitary journey traveling through the entirety of Japan. He's the key to my heart after all.

"It's okay, Kenshin. I forgive you. I love you."

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I spring up with a chocked up gasp, clinging to my bed sheets and trying to find my breath. Almost on command, Kenshin sits upwards as well to wrap his arms around my shoulder to comfort me, his frowning eyes trying to find the reason for my abrupt awakening. Steadying my breath, my eyes sweep the room, the skies outside my window broadcasting a silvery lavender morning. It was only a dream. Oh, but what a wonderful dream it was! As my panic settles down, the cool air meets with my warm sweat, and I shiver in Kenshin's grasp, who could only respond with a sweet kiss to my temple.

"What is it, Soujiro?" Kenshin mumbles huskily in his half awake state, and I moan very quietly at the back of my throat from swimming in the masculine energy of his voice.

"I thought.. I thought I was falling.." I shake my head slowly with a dry chuckle, "I'm sorry. It's nothing. It was only a dream."

Silence. I don't mind these quiet moments, though. I just let my eyes slide close and melt into his side hug, dragging one arm of my own to wrap itself around his waist. He kisses the top of my head, leaning back into the bed completely, and we lie there to enjoy this moment without saying anything for a while. Today's the day that his friends will come back from their trip, and although a part of me is prepared for any negative reactions of them finding me here, another part of me still wonders of the myriad of possibilities that I could still lose Kenshin somehow. It's enough to make me feel sick to my stomach and my heart sink to the bottom of my internal ocean. I am not, in any way, doubtful of Kenshin's loyalty to me. I know he will always stand by me. I just know it so. The dream proved it to me. I know it sounds silly to use that as my analogy, or as my beacon of truth, but.. I really do believe in the unseen sometimes. Which is crazy, since I wasn't like that back then. But meeting Kenshin, getting to know him, and making love to him.. well, it's hard to not change on such a fundamental level when you meet someone so incredible like him. It's weird.

I look at him. I mean, I _really_ look at him. The gleam of his scarlet hair meeting the purple dawn has turned him into a person with burgundy hair instead, and his ivory skin contrasts beautifully against the dark sheets of my bed. He opens his eyes again, sensing that I was staring at him, and he smiles. With that perfect smile of his, always so good in nature, always so trusting to people around him. I couldn't help myself. I lean over him and kiss his lips, my tongue already meeting his before his mind could register what was even happening. I hold his chin so as to control the kissing, feeling my loose pants tightening over my arousal. Kenshin pushes back with his kiss against my lips, his hands now clasping around my wrists to overpower me. Breaking the kiss, I can feel his breath hitting my lower lip, his arousal probing against my inner thigh.

"So early in the morning that you want to have sex, is it not?" Kenshin smirks a little tiredly, which makes me feel a bit guilty that I want to fuck right this moment, but he reassures me with another kiss on my lips, "I don't mind, that I don't."

"I can get on top of you," I bite my lower lip seductively, rotating my hips against his hard on with slow hypnotic thrusts, "I don't mind that, either."

Kenshin doesn't waste time anymore. He takes my chin with his hand, turns it to the side, and suck on my neck, my free hand now able to grasp into his hair in a fit of passion. Immediately his other hand lets go of my wrist to go under my pants and start grabbing my cock from its base to start masturbating me, pleasure blooming from the inside like the opening of a fresh flower. I gasp and moan happily, my hips bucking into his hand to help with his stroking, which Kenshin's only response is biting my neck gently yet eagerly so. I already want him to fuck my ass and my flesh feels warm with incitement. My legs spread and Kenshin couldn't be polite with this, so he growls and sits up to rip my shirt open and pulls my pants down to reveal all of me into the open. Having had sex with him several times before, I am no longer shy and so I let him 'abuse' me to his desire because I know he'll make me cum too. With one hand clasping on the side of my hip and his other hand to his mouth to spit onto his fingers, I start to writhe with excitement, for what I know will come next.

 _"Yeah.."_ I groan, barely unable to keep my eyes open trough this intense lust, "Fuck me.."

"Not yet," Kenshin shakes his head, "I changed my mind. Lay on your side for me."

I frown, confused, but Kenshin's eyebrows leap up expectantly and I do as he says. I mean, honestly? I really do what he tells me to do, at least half of the time. I've grown to trust Kenshin a lot, which is a lot coming from me. Since I've met him, I've butted heads with him on purpose about everything; From the largest aspects of our lives like our beliefs that came from our respective histories, to the smallest matters like where to eat or why the sky really is blue. I don't know why I enjoy arguing with Kenshin or why I don't let his words get to me too much. I know he's right a lot of the times, but I just don't liked to admit it, especially out loud. I used to be so prideful, you know? But now, I just let him lead the way. Because I feel so much lighter and happier once I delegate some things to Kenshin. He is twelve years older than myself, respectively, so he has to know some things that I don't. And that's okay. Lying on my side now with my upper leg lifted by Kenshin, he pulls himself down to the bed again and starts to lick my opening. I roll my eyes and my back arches involuntarily from the delicious sensations, sighing.

 **"God!** Will you marry me?" I whine with a nervous giggle, taking in a sharp breath just as I feel Kenshin's tongue piercing into my hole, _"Jesus..!"_

Kenshin pulls away from his activity just to pipe up with a smile, "Okay!"

My eyes snap open and I carefully look over my shoulder to look at his stupidly joyful face, "What?"

"I'll marry you. Someday. But I think I like keeping you as my concubine for a little while." Kenshin grins, and I gape at him, rattled by it all. Could he really see us as a married couple one day? Like a real one? Like the ones he had with Kaoru and Tomoe? My face is aflame with embarrassment, thinking about those two. The lives he spent with them. The horrible and the beautiful moments he's shared with those two. Will I ever match up to them? Or could I be something even.. bigger and better? Looking at Kenshin, I now know the extension of his sorrows of losing two of the most important people in his life. And now that I'm right here, with him, taking care of him and loving him until my heart is ready to burst.. maybe this really is supposed to happen the way it turned out. I will always mourn for Kaoru and I will always pay my due respects to his first wife Tomoe, but at the same time? I'm happy that I'll end up becoming his last lover in the end. Because I know that I won't do anything stupid like getting myself kidnapped or nearly killed again, and even if so, I know that Kenshin will always be there to throw swords at anyone who dares touch his young lover like that.

First, a quiet chuckle emits from me and then it slowly rouses into a full blown laughter, just repeating that same word over and over again in my head. _Concubine!_ I get it. Kenshin doesn't laugh along but just smiles at my disposition, myself almost nearing in tears with all the laughing now. I take my time in letting my laughter die down on its own, finding my breath again.

"You're an idiot." I finally retort, peeking at him with one eye and I smile along with him. He simply grins back and goes back to eating me out, and I go back to making noise that only concubines are paid to make. I giggle from that thought but the ripping pleasure pulls me back into groaning suggestively again. I can pinpoint the tip of his tongue and where it slides and pokes and all of it is driving me mad. It's so slick and wet, I love it. Suddenly, I feel a new type of tip, this time from his finger as he keeps tonguing just outside of my hole, and he enters me without hassle. As my nerve endings there welcomes the new entity, it pulses back with another wave of pleasure, a harder and deeper one this time. I gasp and flinch, biting down my fist as he fingers me thoroughly, my cock twitching for sweet release. _Soon._

The pleasure torture continues for what feels like forever, though I'm really not complaining when it feels so good. Then after a while, Kenshin retreats his finger out of me and maneuvers me and himself so that my legs drape over his shoulders and positions himself to rub his hard on against my opening. I'm on the verge of drooling from this amazing fuck fest and he isn't even inside of me yet. God, this is going to be one hell of an orgasm. With all of that licking, he is able to enter me easily and I arch my neck back with a silent moan, his slow and deep thrusts unbelievable to my senses. He trails his fingers over my protruding Adam's apple as I swallow my drool back, and he slides his finger tips across my collarbones ever so gently. Every time he touches me.. I can feel the insurmountable love he has for me, and it's enough to bring me to tears. Upon seeing this, Kenshin halts his humping and hums quizzically, which prompts me to look at him and smile lovingly in his direction. He stiffens, his eyes looking like he's seeing a hungry child on the street begging for food, or seeing a dying dog who just wanted to see their owner one last time. So much empathy and compassion and..

"Soujiro.." Have I gone insane, or am I seeing a glint in his eyes that could mean tears as well? Kenshin interrupts my train of thought with just this sentence, "Loving you feels like a sad song."

"What.. What do you mean?" My heart swells with either pain or longing or love, it's too hard to say which.

"I just want to take care of you, always. I want to protect you, forever. I wasn't there for you all those years ago when you were a child and needed it. I should have been there. When you asked me that day in Mount Hiei, you have no idea how long your questions have stayed on my mind, Soujiro. How many times I've thought about your safety when you traveled for four years on your own, if I should have just brought you back here instead. But at the same time.."

He leans forward to gently brush my bangs away from my glazed eyes and continues whispering, "I'm really happy that I did let you go, Soujiro. Look how much you've grown and changed! I can never explain just how proud I am of you. It mustn't been easy to just let go of all you've learned from Shishio, that it wasn't. And then I'm also happy that you returned to me, anyway. Even if you had come back just to be my friend, Soujiro.. I would have happily accepted that. You don't owe me anything. I would have let you have almost anything from me if it means you'll be happier in the long run. But then you asked me for my love.. And I was afraid. Truly so, because I thought life would always lead to just one conclusion. I thought it would have ended with Kaoru. But you came along, and another ending opened up to me, as well. It took me a while, but.. Soujiro.. Thank you. I'm never going to let you go. I promise."

Despite the tears giving me away, I smirk playfully, "You're a sap sometimes, you know that? Now, let get on top of you. I want to fuck you for all those pretty little words, Kenshin Himura."

I don't wait for his response and just sit up to move myself so that I can overpower him this time, smiling down at the now befuddled samurai. Everything he said touches my heart, so I think he deserves a great fuck for that. I rotate my hips and Kenshin gasps with a falter, and I ride on that big cock of his while I giggle over him breaking down thanks to my agile body giving him immense pleasure. Skin slapping against skin sharply echoes through the nearly empty bedroom, the skies now taking on a rosier hue to signal the early morning. Everything in this moment is picturesque and I hope I never forget this. I toss my head back and groan enthusiastically while I continue to fuck Kenshin, his cock hitting my sensitive spot over and over again, my orgasm mounting. Tilting my chin down again to look at my lover, he's writhing and has his eyes shut, focusing on not cumming too soon, gritting his teeth and quieting down his own sounds. For the first time, at least from the perspective of fucking and not fighting, I feel so dominant. I'm enjoying seeing Kenshin struggling with keeping himself in one piece. That's what happens when you fuck a nymphomaniac twenty one year old, I guess. You just get fucked, and now Kenshin is learning.

 _"Oh God.."_ Kenshin finally groans softly, feeling hesitant with this reverse power play. I blush from the sound.

"Yeah, moan for me, baby," I pant, grinding against him harder, "You have such a big cock.."

 _"Soujiro..!"_ Kenshin grits his teeth and grabs the sides of my hips as a flimsy attempt to slow me down, but I just smile and hump faster, much to his unease, "I, I can't.."

"What's that? You can't what, huh?" I chuckle, thoroughly enjoying this new power play already, "You mean you can't hold on? What's a matter, am I too tight for you or something?"

Kenshin couldn't answer but digs his fingers into my hip with a helpless groan, and deciding that he couldn't get me off of him or have me listen to him in order to slow down for him, he instead grinds against me to a structured rhythm. I thrust myself onto him and he thrusts back to get his cock as far in as he possibly can. My breath hitches and I steady myself, the pleasure hitting to new heights now. A flash of blush appear on both of our chests. I look down to see my creation: A nirvana of absolutes, of my lover trembling and keeping the strings of carnal sanity with a delaying grip. I smile darkly, wanting Kenshin to cum first for once. He always puts me first, but I want to treat him to something nice today. He deserves it. I start jerking myself off meanwhile and my eyes flicker back, moaning and I also hear Kenshin grunt at the sight of me pleasuring myself.

"Don't stop, Kenshin, don't.." I arch back, my free hand stroking Kenshin's flat abodimals, _"Fuck..!"_

"I can't―!" Kenshin is cut off by himself finally cumming inside of me and I cry out a little from surprise, and as well, from the pleasure of breaking Kenshin down to a trembling mess just like he always left me before.

I lean forward, hastily jerking myself off while I gaze in a lustful, hazy state into Kenshin's eyes, and I whisper vehemently, "Look at me, Kenshin, look at me when I cum!"

He does and looking through those beautiful indigo eyes finally did me in, and I cum all over his stomach, my other hand clutching his side while I spasm for a few seconds through the intense orgasm. The room falls quiet with intervals of our deep breathing to catch ourselves, and the sun rises up further to welcome a clear blue sky for a perfect day. I slowly lift my head up to look at Kenshin, and he is just lying there with his eyes closed, his smile satisfied and happy. I snigger with an arched eyebrow at his silliness, when suddenly, my ears picked up a strange sound. I freeze, expecting the absolute worst. I flinch and look to the side to where the sound must've been coming from, trying my best to decipher what the origin of the noise could be. My heart thumps against my chest. Kenshin hums with concern and slowly sits up without pushing me off, wrapping his arms around my waist as he watches me going into some kind of panic mode, and follows my eyes to the side. And then, I hear it: A cat yowling in the distance and its tiny little paws scattering off into the streets once more. Was that really just a stupid cat? I let my eyes fall to the floor and find my breath shallow from the spook, my face clammy and cold.

"Are you okay?" Kenshin finally breaks the awkward silence, stroking my hair softly.

"I-I thought that.. that.." My voice loses its strength and I deflate with a sigh instead, at a loss for words. I was scared that someone will come in and catch us in the act. I was scared that Kenshin and I were in danger once more. I was scared of many things. Will I always live on edge like this if I am going to stay with Kenshin Himura? Will I always wonder if being his lover will always put me in more danger, or him in danger, or God forbid, his son in danger? Will I constantly have to look over my shoulder each time I go outside? Will Kenji have a normal life if his school mates learn that he is taken care of by not just one, but two daddies instead? I grunt uncomfortably at that thought. That's right. It's not just Kenshin I have to keep in my mind at all times. It's that little red haired baby boy who lost his mother and doesn't even know what is going on behind these closed bedroom doors. There will be many drastic changes that will come from his mother's passing, and I wonder if he'll grow to hate his father for what he's doing with another man.

And then, I turn to look at Kenshin, with that beautiful face, always so caring to everyone around him. Always taking it upon himself to save those in need, to help those who could not stand up for themselves. I hesitate, and my smile couldn't deceive what I feel on the inside. For I am relieved, to have come to know Kenshin. Even if Kenji will face a challenging road ahead of him, as long as Kenshin is his father, then Kenshin will always lead the way home. He will teach his son to be confident and to not let other peoples' words affect him. He will show him that, above all else, to just be himself. That's all I want for Kenji as well, on top of being safe, happy, and healthy. I will be the best father to him no matter what the obstacles. Even if Kenji rejects me at first, I won't let it puncture my heart. I will always be there for him. For Kenshin. For the two of them. I lean in to give Kenshin a peck on his lips, to reassure him that I'm okay again.

"Soujiro?" Kenshin questions me in a quieter voice.

I smile, "It's nothing. I thought I heard something. Let's have a bath together and then let's get the house ready for your friends, okay?"

Kenshin gapes at me a little confusingly, but then smiles again, nodding.

...

We've cleaned the entire dojo from top to bottom, and I put up the party decorations in the dining room to make it as festive as possible. Sashes of colors and balloons enliven the otherwise beige room, and Kenshin welcomes Tae and Tsubame in once the early evening hour strikes. The young ladies brought them food from the Akabeko restaurant; pots of roast pig and grilled vegetables, sauces and rolls and other delightful food for all of us. While preparing for the finishing touches, I hear the front door knocks and I freeze internally, my stomach quivering from anxiety. Okay, Soujiro. You can do this. It's only the guys and you have _every_ right to be here at the dojo. Kenshin loves you, you love him, and the gang has to accept that. No matter what happens.. just smile. This is the only exception to such a bad habit, after all. It's for the good of our future as we know it. With a deep breath, I turn around, just as I hear Kenshin opening the front door in another place of the house, the sound of surprised gasps and gleeful reunions dispersing. I patiently wait for them as they exchange greetings and "I miss yous", old inside jokes and excitable recounts of travel stories over what they went through weeks ago. From here, I can pick apart the unique voices from all the others: Yahiko's schoolboy voice joking around, Sanosuke's been-there-done-that gruff, Dr Gensai's sage chuckle, Ayame and Suzume's innocent squabble, Kenji's stubborn toddler shrieks, and of course.. Megumi's feminine yet fair voice ringing through the hallways with endless questions of how Kenshin and I were doing and if everything is okay.

I hear them all walk towards the dining room now. My fists clench with preparation.

Coming through the door first were, of course, the children. Upon seeing my face after so long, they all happily shriek and run up to me to give me a group hug. My heart melts upon impact, wrapping my arms all around them to pull them closer, and I couldn't help but peck them on top of their little heads. I miss these little babies so much! I never knew I could be so, well.. maternal, especially considering all I've been through in my life. Kenji looks up at me and outstretches one hand to try to stroke my face, so I grab it gently with both my hands and give his tiny fingers a little kiss. The girls look on with more giggling, and I wish I could call them all my own at that moment. Hearing someone clear their throat, I flinch and look up to see a serious looking Megumi. I grunt with hesitation. Sanosuke then joins her to wrap an arm around her shoulder, grinning at me, which.. comforts me a little bit, I guess. Then Yahiko pops into the room and starts to gasp from all the neat decorations, complimenting us on a job well done. Are we.. are we all going to be okay after all?

"Well, goodness!" Dr Gensai chuckles as he comes into the dining room, "Soujiro, did you do all of this? For us?"

I blush and flicker my eyes down, "Y.. Yes, sir."

Sanosuke whistles and looks around, "Looks great, kid. We like it."

"Are you kidding?! I friggin' love it!" Yahiko pipes us, catching the older adults by surprise, fists pumping and everything. Oh, Yahiko.

"We love it, too, we love it, too!" The girls chant in reunion, and even Kenji has to join in their giggling as well.

Tae's and Tsubame's heads peered around the corner and the former announces, "Dinner will be served in a few minutes! Why don't you all sit and we'll come with your meals. Soujiro will get the wine from the kitchen, won't you, dear?"

I clumsily get up, "Y-yes, ma'am!"

"Soujiro."

That name felt so stern coming from that woman's lips. I freeze and quietly turn my head over my shoulder to see that it came from Megumi, who now decided to talk after all this chatter. We all look at her with curiousity, and Megumi's eyes were hard and square on me. Is she.. Is she going to yell at me? Berate me in front of all the others? Now, before dinner? I can feel my cheeks redden and then I see her eyes swooping around the kitchen. Everything looks so warm, and inviting, and so clean and well taken care of. I can see the lines of her face now softening upon realizing this, her eyes trailing to the floor while she tinkers these thoughts inside of her head. Everybody is so happy. Not because of the woman we all lost.. but because of me. I did this. Kenshin helped, for sure, but.. it was I, who made the dojo feel like home again. I think Megumi is realizing this and, well.. I admit, I know how hard it is for her to take this right now still, after only a few weeks of Kaoru's passing. Who could blame her? But then, she looks ahead at me again, and she smiles finally. Without words, she tells me, I accept you. I accept all of this. Thank you. I smile with closed lips, nodding and then I go on ahead to get that bottle of wine for all of us.

Megumi..

I'm so happy that you're finally coming around.

When I return to the dining room with the bottle in my hand, everybody has already taken their seats and pipe up upon my arrival. Even Megumi appears more open than usual at the sight of me. I sigh contently and place the bottle in the middle of the table while Tsubame and Tae places all the plates in front of us. They all coo in awe and immediately start digging in. Luckily for me, Kenshin saved me a spot next to him and I take it, the auburn haired swordsman smiling reassuringly at me. I begin, the room already filling up with the dinner's aroma and lively conversations, just like the old times. It took me a few minutes but then I soon feel confident in jumping into the conversation, and everybody welcomes back me into their bubble, much to my delight. It really is like the good old days. It was almost like nothing bad had ever happened to us. The food is amazing and nothing could wreck tonight.

Nothing.. nothing at all..

"Say, did you guys get your morning papers yet?" Tae's eyebrow cocks up curiously at me and Kenshin, "I thought today you would have guys heard about what would happen to the twins."

I drop my utensil onto the plate, my eyes losing focus. The twins? Had I already forgotten about them?

"I've taken the liberty of gathering the newspapers from the mail box when we arrived to the front gate," Dr Gensai then reaches from the ground and opens the papers up which reads in bold, black words: **MURDERING TWINS ANNOUNCED DEAD BY HANGING. TOKYO REJOICES.**

I could hardly make a sound and my hands tremble. They're.. they're dead? They're really dead? My stomach drops at those big taunting words facing me, now in the middle of what was supposed to be the perfect evening. Kenshin's pleadings fell on deaf's ears and the judge had ordered a legal hanging? I can't.. I can't believe what I'm hearing. I think about what the twins might've thought or felt during their last moments alive on this Earth. The sickening fear that they must've felt when they saw the silhouette of the slip knots that awaited them. Those poor boys.. those poor, poor boys. Everybody looked at me, shocked at my own shock. Suddenly, Shishio's harsh words ring inside my head: _If you're strong, you'll live, and if you're weak, you'll die. The flesh of the weak is food for the strong. And in the end, its only the fittest that survive._ The Bokkai twins couldn't escape, nor fight back from the police force when they had them march in front of the entire town for their ultimate demise. _If you're strong, you'll live.. If you're weak.._

"Soujiro.." Kenshin's words were the loudest thing that could pierce my thoughts.

I feel sick.

"Hey, Soujiro, you don't look so good.." Yahiko tilts his head worryingly at me. Even Megumi is looking at me with some compassion.

"I thought.. I thought, this is what you wanted.." Sanosuke shakes his head with furrowed brows, "Soujiro."

 _You die._

I stand up clumsily, the table rumbling from my abrupt movements and I take an uneasy step back. And then another. Until finally, I whip around and run out, the last thing I hear as I do so were the young children calling out my name frantically. Kenshin calls out after me too, but I don't stop running. I rush out from the dojo and out from the front gate, letting my legs carry me faster and faster. I apply my Shukuchi to fly through time and space. Into the forest not that far from home, I speed through the trees and carefully started slowing down, taking my time with catching my breath. The Bokkai twins are dead! Has nothing really changed? Am I going insane? Was Shishio right all along and Kenshin was wrong? As if fate would have it, I trip over a tree root and bite back a sob as I hit the ground. My body couldn't take it anymore and so I start to cry in my hands. I wanted them to live! I wanted them to learn and repent for their sins! Why? Why did they have to do that?! The muscles in my legs twitching and threatening to pull from all the running they weren't ready for. I'm in so much pain. I'm in pain _everywhere._ Is this what my life will always be? Nothing but one painful moment after another? Nothing but losing everyone that I've come to love?

What if Kenshin dies next? What if someone kills him and I couldn't protect him?!

 _"I can't! I can't!"_ I wail in my hands, sobbing and gasping, _"I can't do this anymore!"_

Why? Why couldn't they just leave the twins alone? Abandoned by all hope of ever redeeming themselves in the eyes of society, the Bokkai twins did what they had to do in order to survive. They were only bitter because of the hand they were dealt with.. Just like what I had to go through myself. My heart swells with all the pain of knowing that they will never get the learn the sweetness that only freedom could provide. They will never know what love from someone else will feel like, or the safety of finding a community to be a part of. All they knew was their father and his deep, dark hatred for all of mankind. The skies above me growls and I shrink into myself, preparing for the upcoming storm. The last rain of the year. I hope that.. it washes away everything that has been tainted. I welcome such redemption.

I am all alone. Isn't that what life wanted for me?

Isn't that..

"Soujiro."

I take in a sharp gasp with a flinch as someone drapes over me to help me sit up straight, my eyes opening to see Kenshin holding me gingerly. He looks so worried, so in love with me, and I couldn't get a word edge in until he flies at my lips to kiss me. Just to shut me up before I say something stupid and unforgiving. Before _he_ says something equally stupid and unforgiving. I soften into this kiss, tongues lapping on top of one another slowly and romantically. Maybe I'm wrong? Maybe.. Maybe life won't always feel good, but that's only because in this life, we are all on a balancing act. We face love but we will also face death and destruction. We will have miracles, but it is not without the darkness, too. I know this because, somehow, by some freakish act of magic, Kenshin finds me just before the rain takes over us. Despite the icy inclement, his kiss and hug are all I need to stay warm.

Weak or strong, love is what saves you in the end.

I'm sorry, Shishio.. but you're wrong.

He has me on his lap just like earlier today, the rain dripping from my bangs and onto my eyelashes, fused with my ongoing tears. I look at the floor and I am silent, thinking of what to say next. Kenshin must be so worried about me, seeing me bolt out of the dojo like this. But, he just sits there with me, always so patient, never rushing me to do anything. I will always mourn for the loss over the twins, because I really do think that they could have found happiness at the end of their roads. But sometimes.. it's not so simple as being strong or being weak. Sometimes, life gets taken from you. Even the strongest will someday fall, just like the weak. The only thing I can hear aside from the droplets, were the eerie winds moaning through the tree branches, the shiver of the leaves that hang desperately onto them. I look up at the skies, gloomy and hostile, and then into Kenshin's eyes, contrasting the skies with his benevolent stare.. and I rub my face against his, telling him without speaking, _please take me back home. I'm ready to face my fears._ Kenshin helps me up and we both walk together, hand in hand, without saying another word. I guess this is what a soul mate connection really feels like.. You don't have to fill in the gaps as much as you do with other people. Kenshin knew what I was thinking without me having to open my mouth. He knew just how much it hurts to let go of all the old thoughts and yet, he also knows that, with me walking back to the dojo with him, that I am welcoming new changes.

Bigger changes.

Better changes.

And I'm ready for them.

"We're home." Kenshin serenely announces, just as the whole family gathers around to the front of the dojo and having them blink at our drenched clothing. It almost did not prepare them, of course, when their eyes naturally fell to the bottom and see our hands clasped together. I can see their reactions like a symphony act opening right in front of me: Sanosuke, frowning and that slight shake of his head that it finally came to light that Kenshin and I really are romantically involved. Yahiko's slight blush, accompanied with an uneasy grin, all in good nature that this something he can accept after all. Dr Gensai, perhaps already in the know of this situation, only looks on at our hands with a calm face, nothing more. Ayame, Suzumi, and even Kenji, could only blink and then giggle to themselves, until they all hold each others hands in order to copy us. Tae and Tsubame could only cover their mouths politely and try to downplay their blushing faces.

And then there's Megumi, whose eyes widen and pupils dilate of what she has been running away since her early suspicions about me. But then.. she relaxes and smiles, nodding at me with approval.

"Yeah.." I trail off just as everyone looks up at us again and smile at the two of us, my grasp on Kenshin's hand tightening. To which, he holds my hand back firmly in response. I don't have to run anymore. I don't have to hide who I am anymore. It looks like, whatever happened on that trip with the group, probably opened up their minds about the possibility that Kenshin probably is really happy to be with me. That I can be a wonderful life partner to their best friend, even if I am the same sex as him. That I am loyal and kind and could be a wonderful parent to Kenji in Kaoru's place now. There is a certain truth that the world may not be so ready to see Kenshin and I like this, though.. Japan isn't so ready to accept the kind of love that me and Kenshin share. But seeing our friends here.. no, our _family_ here, we know that there will always be a place to come back to, no matter how horrible the rest of the world can be. I look up at Kenshin and he looks back at me also, and I dance inside those eyes of his.

The eyes that never lie.

The eyes that always knows.

The eyes that will change the world.

The eyes of truth.

.

.

.

"I really am home."

 _FIN_


	25. Epilogue

_Author's note: We did it! We made it! It is done! The long saga of the Eyes Of Truth, is finally over! I had a lot of fun working on this project, and although there's been some bumps and pit stops (lasting for many a months!), you all continued to show support and have faith that this story will see its ending someday. And now that it's here, I can't help but wanna celebrate in some way. Maybe I'll drink fine wine this weekend in celebration, LOL!_

 _I just want to say thank for the past two reviews from Cannibal Corncob and Daemon Spawn, who has been here since the very beginning. This last update goes out to you two as well as all the other supporters who continue to show amazing companionship, even if it's just through the form of hilariously written reviews. I seriously wish we can all be real friends because you're all just so smart, and funny, and loving people, and I can't believe you people are even real. I mean that in a good way, my dudes!_

 _So, without further ado, here's the very last update for this story. I do understand that the last part of this story is STILL not legal in Japan, but it's the sentiment that should be cherished instead. Stay tuned for more work from me, because in 7 days from now, I will be posting the first chapter to my alternate universe KenJiro fic, **The Outsider.** It's going to be one fuckin' intense fanfic, so prepare yourselves for epic pain, and heartbreak, and drama, and wild sex, and and and.. yeah. Just be prepared!_

 _Enjoy! And thank you, once again, for sticking with this fic till the end! This one's dedicated to all of my fans from the bottom of my heart._

Epilogue

The night when everybody saw me holding Kenshin's hand, changed everything.

We all seemed to have metamorphosed and become at one with ourselves, on a level that we didn't think was possible. Like Sanosuke and Megumi having to see that love really does transcend traditions, and now they want to formally leave the dojo to go explore what else could be out there. It wasn't even a month until they officially moved out of the dojo and started traveling, expanding their worldviews and their horizons. I was so sad to see them go.. But you should have seen the way I smiled when I finally received a postcard from South Korea, where Sanosuke had written a short yet concise message that will always take me far from here when I need it: _Soujiro, thank you. You really opened up our eyes. If you're ever on the road with Kenshin.. Let's hit some spots. Together._ Rumor has it that they're trying out for a baby, though they're in no rush. Gensai had to slip it in one morning and I could hardly keep it together. I'm just so happy for them!

I've taken up fishing. As a hobby. I wish Sanosuke was here to teach me. Apparently he had the eye and the hand to do that sort of thing. But I'm happy he's gone. They both needed to get out there and experience life for themselves.

As for Gensai himself, he decided that I really should become a doctor, and so he helped me gather some reading materials and studied along with me. Day after day, and night after night, I'd read a short paragraph from the book and take some notes down, as Gensai explained to me each definition and examples for the hard to pronounce words etched in there. I never knew it myself, if I hadn't met Kenshin or came back here after five years. But it turns out, I really do have the brain for this kind of stuff. I'm absolutely floored by the amount of blood we have inside our bodies, or the types of tea that can aid us when medicine is out of reach, or even how to perform a simple stitch for an open wound. Kenshin always encouraged me and would always let me talk up a storm about the world of medicine. Maybe he doesn't really care for it much, but just the way he looks at me and smiles as I rant like a madman over the endless diseases that should be either prevented or cured by now.. Really means the world to me.

Speaking of world.. I still haven't left the dojo, even for my traveling dreams. I figured.. Why should I? I have time on my side.

Do I regret not traveling the world like I planned? Absolutely not. Because I found another world to focus on instead. And it comes in the form of a wiggly, giggling toddler with a head full of auburn hair. Although Kenji still gets hit with pangs of grief over Kaoru, Kenshin and I always paid attention to him and always fed him, clothed him appropriately, took care of him when he would fall ill, and played games with him to keep him entertained for hours on end. I've come to find how much I love being a parent, after all. Like I said before, if you had told me when I was seventeen, that I would be married to someone or have children, I would have laughed right in your face. Turns out, I was dead wrong. I really love the stability of belonging to someone, and being a part of a happy family. It was everything I've always wanted and needed, but never had to experience a loving one.. Until recently. Kenji proves it so, every single day with the way he looks up to me.

Yahiko stayed at the dojo since he's still a minor, so he's become somewhat of another son to Kenshin and I. He's a really big help with the house chores and babysitting Kenji while Kenshin and I go out to our little "dates", whether it's going on a weekend camping trip far from eyes that are suspicious over us.. Or just to a restaurant pretending to be pals while we play footsies under the table. We're both pretty good at keeping Yahiko straight and narrow. We make sure he does his homework from school, and that he stays out of the streets and out of trouble with the cops. It's not easy sometimes. Teenagers will always find a way to sneak out at night and go do things that we could never approve for their safety, but they do it anyway. I can't tell you how many times I've reprimanded him, and yet, I also can't tell you how many times I quickly forgave him when I see him pouting later on. I hate disappointing him, so Yahiko and I spend plenty of time together, getting to know one another through a new type of relationship. Instead of him seeing me as just another friend, he's seeing me as Kenshin's romantic partner, so it's a lot to take in for him. It really does make sense that he likes to get into rowdy groups or getting in trouble at school; he's just trying to make sense of it all, and at such a tender age too on top of that.

But, he's trying his best, and that's all that matters.

Tae and Tsubame are still best friends with all of us, which is a blessing. They sometimes come around with extra food or to help out here and there, and we sometimes go over to their house for dinners and to play games for grown ups. No, nothing perverted of the sort, mind you! We don't let young Tsubame drink, of course, but she does like to dance with Yahiko and laugh at his clumsy moves. We always have fun together no matter what. Not that soon later, that it has come to light that they've both started a serious relationship with each other, and go out on dates to spend private time together. Nothing sure beats young love. I should know. Meanwhile, Tae has acquired herself someone who also started a serious relationship with her. Later on, a ring soon glints on her right hand, and that was the end of her single girl days as we all know it.

And who could forget the girls? I love being a quasi-father to Ayame and Suzume. With both of them, as well as Yahiko, I know Kenji won't ever feel the pain of loneliness. The girls are never too tuckered out to play with him, and Yahiko balances things out with teaching Kenji the art of swordsmanship with wooden sticks. It doesn't even feel all that stressful, taking care of four unruly children. The dojo is massive in size and can handle all of their running around and their childlike antics perfectly. The girls also help out with the dishes and that's always nice for when I have nights of intense studying with Dr Gensai. Kenji is still too young for school, but Ayame and Suzume, both aged eleven and eight, respectively, obviously go to school and would teach him simple things like the alphabets or using tree nuts for math. So I know Kenji will be ahead of his class by the time he can go to school next year at age five.

And because the girls go to school for seven hours a day, five days a week, and Gensai takes Kenji with him to his office outside the dojo for those periods.. Kenshin and I always have time for sex. Hey, you probably had to wonder, right?

We're a happy family, all seven of us together. We do everything together, from waking up and having breakfast on the same table, to going to the market street once a week to grab groceries and even the unnecessary stuff sometimes. We celebrate things together, like my twenty second birthday in the middle of September. The skies were gray and the leaves were falling from all the trees.. Summer has ended and all that came with it, but I'm welcoming these changes now. The girls baked a cake along with Gensai's help, and Kenshin took it upon himself to decorate the dining room for a small birthday party in my honor. Yahiko, of course, wrapped all of their presents and presented them to me proudly as they watch me uncover their gifts and me crying happy tears over all of this. This year, Yahiko got me a small compass, to symbolize that life is an adventure to be had. Ayame and Suzume got me a stuffed doll of a sea nymph, which they rationalized that if they can get me something that they could play with too, it's a gift well chosen. I had to laugh at that. Gensai actually brought me a small bag of my very first, well, first aid kit. Upon opening it, however, he also had placed a book of stories about traveling doctors and all the horrors they've seen on the road. That was really thoughtful of him and I had to refrain from hugging him and embarrassing the both of us.

And of course.. Kenshin brought me a small pocket knife, to help me gut rabbits and fishes during our 'camping trips'. Oh, Kenshin!

It's not always rainbows and butterflies, though. Because Kaoru is gone with the wind, and Yahiko obviously needs to focus on his schooling, the Kamiya Dojo has to close its doors to prospective students who are aching to learn the philosophies of the Kamiya Kasshin-ryū. And because Kenshin oh so lovingly admitted that he never taught me the Hiten Misorugi and was only pretending the past few months because he just enjoyed having me over.. It's not like I could teach these students anything. Kenshin explained to me that if he were to taught me it, I would have to fight him and risk even killing him, because that's just how the traditions were surrounding the fighting technique. In the end, I'm glad he never taught me it. I can just be Soujiro Seta of the Tenken. Nothing wrong with that. I'll just use it for good instead of using it to kill people. I've thought about maybe opening the dojo back up for that, to teach people the Tenken, but I don't think it could ever be recreated so well like Makoto Shishio. Oh well. Better to keep them in the dark over a fighting technique with a past so bloody and terribly evil. I just focused on my own studying, meanwhile. Kenshin then popped up the idea with me, one weekend evening, with everyone else gone out to have some fun, and after he and I had some wild sex on his bed.

"Maybe I should become a teacher. To teach Hiko's philosophy of not killing, that I should." Kenshin stares at the ceiling above him, contemplating, his hands behind his head while I cuddle next to him, "What do you think, Soujiro?"

I look up at him dazedly, still a little out of breath from the hard fucking, "I fully support you, Mr Himura."

"Please," Kenshin rubs his cheek on the top of my head, "Call me Kenshin. Or else, see me after class."

I roll my eyes with a scoff, "Oh, please."

We laugh together before going to sleep afterwards. So that's what Kenshin did the next day. It did not take long for the word to get around Tokyo, that the ex-Battousai the manslayer had opened up his home to all young and old, men and women, fighters or not, to Hiko's life mantra of using their own strength to heal humanity instead of killing. Kenshin is an exceptional teacher, always so patient and taking people's questions carefully to give them the best answers he can come up with. He did this for free, but then people started donating, and we figured, sure, why not put a small price tag over it. The business blossomed within the next several months, with more and more people signing up and leaving us letters to enroll their children into Kenshin's classes. We all started organizing Kenshin's schedule so that it won't conflict too much with family time. Classes can certainly open up for the weekend, but never at night time, because that's when we all spend time together, and that's always the most important thing. _Balance._

Seasons came and went. Changes have occurred. Lots of them, actually. Every once in a while, Sanosuke and Megumi would surprise us and come visit us for a while, and we'd live together again for some time until they had to leave again. They have so much of the world to explore, they said. I'm really happy for them. Sanosuke would always sit me down to talk about the things he's seen, the places he's wandered into, the people that are so different than those here in Japan. How wonderful it feels to just be free like this, he said, and I always fall in love with the way he tells me the details of their trips. Like I said before.. I don't regret not leaving. I have all the time in the world to do that. I'm sure of it. Megumi finally fell pregnant with her first child during their trip out to Taiwan, and she's about ready to pop. She says they will stay here for a bit for the child to be born and then it's off on the road again. That child is so lucky to have them as their parents.

Time rolls on and on. Kenji continues to grow and he's gained the sense that something is different about his own life in comparison to the other neighborhood children of his age. They all had a mother and a father, save for some who were maybe raised by grandparents or single uncles. Then Kenji will turn to look at us and seem to intuitely know that Kenshin and I are more than just friends. Although we would visit Kaoru's grave once a month to pay our deepest respects, and although we always told Kenji all about her and what she has done for all of us.. He grew bitter and resentful against us. Some days are worse than others. He would even have the gall to blame Kenshin for Kaoru's death, and would yell at me at how much I've ruined his life for arriving in Japan in search of Kenshin. I always want nothing more than to hold him as he goes into these mood swings, but the more Kenji grew older, the more distant he grew away from me. It's like he died somewhere along the way to join Kaoru, and all I am left with is the shell of an angry child who will never forgive me for this. I cry a lot some nights, and then I would brace for what tomorrow will bring.

Before I knew it.. Six years have passed us by. I'm twenty-seven years old now. My hair has grown long enough to be put into a short ponytail, and Kenshin remarked on the first time attempting it that I look exactly like Okita Soji. Although I'm a complete adult now in all sense of the word, I still feel young and restless. Kenji Himura is now ten years old but acts like a pissed off adolescent. Although he dislikes his father for everything that's happened, he couldn't help but sneak around the corner while Kenshin gives his philosophy classes out of curiousity. That's how Kenji learned about the Hiten Misurugi techniques, and sprung on our faces one night during dinner that he wants to learn this fighting style. Kenshin, now thirty-nine years old and has earned his silver wings throughout his long red hair, could only tell Kenji that he will bring him to Hiko to see what he has to say.

"But why not you, daddy?!" Kenji erupts in a fit of rage, shaking the dinner table by his slamming of his hands on top of it, "Why does it have to be him?!"

"Kenji, enough!" I chide him, trying to grab a hold of Kenji's arm, who only shook off my grasp violently.

"No, don't touch me! You're not even my real dad!" Kenji very nearly spits in my face with his yelling, which makes me gape at him in shock. I can't believe he is like this already at only ten years of age. We all look at each other in deep silence, unsure of how to continue this when so much has been said in the heat of the moment. At last, Kenshin clears his throat and we both turn towards him to hear him speak his piece.

"If I were to teach you the Hiten Misorugi, you will have to fight me to the death in accordance to the tradition. If that is really what you want to happen, Kenji, then I will teach you. Perhaps it will help you move on from the death of your mother, that it may. Since you are so young still, this will take us years of practice until you can have complete grasp of its philosophy. You are still growing, after all. I'd rather see you grab a book than a sword. But if this is what you want.."

"Kenshin.." I whisper to myself, clutching my sleeve at the mere thought of having to witness Kenji murdering his own father in cold blood. The love of my life, no less, in cold blood. From the corner of my eye, I can see Kenji looking at me and not knowing what to say.

".. Then I accept your request, son," Kenshin now smiles brightly, "If you can accept my request of finishing up your meal in peace, that you should! This food that Soujiro whipped up is quite delicious!"

Kenji grunts and hesitates, looking to the floor and back and forth between his two fathers, unsure of how to reply. Does he want this? Does Kenji want Kenshin to be his sensei and risk killing his father at the end of their lessons? Will that make everything better in his own life? Kenji tinkers these thoughts inside his head, and I look at him carefully, trying to read what his eyes are conveying. Kenshin, meanwhile, eats quietly, almost as if the entire discussion never even occurred in the first place. Is he just playing it cool for our sake? Should I follow suit?

Kenji trains his eyes on me and ponders for a bit, then he flicks his eyes over to Kenshin with a flash of guilt in his stare. With a deflated sigh, Kenji has no choice but to just sit down in his chair and resume his eating. The little white flag has been waved.

It comes as no surprise, then, that the next morning, Kenji tells Kenshin that he wants to learn under Hiko's ruling after all. But he'd like to focus on his school work for a little while longer before he does, to which we all happily agree to. This satisfies Kenji, though he still rages through the rebellion stage with us anyway. I'm just glad we could work things out as a family. And speaking of family, Yahiko has decided to marry Tsubame because, not only do they love each other something fierce.. but he actually got her pregnant accidentally. Tsubame sobbed and cried horrifically when she found out about it, since she had wanted to get married first before such a thing could happen. But Yahiko really stepped up to the plate and said he's going to marry her and take care of her forever, as long as she cooks for him. Sigh! And they say chivalry is the devil's work! We threw a shotgun wedding in our backyard, reminiscing the one that Kenshin and Kaoru did with their wedding years ago. I thought they deserved something special, after all.

I write to Sanosuke and Megumi often, and when I wrote to them about the wedding, they knew they had to come back to spend time with all of us like the good old days. They spent the entire spring with us and then they decided to find a place to live around here in Tokyo since they feel a little busted from all that world traveling. They really do inspire me, those two. Sometimes Sanosuke would ask me if I'm really happy that I gave up traveling to be with Kenshin and Kenji, and every single time, I would answer that yes, I am beyond happy that I made that choice. Megumi seem to be growing warmer and sweeter towards me the more she and Sano would visit us, so I'm glad the blood between us is no longer bad. And when she told me that she finally got gave birth to her baby? I couldn't believe it and told them that they can let me babysit the little one whenever they want, no problem at all. I love kids, remember? Guess my dream of having a big family really did come true!

I will share some sad news, though. Now that I've completed my medical studies with Gensai, it was almost like my completion has made his soul so at rest and so at peace, that he just passes away in his bed one early morning while the rest of us were still asleep. Ayame and Suzumi were crushed upon finding him and not being able to wake him, and since they're only helpless teenagers without any jobs or no other family left to go, I wanted to volunteer to parent them until they're old enough to leave. But the girls, ever so intelligent and quick to figure things out on their own, know of the relationship between Kenshin and I.. And so, they said that they will see if our other friends could take them in. I know that they're only doing this so that Kenshin and I could have some privacy, but it still kind of hurts to hear it, never the less. I've grown to love them so very much. When Sanosuke and Megumi heard the news, they knew that they had to take the girls up and have them move in with them, just until they turned eighteen at the very least. At least I could visit them whenever I want, and they could come out to see me too.

I'll miss Gensai. But, I think he's lead a very long, happy life. That provides me with a sense of relief, somehow.

Kenshin and I really outdone ourselves in Kaoru's name. With his little school business and me opening up my private practice to help heal and aid the sick and the injured, we gather enough income to keep the Kamiya dojo and survive. We save some money on the side for our future traveling, even if it'll take us some years to get there. With my hands, the hands that I used before to kill, now tenderly help the people of Tokyo in their bouts of illnesses or when they would come in with a broken bone for me to fix it. Kenshin's hands, that once grasped a sword to slice through people during the Meiji Era, now elaborate the teachings of living peacefully to help people expand their minds that there is more to life than just being alive and killing others. And Kenji's hands, when they too will soon grab a sword, I know he will use it for good and to enforce peace instead of being like his fathers. He's going to look so amazing with a reverse blade sword someday.

It's summer now. Kenji is being babysat by the Sagaras, and I'm basking in the sun out in the backyard of the Kamiya dojo. This is the season that I came back to this place in the search of Kenshin Himura and coming to terms with my feelings towards him. Ten long years since our traumatizing, yet equally cleansing, experience we faced together that made us become such close lovers. We have lost and we have faced tough times both apart and together, but it's all well worth it in the end. Because I'm now a part of his life, and he is a part of mine. And to think, I would never see the day that he would become mine when he was married and being a father all those years ago. Life is just so strange like that. I can hear the panel door behind me sliding open and closed, and with my back turned towards it and my eyes closed, I know who it is anyway. I've grown accustomed to his unique energy, and I know where he is even if my eyes couldn't see him.

"Morning, Soujiro. Care for some tea?" Kenshin's voice is so warm and sweet, like milk and honey. I smile, not opening my eyes still.

"Sounds lovely. I'd love to."

I hear the tinkering of the fine China set and the rush of the hot tea pouring into the cups, and the footsteps of my lover coming towards me to offer me my drink. I finally open my eyes and train them towards Kenshin, and I accept the offering. He sits down next to me to join me on my sunbathing. I don't try to stay out too long, being that my pale skin wouldn't allow me to do so anyway, but for now, I'll enjoy what Mother Nature can provide. The birds are out singing, as usual, and I could even make out the silvery flashes of butterfly wings fluttering around and about, painting our world like a serene portrait. These days, Kenshin and I have been talking about wandering out there, together instead of by ourselves, once Kenji can be taken in by Hiko. We would talk excitedly about all the different places we could go, and what we may come across on our road trip and what to make of them. It really helps to break the boring routines that we subject ourselves to, for having to stay here and watching the dojo and our son. Maybe Kenji will change his mind and just have Hiko help him move to his area and send him to the school in that area, but I know we'll miss him too much to do so right now. He is only ten years old, for goodness sake.

"I wonder where the first place we would like to see when we start wandering again, that I do." Kenshin simply remarks out of nowhere, catching me by surprise. Did he just read my mind?

"I'm not sure," I frown to myself, crossing my arms to think, "Japan is great and all, but maybe we should start a place that's closest to it? Like South Korea is just a boat ride away, right?"

"Sanosuke said he enjoyed himself there, so I think it's fine."

"You think?"

"I do."

We sit there in silence, just thinking. And pondering. And thinking some more. Finally, Kenshin straightens himself up and sets his tea cup to his side in order to wrap his arm around my waist to pull me close. I hesitate and look at him with a small gasp, and with his encouraging smile, I relax inwardly. I just lay my head against the crane of his neck, the heat of his body complimenting beautifully with the sun on my face and my hair. We don't have to plan this too much.. I'm learning to just let things go and let things be. To just trust what life will pave its path for me to take. Sometimes I can be so antsy to doing things by a certain time frame, that I never stop to just enjoy what else life has to offer. I'm learning to let things go, little by little. When and if Kenji goes to Hiko, is up to him. If it doesn't happen, then we'll find another way to travel together in private. We love Kenji and it will also do him well to learn independence when Kenshin and I just want to be alone. Being a parent doesn't mean not living your own life sometimes. Like I said.. _Balance._

"Soujiro," Kenshin starts again out of nowhere after I almost dozed off in his embrace, "There's something in our bedroom. Can you go in there and check the dressing table?"

I don't ask for more and just do as he tells me, plain and simple. I close the sliding door from behind me and walk on from the living room and into the corridors, before I come down to the door that leads into our master bedroom. Entering and seeing the dressing table, the first thing I see on top is something glinting from the sunlight thanks to the window. I blink with a slight frown, just wondering what it could be. I take some cautious steps towards it, and my mind immediately recognize the shiny object in question is my first gift from Kenshin, six years ago. The small, navy colored marble trinket box just sits there as if waiting for its original owner to return in a timely fashion. So that's where my box went. I lost it for a week and have been searching frantically over it. I then see, right next to it, a white envelope, and so that's what I pick up first to turn it around. It reads: _Open the box first before you open this._

Oh. Okay, then. I frown deeper and go to pick up the trinket box, and what I find inside, really blew me out of the water. In the box, resting inside the rich blue silk inseams, is a ring with an impressive silver casting, simple in its design yet expensive judging by its weight. I carefully pluck it from out of the box to look at it carefully, the sun from outside catching it and the shine almost blinding me. It's so beautiful. What is this? What does this mean? Only one way to find out; I open the letter finally to let my eyes sweep it over, and over, and over, and over again until the hot prick of my tears flow out, my hands trembling at it nearly crumbles the sides of the note.

 _My dearest Soujiro,_

 _Thank you so much for being there for me, and for Kenji, and for everyone here in my life._

 _We really do make an amazing team._

 _I won't ever let you go._

 _I love you so._

 _Will you marry me?_

 _Love,  
Kenshin_

* * *

 **The End.**


End file.
